April 9 2019

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Tuesday, April 9, 2019 Edition: #6432

We’ve Gone Bullistic!

“The Bull Sheet” is headed off for a late spring break and will not be publishing Monday April 15 through Monday April 22.  All subscribers will receive credit for missed service days.  The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, April 23.

★ Beth Chapman, the wife of Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman is home after being hospitalized on Saturday due to an accumulation of fluid in her lungs. A rep says, “Doctors performed an emergency procedure to alleviate pressure that had built up…She and Dog are so grateful for the thoughts and prayers from their fans. Keep them coming.” Beth has been battling throat cancer. The 51-year-old reality star began chemotherapy in December.
★ Jim Carrey has abandoned plans to revive any more of his most famous comedy characters, insisting he has no interest in revisiting the past. At Las Vegas’ CinemaCon, Carrey said, “I’m bringing nothing back. I’m moving forward.” Carrey was there to promote the upcoming “Sonic the Hedgehog” film, out Nov. 8. There has been talk of him revisiting the characters he played in “The Mask” and “Ace Ventura – Pet Detective”, but he insists he’s not interested.
★ Marc Jacobs is celebrating his 56th birthday today as a newly married man. Jacobs married former model turned candlemaker Char Defrancesco in front of friends in New York City on Saturday night. Anna Wintour, Naomi Campbell, Gigi Hadid and her sister Bella, Bette Midler, and Kate Moss were all in attendance, and partied with the happy couple into the night at The Grill in Manhattan. Kidding or not, Defrancesco had previously said that he wanted to get married in the casual Mexican fast food chain, Chipotle.
★ Idris Elba will play a new character in the “Suicide Squad” sequel, rather than replacing Will Smith as ‘Deadshot’. It’s not known what DC villain he will play instead, but Variety is reporting the decision was made because bosses didn’t want to disrespect Smith by replacing him after he helped to bring Deadshot to life on screen for the first time. That also leaves the door open for Smith to return to the role in the future, since his reason for departing the franchise was simply a scheduling conflict, rather than creative differences.
★ ‘Deadpool’ is becoming a game show producer. Ryan Reynolds is behind “Don’t,” an original game show that has been picked up by ABC. “Don’t” is described as a “comedic physical game show” in which families of four are asked to perform various challenges. Each episode will focus on one family as they go through the “Don’t” tests. If they succeed, they’ll win a cash prize. But if the family fails a challenge, one of them will be eliminated. When just one contestant is left, the last remaining family member must compete on their own. Ryan Reynolds will co-executive produce the show.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Danai Gurira, Backstreet Boys
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Chelsea Handler, Justin Hartley, Brooks & Dunn featuring Midland, Bernard Purdie, Chuck Rainey
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Michelle Williams, Emily Bazelon, Oscar the Grouch
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Timothy Olyphant, Diane Von Furstenberg
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Zoe Saldana, Jason Clarke, Kenny Deforest
• “Conan” (TBS): Patton Oswalt
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Chelsea Handler, Dr. Ian Smith
• “The Talk” (CBS): Dionne Warwick, Matthew Gray Gubler, guest co-host Chris Wragge
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kit Harington, Maria Menounos, Melissa Etheridge
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Chris Hemsworth, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Hozier
• “The Code” (CBS): Premiere. A soldier in Afghanistan murders his commanding officer, and Capt. John “Abe” Abraham and Capt. Maya Dobbins, are assigned to the case as prosecution and defense lawyers.
• “Deadliest Catch” (DISCOVERY): Season 15 premiere. Hours before king season, a massive new boat with a renegade captain discovers the crab are all in one spot. As the fleet races to find the quarter billion-dollar hoard, captains battle each other and the Bering Sea to claim their share of the bounty.
• “Meghan & Harry: A Royal Baby Story” (TLC): A look at the months leading up to the newest addition to the royal family.

• Coachella — A worker died Saturday morning after falling in the staging area while working on set-up.  An eyewitness said the worker, who was not wearing a safety harness, fell about 60 feet. In a statement, the festival identified him as the lead rigger and a 20-year veteran of the festival. Coachella will take place at the Empire Polo Club grounds this weekend and the weekend of April 19-21.
• Beyoncé – Fans started freaking out after Netflix posted a yellow image with the word “Homecoming” across it, with the date “April 17”. Fans are guessing that’s when Netflix is will premiere a Beyoncé special featuring her performances at last year’s Coachella Festival. The font and color used were the same ones that Beyoncé used for her Coachella appearance.
• BTS — has teased their upcoming single, which will feature Halsey. ‘Boy With Luv’ will be released on Friday as the lead song of their upcoming album, “Map of the Soul: Persona”.
• Michael Jackson — His family has released “Neverland Firsthand: Investigating the Michael Jackson Documentary.” It’s a 30-minute film available on YouTube, aiming to refute allegations of child sexual abuse made against Jackson in “Leaving Neverland.”
• The Black Keys — have pulled out of “Woodstock 50” due to a ”scheduling conflict”. A replacement has not been announced. Woodstock 50 will take place at Watkins Glen in New York August 16-18.
• Aerosmith — kicked off its sold-out Las Vegas residency, ‘Aerosmith: Deuces are Wild’, on Saturday night at the Park MGM Hotel’s Park Theater. They are using a system known as “THX-certified immersive sound”, which uses 230 speakers positioned 360-degrees around the venue and across the ceiling, as is done with immersive sound in a cinema.
• Queen + Adam Lambert – have announced dates for an Australian tour in early 2020.  The six-show run of stadiums are expected to be part of a wider tour that will also see the group hit East Asia. Pre-sale starts tomorrow.
• Will Smith – wants in on the craze over Lil Was X and Billy Ray Cyrus’ ‘Old Town Road’ remix. After the original song was removed from Billboard’s Hot Country Chart for not being country enough, the rapper enlisted Cyrus to make a remix. Smith got in on the action by posting his own take on the viral “Old Town Road” memes, sharing the music video to his 1999 song “Wild Wild West” set to the new song.
• Brett Young – posted that he and wife Taylor Mills are expecting their first child. He wrote in part: “Taylor and I are absolutely over the moon to be expecting a new little angel into our family. Absolutely blessed to be starting this new chapter with my baby and our baby.”

• “On the Basis of Sex” (PG-13, Drama):  The true story of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, her struggles for equal rights, and the early cases of a historic career that lead to her nomination and confirmation as U.S. Supreme Court Associate Justice. (Felicity Jones, Armie Hammer)
• “Welcome to Marwen” (PG-13, Drama):  A victim of a brutal attack finds a unique and beautiful therapeutic outlet to help him through his recovery process. (Steve Carell, Falk Hentschel)
• “Holmes and Watson” (PG-13, Comedy/Mystery):  Legendary detective Sherlock Holmes and his partner Doctor Watson return for a comedic take on their classic literary partnership, as they use their incredible deductive minds to solve a mystery. (Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Ralph Fiennes)
• “A Dog’s Way Home” (PG, Drama):  Separated from her owner, a dog sets off on a 400-mile journey to get back to the security of the place she calls home. Along the way, she meets a series of new friends and manages to bring a little bit of comfort and joy to their lives. (Ashley Judd, Jonah Hauer-King)
• “The Aspern Papers” (R-Rated, Drama):  A young writer tries to obtain romance letters a poet sent to his mistress. (Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Vanessa Redgrave)

Everyone knows a picky eater who cannot stand it when their dinner carb touches their dinner protein and their dinner protein touches my…I mean…THEIR dinner vegetable. Well, the silicone “food cubby” is here to save the day.  Actually, there are at least 13 pages of “food separators” on Amazon, most of which involve placing some kind of object on a dinner plate to accomplish the same thing that those “divided plates” did when you were a toddler. But the “food cubby” is ranked as the best food separator on the site, and it was invented by a kid. It consists of silicone half-moons which suction to your plate so that any runny food stays in its designated place. It is also advertised as helpful for those with “special needs, the elderly and the vision impaired.”  Oh, and they come in both green and orange. Price: US $15.
(I THOUGHT that melon slice tasted very silicone-y!)
(And are these things “dog-lick-out-the-plate” safe?)
(My kid is so picky, she won’t eat anything unless it comes in a box with a toy!)

Here’s the dope…or depending how you look at it, here’s the poop on dope. A new study from Spain found that street marijuana is likely to have an alarming amount of fecal material on the plastic packaging it comes in.  The study, by Forensic Science International, found that 88% of ganja packets had actual human doo-doo on them.  That makes the pot inside “not suitable for consumption” and “a public health issue” because the packages carry E. coli bacteria, which could be inhaled by users if the fecal matter ends up on their hands, mouth or joint before lighting up. Study researchers believe this is a result of smugglers swallowing small baggies of the drug to avoid being detected, then expelling them in order to sell it on the street.
(Well, they said it was some pretty good s……tuff!)
(Talk about potty mouth!)
(If ever there was a good argument to legalize, this is surely it!)

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 25% of people under 25 have never been to a bank.
• 48% of adults admit they sometimes have trouble reading their own handwriting.
• 40% of men say that when they go on a diet, they don’t tell anyone.
• 16% of women have demanded that their man pluck his eyebrows.
• 20% of adults call someone on the way home from work specifically to complain about their day.
• 15% of adults have accidentally gotten into the shower with their cellphone.

Contrary to the advice of many “green thumbs”, you should not spread used coffee grounds in your garden. While it is generally a good thing to add organic material to allow bacteria to break it down into nutrients for your plants, used coffee still contains caffeine, which has been shown to greatly reduce plant growth.  And kill earthworms.


1954 [65] Dennis Quaid, Houston TX, movie actor (“A Dog’s Purpose”, “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”)/TV actor (“Vegas” 2012-13)

1963 [56] Marc Jacobs, New York City NY, fashion designer (clothing and accessory designer chiefly known as the brainchild behind ‘Louis Vuitton’ as well as his own line)

1966 [53] Cynthia Nixon, NYC, movie actress (“Sex & The City” films)/TV actress (“Alpha House” 2013-14, “The Big C” 2010-11, “Sex & The City” 1998-2004)

1980 [39] Albert Hammond Jr, LA CA, indie rock guitarist (The Strokes-‘Last Nite’, ‘Juicebox’)

1982 [37] Jay Baruchel, Ottawa ON, movie actor (“How to Train Your Dragon” films, “Goon”)

1986 [33] Leighton Meester, Fort Worth TX, TV actress (“Gossip Girl” 2007-12, “Single Parents” since 2018)/movie actress (“That’s My Boy”)

1990 [29] Kristen Stewart, LA CA, movie actress (“Snow White & The Huntsman”, “Twilight Saga” films) COMING UP…”Underwater”, 2019

1998 [21] Elle Fanning, Conyers GA, movie actress (“Maleficent”, “Super 8”)/younger sister of actress Dakota Fanning. COMING UP… “A Rainy Day in New York”, 2019

• “Cherish an Antique Day”, celebrate with a visit to a museum, or simply by retrieving a valued heirloom from its place of safety and exhibit it for the day. (That explains the 3 grandfather clocks on the bus this morning…)

• “Name Yourself Day”, a day for anybody with a name they hate to tag themselves with a brand-new label. Clem, perhaps?

• “Chicken Little Awareness Day”, Don’t worry, I checked, the sky is still there!

• “Chinese Almond Cookie Day”, in some Chinese restaurants, they are served to cleanse the palate after several courses, rather than being regarded as a dessert.

• “Winston Churchill Day”, This date in 1963, Winston Churchill was made an honorary citizen of the United States. He is well-known for his leadership as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom during World War II. Quote: “Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.”

[Wed] Golfer’s Day
[Wed] National Farm Animals Day
[Thurs] Barbershop Quartet Day
[Thurs] Cheese Fondue Day

2005 [14] Britain’s Prince Charles & Camilla Parker Bowles are wed in Windsor, England

2003 [16] Willie Nelson celebrates his 70th birthday at NYC’s Beacon Theatre, with performances by Eric Clapton, Leon Russell, Paul Simon, Ray Charles, Ray Price, and ZZ Top

2004 [15] Oldies singer Tom Jones’ manager – his son Mark – orders the 63-year-old former sex symbol to stop wearing tight leather pants onstage

2018 [01] Fleetwood Mac announce that Lindsey Buckingham has been fired from the band and will be replaced by Mike Campbell and Neil Finn on their upcoming tour.

2009 [10] Honda FCX Clarity, a 4-door sedan billed as the 1st hydrogen-powered fuel-cell vehicle, wins the ‘World Green Car Award’ at the New York Auto Show

1992 [27] ‘Heaviest Chocolate Easter Egg’ weighs 10,483 lbs and measures over 23-feet-high (Ringwood, Australia) Current record: 15,873 lbs (2011)


✓ All three members of Nirvana were kicked out of the release party for their own album “Nevermind” for starting a food fight.
✓ Queen’s Freddie Mercury wrote ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love’ in a hotel bathtub.  When he felt inspired, he had the piano brought to his tub so he could compose.
✓ Bruno Mars made a cameo in the 1992 movie “Honeymoon in Vegas” as an Elvis impersonator…at the age of four.
✓ Beyoncé is allergic to perfume. The scents she endorses have been chemically altered to ensure she doesn’t suffer a reaction.
✓ Alice Cooper once babysat Keanu Reeves.
✓ Mick Jagger has a great grand-daughter who is older than his youngest son.
-UnrealFacts, BrandMusiq


• Mouthwash is reusable.
• If you spray Lysol into the air then wait a second and run through it really fast, you’re clean for the day.
• A pressure washer is an effective means of teeth-whitening.
• If your conscience is clean, your body is too.
• There is no need to dip your fish sticks if you have enough tartar on your teeth.
• Its fine to sneeze on food prior to serving. This practise is called “sneezesoning”
• Everyone should wash their hands before leaving the restroom. Except you. You’re fine.
• A toothbrush is only effective on one tooth.  To clean them all, a ‘teethbrush’ is required.
• A Bidet cannot be used at night.
• (***Caution***) If a woman refers to you as a ‘douche’, it means that you smell like a spring meadow.

Best of BS . . .

• To which side of the bed do you like to be handcuffed?
• What should we name our kids?
• Do you have a living will?
• Can I record your breathing for my ringtone?
• Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? ’Cuz your face looks really funky and your pants are dirty.
• What color are your underpants?
• So, how many cats would you consider to be ‘too many’?
• Who is your favorite serial killer?
• If a train is leaving Buffalo, NY at 5pm travelling 100 mph, and another train is leaving Charleston, SC at 3pm travelling 79 mph, at what point will you cheat on me?
• Would you mind if my wife asked you a few questions?
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018

Every time I try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas…or Easter…or summer…or Friday…or Tuesday and ruins it for me.

If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?

Question:  3% of people admit they have been caught doing THIS at a traffic light. What is it?
Answer:  Brushing their teeth

Impossible is just an opinion.


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