BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
24-year-old Russian singer Oksana Pochepa, who maintains she’s the bikini-clad hottie who’s been pictured on a Costa Rica beach with divorcing actor Mel Gibson, now claims Gibson’s lawyers have asked her to keep quiet until after the divorce settlement (which she promptly blabbed to the media) . . . TMZ reports 19-year-old “Heroes” star Hayden Panettiere returned to her Hollywood Hills home after a vacation to discover some $15,000-worth of jewelry missing, even though there was no sign of forced entry (funny how she had her insurance agent on speed dial) . . . 64-year-old activist/actress/UN Goodwill Ambassador Mia Farrow is set to embark on a 3-week hunger strike, when she’ll consume only water, in an effort to show solidarity with the people in the devastated Darfur region of Sudan (her doctor’s warned her of ‘permanent, irreversible damage’ to her already tiny 5′-4” body) . . . Although “New Moon” is still shooting in Vancouver, horror moviemaker David Slade has already been signed to direct “Eclipse”, the 3rd film in the “Twilight Saga” vampire movie series (thereby ruining Drew Barrymore’s hopes) . . . And on last night’s edition of “Extra”, “American Idol” judge Kara Dioguardi revealed the shocking news that she once had to undergo treatment for a ‘binge-eating disorder’ (BS translation: “Look at me! I’m not fat anymore”).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• British Academy Television Awards – Sunday comedian Graham Norton hosts the UK’s annual ‘telly’ awards at London’s Royal Festival Hall. Among the programs competing for prizes: Kenneth Branagh’s “Wallander”; the long-running “Doctor Who”; Stephen Fry’s quiz show “QI”; and, in the ‘International TV’ category, “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart”.
• Country Music Marathon & Half Marathon – Saturday Billy Currington headlines an open-air concert following the annual Nashville TN road race.
• New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival – This weekend and next, the 40th anniversary edition includes performances from Aretha Franklin,  Bonnie Raitt, Common, Dave Matthews Band, Kings Of Leon, and Wilco. (Some jazz, huh?)
NET: http://www.nojazzfest.com
• Stagecoach: California’s Country Music Festival – Saturday & Sunday the 3rd annual takes over the Empire Polo Field in Indio CA, headlined by Kenny Chesney, Brad Paisley, Reba McEntire, Kid Rock, Little Big Town, and Miranda Lambert.
NET: http://www.stagecoachfestival.com

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brad Paisley – Tonight he sings “Then” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel)
• Chris Brown – While promoting his new documentary “Tyson” (out today in limited release), former boxing champ Mike Tyson tells MTV News that Brown is “just a little baby that don’t know how to handle his emotions when it comes to a woman.” Brown’s due back in court Wednesday.
• Lil Wayne – Today he appears on daytime gabfest “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Lily Allen – Tonight she performs on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS). She also appears on a rerun of “The Hour” (CBC) tonight.
• Madonna – She’s hitting back at reports that she failed to inform police about the phantom paparazzi’s involvement in her riding accident last weekend, insisting she was ‘barely conscious’ and was ‘never asked’ about how the incident happened. (For heaven’s sake, tell the truth! You fell off your horse … period.)

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Fighting” ( PG-13 Drama ): Channing Tatum (“Stop-Loss”) plays a young counterfeiter introduced to the world of underground street fighting by a seasoned scam artist (Terrence Howard), who becomes his manager on the bare-knuckling brawling circuit.
NET: http://www.fightingmovie.net
• “Obsessed” ( PG-13 Thriller ): Beyoncé Knowles plays the hottie wife of a  a successful businessman (Idris Elba, ‘Charles Miner’ on “The Office”) who becomes the target of an office temp-turned-female stalker (Ali Larter, ‘Niki Sanders’ on “Heroes).
NET: http://www.areyouobsessed.com
• “The Soloist” ( PG-13 Bio-Drama ): Robert Downey Jr plays an LA reporter who befriends a brilliant but troubled musician & one-time Julliard student (Jamie Foxx), who lives on Skid Row but dreams of one day performing at the Walt Disney Concert Hall. Based on a true story.
NET: http://www.soloistmovie.com

BEST ALL-TIME STALKER MOVIES:
Just as “Obsessed” opens in theaters, here’s a look at some of the best films ever made about ‘developing a following’ …
5. “One Hour Photo” (2002), starring a truly creepy Robin Williams.
4. Michael Douglas & Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction” (1987).
3. “Cape Fear”, made twice: with Gregory Peck & Robert Mitchum (1962) & with Nick Nolte & Robert De Niro (1991).
2. Kathy Bates & James Caan in “Misery” (1990). Bates won an Oscar for her performance.
1. Clint Eastwood’s “Play Misty For Me” (1971), about the stalking of a radio deejay.
– Condensed from StarPulse.com

BEYONCÉ’S PREVIOUS MOVIE ROLES:
“Obsessed” is Beyoncé’s 6th feature film. Also on her résumé …
• “Cadillac Records” (2008) … ‘Etta James’.
• “Dreamgirls” (2006) … ‘Deena Jones’.
• “The Pink Panther” (2006) … ‘Xania’.
• “The Fighting Temptations” (2003) … ‘Lilly’.
• “Austin Powers in Goldmember” (2002) … ‘Foxxy Cleopatra’.
– IMDB.com

WHAT LOVE IS:
University of Montréal professor Mario Beauregard is leading a team of scientists studying the unique brain activity created by … unconditional love. The emotion, defined as a desire to care for another person without any thought of reward, seems to emerge from a complex interaction between 7 separate areas of the human brain. Interestingly, this brain activity has only a limited overlap with that experienced during romantic or sexual love. Bottom line: It seems likely that unconditional love is an entirely separate emotion. (The kind you feel for your favorite team.)
– “Globe & Mail”

FUTURE-PROOF JOBS YOU CAN GET RIGHT NOW:
• Combined Heat & Power Mechanic
• Digital Security Detective
• Energy Engineer
• Independent Video-Game Designer
• 3-D Sports Camera Technician
• Undersea Welder
• Zero-Energy Home Architect
– “Popular Mechanics”

THE BEER GOGGLE MYTH:
The idea that booze makes men see women as more attractive is untrue, according to a new study from the UK’s Leicester University. Researchers have found that alcohol actually has the opposite effect … making men see women as less attractive. In experiments, male participants who drank rated all women in photos as less attractive than non-drinkers. Altering the photo models with makeup had little effect. And interestingly, alcohol reduced the ability of women, but not men, to guess the age of models. (Seems the girls do NOT all get prettier at closing time!)
– Ananova News

AND WE QUOTE:
“Fate has ordained that the men who went to the Moon to explore in peace will stay on the Moon to rest in peace …”
– From a recently-uncovered address by Richard Nixon’s speech-writer, prepared for the then-president to read should ‘The Eagle’ be unable to leave the surface of the Moon after the 1969 Apollo 11 lunar landing mission. (RegalBeagles.blogspot.com)

BS CHRONOMETER 04.24.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [69] Sue Grafton, Louisville KY, top-selling mystery novelist whose fictional detective ‘Kinsey Millhone’ has appeared in alphabetical best-sellers all the way from “A is for Alibi” to “U is for Undertow”

1942 [67] Barbra Streisand, Brooklyn NY, movie actress (“Meet the Fockers”, Oscar-“Funny Girl”)/film director (“The Prince of Tides”)/pop singer (“The Way We Were”)/only person to win Academy Award, Tony, Emmy, Grammy, Golden Globe, CableACE & Peabody/Mrs James Brolin since 1998

1964 [45] Cedric the Entertainer (Cedric Kyles), Jefferson City MO, comedian/movie actor (“Cadillac Records”, “Barbershop”)

1964 [45] Djimon Hounsou (‘JI-mon HAN-soo’), Cotonou, Benin, movie actor (“Blood Diamond”, “Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life”)/boyfriend of Kimora Lee Simmons

1980 [29] Danny Gokey, Milwaukee WI, pop singer/“American Idol 8“ finalist (2009 winner?)

1982 [27] Kelly Clarkson, Fort Worth TX, Grammy Award-winning pop singer (“My Life Would Suck Without You”, “Since U Been Gone”)/original “American Idol” winner (2002)

1984 [25] Tyson Ritter, Stillwater OK, rock singer/bassist (All American Rejects-“Gives You Hell”, “Dirty Little Secret”)

1987 [22] Kris Letang, Montréal QC, NHL defenceman (Pittsburgh Penguins)

SATURDAY –
Movie actor Al Pacino (“Scent Of a Woman”) is 69; Musician/producer Bjorn Ulvaeus (ABBA/”Mamma Mia!”) is 64; Voice actor Hank Azaria (“The Simpsons”) is 45; Rock bassist Eric Avery (Jane’s Addiction) is 44; TV sportscaster Joe Buck (FOX) is 40; Movie actress Renée Zellweger (“Cold Mountain”) is 40; TV actor Jason Lee (“My Name Is Earl”) is 39.

SUNDAY –
Martial arts actor Jet Li (“The Forbidden Kingdom”) is 46; Pop guitarist Jimmy Stafford (Train) is 45; Actor-comedian Kevin James (“Paul Blart: Mall Cop”) is 44; Country bassist Jay DeMarcus (Rascal Flatts) is 38; Rock drummer Jose Pasillas (Incubus) is 33; TV actor Tom Welling (“Smallville”) is 32.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Disc Jockey Day”, observed annually the last Friday in April. Okay, everyone talk deep!
• “Hairball Awareness Day”. Any cat owner who’s ever stepped on a fresh wet one is already well aware! The usual cat hairball isn’t round but tubular, approximately 1 cm (half-inch) in diameter and about 4 cm (1.5 in) long. (Too much information?)
• “World Day For Laboratory Animals”, founded by the National Anti-Vivisection Society on behalf of the – quote – ‘billions of animals who are burnt, sliced, crushed, electrocuted, gassed, poisoned with toxic chemicals, psychologically tormented, and killed each year in labs around the world.’ (As opposed to those we just eat.)

SATURDAY –
• “Anzac Day”, a public holiday in Australia & New Zealand commemorating the 1915 landing at Gallipoli, Turkey of the Australian & New Zealand Army Corps, during World War I.
• “Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day”, the 3rd annual celebration of the droopy-cheeked dog that’s a symbol of Britain. (Is there an uglier beast on Earth?)
• “Good Telephone Day”, promoting phone etiquette, including answering by the 3rd ring, keeping holds to a minimum, thanking callers, and not hanging up without warning. Have cellphones eliminated phone courtesy?
• “International Red Hat Day”, an annual celebration of the ‘Red Hat Society’, begun in 1997 as a social organization whose mission is to provide interaction among women over 50 and to reshape the way they’re viewed. There are now millions of mature women who attend various ‘RHS’ events worldwide, all of them wearing the trademark red hats and purple dresses first mentioned in the Jenny Joseph poem, “Warning”. (http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/warning/).
NET: http://www.redhatsociety.com
• “World Penguin Day”, an annual excuse to salute one of the few natives of Antarctica by wearing penguin colors … black & white.
• “World Tai Chi Day”, celebrated annually on the last Saturday of April to create awareness for the slow-motion martial art that’s now touted as a great way to relieve stress.

SUNDAY –
• “Pretzel Day”, honoring the world’s oldest snack food. Pretzels were made as early as 610 AD by monks in France and Italy using scraps of dough formed into strips to represent a child’s arms folded in prayer.
• “Richter Scale Day”, saluting the open-ended earthquake scale invented by American seismologist Charles Richter, born 109 years ago today (1900). Technically an earthquake could be a ‘10′, though none has ever been measured. The strongest ever recorded occurred off the coast of Chile in 1960, measuring 9.5 on the scale.
• “World Intellectual Property Day”, observed since 2001 to enforce the idea that you own something if you thought it up, no matter how much it gets passed around online.
NET: http://www.wipo.int/ip-outreach/en/ipday/

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1992 [17] Rocker David Bowie & fashion model Iman are married in a secret ceremony in Switzerland

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1901 [108] 1st ‘American League’ baseball game (Chicago White Sox 8, Cleveland Indians 2)

2005 [04] Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is inaugurated the 265th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church and takes the name Benedict XVI

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1992 [17] Terry Cole balances a world record 220 cigar boxes on his chin for 9 seconds in London UK

1994 [15] ‘Fastest Backwards Marathon’ of 3 hrs, 53 mins, 17 secs is run by Timothy Badnya in Toledo OH

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Prime Rib Day
[Mon] Tell a Story Day
[Tues] Workers Memorial Day
[Wed] International Noise Awareness Day
[Wed] Sense of Smell Day
[Wed] Dance Day
This Week Is … Consumer Protection Week
This Month Is … Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month

BULL’S BITS

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MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Why don’t we have a horn in the rear of the car to ward off tailgaters?
• If you publish a book on kleptomania, should you expect a certain amount of profit loss?
• Was it a dyslexic who started putting the $ sign in front of the numbers?
• Do we call them ‘watchmen’ because they sit around watching TV?
• When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
– Thanks to Jason Love.

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• Three bankers go into a bar … because that’s where they work now.
• The credit crunch is getting bad, isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow 20 bucks a couple of weeks back, and now it turns out I’m the country’s 3rd-biggest lender.
– Adapted from “Times of London”

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the most expensive meal you’ve ever had?

TRUTH OR BS?
Some of the following statements are true, some total BS. Which are which?
• Johnny Plessey batted .333 for the Cleveland Spiders in 1891, even though he spent the entire season batting with a rolled-up, lacquered copy of the “Toledo Post-Dispatch”. [BS]
• There are approximately 45 billion fat cells in an average adult. [TRUE]
• The dot that appears over the letter ‘i’ is called a ‘tittle’. [TRUE]
• Manatees possess vocal chords which give them the ability to speak like humans, but don’t do so because they have no ears with which to hear the sound. [BS]
• To make 1 pound of butter, about 29 cups of milk are needed. [TRUE]
• Human saliva has a boiling point 3 times that of regular water. [BS]
• 5-to-7% of women surveyed say they make love 4 or more times a week. [TRUE]
• A leech has 32 brains. [TRUE]
– GreatFacts.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Even in the current economy there are people who make fortunes off THIS, yet it was considered a sin in the 16th & 17th century.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Chocolate.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Quality assurance doesn’t.