Thursday, April 17, 2008        Edition: #3756
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the psychological thriller movie “Zyzzyx Road”, starring Katherine Heigl & Tom Sizemore, is premiering online for free during a 24-hour streaming video debut, then goes straight-to-DVD with a MSRP of just $5 (it was shot way back in 2006, must be really good eh?) . . . Actor Tom Hanks, his wife Rita Wilson, and screenwriter/actress Nia Vardalos are destined for court-ordered  mediation over money they claim they’re still owed as co-producers of the 2002 movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” (the surprise hit grossed almost $370 million worldwide, which Gold Circle Films is allegedly failing to properly share) . . . Employees of actor Rob Lowe (“Brothers & Sisters”) have come forward to defend his reputation since an ex-nanny has sued him for sexual harassment, ie: his ‘Estate Manager’ who claims none of the household’s other nannies, chefs, drivers or housekeepers have ever questioned the boss’ behavior (makes you wonder – just how flippin’ rich is this guy?) . . . A new report claims late actor Heath Ledger was urged to seek psychiatric help during filming of the new ‘Batman’ movie, “The Dark Knight”, after he became so involved with his villain character ‘The Joker’ that it affected his mood, sleeping patterns, and on-set relationships (word has it he’d lurk around even on his days off, freaking everyone out) . . . And according to genealogy website ancestry.co.uk, new analysis of Canadian birth records going back to 1621 shows that Céline Dion, Madonna, and Prince Charles’ #2 wife, the former Camilla Parker-Bowles, are all descended from the same Québécois carpenter, one Zacharie Cloutier (if you think there’s no resemblance, check some photos – same nose!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She’s reportedly been issued an ultimatum from record label Universal Music: either kick the drug habit or it won’t release any more of her music.
• Bob Dylan – He’s written a 40-page children’s book entitled “Forever Young”, geared to ages 3-and-up. It’s scheduled to be released in OCTOBER.
• Brandy – She’s finally put her legal woes from a fatal 2006 car crash behind her and signed a new record deal. She plans to release a new album by the end of 2008, her first in 4 years.
• Debbie Gibson – The ‘80s pop sensation (“Foolish Beat”) has filed a restraining order against a fan she insists follows her all over, showing up at her home and hotels, and attempting to get backstage at concerts. (Step 1 of executing a comeback: Create yourself a stalker.)
• Good Charlotte – Paris Hilton’s parents approve of her latest boyfriend, describing tattooed rocker Benji Madden ‘polite & well mannered’. Papa Hilton says he’s always impressed by him.
• Leona Lewis – She’s made chart history by becoming the first British solo artist ever to have a debut album reach #1 in the US. “Spirit” has now sold over 2.5 million copies worldwide.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Hillary Clinton makes her first-ever appearance, hoping the so-called ‘Colbert bump’ will help propel her to victory in the Pennsylvania primary.
• “Eli Stone” (ABC/CTV) – It’s the season finalé (already?), which means ‘Eli’s surgery is so not going to go according to plan.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Simple Plan promote their new self-titled 3rd album.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Fergie is the musical guest. She claims she inherited her fiery personality from a relative, her great-grandmother who hailed from Mexico.
• “The Office” (NBC/Global) – ‘Andy’ & ‘Kevin’ declare a parking war on neighboring businesses.
• Rascal Flatts – Their new music video “Every Day” makes its debut on CMT and its website.
• “30 Rock” (NBC) – Legendary TV actor/comedian Tim Conway does a guest shot.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – Post-grunge rockers Seether perform “Rise Above This”.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Amelia” – Hilary Swank has the title role in the Amelia Earhart bio-pic which begins shooting THIS MONTH. The story follows the tumultuous relationship between the pioneering aviatrix (a word she popularized) and her publicist George Putnam (Richard Gere). Earhart famously disappeared in 1937 over the central Pacific while attempting to circumnavigate the globe.
• “The Dark Fields“ – Shia LaBeouf (“Transformers”) stars in this techno-thriller as a young guy who comes into possession of a pill that’s designed to improve intelligence. Trouble is, it also has some side effects … bad ones. Based on the 2002 Alan Glynn novel.
• “Everybody’s Fine” – Robert De Niro stars in this remake of an Italian drama about a father attempting to reconnect with his family following the death of his ex-wife. The siblings are played by Drew Barrymore, Sam Rockwell, and Kate Beckinsale. Filming begins later THIS MONTH.
• “Ghost In the Shell“ – A 3D live-action remake of an animé movie about a covert ops team working for the Japanese National Public Safety Commission is planned. First published as a Manga comic in 1989, the story’s already spawned 3 animé films, 3 videogames, and a TV series.
• “Wuthering Heights” – An updated movie version of  Emily Bronte’s classic novel will star Natalie Portman as heroine ‘Catherine Earnshaw’. The Oscar-winning 1939 original starred Merle Oberon & Laurence Olivier.

WORST DAY OF THE WEEK?
It’s “Stress Awareness Month”. So which day of the week do you think is most stressful? Surprisingly, a women’s magazine poll finds that women pick … Friday. Why? Seems that after a tough work week women continue to worry about co-ordinating weekend activities at home. (The simple antidote … chill!)
– “Working Mother“

SKINNY’S ILLEGAL IN FRANCE:
THIS WEEK the French parliament’s lower house has proposed a groundbreaking bill that would make it illegal for anyone, including fashion magazines, advertisers and websites, to publicly endorse extreme thinness. If passed, the law would be the toughest of its kind anywhere. (Will supermodels be ticketed?)
– “Cosmopolitan”

SUMMER JOB TENDING GRASS:
University of Iowa researchers are looking for marijuana smokers for a series of experiments into the drug’s effects. The study will examine how marijuana affects brain function and cognition. They’ll pay you $20 just to apply as a guinea pig at an initial screening session. Those that are accepted to participate will pocket $600 … and get to smoke a whole pile of weed!
PHONER: 319.335.8975 (Associate Professor Robert Block)
– AP

HOW TO KEEP THE GUY:
Psychiatrist Dr Mark Rubenstein says the way to a man’s heart is through his ego. All you have to do is flatter him about any or all of the following …
• Appearance – Tell him how good-looking he is, but don’t call him ‘cute’. Puppies are cute.
• Dress & Grooming – Say that his suits always look good on him, that he looks like George Clooney.
• Occupation – Flatter his job responsibilities. Tell him you’re proud of what he does.
• Physical – Tell him he’s strong or masculine.
• Sensual – Tell him you love the sound of his voice, or that you like the way he smells.
• Sexuality – Tell him he’s great in bed, there’s no better compliment for a man.
(So basically, the way to keep a man is … lie like a rug!)
– “Psychology Today”

RESTROOM RESEARCH:
A University of Arizona study of public washrooms finds that, when it comes to bacteria, women’s rooms are twice as bad as men’s rooms, perhaps because women are more likely to be accompanied by babies in need of a change or grimy tiny toddlers. (Including little ‘Bad Aim Johnny’).
– PA News

BS GOOFY GIZMOS & GADGETS:
APRIL is “Worldwide Innovation Month”, so here’s a look at some truly weird products that have actually been patented. Whether they’ll ever make it to market is a different matter …
• ‘Arm Mitten’ – A solar-proof mitten that extends from the fingers to the armpit, for people who drive with one arm out the window, thereby exposing it to ‘trucker burn’ or ‘farmer tan’.
• ‘Diaper Alarm’ – A sensor that straps onto diapers so that when baby wets, a mild electrical conduction along his/her skin activates blinking lights and an audible alarm.
• ‘Bumper Dumper’ – A port-o-potty that connects to the trailer-hitch of your vehicle, said to be perfect for campers.
• ‘Floating Shade’ – A helium-filled 3-foot disc that’s attached by strings to the shoulders, thus floating overhead to provide hands-free personal shade.
• ‘Spoon Truss’ – Basically a spoon with an attached bracelet, so parents don’t have to be continuously picking up a utensil tossed from a toddler’s highchair.
– Collected from various websites

FOR THE RECORD … ALMOST:
The 101-year-old man who seemed to have broken the world record as ‘Oldest to Run a Marathon’ has been disqualified by the “Guinness Book of World Records” after claims surfaced that he’s merely … 94-years-old. Buster Martin also made news during the recent London Marathon when he stopped at the 13-mile mark … for a smoke and a beer. Those in the know say the old gaffer ‘likes to tell stories’.
– “The Scotsman”

DID YOU KNOW?
• The US Treasury is tossing around the idea of eliminating the dollar-bill in favor of a dollar-coin along the lines of Canada’s ‘looney’, but recent poll shows most Americans would rather stick with paper money.
• It takes 4 times the distance to stop a car traveling 60 mph compared to one going 30 mph.
• Young people aged 18-to-24 are the fastest growing coffee-drinking niche, according to new stats from the National Coffee Association.

BS CHRONOMETER 04.17.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1959 [49] Sean Bean, Sheffield UK, movie actor (“National Treasure”, “Lord Of the Rings”)

1961 [47] Boomer (Norman) Esiason, West Islip NY, sports commentator (“The NFL Today on CBS” since 2002, “ABC Monday Night Football 1998-99)/former NFL QB (Cincinnati Bengals-Super Bowl XXIII)

1964 [44] Maynard James Keenan, Ravenna OH, rock singer (Tool-“The Pot”, “Vicarious”)

1967 [41] Liz Phair, New Haven CT, pop singer (“Why Can’t I?”, “Extraordinary”)

1970 [38] Redman (Reggie Noble), Newark NJ, rapper (“Put It Down”, w/ Christina Aguilera-“Dirrty”)

1972 [36] Jennifer Garner, Houston TX, movie actress (“Juno”, “Elektra”)/former TV actress (“Alias” 2001-06)/Mrs Ben Affleck since 2005

1974 [34] Victoria Beckham (Adams), Goff’s Oak UK, pop singer (‘Posh Spice’ of Spice Girls-“Wannabe”) who wed English soccer star David Beckham (1999)/fashion maven (VB)/mother of Brooklyn, Romeo & Cruz

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Blah Blah Blah Day”, a day to do all the things that people have been nagging you to do. This might include quitting a habit, losing weight, or working on home projects.

• “Cheeseball Day”, so who would you like to nominate?

• “Equality Day” in Canada, marking the date when the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms came into force, signed in 1982 by Queen Elizabeth II in Ottawa. It’s also observed as “National Law Day in Canada”. To celebrate, here are a few …
ODD BUT HONEST-TO-GOODNESS BS LAWS:
• In Wolfville NS, kids under 15 must be off the street by 9 pm from October-to-March.
• In Glace Bay NS, cyclists are required to carry a kerosene lantern which can be seen plainly.
• Ottawa’s anti-noise bylaw forbids bees to buzz.
• Putting a picture of a red poppy on your website could get you into trademark trouble with the Royal Canadian Legion.
• It’s against the law in Saskatchewan to drink water in a beer parlor.
– “Under Arrest: Canadian Laws You Won’t Believe” by Bob Tarantino / “Odd Laws: Legal Lunacy From Around the World by Jenny Paschall& Ron Lyons”
NET: http://www.oba.org/en/lawday/lawday_en/

• “International Ford Mustang Day”, a salute to the collectible car that debuted 44 years ago on this date. The base price of a 1964 ‘Stang … $2,368.

• “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day”, a day to salute with a laugh the prying nature of those who continually insist on peeking-a-boo to find out what’s cooking in the neighborhood.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1998 [10] Linda McCartney dies of breast cancer at age 56 in Santa Barbara CA

2007 [01] Avril Lavigne releases her 3rd album, “The Best Damn Thing”

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1869 [139] 1st ‘Professional Baseball Game’ (Cincinnati Reds 24, Cincinnati Amateurs 15)

2002 [06] 4 Canadian Forces soldiers are killed in Afghanistan by friendly fire from 2 US Air Force F-16s, the 1st Canadian deaths in a combat zone since the Korean War

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [29] ‘Smallest Crowd’ in MLB history – 653 fans show up for an Oakland A’s baseball game (that’s not a crowd, it’s a gathering!)

1997 [11] New Jersey Devil Martin Brodeur becomes 2nd goalie in NHL history to score a playoff goal (joining Philadelphia’s Ron Hextall)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] “88 Minutes”; “The Forbidden Kingdom”; “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”; and “Pathology” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Fri] Teach Children to Save Day
[Fri] International Jugglers Day
[Sat] Husband Appreciation Day
[Sat] Garlic Day
[Sat] Record Store Day
[Sat] NBA playoffs begin
This Week Is … Library Forgiveness Week
This Month Is … Welding Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU SHOULDN’T DISCUSS YOUR SECRET FANTASY WITH YOUR SPOUSE:
• It involves relatives.
• Your spouse thinks leaving a light on is kinky.
• Just thinking about it makes you blush.
• It could lead to an appearance on “Dr Phil”.
• Your spouse isn’t in it.

ODD BUT HONEST-TO-GOODNESS BS LAWS:
• It’s illegal to giggle unrestrainedly in Helena MT.
• If you’re visiting Malaya, remember it’s illegal to dance … on turtles.
• Kingsville TX has a law forbidding 2 pigs from having sex on the city’s airport property.
• In England, you cannot wrestle with an untrained bull in public.
• Kentucky state legislation says no female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway unless she is escorted by at least 2 officers … or armed with a club.
– “Odd Laws: Legal Lunacy From Around the World” by Jenny Paschall & Ron Lyons

BS PHONE STARTER:
What modern convenience should never have been invented?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Two of these are actual facts, the other total BS … but which one?
a. A Full Moon is about 9 times brighter than a Half Moon.
b. A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time, most commonly used to measure 1/100th of a second.
c. A typical raindrop falls at a rate of about 31 km/hr. (BS. More like 11 km/hr.) 19 mph.(BS. More like 7 mph.)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a ‘brief’.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS is more apt to happen just before a meal than at any other time.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: An argument between parents and children.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Marriage is not a word but a sentence.