Thursday, April 6, 2000 Edition: #1780
Tonight former “SCTV” hoser Dave Thomas hosts the 1st-ever “Canadian Comedy Awards” for stage, screen, TV and comedy club acts at Toronto’s Masonic Temple. Nominees include Jim Carrey and Mike Myers (who’ll be no-shows), and a lot of people you’ve never heard of. Winners get a plastic beaver which is yet-to-be-named in a contest. The show airs midnight Friday on CTV and Sunday on the Comedy Network.
BS CANADIAN COMEDY AWARDS:
• Best Cable Comedy Channel – CPAC.
• Best Cartoon Voice – Preston Manning.
• Best On-going Sit-com – Vancouver Canucks.
• Funniest Political Party – CRAP (renamed Canadian Alliance)
• Best Milking One Comedy Bit to Death — “Red Green”.
• Best Clown Makeup – Pamela Wallin.
• Silliest Awards Show Prize – Plastic Beaver.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Tonight Ashley Judd hosts the NYC gala “An All-Star Tribute to Joni Mitchell” with guests that include Elton John, kd lang, Diana Krall and Shawn Colvin (to air a week from Sunday on TNT) . . . TLC confirms Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins will wed rapper Mark 10 this summer, and Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes has also been spotted diamond ring shopping with her model/boyfriend Sean Newman (who ain’t no scrub) . . . ‘007′ actor Pierce Brosnan will wed girlfriend Keely Shaye Smith in an Irish castle in May (imagine the gadgets HE’LL be bringing on the honeymoon!) . . . As soon as “Frasier” wraps for the season, Kelsey Grammar’s heading to NYC to start rehearsing his role in the new Broadway production of “Macbeth” (instead of “Get out of here, Eddie!” he’ll be saying “Out damn spot!”).
MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
Word is Mel Gibson refuses to shave his legs for the upcoming romantic comedy “What Women Want” and has insisted on a ‘leg double’ instead (bring on the chicken!) . . . Reports say strict kissing rules on the set of Woody Allen films, like his upcoming “Small Time Crooks”, ban tongue use and exchanging fluids onscreen (that‘s for the privacy of your own home – with your daughter) . . . Johnny Depp’s plan to play revered Scottish poet Robbie Burns has outraged admirers of the bard, who insist a Scottish actor should get the film role (like ‘Leonardo MacCaprio’).
“HEY MAN, GOT ANY ‘MANITOBA’?”
The US Drug Enforcement Administration says some of the most potent marijuana in North America is now being grown in Manitoba. In fact, ‘Manitoba’ has become the ‘brand name’ users ask for much like ‘Acapulco Gold’ was 30 years ago. It’s said to be so paralyzing that it’s led to the nickname ‘wheelchair weed’. (And the expression “Wow, am I ever ‘Pegged!”)
WORLD FULL OF BS:
• A comedy club owner in Italy has been arrested after it was found he’d been secretly releasing laughing gas through the club’s air ducts. (Mike Bullard should look into this.)
• A dramatic increase in car vandalism on a remote island off the coast of Africa is being blamed on area tribesman who’ve taken to wearing hood ornaments in their noses! Tribe members reportedly show respect to the man who has the largest ornament. (Or a Bimmer.)THE BULL SHEET 04.06.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937  Merle Haggard, Bakersfield CA, country legend with 38 #1 hits (Okie from Muskogee)
1942  Barry Levinson, Baltimore MD, movie producer/director (Wag the Dog, Rain Man)
1965  Gerald Diduck, Edmonton AB, NHL defenceman (Toronto Maple Leafs)
1969  Paul Rudd, Passaic NJ, movie actor (The Cider House Rules, Object of My Affection)
1972  Donald Blair, Ottawa ON, CFL slotback (BC Lions)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Augusta GA] Masters Golf begins (Canada’s Mike Weir is invited)
[Muslim] Islamic New Year (Islamic calendar date is Muharram 1, 1421)
Today is the 5th annual “Fun At Work Day”, a day to lighten up on the job. Suggestions include declaring it Clash Dressing Day, Suspenders Day, Pajama Day or Bad Hair Day in the workplace.
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1996 Ceremony held to finally inter ashes of Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain on 2nd anniversary of his suicide
1996 “Beatles Anthology II” debuts at #1 on album charts
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1938  ‘Teflon’ coating accidentally invented by Du Pont researchers (how do they get it to stick?)
1980  1st ‘Post-It Notes’ introduced by 3M (314 of which now frame your computer monitor)
These days, Post-It Notes are an entire product line available in
more than 56 shapes, 27 sizes, and 50 colors.
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] World Health Day
[Fri] No Housework Day
[Sat] International Feng Shui Awareness Day
[Sun] NHL regular season ends
International Building Safety Week
Counseling Awareness Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTER:
“Should women be allowed to wear whatever they want to work?” (“Erin Brockovich” sure did!)
TRUTH OR BS?
• Keri Russell, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera all started out as members of ‘The New Mickey Mouse Club’. (T.)
• The Mattel toy company introduced the first talking doll in 1956. (BS. It was another Thomas Edison invention way back in1888.)
• It’s possible for a baseball pitcher to make 4 strikeouts in an inning. (T. If the catcher drops a called 3rd strike and doesn’t throw the batter out at 1st base, the runner is safe.)
• Snails mate up to 12 times per day. (BS. Snails actually mate only once in a lifetime, but take 12 hours or more to do it!)
• The government of Mexico is putting out a series of public service announcements warning people against ‘do-it-yourself dentistry’. (T. Seems there’s been a rash of people trying to remove their aching teeth — by shooting them out with a pistol!)
THE LAST WORD:
Don’t marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.