Monday, April 28, 2008        Edition: #3763
Can You Believe This Sheet?

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Former “Saturday Night Live” comedian Jimmy Fallon has emerged as the favorite to replace Conan O’Brien as the host of “Late Night” (NBC) when O’Brien replaces Jay Leno on the “Tonight Show” in 2009. Fallon’s expected to be officially anointed MAY 12th during a network presentation to advertisers in NYC.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• Actor Tom Cruise is set to return to Oprah Winfrey’s sofa for the first time since his famous 2005 couch-jumping proclamation of love for then-fiancée Katie Holmes. Cruise will appear on a MAY episode of “Oprah” to celebrate his 25-year career. (The previous appearance was his best acting yet.)
– StarPulse.com
• Actress Lucy Liu (“Kill Bill”) is returning to TV as a lawyer. She first came to fame playing a bitchy attorney on producer David E Kelley’s series “Ally McBeal”. Now she’s signed for the 2nd season of Kelley’s current series, “Dirty Sexy Money”, in a role he created specifically for her. (Another bitchy attorney with slightly crossed eyes.)
– ContactMusic.com
• Actress Jennifer Aniston & singer John Mayer have been spotted hanging together in South Florida, where she’s currently shooting the movie “Marley & Me” with Owen Wilson. They reportedly did both lunch & dinner together on the same day, and were later spotted holding hands when they returned to their hotel around 1 am. (How’s this guy do it? His body sure ain’t no wonderland.)
– “People”
• Moviemaker and basketball fan Spike Lee trained 18 cameras on LA Lakers star Kobe Bryant during a recent game against Eva Longoria Parker’s husband Tony Parker and his San Antonio Spurs for a new film about the hoops hero.
– Surfwax.com
• Arthur Kent, the Canadian journalist known as the ‘Scud Stud’ during the 1991 Gulf War is suing the makers of the Tom Hanks/Julia Roberts movie “Charlie Wilson’s War”, claiming they used without permission parts of his 1986 news program on the Soviet-Afghanistan war. Now a documentary filmmaker, he lost a bid to become a Calgary MLA in LAST MONTH’s Alberta election. (Ah! No wonder he needs the money.)
– CBC Arts & Entertainment
– “Radar Magazine”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She left a London police station SATURDAY after being questioned about a head-butting brawl during a recent wild night out. She’s received a formal ‘caution for assault’, which means she won’t be charged now but the incident will remain on her record.
• Bon Jovi – Fans were evacuated from SATURDAY’s concert in Sunrise FL due to a bomb threat. After bomb-sniffing dogs were sent in, it was determined to be a hoax.
• Jennifer Lopez – Now that she knows she & Marc Anthony can make beautiful babies (as in twins) she can’t wait to get started on the next round, according to a friend.
• Madonna – She’s said to be considering adopting a 2nd child, with Cambodia and the Palestinian territories topping her list of targets. There are no needy kids in Britain?
• Metallica – They’re considering releasing their 9th studio album online later THIS YEAR; a bit ironic considering their lawsuit a few years back over online downloads.
• Miranda Lambert – She’s been cleared of any wrong-doing and the 24-year-old college student who claimed to be assaulted during a CD release party at a Tyler TX nightclub has now been charged with filing a false report. Now look who’s “Famous in a Small Town”.
• Taylor Swift – At the 10th annual “Young Hollywood Awards” LAST NIGHT in LA, she was presented the ‘Superstar of Tomorrow Award’ by “CSI” actor Gary Dourdan (‘Warrick Brown’).
• Tim McGraw – THIS WEEK a new Frito flavor called ‘Tim McGraw’s Spicy Jalapeno’ goes on sale in Wal-Mart stores. Fritos is a sponsor of his new tour which fires up MAY 9 in Tampa.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Deal or No Deal” (NBC/Global) – A 2-hour special “Star Wars”-themed episode features ‘Darth Vader’ filling in as the evil banker, and special appearances from Carrie Fisher (‘Princess Leia’), ‘Chewbacca’, and ‘R2-D2′.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Brit alt-rocker Morrissey is on.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – The Roots perform.
• Uma Thurman – The trial of Jack Jordan, the 37-year-old  former mental patient accused of stalking the actress, is scheduled to get underway in Manhattan. Thurman is expected to take the stand to testify about how he relentlessly followed her around for more than 2 years.

FUELED BY FAT:
The eco boat “Earthrace” left Sagunto, Spain YESTERDAY on a quest to break the powerboat speed record for circumnavigating the globe. The vessel will leave a net carbon footprint of zero and hopes to complete the voyage in under 65 days. Some of the biofuel being used comes from … liposuctioned human fat. 3 volunteers produced 10 liters of fat (2.6 gallons) which in turn produced 7 liters (1.9 gallons) of biofuel. With the boat running slowly, that’s enough to fuel it for about 15 kms (9.3 miles). (“We’re running out of fuel … toss me a thigh!”)
NET: http://earthrace.net
– “Toronto Star”

GROW YOUR OWN MEAT:
People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals is offering a $1-million prize for the creation of edible meat in a lab. It’s an attempt to kick-start a slowly growing field of research which promises to one day to feed us all the meat we can eat without killing animals. NASA has already grown morsels of fish which are edible but not particularly tasty. And scientists say it might be possible to produce something akin to SPAM right now but at an incredibly high cost. PETA’s money is contingent upon producing chicken meat that can be sold commercially at a competitive price by 2012. (If we don’t eat animals what will we do with the billions upon billions of livestock worldwide? Ever see a cow in the wild?)
NET: http://www.peta.org/feat_in_vitro_contest.asp
– “Curious Times”

HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN:
According to recent study, gun owners are actually happier and wealthier than people who don’t own weapons. According to the research, 36% of gun owners claim to be ‘very happy’ compared with 30% of those without guns. The study also reveals that average gun owners have the same level of education as non-gun owners and earn an average of 32% more per year. And about 15% spend less time feeling outraged at something somebody has done. (That’s cause they relax … after shooting the MFs.)
– “Wall Street Journal“

TUBE TALK:
• According to new CRTC stats, Canada’s pay TV and specialty channels had a bumper year in 2007, a total haul of $2.7 billion. The 142 specialty channels (ie: HGTV, Showcase, Discovery, Animal Planet, etc) grossed$2.2-billion. Pay TV racked up about $350 million; pay-per-view services about $120 million; and video-on-demand accounted for circa $79 million. Nearly half the take came from fees paid by satellite and cable TV subscribers. (What specialty channels do you get that you’ve never once watched?)
– CBC News
• Over the past 6 months, more than 5.5 million American households have acquired a hi-def TV for the first time. Another 3 million added a 2nd HDTV. That means that about 28 million homes now have at least 1 HDTV set, about 25% of all US households. But here’s the most interesting stat – fully 30% of the HDTV owners say they don’t watch any HDTV programming, thanks to surcharges from cable and satellite providers. (If you’re that cheap, why would you go out and blow a couple grand on a TV?)
– ContactMusic.com

BEER MYTHS DEBUNKED:
Brewing expert Stephen Beaumont challenges some commonly held beliefs about beer …
• Ale is Stronger than Lager – Alcohol comes from the amount of sugars used in fermentation.
• Beer & Fine Dining Don’t Mix – The reason wine is the usual accompaniment is because it’s the preference of the French, and much of what we know about fine dining comes from them.
• Beer Makes You Fat – Inactivity and a bad diet make you fat.
• Canadian Beer is Stronger than US Beer – Until recently, US breweries measured alcohol content by weight. Canadians measure by volume. 4% alcohol by weight is equal to 5% by volume.
• Cold-Filtering – No big deal since all beer is cold-filtered. There’s no such thing as a ‘hot filter’.
• Dark Beer is Heavy – Roasting malt doesn’t make it heavier or more caloric.
• Imported Beer is Always Better than Domestic Beer – Makes for good marketing though.
• Wine is More Complex Than Beer – Beer actually has a wider variety of ingredients.
– ThatsTheSpirit.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• In Seattle WA, a woman has stabbed and nearly killed one of her pals while watching “America’s Next Top Model” (CW/CityTV) because the 42-year-old chatterbox wouldn’t stop yakking. The crazy-ass couch potato apparently lost it and began yanking out hair, then used a paring knife to escalate her attack. (She’ll soon be “America’s Next Top Inmate”.)
– “Seattle Post-Intelligencer”
• In China, a family has lost all their cash after their 3-year-old daughter … threw it out the window of their 17th floor apartment while the parents slept. According to the owner of the restaurant on the ground floor, the money raining down caused pandemonium as passersby went crazy trying to catch it. The tot’s mom says they’re now hoping for magic – that those with their money will bring it back. (Shortly after she takes delivery of a snowball from hell.)
– Ananova News
• In Kentucky, a Frankfort man has been arrested on drug trafficking charges after he was spotted pumping gas into … an imaginary vehicle. When the gas station cashier spotted the odd behavior he called the cops, who upon their arrival immediately smelled cannabis emanating from the self-serve customer. A body search located 2 baggies of marijuana and a large amount of Ecstasy. (Okay he’s wacko … but man, is he saving on fuel costs!)
– MSNBC

ALL-TIME GREAT MOVIE STONERS:
Stoners in the movies have been a staple ever since ‘Wyatt & Billy’ (Peter Fonda & Dennis Hopper) appeared in “Easy Rider” in 1969. Here’s a new ranking of some of the screen’s more notable druggies since …
5. ‘Ron Slater’ (Rory Cochrane) in “Dazed & Confused” (1993).
4. ‘The Dude’ (Jeff Bridges) in “The Big Lebowski” (1998).
3. ‘Jeff Spicoli’ (Sean Penn) in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” (1982).
2. ‘Floyd’ (Brad Pitt) in “True Romance” (1993).
1. ‘Harold & Kumar’ in “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle” (2004); and “Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay” (2008).
Honorable mention: Cheech & Chong in “Up In Smoke” (1978)
– “The Scoop”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• It takes 3 months for an aluminum soft drink can to be recycled and returned to the shelf in reincarnated form.
– “Discover Magazine”
• According to a new Dalhousie University study, when it comes to facial expressions, ‘happiness’ is easier to fake than ‘disgust’ or ‘fear’.
– ABC News
• 1 American student drops out of high school every 26 seconds.
– “New York Times”
• The median age of women in the US who get married for the first time is now 25.5.
– “Boston Globe”
• Memphis, Tennessee is the USA’s fattest city, with 34% of its population obese.
– “Forbes Magazine”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.28.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [58] Jay Leno, New Rochelle NY, late night TV host (“The Tonight Show” 1992-2009)  FACTOID: He stands to land a huge deal with another network after Conan O’Brien replaces him NEXT YEAR.

1955 [53] Paul Guilfoyle, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Captain Jim Brass’ on “CSI” since 2000)

1966 [42] John Daly, Carmichael CA, long-driving pro golfer since 1987/admitted alcoholic

1970 [38] Nicklas Lidstrom, Vasteras, Sweden, NHL defenceman (Detroit Red Wings)/2006 Winter Olympics Gold (Sweden)/1991 World Championship (Sweden)

1973 [35] Jorge Garcia, Omaha NE, TV actor (‘Hurley Reyes’ on “Lost” since 2004)

1974 [34] Penelope Cruz (Sanchez), Madrid, Spain, movie actress (“Volver”, “Sahara”)/Javier Bardem’s GF

1981 [27] Jessica Alba, Pomona CA, movie actress (“Fantastic Four”, “Sin City”)  UP NEXT: The Mike Myers comedy, “The Love Guru”, opening JUNE 20th.

1986 [22] George Nozuka, Toronto ON, pop singer (“Stay Up”, “Talk to Me”)  FACTOID: He’s currently opening for the Backstreet Boys during a European tour.

TODAY’S BS OBSERVANCES . . .
• “Day of Remembrance For Persons Killed or Injured in the Workplace”, first declared by the Canadian Labour Congress in 1984. On average, 1 Canadian worker out of 13 is injured at work.

• “Great Poetry Reading Day”, a day to read great poetry as a means of better understanding the world. Take the lyrics to any hit song and look for the most outrageous attempts at rhyming.
NET: http://lyrics.com

• “Kiss Your Mate Day”, a day to share the pleasure of a kiss when he or she least expects it. In honor of the occasion, here are a few smooch stats …
– Kissing uses 16 pairs of muscles.
– The average length of a passionate kiss is 1 minute.
– Your kissing partner’s saliva can remain in your mouth for 3 days.
– 97% of women and 30% of men close their eyes when they lock lips.
– 90% of couples have kissed in the car.
– 40% of couples say they make out when they make up.
– 25% of us always like our partners’ kissing technique; half of us say it’s just okay.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1968 [40] The rebellious rock musical “Hair” opens on Broadway

2006 [02] “People” magazine names Angelina Jolie the ‘World’s Most Beautiful Person’

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1914 [94] 1st ‘Air Conditioner’ is patented, by WH Carrier

2001 [07] US millionaire Dennis Tito becomes the ‘First Space Tourist’, paying a reported $12 million-plus to spend just under 8 days aboard a Russian Soyuz mission carrying supplies to the International Space Station

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1985 [23] World’s ‘Largest Sand Castle’ is completed, standing 4 stories tall (St Petersburg FL)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Zipper Day
[Tues] Puppetry Day
[Tues] Madonna releases “Hard Candy” album
[Wed] Hairstylist Appreciation Day
[Wed] International Walk Day
[Wed] Honesty Day
[Wed] Canadian Income Tax deadline
This Week Is … Teacher Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Listening Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOU’RE A WORKAHOLIC:
• You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their process.
• You get all excited when it’s Saturday so you can wear sweat pants to work.
• You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.
• You think that ‘progressing an action plan’ and ‘calendarizing a project’ are acceptable English phrases.
• You know the people at the airport hotels better than your next door neighbors.
• You think that Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.
• You think a ‘half-day’ means leaving at 5 o’clock.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Time heals all wounds. So does tequila.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What can swifts and parrots can do while flying that other birds can’t?
a. Eat.
b. Groom.
c. Mate. [CORRECT. They’re the original ‘Mile High Club’.]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: People who do THIS while exercising lose twice as much weight as those who don’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Listen to music.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

WELCOME TO THE PASTURE:
We have samplers from around-the-world enjoying the “BS” experience this week, including Mike Ray @ KOPR 94.1 Butte MT; Brandon @ 5FM Johannesburg, South Africa; Stewie Startzell @ 91.3 WYEP Pittsburgh PA; Nicolas Lacroix @ Le 93.3 [CJMF] Québec QC; Michael J Gorder @ KPLR Campus Radio, Poplar  MT; Nicole Vandeventer @ Magic 93.1 [KZMG] Boise ID; and Karen Depasos @ ALL FM Manchester UK. Welcome all!