Wednesday, April 13, 2022 — Edition: #7209

You Got the Sheet, Man!

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
The Bull Sheet will not be publishing on Friday, April 15, to observe Good Friday. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Monday, April 18.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
(***UPDATE***) ★ Gilbert Gottfried, a comedian and film and television actor with a distinctly memorable voice, has died after a long illness, his family announced on Tuesday. He was 67. In a Twitter post, his family wrote: “In addition to being the most iconic voice in comedy, Gilbert was a wonderful husband, brother, friend and father to his two young children. Although today is a sad day for all of us, please keep laughing as loud as possible in Gilbert’s honor.” Gottfried was known for his crude humor and shrill voice, which helped give life to a number of animated characters, including ‘Iago’ the parrot in Disney’s “Aladdin,” and the Aflac duck in commercials for the insurance company.
-CNN
★ Kim Kardashian says that Kanye offered to give up his career and work as her stylist in order to save their relationship — if you believe her new reality series isn’t scripted, that is. In the premiere episode of “The Kardashians” on Hulu — premiering today — a scene shows Kardashian in her closet, trying out looks for her upcoming “SNL” gig and talking to her friend about some other outfits Kanye recently selected for her to wear. That’s when she drops an extremely telling line, saying, “Kanye wants to quit everything and dedicate his life to being my stylist.” And in other news, whether you needed to know it or not, Kim claims she and Ye didn’t speak to each other for 8 months after she filed for divorce in February 2021.
-TMZ, PageSix
★ It’s back to the mega-mansion drawing board for Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, after their deal for a $55 million estate in Bel-Air didn’t go through. Sources say the agreement fell out of escrow. While it’s unclear exactly what triggered the collapse, a buyer is able to pull out during an inspection period, so it’s possible that Bennifer decided there is something they didn’t like about the pad. The newly-engaged couple has been spotted back on the hunt for homes — checking out estates in Beverly Hills and Bel-Air valued at $64 million and $72 million.
-TMZ
★ A new live-action ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost’ series is in development at Peacock. The show, called “Casper,” is a horror/adventure series that “reimagines” the origin of everyone’s favorite ghost in “a coming-of-age story that explores what it means to be alive,” according to producers. The logline says: “When a new family arrives in the small town of Eternal Falls, Casper finds himself entangled in a mystery uncovering dark secrets that have been buried for over 100 years.”
-TheWrap

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Bill Maher, Michelle Yeoh, Alec Benjamin
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Dua Lipa, Sam Heughan, Band of Horses (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Claire Foy, Paul Bettany, Bright Eyes
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Holly Hunter, Patti Harrison, Catherine Cohen, Larnell Lewis (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Christina Ricci, Jeremy O. Harris, a performance from “Everybody’s Talking About Jamie” (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Garcelle Beauvais, Heather Dubrow
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Jerrod Carmichael, Julia Haart, guest co-host Alyssa Farah Griffin
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Hugh Laurie
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kim Kardashian, Charlie Puth
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Camila Cabello, Shemar Moore, Craig Morgan
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Sienna Miller, Danny Seo
• “Survivor” (CBS): Castaways drop their buffs and rearrange tribes before an intense immunity challenge; one is taken to another island and has the power to change the game.
• “The Masked Singer” (FOX): The 3 remaining singers compete for a spot in the finale; guest panelist Leslie Jordan.
• “CMT Storytellers” (CMT): Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn perform ‘Neon Moon’, ‘Boot Scootin’ Boogie’, ‘Only in America’ and more, and share the stories behind some of their biggest hits.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• (***Caution: ‘Ass’***) Lizzo – gets cheeky in a teaser for her new song ‘About Damn Time’. The video shows her wearing sleek black “assless” chaps – with nothing underneath — as she exits a black SUV and boards a private plane. The single, which she calls the “song of the summer”, drops tomorrow. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/34vbyykj
• Joe Jonas – appears in the new YouTube series “On the Leaderboard With Peloton”, which will bring in celebrity guests to show what it really takes to exercise alongside Peloton instructors. Each 10-minute installment will feature an instructor interviewing a famous guest. A trailer for the first 2 episodes also features Olympic legend Usain Bolt. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/5t2fuunm
• The Black Crowes – celebrate the 50th anniversary of some of rock’s biggest and best with their new covers EP “1972”, out May 4. The 6-song collection features Crowes’ versions of The Rolling Stones’ ‘Rocks Off’, Rod Stewart’s ‘You Wear It Well’, and a rendition of The Temptations’ ‘Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone’. LINK:  https://youtu.be/XMIyT4PsnSk
• Robert Plant & Alison Krauss – have extended their 2022 tour, which will keep the pair on the road through September. They’ve added 13 new shows, including at Red Rocks in Colorado and LA’s Greek Theatre. The tour kicks off June 1 near Rochester NY.
• Led Zeppelin – guitarist Jimmy Page may have a solo album in the works. Quote: “There’s various things I’m working towards. It’s not just one thing, it’s multiple things.” He reportedly recently turned down an offer to appear on Ozzy Osbourne’s upcoming album.
• Kelsea Ballerini – was forced to bow out of being an in-person co-host of Monday’s CMT Music Awards after testing positive for COVID-19. She posted: “I’m gutted, but the good news is that I’m feeling a lot better, a lot better.” She still hosted and performed from home, and Kane Brown was announced as a last-minute fill-in for on-site hosting duties, along with Anthony Mackie.
• LeAnn Rimes — teamed up with some big names for her upcoming album “god’s work”, out Sept. 16. It features guest vocals from Mickey Guyton on 2 songs. Percussionist-singer Sheila E., also makes an appearance, as well as Aloe Blacc, Ziggy Marley, Ledisi, Ben Harper and Robert Randolph.
• The Judds – have announced first tour in over a decade, which they’re calling “The Final Tour”. The 10-date arena tour kicks off Sept. 30 in Grand Rapids MI, making stops in the midwest and south before concluding in Nashville on Oct. 28. Martina McBride will be special guest on some dates.

SHOOTING THE BULL

SCIENTISTS SAY:
➢ If you want to stay healthy, you should aim to keep your waist measurement to half your height. The UK’s National Institute for Health and Care Excellence says measuring body mass index (BMI) is also useful – but doesn’t take into account excess weight around the abdomen, which increases the risk of conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke. Measure the waist midway between the bottom of your ribs and the top of the hips, and breathe out naturally first. As an example, if your height is 175cm (5’9”), your waist should be less than 87.5cm (34 inches) – or half your height. (What’s half of “husky”?)
➢ Surgeons who listen to AC/DC while operating are more accurate and efficient, a new study has found. Researchers at Germany’s Heidelberg University found that listening to rock music can have a calming effect and even lower blood pressure — and listening to fast-paced music proved to be a major factor in speeding up operations. Doctors who listened to AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell’ and ‘T.N.T.’ went from taking 236 seconds to make an incision to 139, and they were also 5% more accurate. The Beatles’ ‘Hey Jude’ and ‘Let It Be’ sped up the time taken to stitch up wounds by 50%, but only when played at low volume. (I could do literally ANYTHING in the time it takes for those “na na na na-na-na-nas in ‘Hey Jude’ to fade out!)
-BBC, ContactMusic

SURVEY SAYS:
☞ Two-thirds of young adults say they “dread” doing laundry. Other revelations from a survey of 2,000 millennials and Gen Zers: Two-thirds also limit how often they wear their favorite outfits out of fear the washing machine will wreck them. 29% believe the right way to separate laundry is by white and colors, while 26% insist that light and dark is the way to go – 22% do both(??). 43% say doing laundry is a pain because they need to do it an average of 3 times a week. (No wonder their clothes are getting wrecked!)
☞ Seven in 10 pet parents claim they can read their furry companions’ minds. According to a survey of 2,000 dog owners, 74% said they’re confident they understand what their pet wants at any given time. And 71% feel their dog understands them, too. 35% of doggo owners describe their dog as loving, 33% say their pooch is playful, and 32% feel it is intelligent. (My dog is so dumb, even he knows he’s not smart!)
-StudyFinds

WAX FACTS:
Some recordings made over 120 years ago will soon be playable for the first time. The New York public library has undertaken a project to digitize sounds recorded in wax cylinders — one of the first ways people recorded sound on phonographs. In the 1890s, people would slide blank cylinders onto Edison phonographs, and create recordings of themselves and their environments. The wax cylinders that recorded sounds cracked easily and were too fragile to listen to — until the library got hold of the Endpoint Cylinder and Dictabelt Machine, which uses a combination of a laser and needle, enabling it to digitize even broken or cracked wax cylinders. It will likely take the library a few years to digitize all the cylinders, some of which have never been heard. The plan is to eventually let listeners across the country (probably the world) hear what people were recording over 120 years ago.
(I already have a Rolling Stones album, thanks!)
(So they made these things, and no one ever listened to them? Just like my podcast?)
-OffBeat

THINGS TO DO ON A RAINY WEEKEND:
Ever seen an Easter weekend when it didn’t rain at least part of the time? If your plans are at risk because the weather isn’t playing ball (literally?), here are some ways to have fun while staying dry inside…
⇒ Baking:  Try out that recipe for the world’s best brownies that you’ve been eyeing up. Or if you’re with friends or relatives, ask one of them to show you one of their favs. (This isn’t the kind of “baking” that immediately came to mind…)
⇒ Start that hobby:  You know, that thing that has always been on you list of things you’d like to try? Whether it’s a crafty thing or a handy thing, there are YouTube vids for pretty much anything, and you may find yourself with a brand-new passion. (It sure beats Spring cleaning!)
⇒ Online gambling:  Definitely an exciting way to spend some indoor time. There are sports betting sites and online casinos with slots and games. (And maybe next weekend, you can win BACK your kid’s college tuition!)
⇒ Meal prep:  It’s a great way to start the next week. You can batch-cook a whole load of one dish and freeze it, or portion out different recipes for work lunches. (Except the lunch that I pack never turns out to be the lunch I want…)
⇒ Get organized:  I knew they were gonna go there! Whether it’s the garage or the closet, everyone has an area that could use some attention. Get at it, and make a pile of stuff to give to charity.
⇒ Host a movie marathon:  Rainy days call for a cozy time spent watching movies with friends. You can even host a good old-fashioned sleepover. (I’ll take the rain, thanks…)
-Dose

DID YOU KNOW?
Elon Musk may have his sights set on owning Twitter. Analysts say the billionaire’s reversal of his decision to join Twitter’s board opens the door to a hostile takeover bid and could lead to additional volatility in its stock. By electing not to join Twitter’s board, Musk is no longer limited to owning just 14.9% of the company. Now, many analysts suggest the Tesla CEO could bolster his stake and eventually try and establish control. (Well, it’s certainly not the first time the words “Twitter” and “hostile” have been used in the same sentence!)
-CNBC

BS CHRONOMETER 04.13.22

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Scrabble Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular games on the anniversary of the 1899 birth of its inventor, Alfred Butts, a jobless architect who came up with the idea during the Great Depression of the 1930s. A few facts …
– Among the proposed names for early versions were ‘Lexiko’ and ‘Criss Cross Words’.
– After Scrabble was trademarked in 1948, it was manufactured by friends and family, who painstakingly stamped letters on wooden tiles one at a time. Rate of production: 12 games an hour.
– The game was just a fad with Butts’ friends until a Macy’s exec saw it being played at a resort in 1952 and the then-world’s largest department store soon began carrying it.
• “National Peach Cobbler Day” A cobbler is a deep-dish fruit pie covered with a thick crust made from biscuit dough. (You had me at deep-dish. And at thick crust. And at biscuit dough.)
• “International Plant Appreciation Day”, Today, you’re asked to consider giving live, potted plants as a gift, rather than cut flowers. You might also grow your own fruits & veggies to give away, or share seeds, plants or clippings from your garden. Bottom line: On this day, show yourself, and others how important plants are. (After all, imagine a world without the trees that give us toilet paper!)
• “Thomas Jefferson Day”, honoring the birth of the third President of The United States, born on this date in 1743. Best-known as the primary author of the Declaration of Independence, Jefferson was a stalwart of democracy.
• “International Day of Pink”, promoting acceptance, equality, and taking a stand against bullying. Pink shirts are worn in solidarity with the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, who continue to face hate, discrimination, bullying, and violence.

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Dolphin Day
[Thurs] Pecan Day
[Fri] Good Friday
[Fri] American Sign Language Day
[Fri] McDonald’s Day

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [77] Tony Dow, Los Angeles CA, TV actor (‘Wally Cleaver’ on “Leave it to Beaver” 1957-63)

1945 [76] (Reverend) Al Green, Forrest City AR, R&B singer (‘Let’s Stay Together’, w/Annie Lennox-‘Put a Little Love in Your Heart’/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 1995/Kennedy Center Honors/Grammy Lifetime Achievement

1950 [72] Ron Perlman, NYC, TV actor (“Sons of Anarchy” 2008-14)/movie actor (“Hellboy” movies, “Beauty & The Beast”) COMING UP…”The Jesuit”, 2022

1951 [71] Max Weinberg, Newark NJ, rock drummer (Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)/TV bandleader (“Late Night With Conan O’Brien” 1993-2009)

1951 [71] Peabo Bryson, Greenville SC, R&B/soul/singer (w/Roberta Flack-‘Tonight, I Celebrate My Love’, w/Regina Belle-‘A Whole New World’)

1964 [58] Caroline Rhea, Montreal QC, TV actress (“Sabrina the Teenage Witch” 1996-2003, “Phineas and Ferb” 2007-15)

1970 [52] Ricky Schroder, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (“NYPD Blue” 1998-2001, “Silver Spoons” 1982-1997)/movie actor (“The Champ”)

1972 [50] Aaron Lewis, Rutland VT, rock singer (Staind- ‘Believe’, ‘It’s Been Awhile’)/country singer (‘Endless Summer’)

1975 [47] Lou Bega [David Lubega], Munich Germany, Latin-pop singer (‘Mambo No. 5 [A Little Bit of…]’)

1988 [34] Allison Williams, New Canaan CT, TV actress (‘Marnie Michaels’ on “Girls” 2012-2017)/daughter of former “NBC Nightly News” anchor Brian Williams

THIS DAY IN SHOWBIZ . . .
2011 [11] New “American Idol” judge Jennifer Lopez is named People magazine’s ‘Most Beautiful Person’ of 2011

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2000 [22] Metallica files a copyright infringement suit against music-sharing site Napster, initiating a music industry backlash against free downloads

2009 [13] Late Beatle George Harrison’s widow Olivia and son Dhani are on hand to unveil his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Paul McCartney also makes a surprise appearance)

2019 [03] 17-year-old Billie Eilish hits #1 in the US with her debut album, “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?”, making her the first artist born in the ’00s to top the chart

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1997 [25] At age 21, Tiger Woods wins his first Masters golf tournament, becoming the youngest to do so (he also sets a record by finishing at 18-under-par)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2006 [16] In Lincoln NE, Kevin Holder is arrested – again – for the 226th time (this one, for burglary, is added to his 43-page rap sheet)

BULL’S BITS:

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ “Almost” is the longest word in English with all the letters in alphabetical order.
✓ An automobile airbag fills in about 1/20 of a second.
✓ Your foot is exactly as long as the distance from your wrist to the crook of your elbow.
✓ Bic pen caps have a hole in the top to allow airflow, should they be accidentally swallowed.
✓ T-shirts were invented in 1904, aimed at bachelors who couldn’t sew or fix buttons.
✓ According to scientists who have taught them sign language, chimpanzees lie a lot.
-CTech, BathroomReadersInstitute

Best of BS . . .
BS EASTER TRADITIONS THAT NEVER REALLY CAUGHT ON:
• Biting the head off chocolate larva.
• Pinning the tail on the Easter Bunny.
• Bad hare day.
• ‘Happy Keester’ cards.
• Bobbing for Easter chicks.
• The annual bunny-pellet hunt.
• Sitting on the stove to make ‘hot cross buns’.
-First published in BS in 2017

BS WORST WAYS TO START A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR PARENTS:
• “Has the school called yet?”
• “I’m glad you guys are so open-minded because …”
• “I know you don’t usually like tattoos, but …”
• “You know, you’d make AWESOME grandparents …”
• “The important thing is no one was hurt …”
• “Do you still have full coverage on the car?”
• “Now don’t overreact like the other parents did …”
• “First of all, I was an innocent bystander …”
• “How quickly can you liquidate your retirement plan?”
• “I love you. I really, really love you.”
-Da Humorist, first published in BS in 2010

BS U-PICK EASTER TRIVIA:
• Where did the ‘Easter Lily’ plant originally come from?
a) Japan [CORRECT. The Easter Lily, or Bermuda Lily is native to the Ryukyu Islands of Japan]
b) Mexico
c) Indonesia
d) Lillehammer

• Which country established the tradition of eating hot cross buns at Easter?
a) Scotland
b) Israel
c) Great Britain [CORRECT]
d) Crossta Rica

• What Colors are traditionally associated with Easter?
a) Red and black
b) Pink and brown
c) Purple and yellow [CORRECT]
d) Green eggs and ham
-Green Mountain Gardener, IceBreakerIdeas

BS WEB GOODIE:
Cat’s got your back:  https://tinyurl.com/5fjn53ey

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I always carry a knife. You know, in case of cheesecake or something…

BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could invent a holiday, what would it be?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  They may not be very eager to admit it, but 1 in 8 men have done THIS in the last month. What is it?
Answer:  Shaved their legs

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Have the courage to follow your heart. It already knows what you want to become.