The Bull Sheet

   Tuesday, April 4, 2017        Edition: #5946

The Sheet Hits the Fans!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★Let the naming games begin! Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez are officially a couple.
The former Yankees star and singer/actress had been spotted crisscrossing the U.S. together over the past few weeks, sparking speculation they were dating and debate over an appropriate moniker for the twosome. During an appearance on Friday’s episode of “The View,” Rodriguez acknowledged that he and Lopez are, in fact, a thing. So what will it be?  Al-lo? J-rod? Jen-Ex?
-CNN.com
★Matthew Perry has been issued a friendly challenge from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.  After Perry revealed on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” that he once beat up the future Canadian prime minister when they were both boys in Ottawa, Trudeau retaliated with a tweet on Saturday asking for a rematch and saying ‘Who hasn’t  wanted to punch Chandler?’
-Pagesix.com
★Doris Day turned 95 yesterday…but it was a surprise to her as much as to her many fans who still picture her as the fresh-faced blond charmer “Pillow Talk.” She has long thought her birth year was 1924, which would make her 93. But a copy of her birth certificate dug up by a reporter states she was born in 1922, revealing her true age to be 95. Quote: “It’s great to finally know how old I really am!” (She’s a lot more excited than I would have been!)
-AP
★ Tyra Banks keeps shaking things up.  After announcing last month that she would return to host the VH1 version of America’s Next Top Model, she has revealed that the age limit to audition has been lifted. The former limit was 27.  She tweeted that you just need to know how to ‘smize’.  That would be smiling with your eyes.
-USA Today

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV) – Eric Stonestreet, Khalid
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global) – Pierce Brosnan
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV) – Blake Shelton
• “Conan” – Chris Pratt
•“Late Late Show With James Cordon” (CBS, CTV) – Claire Danes
• “Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global)  – Louis C.K.
•“The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The artists are paired against a teammate, as the Knockout rounds continue.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
•Jason Aldean – After winning the Academy of Country Music’s entertainer of the year award on Sunday night– for the second year in a row–Aldean was shocked to learn that Tim McGraw had never won the award. Quote: “To me, that’s baffling. And it kind of tells you what kind of company you’re putting yourself in when you win that. It’s just so hard to get it. And to get it twice, it’s unbelievable.”
•Sarah McLachlan – She  was inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame at the Junos on Sunday night.  Among those praising her via video tribute: former U.S. president Bill Clinton,  Sheryl Crow, and Josh Groban. In her speech, McLauchlan praised Canada as a country where being polite is still important.
•Funny Junos line: “Many international artists find excuses to not participate in the Junos. I think he’s found the best one yet.” – Adam Cohen, paying tribute to his late father Leonard on Saturday night while accepting the artist of the year award on his behalf.
• Victoria Beckham – To promote her upcoming clothing line, she taped a segment of ‘Carpool Karaoke’ with James Cordon.  Among the shenanigans: singing ‘Spice Up Your Life’ and a take-off on the 80s movie ‘Mannequin’.
•Gwen Stefani – her sons want to look just like Blake Shelton — or at least have a tattoo like his…Stefani took to Instagram to share an adorable pic of her three sons all sporting fake tattoos inspired by Shelton’s famous deer track arm band. (Is THAT what that is supposed to be?).  In the photo, Kingston, 10, Zuma, 8, and Apollo, 3, all put their arms together with Shelton’s, showing off how their replicas stack up against the original.
•Ed Sheeran – Sonia Bryce of Walsall, UK will be jailed for eight weeks following noise complaints that a judge ruled caused domestic disturbances. According to the complaint, Bryce played the same Ed Sheeran song–“Shape of You”–on loop for hours on end.

THIS WEEK’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story”  (PG13 Adventure Fantasy ): Set before the events of Star Wars: A New Hope, Rogue One follows a group of resistance fighters on a daring mission to steal plans for the Empire’s ultimate war machine: The Death Star. (Felicity Jones, Mads Mikkelsen, Ben Mendelsohn)
• “Office Christmas Party” ( R Comedy): A branch manager is about to be shut down by his righteous, uptight CEO sister. With nothing left to lose, he decides to throw an epic Christmas party in order to land a whale of a client, but things soon spiral out of control. ( Jennifer Aniston, Olivia Munn, T.J. Miller, Courtney B. Vance)
• “The Book of Love” (PG13 Drama):  An introverted architect finds himself struggling to adapt after the death of his wife in a car accident. He finds new meaning when he meets Millie, a homeless teen, with a quest to sail across the Atlantic on a homemade raft. (Jessica Biel, Maisie Williams, Jason Sudeikis)
•Also out today: “The Carol Burnett Show: The Best of Tim Conway” (TV); “Heidi” (Family); “The World’s Largest Ball of Twine” (Documentary, just in case you are bored of watching your grass grow….)

DANDELION KILLER:
Crayola has announced plans to discontinue its yellow ‘Dandelion’ crayon.  Dandelion has been a mainstay of the colour lineup for 27 years and part of the traditional 24-pack of crayons.  Crayola announced the change a day earlier than planned after a sharp-eyed Tweeter spotted a crayon box touting ‘Dandelion is retiring!  Get it now!’ which had been prematurely stocked at a Target store.  Crayola will be replacing Dandelion with a new colour, to be announced in May, barring any leaks, and will be running a naming contest for the new shade.
(Until then, what?  Are they selling 23-packs?)
-Toronto Star

MIND YOUR P’s:
Waking up in the middle of the night to pee is called ‘Nocturnia’.  And nobody wants to do that.
Lowering your salt intake could mean fewer sleepy trips to the bathroom, says a new study.
With a reduction in salt intake, the average number of nighttime trips to the bathroom to urinate fell from 2.3 to 1.4 times per night among study participants. The number of times people needed to urinate during the day also decreased.
The interruption of sleep to use the facilities can lead to problems such as stress, irritability or tiredness, which can affect quality of life.
(Other options: drink less beer, don’t get pregnant.)
(The other way to decrease the number of times you urinate: Have a dude in a white coat watching you every time you want to take a tinkle!)
-CBS News

CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH?
The original concept behind Facebook was to connect people.
But as much as it enables us to connect with people, the social network also has the power to, well, make us feel a little bad about ourselves.  Like when you notice your friend count has decreased.  Now there is a way to find out who’s unfriended you. It’s called ‘Who Deleted Me’, a free app for Apple and Android.  ‘Who Deleted Me’ keeps an eye on who’s on your list and will send you a notification should someone decide, it’s not them, it’s you.  The app assesses your current list of connections and whenever you revisit it, it compares the updated list to the previous one.  You’re then not only informed who’s missing, but it also tells you whether they’ve simply deactivated their account, or deleted you.
(That’s how you find out too late that you have been posting too many baby pics!)
-Daily Mail

NOW YA KNOW:  
-In 1865, the U.S. Secret Service was first established for the specific purpose to combat the counterfeiting of money
-Istanbul, Turkey is the only city in the world located on two continents
-The IMAX film system was invented by Canadian Ivan Grame Ferguson to premier at Expo 67, Canada’s centennial celebration.
-Every three days a human stomach gets a new lining
-The second best selling game of all time is Jenga. Jenga is a Swahili word, meaning “to build.”
-In 1873, Colgate made a toothpaste that was available in a jar (and probably in 1874, it was ‘new and improved’)
-greatfacts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 04.04.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1965 [52] Robert Downey Jr, NYC, movie star (“Iron Man” films, “Sherlock Holmes” films)

1970 [47] Barry Pepper, Campbell River BC, movie actor (“True Grit”, “Flags Of Our Fathers”)/TV actor (“The Kennedys”, “61*”)

1971 [46] Josh Todd, LA CA, rock singer (Buckcherry-“Sorry”, “Lit Up”)

1973 [44] David Blaine (White), Brooklyn NY, illusionist who’s been suspended over the River Thames for 44 days, buried alive, frozen in a block of ice and caught a bullet in his mouth. (How does this guy get insurance?)

1979 [38] Natasha Lyonne, NYC, TV actress (‘Nicky Nichols’ on “Orange Is the New Black” 2013)/movie actress (“American Pie” movies)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “404 Day”, celebrating(?) the 404 error or, ‘not found’ message. This error occurs when your computer is not able to communicate with a server or server can’t find what was requested. Since the decimal form of April 4 coincides with 404, this day has become 404 Day.
• “Ballroom Dancing Day”, celebrated on the birth anniversary of Arthur Murray, the famous ballroom dancing instructor. It’s an activity that’s hot once again thanks to TV shows like “Dancing With the Stars” and “So You Think You Can Dance”.
•“Hug a Newsperson Day”, Caution: wait until he/she has had their morning coffee!
• “International Day for Landmine Awareness & Assistance”. (Unfortunately, participation in this can cost you an arm and a leg.)
•“Equal Pay Day”, symbolizes how far into the year women must work to earn what men earned in the previous year. (I’m good with any day that has the word ‘pay’ in it!)
• “Carrot Day”, the day when the carrot is celebrated through carrot parties and other carrot related festivities. (Carrot festivities?  The only carrot festivity I want to be a part of is a big hunk of carrot cake….hold the carrots!)

• “World Rat Day”, the 12th annual recognizing the ‘dear, sweet animals which deserve greater recognition and admiration’, according to people who own them. It’s claimed their bad image only suffers from ignorance and unthinking prejudice. (Well that and the plague.)
NET: http://www.worldratday.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2008 [09] Director Martin Scorsese releases his Rolling Stones’ concert documentary “Shine A Light”

2013 [04] Movie critic/TV personality/screenwriter Roger Ebert dies of cancer at age 70 in Chicago IL

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2008 [09] Beyonce Knowles married Jay-Z at his New York apartment. Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and wife Gwyneth Paltrow and Beyonce’s former baldpates in Destiny’s Child, Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams all attended the private ceremony. (Still together.  Who’d a thunk it?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1982 [35] Hockey sensation Wayne Gretzky of the Edmonton Oilers finishes the NHL season with 212 points to become 1st and only player to break the 200-point barrier (he goes on to do it 3 more times)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Dandelion Day, Tartan Day
[Thurs] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Fri] Walk to Work Day, Beer Day, No Housework Day (looks like a good day, except for the walking part…)

BULL’S BITS

THINK ABOUT IT:

-If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?
-In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather “macaroni”?
-Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
-If vampires can’t see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?
-Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
-Can you daydream at night?
-Why do they call the little candy bars “fun sizes”. Wouldn’t it be more fun to eat a big one?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Beauty doesn’t count if 90% of it can be wiped off with some water.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What movie title best describes your sex life? “Fast & Furious”? “Frozen”? “Home Alone”? “Iron Man”?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Which of the five main senses is the most dominant?
a. touch
b. sight (correct)
c. hearing
d. common

•What is the largest island on the Earth?
a. Greenland (correct)
b. Australia
c. Swaziland
d. Gilligan’s

• Who was the first human to pee on the Moon?
a. Neil Armstrong.
b. Buzz Aldrin. (correct) Not actually on the surface, but still one giant leak for mankind.]
c. ‘The Little Prince’.
– NationalGeographic.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to people who run dating websites, if you want to get more messages, you should do THIS.

ANSWER: Speak a second language.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation bangs on your door forever.

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:  
Comments?  Suggestions? Contributions? Constructive criticism?  The BS door is always open:
TheBullSheet@cogeco.ca