Wednesday, April 19, 2000 Edition: #1789
LITTLE KNOWN BS HOCKEY PENALTIES:
• Too many men on the linesman.
• Shucking and jiving.
• Sequined gloves.
• Groping the groupie.
• Illegal use of pants.
• Doin’ the Hokey Pokey.
• Icing the mascot.
• Two guys, one goalie uniform.
• Grand theft Zamboni.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Winona Ryder & Matt Damon seemed such a happy show biz couple there were rumors of them tying the knot, but the latest gossip says the “Girl Interrupted” the relationship for a fling with Mark Wahlberg (seems she became interested after seeing an IMAX version of “Boogie Nights”) . . . “Q Magazine” reports that Brit glam rocker (“Rock & Roll, Part 2”) turned convicted child porn collector Gary Glitter has completed his prison time and moved to Cuba to start a new life with his Cuban-born girlfriend (is she over 12?) . . . Word is Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres are considering having a baby (time for David Crosby to get out his collection of “Playboy” magazines again) . . . Fans of TV’s “Felicity” have been sending thousands of e-mails in a bid to get the show renewed for a 3rd season even though ratings are slumping (their only hope is to chip in and buy Keri Russell a long curly wig).
NEW TERMS FOR 2000:
• “Bambi” . . . What TV game show people call someone who freezes in front of the camera (like a deer caught in headlights).
• “Open-Collar Workers” . . . People who work at home or telecommute (as opposed to ‘white collar’ or ‘blue collar’ workers).
• “Adminisphere” . . . Where dumb decisions are made and directives to the average worker fall from.
• “Exercise Bulimics” . . . People who feel the need to compulsively work out immediately after eating in order to burn off the calories.
BETWEEN THE COVERS:
The new coffee table book “Naked Pictures of My Ex-Girlfriends” by Hollywood film editor Mark Helfrich contains nude shots of 32 women he dated up to 30 years ago, which his wife helped edit to ensure they were in good taste. And he says he has enough pics on file to publish a sequel. (The guy publishes naked pics of old girlfriends and thinks he’s going to live to do a sequel?)
FAST FACTS:
• The palms of your hands have more sweat glands than your underarms. (Does this mean it would be more hygienic to ‘shake pits’?)
• Anything you do that takes 20 minutes every day will end up using a year of your life in the average lifetime. (And just think, if every day is like today, you’ll have spent 4 years on [local commuter route].)
• The odds of getting a bad plate of oysters are around 1 in a 1,000, according to the new issue of “Men’s Health” magazine. (Coincidently that’s about the same as Mariah Carey upchucking on your shoe.)
• A new British study proves that chemicals secreted from your armpits (pheromones) increase the perception of your sexiness. (If you believe all the Hollywood gossip, that’s how you can tell that Brad Pitt is sexy ALL THE WAY OVER HERE.)
THE BULL SHEET 04.19.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [74] Don Adams, NYC, long distance ad pitchman/ex-TV actor (Agent 86-Get Smart)
1935 [65] Dudley Moore, London ENG, film actor (10, Arthur)/pianist who’s divorced 4 wives
1962 [38] Al Unser Jr (“Little Al”), Albuquerque NM, auto racer (2-time CART champion)
1968 [32] Ashley Judd, Ashland KY, film actress (Double Jeopardy, Kiss the Girls, A Time to Kill)/daughter and sister to Naomi & Wynonna Judd who once worked cleaning their tour bus for $10/day
1974 [26] Jose Cruz Jr, Arroyo PR, MLB outfielder (Toronto Blue Jays)
1978 [22] James Franco, Palo Alto CA, TV actor (Daniel Desario-Freaks and Geeks)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Jewish] Passover begins at sundown
[NBA] Regular season ends
Today is “Garlic Day”, saluting the “stinking rose” that’s been cultivated as far back as history is recorded. Garlic fax:
• Over 5000 years ago, Chinese herbalists used garlic to reduce blood pressure, cardiac and other circulatory problems. Recent scientific studies have found they were on to something!
• In Medieval times, it was believed that garlic worn as a necklace would stop your soul from leaving your body. (Apparently this had a permanent impact on white singers.)
• It’s been said that if you rub a clove on garlic on your partner’s feet at night, you’ll taste it on his or her breath the next morning. (Why you’d actually WANT to do this, no one knows!)
This is “Earth Week” (Saturday is the 30th anniversary “Earth Day), the largest environmental event worldwide, when some 500 million people in 164 countries participate in events that address environmental issues.
NET: http://www.earthday.ca/
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993 “The Fire at Waco” as Branch Davidian compound burns, ending 51-day siege
1995 “Oklahoma City Bombing” when truck bomb explodes at Alfred P Murrah federal building
1997 Andre Agassi and Brooke Shields wed (turns out not to be a ‘love match’ and they later divorce)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1951 [49] 1st Miss World Contest (1st beauty pageant to feature contestants in bikinis)
1960 [40] Major League Baseball uniforms 1st display players’ names on back (‘SAMPLE’)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Queen Elizabeth II’s 74th birthday
[Fri] Good Friday
[Sat] NBA playoffs begin
National Organ & Tissue Donor Awareness Week
National Knuckles Down Month (celebrating the good old game of ‘marbles’)
BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:
“What are the most important characteristics in a partner?” (61% of men surveyed for “Details” magazine said “Someone you can talk to.” Honesty and a sense of humor also rated well.)
THE LAST WORD: Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.
