Can You Believe This Sheet?
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ NBC-TV may be getting ready to roll out its Summer shows but it’s also busy lining up celebrity tushes to fill those big, red leather judges’ chairs on “The Voice” this Fall. Pharrell Williams has already signed on to replace Cee Lo Green, one of the original 4 coaches, who announced his departure in February; meanwhile, Christina Aguilera will likely be on a maternity break for the birth of her 2nd child by the time Season 7 begins filming in June. 44-year-old No Doubt frontwoman Gwen Stefani is said to be taking over Aguilera’s chair. She’s previously been a guest mentor during the 6th season of “American Idol”.
★ Music fans still prefer to buy CDs, vinyl records, and cassettes than MP3 downloads, even though many are left in their wrapper and never actually listened to. Online digital sales have cornered a large part of the music industry, with 22% of people buying from Amazon in the last month and 11% from Apple’s iTunes store. But CDs remain dominant, according to a new poll, with 57% of people having bought a physical album during the past year. The figure for MP3 downloads is just 39%. And, strangely, vinyl records are now a growing part of the music industry, with 1-in-10 having bought an LP over the last month, up from 1-in-20 last year. 1-in-20 people have even bought an old fashioned cassette during that time period.
★ And Lindsay Lohan has confirmed she wrote that infamous list of celebrity lovers which was leaked to the press last month. A tabloid published the handwritten list of 36 names said to be her former lovers, including James Franco, Ashton Kutcher, Heath Ledger, Justin Timberlake, Zac Efron, Colin Farrell, and Wilmer Valderrama. While she’s previously dodged questions about the note, she’s now verified that it’s the real deal. She discussed the big kerffufle it caused during the 2-hour finalé of her docu-series “Lindsay”, which aired on OWN last night.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Death (“A Band Called Death”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (“Give the People What They Want”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The couples dance to party anthems; guest judge Redfoo.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Chromeo (“White Women”, out May 12th).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Lucius (“Wildewoman”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Jason Derulo (“Talk Dirty”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Christina Perri (“Head or Heart”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Rufus Wainwright (“Live From the Artists Den”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Playoffs begin and the field is narrowed to 12 finalists, 3 on each coach’s team.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – She & husband Jay Z are definitely set to tour the US this Summer, according to the “New York Post”. The full-blown co-headlining tour would follow a number of surprise joint-appearances during each of their solo tours.
• Drake – As official ambassador for the NBA’s Toronto Raptors, he went on TSN during the 3rd quarter of the club’s Eastern Conference quarterfinal opener against the Brookyln Nets – which Jay Z formerly had a stake in – and threw some jabs at his rapper-bud. Unfortunately for Drizzy, Hova had the last laugh as his team won.
• Jack White – As a stunt for ‘Record Store Day’ on Saturday, he recorded what’s being touted as the ‘world’s fastest record’ at his Third Man Records compound in Nashville TN. The title track from his upcoming solo album “Lazaretto” was recorded and then released just hours later as a freshly-pressed 7-inch vinyl disc … for $30.
• Lady Gaga – Her hit “Telephone” was originally written for Britney Spears.
• Luke Bryan – He’s again #1 on the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart this week with “Play It Again”.
• Miley Cyrus – Her tune “We Can’t Stop” was originally intended for Rihanna.
• Neil Young – He’s copied Beyonce’s pre-Christmas stunt and released a new album online without any pre-promotion. His new covers album “A Letter Home” became available Friday, featuring his versions of songs by Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Gordon Lightfoot, and Willie Nelson.
• Prince – He and Warner Bros Records have unveiled a new partnership just in time for this Summer’s 30th anniversary of his breakthrough album and film, “Purple Rain”. A digitally re-mastered, deluxe version of the classic disc is expected. Other projects will follow.
• Rihanna – Her hit “Disturbia” was originally a Chris Brown song.
CHICKEN SANDWICH … LITERALLY:
Back in 2010 it was hard to escape talk about the ‘KFC Double Down’. From “The Colbert Report” to YouTube to “USA Today”, consumers were endlessly intrigued by the bacon ‘n cheese sandwich that used 2 fried chicken filets instead of a bun. For those who didn’t get to sample the meaty menu item, KFC is offering another chance. Starting today, the ‘Double Down’ is returning to the fast-food chain for a limited time. Word has it KFC has a social media campaign up its sleeve that includes something called the ‘Double Down Dare’. (Your chance to win a defibrillator?)
WHERE TO FIND GOOD HELP THESE DAYS:
The Roomba robot vacuum cleaner has been cleaning floors in homes for years now, but its creator sees a future where the popular household ‘bot carries out far more useful chores. Such as? Consumer research shows that laundry is the #1 household task people spend time on, so a laundry robot would be atop any new wish-list of duties. iRobot is also exploring the possibility of robots to clean windows, bathtubs, even your backyard. But that may be a way off. The next generation of Roomba will use a camera combined and 3-D sensors to help the ‘bot map out your home in extraordinary detail. That will allow for more detailed instructions, such as finding specific items. (We’re guessing a related heist movie is already being written in Hollywood.)
BENEFITS OF YOUR JOB MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY:
✓ It’s the easiest place for finding and making new friends.
✓ The experience makes you more valuable on the job market.
✓ Working exercises your sense of standards, giving the satisfaction of doing something well.
✓ Work improves mental health, offering goals, and accomplishments, as well as a comforting sense of routine.
– Adapted from Cracked.com
THE PERFECT SELFIE APP?
Nine months after its well-received release on iPhone, ‘Frontback’ has arrived on Android. The selfie app captures 2 shots … one of the subject being photographed, and another of the user’s face a second after taking the photo. As it gives both a picture and the picture taker’s reaction, the gimmick adds context, almost like an additional caption for the image. The dual-vision photos can then be posted to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Tumblr, as well as to the app’s own news feed. ‘Frontback’ has already had 1 million downloads on iOS. (There’s never been a generation with more pictures of themselves … almost time-lapse photography.)
BS AMAZING FACTS THAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE NEXT 60 SECONDS:
• There will be 5 earthquakes.
• Lightning will strike Earth 360 times.
• 250 babies will be born.
• 55,000 barrels of oil will be used.
• 31,600 tons of water will flow over Niagara Falls.
• 960 million tons of water will evaporate from the surface of the Earth.
• 2,040 trees will be cut down in the rainforest.
BS CHRONOMETER 04.21.14
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926  Queen Elizabeth II (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Mountbatten-Windsor), London UK, British monarch BS FACTOID: The ‘Queen’s Official Birthday’ takes place in June each year. This year the ‘Queen’s Birthday Parade’ will be held Saturday, June 14th.
1947  Iggy Pop (Jim Osterberg Jr), Muskegon MI, ‘The Godfather of Punk Music’ (The Stooges-“Home”, “Candy”)
1958  Andie MacDowell, Gaffney SC, spokesmodel (L’Oreal)/movie actress (“Four Weddings & A Funeral”, “Groundhog Day”)
1959  Robert Smith, Blackpool UK, rock singer-guitarist (The Cure-“High”, “Friday I’m in Love”)
1966  Michael Franti, Oakland CA, funk/reggae/jazz/rock singer (Michael Franti & Spearhead-“The Sound of Sunshine”, “Say Hey [I Love You]”)
1978  David Brenner, Delta BC, rock guitarist (Theory Of a Deadman-“Hate My Life”, “Bad Girlfriend”)
1979  James McAvoy, Glasgow, Scotland, movie actor (“Atonement”, “Last King of Scotland”) COMING UP: “X-Men: Days of Future Past”, opening May 23rd.
1980  Tony Romo, San Diego CA, NFL quarterback (Dallas Cowboys)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Big Word Day”, a day to use humongous words on purpose just to impress yourself. So go ahead, you can facilitate this celebration of excess verbiage!
• “Boston Marathon”, the 118th running of one of the most prestigious running races, beginning this morning at 10 am EDT.
• “Dyngus Day”, a traditional Polish holiday designed as a day of fun on “Easter Monday” when guys chase after girls with squirt guns, buckets, and other containers of water. Tradition has it the females get revenge on Tuesday when they throw dishes or crockery back at the boys. For obvious reasons, this wacky event is also known as “Wet Easter Monday”.
• “Easter Egg Roll”, an annual celebration held on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington DC on “Easter Monday” for children & their parents. The ‘Egg Roll’ itself is a race, where children push an egg through the grass with a long-handled club. Dolly Madison, the wife of president James Madison, began the event in 1814.
• “Kindergarten Day”, honoring the 1782 birth of German educator Friedrich Froebel, who established the 1st kindergarten in 1837. (Thanks for all the finger paintings, Freid.)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2013  Australian singer-songwriter Chrissy Amphlett (Divinyls) dies at age 53 in NYC after a long battle with breast cancer and multiple sclerosis (in tribute, a new campaign called the ‘I Touch Myself Project’ – named for the Divinyls’ hit song – is encouraging early breast cancer detection)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1997  1st ‘Space Funeral’ as ashes of LSD advocate Timothy Leary and “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry are sent into orbit
2001  In the XFL’s 1st (and last) championship game, the LA Xtreme beat the San Francisco Demons 38-6 (the fledgling football league folds soon afterward)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1996  ‘World’s Highest Roller Coaster’ opens in Las Vegas, circling the new Stratosphere Hotel on a track 1,149 feet up in the air
2006  Oil prices hit a record high, topping $75 a barrel (little did we know, it was only the beginning)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Earth Day
[Tues] Jelly Bean Day
[Tues] Teach Your Children to Save Day
[Wed] Golden Gods Awards (LA CA)
[Wed] Talk Like Shakespeare Day
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Administrative Professionals Week / Animal Cruelty Awareness Week / Bedbug Awareness Week / Cleaning For a Reason Week / Consumer Awareness Week / Crime Victims’ Rights Week / Infertility Awareness Week / International Whistlers Week / Karaoke Week / Medical Laboratory Professionals Week / Occupational Health Nursing Week / Paperboard Packaging Week / Park Week / Pet ID Week / Playground Safety Week / Toddler Immunization Week / Work Zone Safety Awareness Week
BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN:
● If in trouble . . . Run, Dick, Run!
● When you know the answer, they change the question.
● Keep the four-letter words to yourself.
● Peas and Gummi Bears stick to the ceiling.
● Don’t pick your nose in public.
● Never put paste on a cookie … just bread.
● Being a tattle-tale is lonely, but rewarding!
● Asking ‘why?’ repeatedly works on all grown-ups.
● Crayola makes the best tasting crayons.
● One word: Flush!
– First published in “BS” 1998.
TRUTH OR BS?
Some of the following statements are true, some total BS. Which are which?
• Johnny Plessey batted .333 for the Cleveland Spiders in 1891, even though he spent the entire season batting with a rolled-up, lacquered copy of the “Toledo Post-Dispatch”. [BS]
• There are approximately 45 billion fat cells in an average adult. [TRUE]
• The dot that appears over the letter ‘I’ is called a ‘tittle’. [TRUE]
• Manatees possess vocal chords which give them the ability to speak like humans, but don’t do so because they have no ears with which to hear the sound. [BS]
• To make 1 pound of butter, about 29 cups of milk are needed. [TRUE]
• Human saliva has a boiling point 3 times that of regular water. [BS]
• 5-to-7% of women surveyed say they make love 4 or more times a week. [TRUE]
• A leech has 32 brains. [TRUE]
– First published in “BS” 2009.
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Durham, England has an old and unusual Easter tradition observed on Easter Monday. Is it…..
a. Drinking 4 raw eggs for breakfast
b. Men stealing women’s shoes. [CORRECT. It’s strange, but for some reason men steal women’s shoes and women retaliate the next day.
c. Dressing in bunny outfits for a race in the town square
– PA News
BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Are you close to ‘cutting the cord’ with cable TV? What stops you? (Only 6% of adults with online access have cut the cord so far in favor of Net-delivered video, a new Forrester Research poll suggests. A related survey finds that as many as 11% of respondents could potentially leave their current pay TV provider in the next 6 months.)
BS RANDOM JOKE:
My friend was fired from his job at the highways department for stealing. I have to say I saw it coming. Last time I was at his house … all the signs were there.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: You’re less likely to believe what someone says if they do THIS.
Answer: Put their hand on their hip.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.
BS FRESH MEAT:
Sonny Ennis @ 98.7 K-Rock [CKXD] Gander NL; Daniel Oldani @ KANM Bryan-College Station TX; Anne Mroczkowski @ Jewel 88.5 [CKDX] Newmarket ON; Graham Curnew @ Point Zero Radio, Halifax NS; Drew Kenyon @ 94.3 The Shark [WWSK] Farmingdale NY; and Gregg Allen @ Party 934 Internet Radio, Cocoa FL.