Tuesday, April 1, 2008        Edition: #3744
Happy Bull Day!
“The Bull Sheet” is celebrating it’s 15th birthday. “BS” began April 1st, 1993 with the idea that quality, well-researched show prep would sell. Instead of a bunch of corny jokes, we decided to offer up-to-the-minute lifestyle & entertainment info and usable discussion topics. We must be doing something right, because “BS” is now used by radio stations worldwide. Thanks for your support!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
”Juno” actor Jason Bateman is returning to FOX-TV (where he starred in “Arrested Development”), this time as director of the comedy pilot, “The Inn”, a behind-the-scenes look at a NYC hotel . . . Rapper-turned-actor Mos Def has been signed to play legendary rocker Chuck Berry in the upcoming movie “Cadillac Records”, the story of early R&B record label Chess Records (Mos will have to take ‘duck walk’ lessons)  . . . Heidi Klum says she’s amazed to edge out Brazilian babes Gisele Bundchen & Adriana Lima to land the #1 spot on the new Models.com ‘World’s Hottest Model’ ranking, because she’s a 34-year-old mother of 3 (BS translation: Bite me, you little airheads) . . . Word has it Madonna wants to re-launch her movie acting career with a remake of the 1942 classic “Casablanca”, possibly set in Iraq (Bogie just rolled over in his grave) . . . And Mrs Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, is said to be in discussions to star in a Broadway revival of Arthur Miller’s “Tony Award”-winning drama, “All My Sons”, which would mark her theatrical debut (we thought that was on her wedding day).

MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – Rumor has it they’ll embark on a farewell tour later in the year once the recording sessions for their new album have been completed.
• Britney Spears – She’s  been offered the chance to play nutjob ‘Blanche DuBois’ in an upcoming London stage production of Tennessee Williams’ play “A Streetcar Named Desire”.
• Fall Out Boy – They say they’ll continue their ambitious record attempt to play concerts on all 7 continents in a year, despite LAST WEEK’s cancellation due to bad weather in Antarctica.
• 50 Cent – He’s had his very own social networking site developed. Fans can create profiles and ‘friend lists’ just like on MySpace, but Fiddy gets direct access to users’ email addresses.
NET: http://thisis50.com
• No Doubt – Gwen Stefani says she’s struggling to write songs for her first album with her former band since 2003. She thinks the problem may have something to do with the baby she’s expecting, her 2nd with hubby Gavin Rossdale.
• Police – APRIL marks the 30th anniversary of their debut hit “Roxanne”. Sting says each time he performs it, he sings it with gratitude. (Unlike many artists who refuse to do early material.)
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards acknowledges that his bandmates rarely speak when they’re not recording or touring. (So it’s just for the money.)
• Taylor Swift – The country starlet is the latest signed up for the ‘Body by Milk’ ad campaign.
• U2 – They’ve followed Madonna’s lead by signing a 12-year deal with music promoter Live Nation to handle their tours, merchandising, and website. Physical recordings will still be released through their longtime record label Universal Music. No financial terms were disclosed.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” – Finalist Kristy Lee Cook says she’d love to do a duet with her favorite singer, country star Jason Aldean. (You’ll soon have lots of time on your hands to do it, hon’.)
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – Brit-based Aussie singer Kylie Minogue performs ”All I See” from her new album “X”.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Teen sensations the Jonas Brothers are on.
• George Strait – He releases his new album, “Troubadour”, a project that includes a duet with country veteran Patty Loveless.
• “Hell’s Kitchen”  (FOX/CityTV) – In the 4th season debut, chef Gordon Ramsay turns up the heat on 12 new would-be restauranteurs in his culinary boot camp.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC) – Long-time singer/songwriter Carole King performs.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly (NBC) – Hellogoodbye (“Here In Your Arms”) appears.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS): Counting Crows flog their new album “Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings”.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – This morning Lifehouse is the musical guest.
• Radiohead – They’re playing a free concert on BBC Radio 2. Fans registered in ticket draws to attend the event.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – REM promotes the new album “Accelerate”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC/A Channel): The B-52’s perform music from ”Funplex”, their first studio album since 1992.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – “Love Song” singer Sara Bareilles is the guest.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Alvin & the Chipmunks” ( Family Comedy ): ‘Alvin, Simon & Theodore’ are back in director Tim Hill’s computer-animation/live-action hybrid that follows further adventures of the trio of singing rodents. Jason Lee co-stars as their mentor/manager/master, Dave Seville.
• “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” (Musical Thriller): Johnny Depp & Helena Bonham Carter star in Tim Burton’s bigscreen version of the hit Broadway musical about a barber unjustly sent to prison who vows revenge. Also available in a ‘2-Disc Special Edition’.
• Also released TODAY: “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (Extreme Unrated Remaster)”; “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit – The 6th Year (TV); and “That ’70s Show: Season 8“ (TV).

“ONE OF THESE DAYS, ALICE … TO THE MOON!”
The company that brought us ‘burial’ in Space is now offering … the Moon. Houston-based Celestis Inc, which has been charging up to $5,000 to send human ashes up in a satellite where they orbit the Earth for the next 100 years or so, is now selling the opportunity to send cremated humans to the Moon for circa $10,000. The company says it already has a half-dozen customers for the service and expects to ship around 1,000 capsules of ashes to the lunar surface in late 2009 or early 2010. (For the corpse that has everything.)
NET: http://memorialspaceflights.com
– “Curious Times”

WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• In Italy, 2 teenage Bulgarian sisters have been rescued from a circus where they were forced to perform bizarre stunts such as swimming with piranhas and having live snakes thrown at them. An audience member finally tipped off cops. The 3 partners who run the circus now face charges of human slavery. (And what about cruelty to animals?)
– “The Guardian”
• In China, shopkeepers in the city of Kunming have been asking for change from beggars because there aren’t enough coins in circulation to run their businesses. Due to the lack of change, beggars have morphed into capitalists, charging 105 yuan for a 100 yuan coin. (And the meek shall inherit the change!)
– Ananova News
• In India, the Olympic shooting team is threatening to boycott the upcoming “Beijing Games” unless something is done about a shortage of ammo for training. The government recently stopped providing the ‘National Rifle Association of India’ with bullets. (You think they’re mad … Indian pole vaulters are really steamed!)
– “NY Post”
• In the African country of Angola, a “Miss Landmine Survivor” pageant has been organized, featuring victims of explosives as contestants. It sounds like a sick joke but the objective of TOMORROW’s competition is to restore self-esteem to women maimed by mines and to raise awareness of the plight of tens-of-thousands who’ve been injured by mines. (Unfortunately, the pageant’s talent competition will include grim abilities like hopping on one leg.)
– AHN

EVER CREATIVE CHILDREN:
According to a recent poll of  parents of children aged 6-to-12, here are kids’ most common excuses for not brushing their teeth …
5. “I lost my toothbrush.” (12%)
4. “It’s boring.” (16%)
3. “It takes too much time.” (22%)
2. “I’m too tired.” (46%)
1. “I forgot.” (73%)
More inventive excuses include “My wrist hurts” and “The sink is out of water.” (In our house, it was “My older brother knocked them out!”)
– “Globe & Mail”

GENTLE ALARM:
Axon Sleep Research Laboratories is developing a headband called ‘SleepSmart’ that’s designed to be worn overnight. Rather than waking you up at a precise time – say 7am – the headband monitors your brain waves using special sensors and wakes you up sometime in the half-hour leading up to 7 am when you are in a light phase of sleep, which is far less traumatic than being jolted out of a deep-sleep phase. (The downside is you can never actually get to sleep thanks to this torture device strapped to your skull.)
– “Boston Globe”

BS AMAZING FACT:
The respective rank of ‘April’, ‘May’ and ‘June’ as baby names: 319th, 57th, and below 1,000.
– BabyNameWizard.com

BS CHRONOMETER 04.01.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [55] Barry Sonnenfeld, NYC, movie director (“Men in Black”, “Get Shorty”)/movie producer (“Enchanted”)/TV producer (“Pushing Daisies”)

1971 [37] Method Man (Clifford Smith), NYC, rapper (w/Mary J Blige-“I’ll Be There For You/You’re All I Need”, Wu-Tang Clan-“Protect Ya Neck”)/movie actor (“Meet the Spartans”, “Garden State”)/TV personality (“Method & Red” 2004-05)

1972 [36] Darren McCarty, Burnaby BC, NHL enforcer (Detroit Red Wings) with Stanley Cup wins in 1997, 1998, and 2002

1973 [35] Joe Francis, Laguna Beach CA, adult DVD producer (“Girls Gone Wild”)/ex-con who’s still under indictment in Nevada for federal tax evasion

1978 [30] JP (Jean-Pierre) Dumont, Montréal QC, NHL winger (Nashville Predators)

1982 [26] Sam Huntington, Peterborough NH, movie actor (‘Jimmy Olsen‘ in “Superman Returns”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “April Fool’s Day”. The custom of playing practical jokes on friends was part of the celebrations in ancient Rome on MARCH 25th, known as “Hilaria”. The timing seems related to the vernal equinox and the coming of Spring, when nature fools us with sudden changes. A few foolish facts …
– Many say the observance originated with the reform of the calendar when “New Year’s Day” was moved from APRIL 1 to JANUARY 1. Those who clung to the old “New Year’s Day” were scoffed at as ‘fools’ and sent fake party invitations and prank gifts. That tradition began in France around 1564, where an ‘April Fool’ is called a ‘poisson d’avril’ (April fish). The French fool friends by taping a paper fish to their backs. When you see one you yell, ‘Poisson d’avril!’.
– Widespread observance began in the 18th century in England, where tricks can be played only in the morning. If a trick is played on you, you are a ‘noodle’.
– In Scotland, April Fools Day is 48-hours-long and you are called an ‘April Gowk’, another name for a cuckoo bird. The 2nd day is called ‘Taily Day’ because it’s dedicated to pranks involving the buttocks. It’s lasting gift to posterior posterity is the ‘Kick Me’ sign.
– In India, the final day of the “Feast of Huli” is traditionally celebrated by acts of mischief.

• “Humor Month” and “National Laugh Week” begin, both focusing on the therapeutic value and vital need for laughter and humor in healthcare.

• “International Edible Book Festival” (TODAY or any day through the 5th), the 8th annual event when edible books are exhibited from 2-4 pm local time, then tea or coffee is served and the books are consumed. Books are made from all manner of foodstuffs – beets, lettuce, bologna, toast, liver, etc. THIS YEAR events will take place in about a dozen countries including  Australia, Britain, Canada, France, Russia, and the USA. Check here for a place in your area where you can eat some tasty tomes …
NET: http://www.diffusionadage.com/books2eat/progr_2008.html

• “National Sleep Day”, to encourage the sleep-deprived to get ‘8 Zs, please’.

• “One Cent Day”, celebrating the world’s most useless currency … the penny. It’s now said to cost twice as much to make one as it does to buy one.

• “Repot Your Plant Day” … or is it “Replant Your Pot Day”? We can never get it straight.

• “St Stupid’s Day”, an annual celebration on APRIL 1st in San Francisco CA since 1980, when a wacky parade is held. The occasion’s dim-witted activities include the ‘high four’ handshake (hand up, palm towards partner, fold thumb across palm, slap high four, say “Ouch!, we gotta change that!”).
NET: http://saintstupid.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [03] The movie version of “Sin City” opens, based on Frank Miller’s graphic book series (cast includes Benicio Del Toro, Bruce Willis, Clive Owen, Jessica Alba, and Mickey Rourke)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1970 [38] John Lennon & Yoko Ono release an “April Fools Day” statement claiming they’re about to undergo side-by-side sex-change operations

1991 [17] In an “April Fool’s Day” prank, Elton John surprises Rod Stewart onstage in London …  dressed in drag

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1929 [79] 1st ‘Yo-Yo’ developed as a toy by Louie Marx (originally a weapon in the Phillippines)

1949 [59] Earl Tupper 1st patents ‘Tupperware’ (original Tupperware is now being collected as an antique)

1997 [11] ‘Blended Sales Tax’ combining GST & PST goes into effect in Maritimes

1999 [09] Canada’s new territory ‘Nunavut’ officially splits from the Northwest Territories

2001 [07] The Netherlands becomes the 1st country to legalize same-sex marriages (a year later to the day, it becomes the first country to legalize euthanasia)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1930 [78] Chicago Cub Leo Hartnett breaks ‘Altitude Record for a Catch’ by catching a baseball dropped from Goodyear blimp hovering 800 ft over Los Angeles (unfortunately the force of the catch shatters his jawbone!)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] “Criminal Minds”/”CSI: NY” (CBS) new post-strike episodes
[Thurs] “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation/”Without a Trace” (CBS) new post-strike episodes
[Thurs] Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day
[Thurs] Armenian Appreciation Day
[Fri] Toronto Blue Jays home opener
[Fri] Walk to Work Day
[Fri] Alcohol Free Weekend begins
[Sat] 2008 NCAA Men’s Final Four Championship Semis (San Antonio TX)
[Sun] Juno Awards (Calgary)
This Week Is . . . Anonymous Giving Week
This Month Is . . . Home Improvement Month

BULL’S BITS      

ALL-TIME BEST APRIL FOOLS PRANKS:
5. “San Serriffe” – In 1977 the British newspaper “The Guardian” published a 7-page supplement devoted to ‘San Serriffe’, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands. Readers called all day seeking more info about the holiday spot. Few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer’s terminology.
4. “The Taco Liberty Bell” – In 1996 Taco Bell announced it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the ‘Taco Liberty Bell’. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell is housed to express their anger.
3. “Instant Color TV” – In 1962 there was only 1 TV channel in Sweden, which only broadcast in black & white. The station’s techie appeared on the news to announce that viewers could now convert their existing sets to display color if they pulled a nylon stocking over the screen.
2. “Sidd Finch” – In 1985, “Sports Illustrated” published a story by author George Plimpton about a NY Mets rookie pitcher who could hurl pitches at 168 mph. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before but had mastered the ‘art of the pitch’ in a Tibetan monastery.
1. “The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest” – In 1957 the respected BBC News show “Panorama” announced that, thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It aired faked footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees.
– MuseumOfHoaxes.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Drinking 8 glasses of water per day is a great idea … if you live in a bathroom.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the best baseball movie of all-time?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Stats show the average woman gets 100 of THESE in her lifetime.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Bouquets of flowers.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
You’ll never get dizzy doing a good turn.