April 13 2023

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Thursday, April 13, 2023 — Edition: #7452

You Got the Sheet, Man!


★ Prince Harry will attend King Charles III’s coronation, following weeks of tense speculation. But here’s the surprise: Meghan Markle will not join him. According to a spokesperson, “Buckingham Palace is pleased to confirm that the Duke of Sussex will attend the coronation service at Westminster Abbey on May 6. The Duchess of Sussex will remain in California with Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet.” This will be Harry’s first reunion with members of the royal family since the January release of his blockbuster memoir, “Spare.”
★ Amanda Bynes has been released from a mental hospital more than 3 weeks after being admitted for treatment. She was released this week from the facility in Southern California after both Bynes and the medical staff determined she was ready to get back to her day-to-day life. She’ll start outpatient treatment to make sure she stays on the right path, working with doctors and specialists for the help she needs moving forward. Last month, Bynes was spotted naked and roaming the streets of downtown Los Angeles in the early morning.
★ Ryan Reynolds has reportedly bought a home in a small village not far from Wrexham in Wales, where he owns the city’s soccer club. The Sun says he snapped up a home in for about US $1.9 million in Marford, about 5 miles from Wrexham A.F. C’s Racecourse Ground. A source told the paper: “It’s all the locals can talk about. His house is on the poshest road.”
★ Jeremy Renner’s mother wants revenge on the snowplow that ran him over. During a talk at the Disney+ premiere of his new show, “Rennervations,” Renner said that his mom wants to light his snowplow on fire — but he won’t allow it. The “Hurt Locker” star said the snowcat is “a necessity on the property” at his Reno, Nevada, home, and he wouldn’t be able to access his house during “giant” snowstorms without it. Quote: “I just gotta learn to drive it better.”
★ “Green Book” actor Frank Vallelonga Jr. died of an accidental overdose of fentanyl and cocaine, the New York City medical examiner’s office has determined. The overdose occurred before Vallelonga’s body was dumped on a Bronx sidewalk last November. Vallelonga was 60. In Best Picture Oscar winner Green Book, Vallelonga Jr. played a relative of Viggo Mortensen’s bouncer character ‘Tony Lip’. Vallelonga Jr. was the real-life son of the bouncer portrayed in the film, who also was an actor best known for playing crime boss ‘Carmine Lupertazzi’ in “The Sopranos”.
★ Rachael Ray has made a secret trip to war-torn Ukraine to build a kitchen at a children’s hospital and deliver a huge ice cream machine to orphans. The celeb chef traveled to Lviv to refurbish the kitchen at the area’s Children’s Hospital with the Ukrainian Congress Committee of America and Ukraine Friends. She also donated a 200-pound commercial ice cream maker and a floor cleaner to an orphanage, before getting busy teaching the children to cook.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Bill Hader, Jane Goodall, Metallica
• “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Ice T, Stephanie Hsu, Adam Lambert (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Nicolas Cage, Christine and the Queens
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Nick Kroll, Zoë Chao, Zara Larsson, Urian Hackney (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Ben Affleck, Chris Messina
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Toni Collette, Lisa Ann Walter
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Hugh Grant (R)
• “The Talk” (CBS): Yvette Nicole Brown, Lisa Guerrero, guest co-hosts Lisa Rinna & Morris Chestnut
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Rachel Brosnahan
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Ali Wong, Cassie Freeman, Mika Brzezinski
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Kathryn Hahn, Ramon Rodrigues
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Nikki & Brie Bella, D.B. Woodside
• “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC): Maggie’s last day; Amelia’s relationship with Kai is tested; Ben worries as Bailey’s doxing intensifies; Maggie and Winston decide their future.
• “Top Chef” (Bravo): The chefs take a trip to Highclere Castle for the Elimination Challenge, where they must work together to create and serve an elevated picnic basket.
• “Young Sheldon” (CBS): Georgie goes on a birthday date; Mary confronts Brenda about her relationship with George; Sheldon takes an interest in Missy’s favorite TV show.

• BTS – The traveling exhibition “Proof” is headed to the US. It will be opening in Los Angeles this spring to commemorate the K-pop group’s 10th anniversary, following 2 sold-out stops in South Korea. A release says Proof will offer ARMY “an immersive visual journey…through photographs, videos, and experiential installations in a multi-room walkthrough experience.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/3vnkaprx
• Doja Cat — lost her verification badge on Twitter as part of the platform’s process of removing checkmarks from accounts who won’t pay $8 for Twitter Blue. Her reaction? “Having a blue tick now means theres a higher chance that you’re a complete loser and that you’re desperate for validation from famous people.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/zcut344u
• Madonna — is undergoing procedures to get her natural appearance back, ahead of her upcoming world tour, according to a report. The 64-year-old faced criticism following the Grammys in Feb., where she modeled a striking new look. The Daily Mail says she was deeply “affected” by internet haters, and wants to restore her natural features before the tour begins in July.
• Aerosmith – guitarist Joe Perry has announced his new solo album “Sweetzerland Manifesto MKII”, and shared the song ‘Fortunate One’, featuring the Black Crowes’ Chris Robinson and Robert DeLeo of Stone Temple Pilots. The new LP drops May 26 and includes 6 songs featuring alternate vocal appearances and mixes from the first incarnation of the album, which dropped in 2018. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/yprsnh9d
• Peter Frampton — has announced the “Never Say Never” US tour. It begins June 21 in Huber Heights OH, running through Aug. 19 in Sandy UT. He embarked on a “Finale Tour” in 2019 after a diagnosis of a condition affecting the muscles, but is now feeling well enough to hit the road once more. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/mpm5xhd8
• Gordon Lightfoot – was trending on Twitter after it was announced he has cancelled all upcoming concerts due to “some health-related issues.” No more details were given. The 84-year-old was set to play more than a dozen US dates in April, June and September, plus a Kitchener ON show in Oct.
• Morgan Wallen – is on top of the Billboard albums chart for a 5th consecutive week with his 36-song “One Thing at a Time,” and the set’s lead single ‘Last Night’ has returned to #1 on the Hot 100 for a second week.
• Granger Smith — revealed on Facebook that he’s stepping back from music to “grow and serve his local church” near Austin TX, and his “Summer 2023 Tour” will be his last. He said he’s been working towards his master’s degree from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and that it takes “a ton of time”. Smith will release his book “Like a River” on Aug. 1. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/58st5f7d
• Luke Combs — wants you to help pick his next single. He sent out a poll on Twitter asking: “What song did you pick to be my next on Country Radio?!” The options: ‘5 Leaf Clover’ and ‘Love You Anyway’. Both appear on his “Gettin’ Old” album, which dropped in March. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/rjjahamn


An Indian entrepreneur has designed a line of shoes that expand as children grow, potentially solving the age-old conundrum of kids seemingly needing new shoes every time their parents turn around. Named “Aretto”, the shoes were designed by Satyajit Mittal. The innovative knitted uppers are designed to be durable, flexible, and even washable, but most importantly, they slowly uncurl as the child ages, intuitively solving the growth problem, and reducing unnecessary manufacturing waste. Stats show that children require shoes in at least 15 sizes to grow from toddler to teenager. But a pair of Aretto shoes can cover 3 sizes, meaning kids would only need 5 different pairs as they mature. And the best news? They aren’t 3 times the price of regular shoes. They list for US $22-31. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/4dh58s8f
(One problem. I’ve got boys. When they need new shoes, the problem is never that they’re too small…the problem it that I’ve got boys…)
(He says he drew his inspiration…from socks!)

You know how it is sometimes…you’ve got an itch, and no matter how many times you scratch it, it keeps coming back. Other times, one quick scritch, and it’s gone. So, it’s little wonder that researchers from the Salk Institute have discovered that not all itches are the same. Their study discovered different neural pathways drive different varieties of itches in mice. It is believed that itchiness serves a genuine purpose — an evolutionary protective signal — to prevent parasites from introducing hazardous pathogens into the body. For instance, if a mosquito lands on your arm, you might scratch the spot. But if the mosquito bites you, its saliva will serve as an irritant, resulting in a recurring “chemical” itch. While both types of itchiness result in the same sensation, the research indicates that one brain pathway drives the mechanical sensation, while a separate and distinct neural pathway encodes chemical itchiness. The scientists say their research may lead to new treatment options for those who suffer from a range of chronic itch conditions.
(Oh, OK. Good. Because up until the end there, I was SURE we had a shoo-in winner for next year’s IG-Nobel Awards!)
(Now then, what about that chronic itch that I experience every weekend – to spend $2,000 at the hardware store? What? Just me?)

➢ Parents and kids disagree on the right age to become financially independent. A new report from Bankrate.com found that while young adults said 21 is a good age to start paying some of their own expenses, older generations are more likely to think that their kids should be completely financially independent by then. Meanwhile, 68% of parents said they are sacrificing their own financial well-being to help support their grown children. A separate report found that parents are spending more than $1,400 a month, on average, helping their adult children make ends meet. (And that doesn’t even include all that free babysitting!)
➢ About two in five (39%) people have used online information instead of visiting their physician, with the average person self-diagnosing 4 times in the past year, based on information found online, according to a survey of US adults. Some of respondent’s most common misconceptions about what is and isn’t healthy included believing fish oil (47%), garlic (45%) and honey (44%) are sufficient to cure or treat certain ailments. And 64% associated carbs with being mainly “bad” for their health. (These are the people who put themselves on “Breadrest”?)
-CNBC, StudyFinds

According to AskReddit users . . .
☞ Chicken wings: “They used to be the cheapest part of the bird. Remember 5 cent wing nights? … now 35 cent wing nights or 50 cent wing nights are advertised as a good deal.” (If you’re lucky…)
☞ Camping: “Camping with my family in an old tin can camper, best memories of my childhood. Now I work in a campground…gawdy toy haulers everywhere…a large flat screen TV sitting on a picnic table (turned on), using campground water to fill a hot tub…people cutting tree branches so it didn’t scratch their 6-figure RV as it tried to squeeze into a small campsite.”
☞ Football: “It used to be a working man’s game. My Dad took me and my cousin to games every week home and away. This is beyond many now.”
☞ The foodie treatment: “Donuts, cupcakes, hamburgers, wings – have all been given the “foodie” treatment and went from good cheap eats to gourmet pricing without a corresponding increase in quality.”
☞ Ripped denim jeans: “They’re casual, comfortable, and usually ripped in places caused by typical wear patterns. Then rich people had to make them weird…with clear plastic cut-outs…how an alien would guess what ripped jeans are supposed to look like if you translated it into their language poorly…and then (they) charge $2,000 for the monstrosity.”
☞ Houses: “There are so many wealthy people from the city buying up cheap homes where I live simply to rent them to other wealthy people…on Air BnB. People can’t afford to live here anymore but most of the homes are empty 6 month out of the year.” (But the real estate agents love it!)
☞ Auctions:  “Storage shed auctions used to be really cheap until that stupid Storage Wars show came along. Now, too many people are jacking up the prices thinking that there’s some lost antiques worth thousands that they’d find in every unit.”
(What else? Retro video games? Thrift stores, Dive bars?)

A computer scientist says you could be uploading your loved one’s consciousness onto a digital device by the end of the year. Dr. Pratik Desai, who has founded multiple AI platforms, tweeted: “Start regularly recording your parents, elders and loved ones.” He feels that “With enough transcript data, new voice synthesis and video models, there is a 100% chance that they will live with you forever after leaving physical body.” The concept is that saved videos, voice recordings, documents and photos of the person you wish to reimagine to your computer would then be uploaded into an AI system that would learn as much as it could about the deceased individual. From there, users could create an avatar resembling their loved one — so this person could, in a sense, live forever on your screen. (After our last argument, my wife threatened to make one of my mother-in-law, just out of spite!)


• “Scrabble Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular games, on the anniversary of the 1899 birth of its inventor, Alfred Butts, a jobless architect who came up with the idea during the Great Depression of the 1930s. A few facts …
– Among the proposed names for early versions were ‘Lexiko’ and ‘Criss Cross Words’.
– After Scrabble was trademarked in 1948, it was manufactured by friends and family, who painstakingly stamped letters on wooden tiles one at a time. Rate of production: 12 games an hour.
– The game was just a fad with Butts’ friends until a Macy’s exec saw it being played at a resort in 1952 and the then-world’s largest department store soon began carrying it.
• “National Peach Cobbler Day” A cobbler is a deep-dish fruit pie covered with a thick crust made from biscuit dough. (You had me at deep-dish. And at thick crust. And at biscuit dough.)
• “International Plant Appreciation Day”, Today, you’re asked to consider giving live, potted plants as a gift, rather than cut flowers. You might also grow your own fruits & veggies to give away, or share seeds, plants or clippings from your garden. Today, show yourself, and others how important plants are. (After all, imagine a world without the trees that give us toilet paper!)
• “Thomas Jefferson Day”, honoring the birth of the third President of The United States, born on this date in 1743. Best-known as the primary author of the Declaration of Independence, Jefferson was a stalwart of democracy.
• “Make Lunch Count Day”, Created by TGI Fridays in 2016, this aims to take the ‘boring’ out of lunch and get people away from their work and to restaurants for their midday meal. (Never take lunch for granted…but you can take it to go!)

[Fri] Ex-Spouse Day
[Fri] Moment of Laughter Day
[Sat] McDonald’s Day
[Sun] Eggs Benedict Day
This Week is…Robotics Week
This Month is…Children and Nature Awareness Month

1945 [78] (Reverend) Al Green, Forrest City AR, R&B singer (‘Let’s Stay Together’, w/Annie Lennox-‘Put a Little Love in Your Heart’/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 1995/Kennedy Center Honors/Grammy Lifetime Achievement

1950 [73] Ron Perlman, NYC, TV actor (“Sons of Anarchy” 2008-14)/movie actor (“Hellboy” movies, “Beauty & The Beast”) COMING UP… “Transformers: Rise of the Beasts”, 2023

1951 [72] Max Weinberg, Newark NJ, rock drummer (Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)/TV bandleader (“Late Night With Conan O’Brien” 1993-2009)

1951 [72] Peabo Bryson, Greenville SC, R&B/soul/singer (w/Roberta Flack-‘Tonight, I Celebrate My Love’, w/Regina Belle-‘A Whole New World’)

1964 [59] Caroline Rhea, Montreal QC, TV comedian-actress (“Sabrina the Teenage Witch” 1996-2003, “Phineas and Ferb” 2007-15, “Lopez vs Lopez” since 2022)

1970 [53] Ricky Schroder, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (“NYPD Blue” 1998-2001, “Silver Spoons” 1982-1997)/movie actor (“The Champ”)

1972 [51] Aaron Lewis, Rutland VT, rock singer (Staind- ‘Believe’, ‘It’s Been Awhile’)/country singer (‘Endless Summer’)

1975 [48] Lou Bega (David Lubega), Munich Germany, Latin-pop singer (‘Mambo No. 5’)

1988 [35] Allison Williams, New Canaan CT, TV actress (‘Marnie Michaels’ on “Girls” 2012-2017)/movie actress (“Get Out”, “M3GAN”)/daughter of former “NBC Nightly News” anchor Brian Williams

2011 [12] New “American Idol” judge Jennifer Lopez is named People magazine’s ‘Most Beautiful Person’ of 2011

2000 [23] Metallica files a copyright infringement suit against music-sharing site Napster, initiating a music industry backlash against free downloads (and a fan backlash against Metallica…)

2019 [04] 17-year-old Billie Eilish hits #1 in the US with her debut album, “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?”, making her the first artist born in the ’00s to top the chart


1997 [26] At age 21, Tiger Woods wins his first Masters golf tournament, becoming the youngest to do so (he also sets a record by finishing at 18-under-par)

2006 [17] In Lincoln NE, Kevin Holder is arrested – again – for the 226th time (this one, for burglary, is added to his 43-page rap sheet)


✓ “Almost” is the longest word in English with all the letters in alphabetical order.
✓ An automobile airbag fills in about 1/20 of a second.
✓ Your foot is exactly as long as the distance from your wrist to the crook of your elbow.
✓ Sherbet contains more sugar than ice cream.
✓ T-shirts were invented in 1904, aimed at bachelors who couldn’t sew or fix buttons.
✓ The Swedish word “gift” can mean either ‘married’ or ‘poison’
-CTech, BathroomReadersInstitute

Best of BS . . .
• To which side of the bed do you like to be handcuffed?
• What should we name our kids?
• Do you have a living will?
• Can I record your breathing for my ringtone?
• Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? ’Cuz your face looks really funky and your pants are dirty.
• So, how many cats would you consider to be ‘too many’?
• Who is your favorite serial killer?
• What color are your underpants?
• If a train is leaving Buffalo, NY at 5pm travelling 100 mph, and another train is leaving Charleston, SC at 3pm travelling 79 mph, at what point will you cheat on me?
• Would you mind if my wife asked you a few questions?
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2018

➠ Heidi Klum celebrated Easter by posing topless near a pool while wearing a pair of festive white bunny ears. (By now, even Vladimir Putin is like: “Put on a shirt!”)
➠ Tax Deadline-day in Canada is April 30 [April 18 is the tax filing deadline for most Americans]. My tax consultant is such a redneck. His wife and his sister both work for him. Also, he only has one employee…)
➠ There’s a bracelet that reminds you to drink water. (That should go perfectly with my belt, which reminds me that I’ve been eating way too much!)
➠ This Saturday is Earth Day. The most recycled things in the world are: aluminum cans, plastic jugs and “Fast & Furious” scripts!)
➠ A New Mexico man was busted for offering a woman fast food in return for sex. (Or as I like to call it: A first date…)

Judging by his reaction, that didn’t go as planned:  https://tinyurl.com/vkp8j69m

Tip for 5-year-olds:  No pressure, but when you pick your favorite animal, you need to be sure it’s your favorite because someone in your family will inevitably buy you stuff with that animal on it for the rest of your life.

• Infants have more bones than adults. [True. Infants are born with approximately 300 bones, but only have 206 by the time they reach adulthood.]
• Disney’s ‘Aladdin’ character in the 1992 movie was based on Brad Pitt. [BS. Tom Cruise was the inspiration.]
• Pineapples grow on trees. [BS. They grow in the ground.]
• Harry Styles’ middle name is Edward. [True.]
• Pigs roll in the mud because they don’t like being clean. [BS. Pigs have few sweat glands and their muddy baths help keep them cool.]
• Every golf ball has the same number of dimples. [BS. Golf balls have between 300 and 500 dimples.]
• If you add the two numbers on the opposite sides of a dice together, the answer is always 7. [True.]
-SignUpGenius, FlexiQuiz

What discontinued item would you like to see brought back?

Question:  A survey says that almost 40% of us have had THIS stolen at work. What is it?
Answer:  An idea

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.


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