April 19 2024

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Friday, April 19, 2024 — Edition: #7702

Sheet Happens!


The Bull Sheet staff will be on vacation and will not be publishing Monday, April 22 through Tuesday, April 30. Of course, all subscribers will receive credit for non-service days. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Wednesday, May 1.

★ Autobots, assemble: Paramount has released a trailer for “Transformers One,” the animated prequel starring the voices of Chris Hemsworth, Brian Tyree Henry and Scarlett Johansson. Hemsworth voices young ‘Optimus Prime’, and Henry is ‘D-16’, before he became Optimus’ rival ‘Megatron’. The trailer shows the 2 starting out as worker bots, but soon they gain the ability to change into vehicles and gain weapons, as a battle against a mysterious villain unfolds on the Transformers’ planet of Cybertron. “Transformers One” is set for release in theaters Sept. 20. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/cns3kfnc
★ Mariska Hargitay would have made her “Law and Order: SVU” character ‘Olivia Benson’ proud last week when she helped a child find their parent — after the kid assumed the actress was an police officer. According to witnesses at a playground in New York, the little girl became separated from her mother and ran up to Hargitay when she saw the police badge on her belt. After enlisting the help of the actress, production on the final episodes of the show’s 25th season was halted for about 20 minutes as she helped the child locate her mother. Shortly after, mother and daughter were reunited and Hargitay was spotted comforting the pair. The moment has gone viral on X.
★ Prince Harry has officially declared the US is his new home. The Duke of Sussex quit royal duties to move to America in 2020, with his wife Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, but said at the time: “The UK is my home and a place that I love. That will never change.” Now, Harry has updated his records in the UK to make clear he’s no longer a resident of Britain. The Daily Mail revealed filings published by Companies House on Wednesday for a “Prince Henry Charles Albert David Duke of Sussex” that state his “New Country/State Usually Resident” is now America – when it was previously recorded as the UK.
★ After landing 10 Oscar nominations for last year’s historical crime epic “Killers of the Flower Moon,” 81-year-old director Martin Scorsese has mapped out his next several projects. And if sources are correct, he plans to shoot 2 films back-to-back: one about Jesus, the second a Frank Sinatra biopic. In fact, Scorsese would like to reunite with “Silence” star Andrew Garfield for the Jesus project, though it’s unclear if that would be for the title role or to play one of the disciples. As for the Sinatra project, Scorsese is apparently working to put together a killer cast that would see frequent collaborator Leonardo DiCaprio playing the singer — and Jennifer Lawrence portraying his second wife, actress Ava Gardner.
★ “Family Guy” may have a whopping 25 years (22 seasons) under its belt, but creator Seth MacFarlane sees “no reason to stop”. In a recent interview, MacFarlane was asked if the show could last another 25 years. The executive producer (who also voices many of the show’s characters) said he is good with it, as long as the audience doesn’t “get sick of it.” And he doesn’t see that happening any time soon. Quote: “People still love it. It makes people happy and it funds some good causes. It’s a lot of extraneous cash that you can donate to Rainforest Trust and you can still go out to dinner that night.”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” (ABC/Global): Tom Hiddleston, Joey King, Phosphorescent (R)
• “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Naomi Campbell, Sue Bird, Kneecap (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): TBA
• “After Midnight” (CBS/Global): Esther Povitsky, Haley Joel Osment, Steph Tolev (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jake Gyllenhaal, Andrea Riseborough (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Corey Stoll, Climate Week with Ginger Zee
• “The Talk” (CBS): Alison Brie, Emma Grede
• “Live With Kelly and Mark” (ABC/CTV): Billy Gardell, Pam Grier
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Cary Elwes; Kwame Alexander, Parmalee
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Christine Taylor, David Lascher
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Ego Nwodim
• “NBA Basketball” (Check local listings): Play-ins: Kings @ Pelicans, one additional game, teams TBD
• “Shark Tank” (ABC): A robotic burger vending machine; bespoke hats that display hometown pride; customizable footwear; a resistance band to develop the perfect jump shot; guest shark Michael Rubin.
• “Billy Joel: The 100th — Live at Madison Square Garden” (CBS): Billy Joel’s record breaking 100th performance at Madison Square Garden; special appearances by Sting and Jerry Seinfeld. (R)

• “NHL Playoffs” (Check local listings): Game 1: Islanders @ Hurricanes; Leafs @ Bruins;
• “NBA Playoffs” (Check local listings): Game #1: Magic @ Cavaliers; Suns @ Timberwolves; 76ers @ Knicks; Lakers @ Nuggets
• “My Child Has My Doctor’s Face” (Life): When Jessica discovers that her son’s biological father is actually her fertility doctor, she teams up with another patient to bring him to justice.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Shane Gillis; 21 Savage performs (R)

• “American Idol” (ABC): With guidance from mentor Gene Simmons, the top 14 take on songs from Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees; the 2024 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees are announced.
• “The Equalizer” (CBS): When a former Chinese agent is poisoned and comes to McCall for help, McCall tracks down the perpetrators and the antidote.
• “NHL Playoffs” (Check local listings): Game #1: Lightning @ Panthers; Capitals @ Rangers
• “NBA Playoffs” (Check local listings): Game #1: TBD @ Celtics; Mavericks @ Clippers; Pacers @ Bucks; TBD @ Thunder

• Taylor Swift – Not only does her new album “The Tortured Poets Department” drop today (you may have heard…), it has also been announced that this fall, American University will offer “Swiftonomics”, a course studying her impact on the economy. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/32kpv6v6
• Dua Lipa – Her latest single ‘Illusion’ was inspired by her dating life at the time. In a video, she said that the song idea came from a chat she had with her songwriting partner when she “was in…the milkshake of singledom.” She feels that the “crazy rollercoaster” of her experiences makes for “really good writing,”
• Celine Dion – We now know when her upcoming documentary “I Am: Céline Dion” will be released. The up-close behind-the-scenes look at her and her career, including her battle with Stiff Person Syndrome, will stream globally on Prime Video on June 25.
• Pearl Jam — Today, they’ll release their 12th studio album “Dark Matter”. This week, the group dropped the preview song ‘Wreckage’, which may be a conscious (or sub-conscious) tribute to the late Tom Petty. Intentional or not, the radio-friendly rocker evokes Petty’s hit ‘Learning to Fly’. LINK:  https://tinyurl.com/2br7xubu
• Metallica — James Hetfield got some new ink on his middle finger, which pays tribute to late Motörhead main man Lemmy Kilmister. On Instagram, Hetfield said the tattoo contains: “Black ink mixed with a pinch of his cremation ashes that were so graciously given to me. So now, he is still able to fly the bird at the world.” Hetfield often cites the music of Motörhead as an influence. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/mr4z9hke
• Jelly Roll – Katy Perry thinks he’d be perfect to replace her on “American Idol”. The pop star is stepping down as judge after the current 7th season, and she said Jelly was “crazy” when he appeared on the show. Also: “He could run for president, he could be my pastor, I might go back to church for him. He could sell me anything.”
• Jason Aldean – Not only does he have a new look, he also has teamed with TEABIRD to launch TEABIRD Hard Tea, which a press release says captures the “southern essence of real American brewed sweet tea.” As for his look, wife Brittany posted a vid from their tropical getaway, where he is seen sporting a goatee for the first time in a while. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/46zkpr3w
• Tim McGraw — His nephew Timothy Wayne has signed his first record deal with UMG Nashville. The Louisiana State sophomore is already working on his first album. McGraw recently shared a photo of Wayne in studio with him, and announced that Wayne will be one of several younger artists who will be joining him for some shows on his 2024 tour. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/4dmuznvb


• “Abigail” (R, Horror/Thriller): (Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Alisha Weir) After a group of criminals kidnap the ballerina daughter of a powerful underworld figure, they retreat to an isolated mansion, unaware that they’re locked inside with no normal little girl. Tomatometer: 82%
• “The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare” (R, Drama/War): The British military recruits a group of highly skilled soldiers to strike against German forces behind enemy lines during World War II. (Henry Cavill, Alan Ritchson, Cary Elwes) Tomatometer: 82%
• “Spy x Family Code: White” (PG-13, Anime Action/Comedy): After receiving an order to be replaced in Operation Strix, Loid decides to help Anya win a cooking competition, by making the director’s favorite meal, in order to prevent his replacement. (Takuya Eguchi, Atsumi Tanezaki, Saori Hayami) Tomatometer: 100%

Uber has released its 8th annual Uber Lost & Found Index. That’s its listing of the most common and most “unique” things that riders left behind. The most-often things forgotten in Uber vehicles is pretty much what you’d expect: clothing, luggage, headphones, wallets, jewelry and phones – but the most-unique items left behind are…well…unique. Among them were: a frontal hair toupee, hot sauce and a breathalyzer (together), a “fart sensor,” a leaf of an unidentified plant that the customer said was “much needed”, 2 containers of live spiders, and a tray of meat pie. Other items near the top of the “most unique lost items” list include: a small rat skeleton prop, a candle that says ‘See you in court’, a tub of surgical implants, police-grade handcuffs, a live pet turtle, and “My girlfriend’s pregnant pills”. Customers who lose an item in an Uber can use the app to reconnect with their driver. However, Uber says that some passengers weren’t worried about getting their stuff back, asking their driver to accept “a nice cheese,” some tomatoes and leftover pasta as an additional tip.
(Can you just imagine some of the other items that people were too embarrassed to report as lost?)
(I’ve never forgotten something in an Uber, but I’m pretty sure that my Uber-Eats driver has a few French fries go “missing” on the regular!)

Wedding season is almost here. And as you know, taking the plunge is a BIG step. In fact, more people seem to get cold feet before their big day than you might think. According to a poll of 2,000 Americans who got married since 2021, 20% got cold feet and nearly called the whole thing off. The OnePoll survey also found that over half of the respondents (52%) spent less than $10,000 on their wedding, with only one in 5 people spending more than $30,000. And while 86% said they don’t regret how much their wedding cost, when asked what specific regrets they had, 10% noted that the price of their big day was a big concern. Over half (54%) of respondents paid for the wedding themselves.
(Yeah…Now ask their parents if THEY regret how much the wedding cost!)
(We paid for OUR wedding ourselves…and I feel like I’ve been paying for it ever since!)

➢ A couple were mistakenly divorced after solicitors at a London law firm made a boo-boo. A final order for the divorce of a separated couple, known as Mr. and Mrs. Williams, was accidentally applied for by solicitors at Vardags law firm after they “clicked the wrong button” in an online portal, says a report. The mistake was made when the lawyers intended to complete a divorce for another client “but inadvertently opened the electronic case file in ‘Williams v Williams’”, a British judge said. The divorce was finalized 21 minutes later. Worse still, when the mistake was realized 2 days later, a high court judge refused to repeal the divorce. (That couple is like J-Lo: They just can’t seem to keep track of whether they’re still married or not!)
➢ In a scene straight out of “Weekend at Bernie’s,” a Brazilian woman reportedly wheeled the corpse of an elderly man into a Rio de Janeiro bank to have him co-sign on a loan. The woman was captured on video standing next to the dead man seated in a chair — and seemingly holding up his drooping head. She is seen talking to the deceased, whom she addressed as her “uncle,” and asking him to sign documents that would allow her to take out a $3,400 loan. When a bank worker pointed out that the man’s color looked off and he appeared “not well,” Nunes responded by saying: “He is like that. He doesn’t say anything.” Bank staffers called police, who arrived and arrested the woman. It was later determined that the 68-year-old man had been dead for several hours prior to his trip to the bank. (…and that somehow he had also been signed up for a few credit cards and a high-interest mortgage!)
-People, NYPost

Researchers say that text messages and social media posts where words are “stretched out” (by inserting repeating letters or groups of letters) aren’t done so for fun — they’re actually conveying emotions. A 2020 University of Vermont analysis of about 20 billion tweets found that by stretching out a word, whether written or spoken, it can alter the meaning of that word, as well as the emotion behind it. Certain words can be an indication of sarcasm and playfulness, like “surrrrre” and “rightttttt.” On the other hand, “yessssss” can indicate tremendous excitement. (So can “Fridayyyyyyy”. And “Paydayyyyy”!)


• “Humorous Day”, a day to find the humor in any situation that happens to be thrown your way, and to remember to see the bright side and to recognize that most things are really not as important as they may at first seem. (My wife and I share the same sense of humor. We have to, because she doesn’t seem to have one of her own…)
• “Garlic Day”, saluting the ‘stinking rose’ that has been cultivated as long as history has been recorded. It’s said that if you rub a clove of garlic on your partner’s feet at night, you’ll taste it on their breath the next morning. (Why you’d actually want to do this, I’m not sure…)
• “Hanging Out Day”, an initiative of Project Laundry List, promoting energy conservation by using a clothesline instead of an electric dryer. (And while you’re at it, hang those garlic-y feet outside for a while, willya?) LINK: http://www.laundrylist.org
• “Rice Ball Day”. In case you don’t know what a rice ball is, they’re pretty much exactly what it says on the tin, a ball of rice. They come in an amazing variety of flavors and textures, and date back to the 11th century, when they were called Tonjiki.
• “Amaretto Day”, Amaretto in Italian means “a little bitter” and is made from bitter almonds or apricot kernels, or both. The nuts are infused in pure alcohol or brandy, resulting in a strong almond flavor.
• “Bicycle Day”, commemorating the date that Dr. Albert Hofmann first tripped on LSD and bicycled home from his lab in Switzerland in 1943. During his ride, he experienced the psychedelic effects of LSD, the first acid trip in history. (A bicycle ‘trip’?)

• “420” or “Pot Smokers Day”, the unofficial holiday of potheads. A few facts, man:
☞ ‘Four-twenty’ became an emblematic number for dopers in the 1970s. It comes from 4:20pm, the secret ‘burn time’ originated by a group of pot-smoking students at a California high school in 1971.
☞ Marijuana is by far the world’s most lucrative cash crop. It is also #1 based on value per square km, followed by coca (the plant used to make cocaine), and opium poppy. Non-drug related crops, like potatoes, vegetables, and wheat, fall far behind.
• “Lima Bean Respect Day”, encouraging us to recognize the protein power offered by the tasteless, mealy morsel that most of us avoid at all costs. (You have to admit, Lima Bean Day has some pretty tough competition, with it also being 420 and all…)
• “Husband Appreciation Day”, when husbands are shown how much they mean to their spouse. What qualities are most appreciated in a husband? A survey of wives says: the hard work they do, that they can be themselves around him, that he makes them laugh, that he is smart, and that he is supportive of their goals and desires. (Which really makes me wonder why MY wife keeps me around…)
• “Record Store Day”, inaugurated in 2007 and held every April and every Black Friday in November to “celebrate the culture of the independently owned record store”. A number of records are pressed specifically for Record Store Day, and are exclusively available for purchase at local shops (as if anyone else sells records anymore…) LINK: https://recordstoreday.com/
• “Look-Alike Day”, for people who are constantly mistaken for rich and famous celebrities to have some recognition of their own. (So, what famous person do people say YOU look like?)
• “Volunteer Recognition Day”, honoring the legions of people who dedicate themselves to causes and helping others, thereby making both big and small differences in the lives of millions worldwide.
• “Cheddar Fries Day”, who can resist crispy, golden French fries topped with cheddar cheese? Add some chives, bacon or jalapenos, and you have a culinary delight that will satisfy even the most discerning taste buds (The perfect snack for “420”, or am I overdoing it just a bit?)

• “Go Fly a Kite Day”, referring to the idiom that is used to tell someone to go away or leave you alone. The phrase originated in the 1940s, and its meaning is derived from its literal meaning: a person would probably need to go away in order to actually fly a kite. (Not my favorite phrase, but it’s up there!)
• “Kindergarten Day”, honoring the 1782 birth of German educator Friedrich Froebel, who established the first kindergarten in 1837. (Thanks for all the finger paintings, Freid.) BS FAST FACT: The word ‘kindergarten’ literally means “garden of children” in German.
• “Chocolate Covered Cashews Day”. The cashew is a tree from the family Anacardiaceae. Surprisingly, the shell of the cashew nut is toxic, which is why the cashew is shelled before it is sold to consumers.
• “Keep Off the Grass Day”, can mean different things to different folks. This green holiday is observed in-between two momentous events – the day before Earth Day, and the day after 4/20. Coincidence?
• “Big Word Day”, a day to use humongous words on purpose just to impress yourself. So, go ahead and facilitate this celebration of excess verbiage! (But I was taught never to use a tremendous word when a diminutive one will suffice!) [Find a big word for any word here … https://www.bigwords.com/bigwordslist ]
• “Bulldogs are Beautiful Day”, in 2005, Jackie Valent published the children’s book “Stinky the Bulldog”, and she created Bulldogs are Beautiful Day in 2007. Since bulldogs are a little different looking, she hoped the day would help people look beyond appearance and accept those who are a little different.
• “Lyrid Meteor Shower”, peaks late tonight through dawn, and tomorrow night. It may be possible to see 10-15 shooting stars per hour.

1946 [78] Tim Curry, Grappenhall England, movie actor (“Rocky Horror Picture Show”) /TV actor (“Star Wars: The Clone Wars” 2012-14, ‘Pennywise’ the clown in the 1990 “It” miniseries)

1968 [56] Ashley Judd, Granada Hills CA, TV actress (“Missing” 2012)/movie actress (“Kiss the Girls”, “Double Jeopardy”)/daughter of Naomi Judd, half-sister of Wynonna. COMING UP… “Lazareth” 2024

1969 [55] Jesse James, Long Beach CA, TV personality (“Monster Garage” 2003-07, “Jesse James Is a Dead Man” 2009)/married to Sandra Bullock 2005-10

1978 [46] Joanna Gaines, Wichita Kansas, TV personality (“Fixer Upper” 2013-18)/author of at least 26 books/married to Chip Gaines

1978 [46] James Franco, Palo Alto CA, movie actor (“127 Hours”, “Pineapple Express”, “Spider-Man” movies)/brother of Dave Franco. COMING UP…“The Long Home”

1979 [45] Kate Hudson, LA CA, movie actress (“Almost Famous”, “You, Me and Dupree”)/TV actress (“Glee” 2012-13)/daughter of Goldie Hawn

1981 [43] Hayden Christensen, Vancouver BC, movie actor (“Jumper”, ‘Darth Vader’ in “Star Wars” Universe)

1982 [42] Ali Wong, San Francisco CA, TV actress (“Beef” since 2023, “American Housewife” 2016-2021)/movie actress (“Always Be My Maybe”)

1987 [37] Maria Sharapova, Nyagan Russia, former pro tennis player (35 singles, 5 Grand Slam titles, ranked world #1 by the WTA on 5 separate occasions)/one-time highest-paid female athlete

1989 [35] Simu Liu, Harbin China (raised in raised in Mississauga ON), TV actor (“Kim’s Convenience” 2016-21)/movie actor (“Shang-Chi and The Legend Of The Ten Rings”, “Barbie”) COMING UP… “Atlas” 2024

SATURDAY- George Takei (“Star Trek”) is 87; Jessica Lange (“Tootsie”) is 75; Andy Serkis (“Lord Of The Rings” films) is 60; Shemar Moore (“Criminal Minds”) is 54; Carmen Electra (“Baywatch”) is 52; Joey Lawrence (“Melissa & Joey”) is 48; Douglas “Clay” Cook (Zac Brown Band) is 46

SUNDAY- Iggy Pop (‘Real Wild Child’) is 77; Tony Danza (“Who’s the Boss”) is 73; Andie MacDowell (“Four Weddings & A Funeral”) is 66; Robert Smith (The Cure) is 65; Rob Riggle (“Modern Family”) is 54; Dave Brenner (Theory of a Deadman) is 46; James McAvoy (“X-Men” films) is 45; Tony Romo (retired NFL QB) is 44; Miranda Kerr (Victoria’s Secret model) is 41

2001 [23] The smash hit musical “The Producers”, based on the Mel Brooks film of the same name, opens on Broadway

2002 [22] Alice in Chains singer Layne Staley is discovered dead in his Seattle apartment after being reported missing. He had died April 5 of a drug overdose at 34

2012 [12] Singer/drummer Levon Helm (The Band) dies of cancer in NYC at 71

2014 [10] The White House refuses to comment on a campaign to deport Justin Bieber back to Canada after 275,000 people sign a petition lambasting his behavior

1919 [105] Leslie Irvin of the US makes the first premeditated free-fall parachute jump


✓ According to a study, telling yourself “I can do better” is actually one of the best ways to make yourself do better at a given task.
✓ Contrary to what you may have heard, redheads aren’t actually going extinct.
✓ Women tend to strike matches away from themselves, while men tend to strike them toward themselves.
✓ During Elizabethan times, it was customary for a wife to wear her wedding ring on her thumb.
✓ “Greek yogurt” is actually Turkish.
✓ According to a poll, doctors and lawyers are the worst tippers.
-StrangeButTrue, BathroomReadersInstitute

Best of BS . . .
• Do I have to claim the money I was paid “under the table”?
• What’s the best detergent for laundering money?
• What did you do with the money I gave you last year?
• If you are late giving me my refund, can I penalize you?
• Can I get my refund in Bitcoin?
• Can I pay my taxes with a postdated check from a Nigerian prince?
• Do you have an “it’s complicated” option in the part about marital status?
• If my dog does his ‘business’ in the basement, can I deduct that as office space?
• How exactly do you expect me to pay you a late penalty, if I couldn’t pay my taxes to begin with?
• Can you remove me from your mailing list?
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

• “Hey, aren’t you that kid my big brother used to throw dog crap at?”
• “You look like the kind of girl that doesn’t make men pay for it.”
• “Let me tell you, after 6 beers I’ll do it with anyone.”
• “It’s weird, but you totally remind me of this hermaphrodite who lived in my dorm.”
• “My mom says I’m the best kisser in the neighborhood.”
• “Hey beautiful, what say you cook me dinner for 40 years while I watch sports on the sofa?”
• “If you ask really nicely, I’ll write my initials on your neck … in hickeys.”
• “Hey, you live right across the street from me. I know that, thanks to my telescope.”
• “You look familiar … have I stalked you before?”
• “Maybe it’s the beer talkin’, but I would love to vomit on your bedside table tonight.”
-First published in BS in 2010

Here comes trouble:  https://tinyurl.com/26x749vj

It’s hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club, or not…

What song are you compelled to sing along with – even though you don’t totally know the words?


23% of husbands still don’t know THIS about their wives. What is it?
Answer:  Their shoe size

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.


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