Tuesday, April 18, 2000 Edition: #1788
REGIS PHILBIN’S BS PET PEEVES:
• Not one contestant has ever had an amusing storing about Cody eating a bran muffin.
• Everybody ALWAYS wants to call long distance forcing him to refer to AT&T as “our friends”.
• People who use all 3 lifelines to get their name and hometown right.
• That smart-ass who won 500-grand and offered to buy Regis ‘a real name’.
• Gets the feeling that people are just in it for the money.
• Instead of phoning a friend, hopeless loser asks for phone sex.
• Contestants who try to buy a vowel.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Director George Lucas, Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg, Stephen King and “Ally McBeal” / ”The Practice” creator David E Kelly are all listed on the latest top 10 of Hollywood’s wealthiest (the next 5 are their ex-wives) . . . Think you got tax problems – Luciano Pavarotti’s appeal of a $5 million fine for tax evasion in Italy has been rejected and he could face criminal charges (as soon as they find a jail cell big enough) . . . Word is Camryn Manheim has been asked to bare her ample breasts in an upcoming episode of “The Practice” and she’s all for it (adding whole new meaning to ‘boob tube’) . . . Why Julia Roberts is worth $20 million-per-film — “Erin Brockovich” is about to become her 7th movie to top $100 million gross.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
“Boys Don’t Cry”, the story of a transgender girl who preferred life as a male which won the ‘Best Actress’ Oscar for Hilary Swank . . . The thriller “End of Days” stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as an ex-cop who must stop Satan from finding a bride in NYC . . . Six strangers have the chance to make a million bucks each if they make it through the night alive in a creepy mansion in the no-name horror flick “House on Haunted Hill” . . . “The Bachelor”, a romantic comedy in which Chris O’Donnell’s character has 24 hours to get married in order to receive a $100 million inheritance.
TOP VIDEO RENTALS:
1. “The Sixth Sense”
2. “The Phantom Menace”
3. “The Bone Collector”
(Source: “Box Office Mojo”)
AND THE DRIVING’S DANGEROUS TOO:
Today drivers’ test examiners in France are staging a protest march to draw attention to the oral and physical abuse they get from people who fail. Just last week, a 23-year-old who flunked for the 5th time fired rubber bullets at his examiner. Why do wannabe drivers get so upset? In France, the exam costs up to $600! (Only driving examiners get more tongue than French lovers.)
A SPEEDO WITHOUT THE CRACK:
Yesterday Australian Olympic swim team competitors were outfitted with controversial new high-tech ‘body suits’. The neck-to-ankle Speedos are designed to mimic a shark’s skin and can improve race times by 3%. Only problem now is getting a ruling on whether or not they’re legal. (Who cares if they’re legal in competition as long as they’re illegal for fat old guys on the beach?)
THE BULL SHEET 04.18.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [53] James Woods, Vernal UT, film actor (Any Given Sunday, The General’s Daughter)
1953 [47] Rick Moranis, Toronto ON, movie actor (Honey I Shrunk [Blew Up] the Kids, The Flintstones)/TV comic (McKenzie Brothers-SCTV)
1956 [44] Eric Roberts, Biloxi MS, TV actor (Ricci Gold-Falcone)/overwrought movie actor (Cable Guy)/Julia Roberts’ brother
1962 [38] Jane Leeves, East Grinstead ENG, TV actress (Daphne Moon-Frasier)
1963 [37] Eric McCormack, Toronto/raised in Calgary, TV sit-com actor (Will Truman-Will & Grace)
1963 [37] Conan O’Brien, Brookline MA, TV host (Late Night with Conan O’Brien, since 1993)
1976 [24] Melissa Joan Hart, Smithtown NY, another triple-named TV actress (Sabrina Spellman-Sabrina The Teenage Witch)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “International Jugglers Day”, which either has to do with circus acts or tax accountants.
Today is “National Stress Awareness Day”, focusing on one of the world’s leading health problems.
Today is “Pet Owners Independence Day”, a day when dog and cat owners are encouraged to take the day off and have their pets work in their place, since most pets are unemployed and sleep all day. FACTOID: Studies show women are in charge when it comes to feeding and grooming family pets, but men usually handle the daily walk. And who cleans the litter box?
A YEAR AGO TODAY . . .
1999 Brad Hauter begins 4,500 mile drive across USA at 10 mph on tractor lawnmower (at last notice, he’s still riding 7-days-a-week, attempting to raise $100,000 for charity and get in the Guinness Book of Records)
1999 Winningest female jockey in horse racing history Julie Krone wins 3 races and retires (earned $81 million on 3,546 victories over 18 years, biggest of which was 1993 Belmont Stakes)
1999 Greatest hockey player of all time Wayne Gretzky ends NHL career with 4 farewell laps around NY’s Madison Square Garden (has assist in final game, but his Rangers lose to Pittsburgh 2-1)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1955 [45] 1st “Walk”/”Don’t Walk” lighted street signals
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1979 [21] Then-world’s-biggest movie complex, 18-theater Cineplex, opens in Toronto
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Passover begins at sundown
[Wed] NBA regular season ends
[Sat] Earth Day
[Sun] Administrative Professionals Week (formerly Secretaries Week)
National Park Week
Mathematics Education Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
Q: What product’s advertising slogan is also the shortest complete sentence in the English language?
A: Molson Canadian’s “I am”, containing just 3 letters.
THE LAST WORD: Nothing is sometimes the best thing to say.
