BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Out-of-work “ER” doctor John Stamos has a new gig, returning to Broadway to revive actor Dick Van Dyke’s role in a modern remake of the 1960 musical “Bye Bye Birdie” (aw, a recession story with a happy ending!) . . . Madonna may have (temporarily) left Malawi without adopting little Mercy James, but now the girl’s 24-year-old father has been found and says he wants to be part of the 3-year-old’s life (especially if Madonna is going to follow through on her appeal) . . . “People” magazine reports that celeb chef Jamie Oliver& wife Jools have viciously named their new baby daughter ‘Petal Blossom Rainbow’ (the poor kid shares the misery of her sisters, 5-year-old ‘Poppy Honey’ & 7-year-old ‘Daisy Boo’) . . . According to “Entertainment Weekly” Showtime has decided to pass on 2 anticipated TV series: “End of Steve”, starring Matthew Perry as a local afternoon talk show host; and “The Farm”, an “L Word” spin-off that would follow ‘Alice’ into a state prison (so Perry’s pickup line remains the same: “Hey remember me, I used to be on ‘Friends’”) . . . Show biz couple Emily Blunt (“Devil Wears Prada”) & John Krasinski (“The Office”) are apparently now so solid they’ve been spotted shopping together (the true test of any relationship) . . . And Miley Cyrus claims Barack Obama’s daughters Malia (10) & Sasha (7) asked for a sneak peak of her new film, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”, but were told they have to wait for the Friday release date just like everyone else (she’s got the power … for now).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 9 perform songs from the year they were born.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – One celebrity is eliminated from the competition.
• Death Cab for Cutie – They kick off a Spring tour in Upper Darby PA.
• Howard Stern – Anna Nicole Smith’s former-lawyer-turned-lover is due back in court for arraignment on charges he conspired to provide the late model with a steady supply of prescription drugs despite knowing she was an addict. 2 doctors are also charged.
• iTunes – Apple’s music store implements a new variable pricing system today, including an increase from 99 cents to $1.29 for the most popular tracks.
• “Jay’s Comedy Stimulus Plan” – The “Tonight Show” host performs a free comic relief show at suburban Detroit’s The Palace of Auburn Hills. Parking & refreshments as well as tickets are gratis for the unemployed.
• “9 to 5: The Musical” – Previews of the stage production featuring Dolly Parton tunes begin at the Marriott Marquis Theatre on Broadway. The play’s based on the 1980 movie in which Parton co-starred with Jane Fonda & Lily Tomlin. Dolly wrote an additional 20-plus songs for the show.
NET: http://www.9to5themusical.com
• Neil Young – The iconic rocker releases his new album “Fork In the Road”.
• Rascal Flatts – They release the new album “Unstoppable”. This morning they promote it on the “Today Show” (NBC).
• Tragically Hip – They release the new album “We Are the Same”. A supporting North American tour starts April 27th in Kitchener ON.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – She’ll record vocals as the lead singer of a girl group on the Nickelodeon kid’s program “Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!”. She tells “USA Today” her 4-year-old nephew Daniel, son of sister Solange, can’t quite believe his auntie will be on his favorite show. (NOW she’s famous.)
• Jesse McCartney – The recent ‘Favorite Male Singer’ at the “Kids’ Choice Awards appears on “Live With Regis & Kelly” this morning (syndicated/CTV).
• Meat Loaf – The “Bat Out of Hell” classic rocker did a cameo on last night’s episode of “House” (FOX), playing a patient dying of heart failure.
• Motley Crue – They plug their upcoming tour, “Crue Fest 2: The White Trash Circus“, on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” tonight  (ABC/CityTV).
• Prince – A rerun of one of his recent appearances on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” airs tonight (NBC/A Channel).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Bedtime Stories” ( Comedy ): Adam Sandler stars in this family-friendly Disney comedy about a hotel handyman who tells lavish bedtime stories to his niece and nephew that somehow start to magically come true. Co-stars  Keri Russell, Courteney Cox, and Brit comedian Russell Brand.
• “The Day the Earth Stood Still” ( Sci-fi Thriller ): Keanu Reeves stars in this big-budget remake of the classic 1951 sci-fi movie about alien visitation. Jennifer Connelly & Kathy Bates co-star. The original film’s electronic score has been rejigged and updated. Shot in Vancouver. Also comes in a ‘3-Disc Special Edition’.
• “Doubt” (Drama): Philip Seymour Hoffman & Meryl Streep were Oscar-nominated for their respective roles as a priest & a nun in this 1960s story about the suspected abuse of a young male student in a Catholic school. Nominated for 5 Academy Awards in total.
• “The Tale of Despereaux” ( Animated Adventure ): After being banished from his home a mouse named ‘Despereaux’ (voiced by Matthew Broderick) is befriended by ‘Princess Pea’ (“Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson) who teaches him the value of reading books instead of eating them. Voice cast also includes Dustin Hoffman, William H Macy, and Kevin Kline.
• “Yes Man” ( Comedy ): Jim Carrey stars as a guy who challenges himself to say ‘yes’ to everything for an entire year. Co-stars Zooey Deschanel (“The Happening”) & Danny Masterson (“That ‘70s Show”). Carrey performed his own bungee jump stunts. Based on a book by British journalist Danny Wallace. Also available in a ‘2-Disc Digital Copy Special Edition’.
• Also released today: “Beverly Hills 90210: The 7th Season” (vintage TV); “Cleopatra – 75th Anniversary Edition” (the 1934 Cecil B DeMille version); “Disney Animation Collection: Volumes 1-3“; “Dynasty: The 4th Season, Volume 1“ (vintage TV); “No Country For Old Men” (3-Disc Collector’s Edition); and “Tigger & Pooh & a Musical Too” (family animation).

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 39% of new moms polled say they are closer than ever to their spouses.
• 35% of married men say they always ask the wife for permission before adjusting the thermostat.
• 28% of us admit we’d act immorally – including lying and/or backstabbing – in order to keep our jobs.
• 24% of guys admit to having faked an orgasm.
• 16% of guys still wear pajamas when they go to bed each night.

SISTERS MAKE YOU HAPPY?
Sisters spread happiness while brothers cause distress, researchers at Northern Ireland’s  University of Ulster say. After interviewing close to 600 people of both genders aged 17-to-25 about their family lives, it was found that those who grew up with sisters were more likely to be happy and balanced. The psychologists think that’s because daughters help to make a family more open and willing to discuss feelings; and that becomes particularly important after distressing family events such as marital breakups. (Yeah, but who’s more likely to tell on you?)
– BBC News

CHOCOLATE HELPS YOU DO BETTER IN MATH:
Bad at figures? Try chocolate! At least that’s what UK researchers Emma Wightman, David Kennedy & colleagues have found in a new and yummy scientific study. In experiments, mental arithmetic became easier for volunteers who were given large amounts of compounds found in chocolate, called flavanols, in a hot cocoa drink. They were also less likely to feel tired or mentally drained. (Little Samantha has 3 friends. How many squares of her chocolate bar will each get? None, she ain’t sharing with those skanks. See how chocolate helps your math?)
– “Daily Telegraph”

MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OF ALL-TIME:
According to poll of some 5,000 magazine readers, these are the finest famous femmes ever …
5. Marilyn Monroe
4. Sophia Loren
3. Cindy Crawford
2. Grace Kelly
1. Audrey Hepburn
– “New Woman”

COMICS WANTED:
A new psychology study at Britain’s Northumbria University has found that most women think funny men are … smarter. They’re also considered more honest than other men. There’s no scientific evidence to support either of those beliefs. In fact, studies have shown that humor is not linked to intelligence. However, the researchers say the phenomenon may explain why so many dating ads placed by women list a good sense of humor as a prerequisite for a partner. (Using this logic, Jay Leno is a real catch.)
– “Globe & Mail”

GIMME SHELTER:
So far in 2009, public libraries are seeing double-digit increases in patronage, as much as 30% over previous years. Observers think the increase is directly attributable to the recession: unemployed are showing up to search the Internet for jobs; and newly homeless people are seeking a safer spot to sleep than in their cars, some showing up in business suits after losing a job they had for a number of years. (These are the good old days we’ll be boring our grandchildren with stories about.)
– “New York Times”

DID YOU KNOW?
Before 1859, baseball umpires didn’t squat behind the catcher … they sat in padded rocking chairs. (Must have been a slooowww game.)
– SunJournal.com

BS CHRONOMETER 04.07.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [70] Francis Ford Coppola, Detroit MI, movie director (Oscars-“The Godfather I & II”, “Apocalypse Now”)/father of filmmaker Sofia Coppola (“Lost in Translation”)

1949 [60] John Oates, NYC, oldies singer (Hall & Oates-“I Can’t Go For That”, “Maneater”)

1954 [55] Jackie (Yuan Lung) Chan, Hong Kong, movie actor/producer/director/stuntman (“Kung Fu Panda”, “Rush Hour” series)

1964 [45] Russell Crowe, Wellington NZ, movie actor (“American Gangster”, 2001 Oscar-“Gladiator”)  UP NEXT: “Robin Hood” (2010).

1965 [44] Bill Bellamy, Newark NJ, comedian/TV host (“Last Comic Standing”)/widely credited with inventing the term ‘booty call’

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Hug Your Newsman/Newsperson Day”, in the figurative sense, of course. It’s just a day of appreciation.

• “No Housework Day”. No dishes, no cleaning, no taking out trash … and no guilt!

• “World Health Day”, celebrated by the 191 member countries of the World Health Organization to highlight public health issues of worldwide concern.
NET: http://www.who.int/world-health-day/en/
BS SIGNS YOUR HEALTH ISN’T THE BEST:
• You get winded giving a fellow commuter the finger.
• Whenever you walk around in new corduroys, co-workers yell out “Hey, keep it down!”
• When you stop exercising, parts of you keep moving.
• Packs of dogs are attracted by your high-pitched wheeze.
• You’re sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
• Your insurance company has started sending you their free calendar a month at a time.
• Your doctor says, “Open your mouth and say moo.”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1998 [11] Pop singer George Michael is arrested for committing ‘a lewd act’ in a restroom at LA’s Will Rogers Park (like Will Rogers, he never met a man he didn’t like)

1999 [10] Ricky Martin releases “Livin’ La Vida Loca”, the tune that makes him a star (briefly)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1795 [214] ‘Metric System’ 1st adopted, in France where it was developed (the only 3 countries of any size in the world which are NOT using it now: Liberia, Myanmar, and the USA)

1977 [32] Toronto Blue Jays’ 1st MLB regular season game (beat Chicago White Sox 9-5)

2003 [06] US troops capture Baghdad, Iraq … sort of

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Passover begins at sundown (Jewish)
[Thurs] Full ‘Pink’ Moon
[Thurs] Masters Golf Tournament begins (Augusta GA)
[Thurs] Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
[Fri] Sibling Day
This Week Is … Pet First Aid Awareness Week
This Month Is … Food Month

BULL’S BITS

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MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Does Lady GaGa use the ‘jaws of life’ to get into those pants?
• If eating too much is ‘pigging out’, would sleeping too much is ‘catting out’?
• If one train leaves Point A going 100 mph and another train leaves Point B going 120 mph, who cares?
• Is it flattering to get assassinated?
• Is there anything wrong with rhetorical questions?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Did you hear about the dyslexic madam? She ran a warehouse.

HERE OR HEREAFTER?
Are the following famous folks stiff or still kickin’ …
• Movie/TV actor James Garner of “The Notebook”/”Rockford Files”. [ALIVE. It’s his 81st birthday.]
• Former world chess champion Bobby Fischer. [DIED 2008.]
• Fashion designer Gloria Vanderbilt    [ALIVE at age 85. Mother of CNN host Anderson Cooper.]
• Television personality/interviewer David Frost. [ALIVE and turning 70 today.]
• Mamas & Papas singer Michelle Phillips. [Only one left ALIVE. She’s 64-years-old.]
• TV evangelist Billy Graham. [ALIVE at 90.]
• Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard. [DEAD as of 1986.]
• “Wizard of Id” comic strip cartoonist Johnny Hart. [DIED 2 years ago today.]
• Beach Boys singer Brian Wilson. [ALIVE at 66.]
• Actor Wayne Rogers, ‘Trapper’ on TV’s “M*A*S*H”. [ALIVE and turning 76 today.]
– WhosAliveandWhosDead.com

BS EASTER TRIVIA:
• How do you figure out the date of Easter? [The holiday can occur anytime between March 22 & April 25. It falls on the 1st Sunday after the 1st Full Moon of Spring. They designed this convoluted formula back in 325 AD.]
– “Grolier’s Encyclopedia”

BS PHONE STARTER:
What do co-workers do that drives you crazy? An MJN Consulting poll of office workers is topped by the following …
• Clogging up email with stupid jokes.
• Spending more time gabbing than working.
• Letting the copier run out of paper.
• Not returning messages.
• Not cleaning up the microwave after using it.
• Taking the last coffee without making more.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Doing THIS with friends is actually better for you than trying to go it alone.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Drinking. Social support can enhance the heart benefits of moderate drinking. (MSNBC)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If a baseball batter fails two-thirds of the time, he’s still considered an excellent hitter. It’s too bad this standard isn’t applied to everything else in life.