BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✳ A secretive plan to have Jennifer Lopez replace Mariah Carey midseason on “American Idol” was abandoned when Carey’s heavyweight legal team threatened action. This year’s ratings have been pretty disastrous, with Carey failing to establish the same on-screen presence as Lopez did with ease. And Carey’s chemistry with Nicki Minaj has been non-existent, so FOX-TV reportedly put in place a plan to replace both. (Has this show run its course?)
– “Hollywood Reporter”
✳ A documentary is in the works about late Brit soul singer Amy Winehouse and it features previously unseen material. The Grammy-winning singer died in 2011 at age 27 from alcohol poisoning. Her 2006 album “Back to Black” made her an international star. The film, which does not yet have a title, will be shopped to foreign buyers at the Cannes Film Festival in May, distributor Focus Features International has announced. (The film is longer than her career.)
–WENN.com
✳ Country singer Billy Currington has been charged with threatening a 70-year-old man earlier this month. The “People Are Crazy” hitmaker is accused of making threats and abusing an elderly person following an altercation with a tour boat captain. The bust-up apparently occurred after Currington accused the man of driving his boat too close to the dock at his home on the edge of Georgia’s Back River. (“And off to your right is where Billy Currington lives, folks ….”)
– TMZ.com
✳ 67-year-old Bette Midler’s turn as talent agent Sue Mengers is being hailed as ‘the most lusciously entertaining performance of the Broadway season’ by critics following this week’s opening night of “I’ll Eat You Last”. The Hollywood veteran plays the real-life starmaker, who died in 2011, in the new one-woman play. It’s her first Broadway appearance in more than 30 years. (Her first big break was in “Fiddler On the Roof” on Broadway in the late 1960s.)
– NYTimes.com
✳ And here’s more evidence Justin Bieber is losing it. He reportedly threw a temper tantrum during a photoshoot for cosmetics giant Elizabeth Arden in Copenhagen, Denmark and that was after he allegedly showed up 6 hours late. He later left fans waiting at his concert for more than an hour-and-a-half while he was … playing ping-pong backstage with one of his dancers. (The party’s over, turn out the lights …)
– RadarOnline.com

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Tonight Iron & Wine (“Walking Far From Home”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today will.i.am (“#will.i.am”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Ke$ha (“Warrior”); Paramore (“Paramore”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight ZZ Ward (“Til the Casket Drops”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight The So So Glos (“Blowout”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Emeli Sandé (“Live at Royal Albert Hall”).
• New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival (New Orleans LA) – The first weekend of this 2-weekend annual event features BB King, Billy Joel, Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, and oodles more.
NET: http://www.nojazzfest.com
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host & musical performer Justin Timberlake (“Shirt & Tie”). Rerun.
• Stagecoach Music Festival (Indio CA) – This year’s 3-day country fest features Darius Rucker, Dierks Bentley, Florida Georgia Line, Lady Antebellum, Rodney Atkins, Thompson Square, Toby Keith, Trace Adkins, Zac Brown Band, and many more.
NET: http://www.stagecoachfestival.com
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Avril Lavigne (“Here’s to Never Growing Up”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Saturday Hillary Scott, Pharrell Williams, Sheryl Crow, and Joel Madden help prepare the artists for battle; on Sunday Reba, Sia Furler, and Adam Blackstone help the coaches choose which vocalists should advance.
• Welcome To Rockville (Jacksonville FL) – On the bill for this 3rd annual event Saturday-Sunday at Metropolitan Park: Alice In Chains, Buckcherry, Limp Bizkit, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Papa Roach, Shinedown, Stone Sour, Three Days Grace, 3 Doors Down, and more.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Black Keys – Sunday in Kansas City MO, they kick off a handful of dates with the Flaming Lips. They’ll also play Pittsburgh PA, Atlanta GA, and Nashville TN.
• Cheap Trick – Sunday in NYC they perform the 1st of a pair of shows celebrating the 35th anniversary of their 1978 Tokyo concerts that spawned the classic live album “At Budokan”. The show is online at Livestream.com. The 2nd performance, Tuesday in LA, airs on AXS TV.
• MGMT – Tonight they embark on a North American tour in University Park PA. The trek runs through May 18th in Stanford CA.
• Vampire Weekend – Sunday at NYC’s Roseland Ballroom they kick off the 4th annual American Express Unstaged series with a homecoming gig directed by actor Steve Buscemi. The show will be live streamed on YouTube, Vevo, and the Unstaged website. Their new album, “Modern Vampires Of the City”, is out May 14th.
• Willie Nelson – Sunday he performs a benefit concert in aid of the West Volunteer Fire Department in West TX, near where he grew up. The town suffered a disaster last week when an explosion at a fertilizer plant killed 14, injured 200, and damaged many properties.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Big Wedding” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Robert De Niro & Diane Keaton play a long-divorced couple who fake that they’re still married when their extended family unites for a wedding. Co-stars Katherine Heigl, Amanda Seyfried.
NET: https://www.thebigweddingmovie.com
• “Pain & Gain” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): A trio of bodybuilders in Florida get caught up in an extortion ring and a kidnapping scheme that goes terribly wrong. Stars Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Rebel Wilson, Anthony Mackie. Directed by Michael Bay.
NET: http://www.painandgainmovie.com
• Opening in limited release: “Arthur Newman” (Comedy); “At Any Price” (Family Adventure); “Kon-Tiki (Action Adventure); “Mud” (Drama); and “The Reluctant Fundamentalist” (Thriller).

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
✓ Marseilles, France – Are these people just too big for their britches? Bus drivers in this French city are going on strike because, among other grievances, their uniform pants are too tight. The public transport authority employees also don’t approve of the quality nor the color of the new uniform. Union leaders are upset because they weren’t consulted on the topic.
– United Press International
✓ Reykjavik, Iceland – “Bump the app before you bump in bed.” That’s the slogan for a new cellphone app designed to help Iceland’s singles avoid sleeping with relatives. As the isolated island nation’s population is just 320,000, most people are related somehow. Now couples just have to bump their phones together to find out instantly if they’re family.
– “News of Iceland”
✓ Los Angeles, California – This guy’s the Marco Polo of General Tso’s chicken! Attorney David Chan has visited 6,297 Chinese restaurants around-the-world and documented every single one. He’s kept records of his visits going all the way back to 1955. His favorite eatery came in 1984 … LA’s ABC Seafood. Despite all that eating, he was still hungry an hour later.
– NYPost.com

DEPRESSING MUSIC:
How would you characterize people who listen to heavy metal music? Angry? Prone to violence? New research suggests that’s not necessarily so. An analysis of over 500 college students found significantly higher levels of anxiety and depression among listeners of heavy metal/hard rock music as compared with non-listeners. But their underlying level of anger was not significantly different from peers who prefer other musical genres. (Gee, why would listening to “When All Is Said and Done” by Napalm Death get you down?)
– “Pacific Standard Magazine”

ACTUAL FACIAL TREATMENTS THAT ARE KIND OF TERRIFYING:
✗ Bird Poop Facial – Nightingale droppings were an infamous luxury treatment of Japanese geishas. Some salons offer a similar facial today, but the droppings are sanitized with UV rays.
✗ Sheep Placenta Facial – A serum made from ovine afterbirth gets smeared on your face to help reverse the signs of aging. Victoria Beckham is allegedly a big fan.
✗ Fire Facial – Popular in China, this involves an esthetician putting an alcohol-soaked towel on your face, lighting it afire, then pulling it off before you suffer horrific burns.
✗ Vampire Facelift – An esthetician draws your blood, then injects it back into your face to spark production of collagen and elastin. Kim Kardashian recently tried it out.
✗ Stem Cell Facial – Lauded as better-than-Botox, this pricy procedure (circa $20,000) is supposed to make you look like a teen again after stem cells are injected into your face.
✗ Beer Facial – Mixing some lager with honey, avocado, and vinegar can apparently boost cell regeneration and heal dry skin. But is it worth wasting a perfectly good Corona?
✗ Kitty Litter Face Mask – Turns out that the stuff your cat uses to cover up his business can actually be toxic, so this is one crazy treatment you definitely shouldn’t try on your own.
– Condensed from Cosmopolitan.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
When it comes to military spending, the United States remains way ahead of all other countries, accounting for 39% of global spending. However, 2012 was the first time that share dropped below 40% since the Cold War.
– Stockholm International Peace Research Institute

BS CHRONOMETER 04.26.13

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1963 [50] Jet Li, Beijing, China, movie actor (“The Expendables” movies, “Cradle 2 The Grave”)

1964 [49] Jimmy Stafford, Morris IL, pop guitarist (Train-“Hey, Soul Sister”, “Drops of Jupiter”)

1965 [48] Kevin James, Stony Brook NY, movie actor (“Grown Ups”, “Paul Blart: Mall Cop”)/TV sitcom actor (“The King of Queens” 1998-2007)

1971 [42] Jay DeMarcus, Columbus OH, country musician (Rascal Flatts-“Why Wait”, “What Hurts the Most”)

1976 [37] Jose Pasillas, Calabasas CA, alt-rock drummer (Incubus-“Love Hurts”, “Anna Molly”)

1980 [33] Channing Tatum, Cullman AL, movie actor (“Magic Mike”, 21 Jump Street”)  UP NEXT: “White House Down”, opening June 28th.

SATURDAY –
Indie rock drummer Patrick Hallahan (My Morning Jacket) is 35; Rock singer-guitarist Jim James (My Morning Jacket) is 35; Pop-rock singer-guitarist Patrick Stump (Fall Out Boy) is 29.

SUNDAY –
TV actor Paul Guilfoyle (“CSI”) is 64; “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno is 63; TV actress Bridget Moynahan (“Blue Bloods”) is 42; Movie actress Penelope Cruz (“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”) is 39; Movie actress Jessica Alba (“Little Fockers”) is 32; TV actor Harry Shum Jr (“Glee”) is 31;
TV actress Jenna Ushkowitz (“Glee”) is 27.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Disc Jockey Day”, for some unknown reason celebrated on the last Friday in April.
• “Hairball Awareness Day”. Any cat owner who’s ever stepped on a fresh wet one is already well aware! The usual cat hairball isn’t round but tubular, approximately 1 cm (a half-inch) in diameter and about 4 cm (1.5 in) long. (TMI?)
NET: http://bit.ly/14OK6x
• “Hug an Australian Day”, to show our appreciation for all the friendliness and support Aussies have given us over the years.
• “Kids & Pets Day”, an annual celebration of the magical connection between children and animals.
• “Pretzel Day”, honoring the world’s oldest snack food. They were made as early as 610 AD by monks in France & Italy using dough scraps formed to represent a child’s arms folded in prayer.
• “World Intellectual Property Day”, established by WIPO in 2000 to celebrate content creators, and to raise awareness of how patents, copyright, and trademarks impact our daily lives.

SATURDAY –
• “Freedom Day”, a South African public holiday celebrating the country’s first post-apartheid elections held on this day in 1994.
• “Go Birding Day”, celebrating birdwatching as a fascinating pastime. (“Oh look Trevor, a rose-bellied sapsucker!”)
• “Save the Frogs Day”, the 5th annual observance of the world’s largest day of amphibian education and conservation action. (What, is there a shortage of flies?)
NET: http://www.savethefrogs.com/day
• “Sense of Smell Day”, an annual event sponsored by the Sense of Smell Institute on the last Saturday of April. Many children’s museums and science centers focus on how the sense of smell plays an important role in daily life.
• “World Tai Chi Day”, saluting the martial art that’s performed in slo-mo.
• “World Veterinary Day”, celebrated annually on the last Saturday of April to honor the medical professionals who work to maintain animal health.
NET: http://www.worldvet.org/node/9163

SUNDAY –
• “Biological Clock Day”, saluting our internal biological clock or Circadian Rhythm, which helps our bodies adapt to the daily cycle of day and night as the Earth rotates. (Unless you get up at 4 am to do a morning show.)
• “International Workers Memorial Day”, a worldwide day of remembrance and action for workers killed, disabled, injured, or made unwell by their work.
• “Pet Parents Day”, honoring those who consider pets a part of their family. For all the treats you’ve given, for all the poop you’ve scooped, on this day we honor you!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1993 [20] Conan O’Brien is named successor to David Letterman as host of NBC-TV’s “Late Night” program (he remains until 2009, when he briefly takes over the “Tonight Show”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2003 [10] Morgan Creek Bridge in Chapel Hill NC is renamed James Taylor Bridge in honor of the city’s native son

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1921 [92] 1st ‘Weather Reports’ on radio (WEW, St Louis, Missouri)

1941 [72] Chicago Cubs use 1st organ in a baseball park (duh duh duh duh da duh … charge!)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1986 [27] ‘Worst Nuclear Power Plant Accident in History’ as an explosion and fire at Ukraine’s Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant releases radioactive contamination into the atmosphere (only ‘level 7’ event recorded until the 2011 Fukushima I nuclear incident in Japan)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Dance Day
[Mon] Zipper Day
[Tues] 2012 CRA Tax deadline (Canada)
[Tues] Honesty Day
[Tues] International Jazz Day
[Tues] Spank Out Day
This Week Is … Safe Kids Week
This Month Is … Landscape Architecture Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM ROAD RAGE:
• State Farm refuses to insure your personal vehicle … because of the gun turrets.
• That throbbing vein in your forehead is big enough to honk the horn on its own.
• You keep a 7-iron in the backseat … just in case.
• You’ve developed Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in your middle finger.
• You’ve mounted your windshield wipers on the inside to clear the spittle.
• You swear more before you get to work than most rappers do all day.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What pranks do you pull on the job that the general public would never be aware of?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Why did farmers originally put metal rings through the noses of their pigs?
a. To make them easy to lead around.
b. To prevent them from rooting under fences. [CORRECT. To keep their snout from rootin’ out.]
c. They thought it looked cool.
– “Fascinating Facts”

BS WEB GOODIE:
Need someone to point at your pointer? Bingo!
NET: http://www.pointerpointer.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: THIS is 30% more likely to happen on Friday from 4-6 pm than at any other time.
Answer: Road rage.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Money can’t buy happiness … but neither can poverty.

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” subscription rates are increasing to $50 per month/$500 per year effective May 1, 2013 (our first increase in more than a decade). If you order a month, several months, or a full year of service before the end of April you can take advantage of the old rate: Order Form