April 10 2019

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Wednesday, April 10, 2019 Edition: #6433

A Bull in Hand Is A Sheetload of Fun!

“The Bull Sheet” is headed off for a late spring break and will not be publishing Monday April 15 through Monday April 22.  All subscribers will receive credit for missed service days.  The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, April 23.

★ “Monty Python” star Eric Idle had a scary situation after someone found an unknown white substance in his mail. Fire trucks raced to his Hollywood Hills home after the powder was reportedly found in a letter. Hazmat units were also on scene and quickly determined that there was no threat. Officials said they could not find any powder, but two women were transported to hospital as a precautionary measure.
★ Felicity Huffman says she is “ashamed” and wants to apologize for her role in the college admissions scandal. The “Desperate Housewives” star has admitted that she is guilty of paying $15,000 to a fake charity to facilitate cheating for her daughter on the SATs. Federal prosecutors announced that thirteen wealthy parents, including Huffman, and one coach will plead guilty to using bribery and other forms of fraud.
★ Former “Smallville” actress Allison Mack has pleaded guilty to racketeering conspiracy and racketeering relating to her alleged role in a sex trafficking case. She was arrested last April 2018 for her alleged involvement with an organization called Nxivm (NEX-ium), a group that claimed to be a self-help program but was, in reality, a pyramid scheme in which some recruits were exploited “both sexually and for their labor, to the defendants’ benefit.”
★ AMC has confirmed plans to launch a third “Walking Dead” series in 2020 that seeks to bring “new life” to the hit zombie franchise. The upcoming, as yet untitled drama series will stand alongside its predecessors “The Walking Dead” and “Fear the Walking Dead”, in an effort to allow the universe to grow. The third series, which will shoot in Virginia, will feature two young female protagonists and focus on the first generation to come-of-age in the apocalypse as we know it.
★ Dave Bautista has officially retired from wrestling following a defeat at the WWE’s Wrestlemania event. The “Guardians of the Galaxy” star has focused on his film career in recent years, but returned to the ring to challenge his one-time mentor, Triple H. The duo finally settled their differences, with Triple H winning following a brutal no holds barred match and sending Bautista into retirement.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jeremy Renner, Camila Mendes, Alice Merton
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Drew Barrymore, Lily Collins, Terry Gilliam, Best Coast
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Anderson Cooper, Ruth Wilson, Rep. Ilhan Omar
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sam Rockwell, Jodie Comer, Kiana Ledé
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Sara Bareilles
• “Conan” (TBS): Sean Penn
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Bethenny Frankel, Brandon Maxwell
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Justin Hartley
• “The Talk” (CBS): Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, guest co-host Ukee Washington
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Hank Azaria, Justin Hartley
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): David Spade, Sara Bareilles
• “Survivor: Edge of Extinction” (CBS): Tribal Council heats up, and castaways strategize until moments before the vote. Also, concentration is key at a classic immunity challenge.
• “Ozone Hole: How We Saved the Planet” (PBS): How the world came together to fix the hole in the ozone layer. Included: the scientists and politicians who persuaded Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher to take action and solve the planetary problem.
• “Stanley Cup Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Columbus vs. Tampa Bay; Pittsburgh vs. NY Islanders; St. Louis vs. Winnipeg; Dallas vs. Nahsville; Vegas vs. San Jose

• Shawn Mendes – says that he struggles to ignore comments made about him on social media. Quote: “I’m scared of social media and how much it affects me.” But, he says, there is “something about being human” that compels him to want to know what’s happening online.
• Solange — has cancelled her Coachella performances due to “major production delays.” An announcement from the festival says that “She sends her sincerest apologies, and looks forward to performing at Coachella in the future.”
• Mariah Carey — is refusing to hand over her private medical records to her former manager — who is looking for evidence of drug and alcohol abuse. The two are involved in a lawsuit but Carey claims her records are “irrelevant to the subject matter” of the legal battle.
• The Rolling Stones – “The Quiet One”, a film about former bassist Bill Wyman, has been pulled from the Sheffield Documentary Festival over protests about his relationship with his second wife Mandy Smith. He met Smith when she was just 13, and he was 47. Smith alleged that they first had sex when she was 14.
• Creedence Clearwater Revival – Former bassist Stu Cook says the group’s surviving members have moved past their long-standing differences. That might result in the long-hoped for release of their Woodstock performance, which wasn’t included in the 1970 documentary about the festival or its soundtrack album.
• Fleetwood Mac — have been forced to postpone the last few dates of their North American tour because Stevie Nicks has come down with the flu. Shows in Toronto, Winnipeg, Edmonton and Calgary will be rescheduled in October or November. Their May 2 New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival appearance has been canceled altogether.
• Kelly Clarkson — Although she performed twice at the Academy of Country Music Awards, it seems not everyone there knew who she is.  She tweeted: ”The greatest thing by far that happened to me tonight was being asked to move because some guy thought I was a seat-filler…#CantWinEmAll”
• George Strait – His new album “Honky Tonk Time Machine”, debuted at No. 1 on Billboard’s Top Country Albums chart, extending his record to 27 No. 1 albums on the chart. Both Garth Brooks and Willie Nelson are a distant second on the list with 17 No. 1 albums apiece.


So now some restaurants are offering what is called a “gluten aware” option. What on earth could “gluten-aware” be?  That was the exact question that most people who spot the words on a menu are asking.  Executive-chef Phil Gallagher of Earl’s in Vancouver, BC says that the phrase, as in “available with gluten-aware tortillas” is designed to get diners to ask waiters questions about the food.  He points out that in the case of restaurants like Earl’s, which bake their own bread in-house, they are all made in the same kitchen, so there’s a chance of “cross-contamination” between regular and gluten-free bread products. And of course, diners with celiac disease need to know that there is a risk there. On the other hand, customers who avoid gluten as part of a trendy diet — those who order gluten-free meals and then a dessert, like cake” — are free to indulge in the “gluten-aware” option.
(Cake?  Their gluten-free diet isn’t gluten-free…OR a diet!)
(And now you’re aware of what “gluten-aware” means!)
(I’d try it, but I’m gluten-free intolerant!)

Does your job require creative thinking? With several projects on the go at the same time? You might think it would be best to work on one project until you either finish or “hit a wall,” then work on the other one until it’s done or you hit a wall there. However, according to a study by Columbia Business School, that’s not the way you should be going about things. They found that it’s better to schedule when you switch tasks — even if you feel like you haven’t hit a wall yet — to be the most creative you.  Scientists suggest that no matter how far you’ve progressed on an assignment, either set a timer, switch things up on the hour, or use meetings and lunch breaks to determine when you switch tasks. No matter what creative endeavor you’re pursuing, whether as a hobby or as a professional effort, your idea-generation skills will benefit from regular breaks and changes of your focus.
(I didn’t see anything about “Facebook breaks” in there…)
(Setting a timer is about as creative as I get!)
(I’d be the one to hit a “creative wall” about 2 hours before the timer is set to go off!)

✗ Napoleon was short:  He was measured at 5 feet, 2 inches tall — but he was measured with French inches, which are longer than English inches. He actually stood 5 feet, 7 inches — taller than the average European man at the time. (OK, But why did he always have his hand in his shirt?)
✗ Alcohol kills brain cells:  Heavy drinking absolutely can damage the brain, but that damage isn’t the result of cell death. The amount of alcohol required to kill cells would kill the person first. (Then what happened to all my memories of third grade??)
✗ You’ll get tetanus from stepping on a rusty nail:  Any puncture wound, including one from a rusty nail, can lead to a tetanus infection, but rust has no impact whatsoever.
✗ Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis:  There is no connection. The “cracking” is actually bubbles bursting in the fluid that surrounds the knuckles. (Are you telling me that my teachers just said that so I’d stop?)
✗ Touching toads gives you warts:  The bumps that cover some frogs and toads aren’t warts at all, and even if they were, warts can only be caused by a human virus. (And it turns out they also don’t turn into a prince if you kiss them…)
✗ ‘I’ before ‘E’ except after ‘C’:  The rule is wrong at least 25 percent of the time. Need some proof? Science. Forfeit. Weird. Glacier. Albeit. Fancier. (and Budweiser.)
✗ Sugar makes kids hyperactive:  Popularized by a flawed study in the 1970s, the connection between hyperactivity and sugar was debunked by a series of studies published in the Journal of the American Medical Association in 1995. (By a bunch of scientists with no kids, obviously…)
✗ You’ll never walk around with a calculator:  (If only I could run into that teacher now…)

Smashing Pumpkins’ Billy Corgan rides a rollercoaster:  https://youtu.be/azhgpelu0vY

According to a study of 2,000 peanut butter lovers, those who prefer smooth peanut butter are more introverted, while crunchy peanut butter eaters tend to be more extroverted. And 63% of respondents prefer to eat their peanut butter right out of the jar with a spoon.


1929 [90] Max von Sydow, Lund, Sweden, movie actor (“Star Wars: The Force Awakens”, “Strange Brew”), TV actor (Emmy nom for his role as ‘Three-eyed Raven’ in “Game of Thrones”)

1936 [83] John Madden, Austin, MN, Legendary NFL coach and commentator (Monday Night Football) Retired in 2009

1952 [67] Steven Seagal, Lansing, MI, actor (“Above the Law”, “Under Seige”), martial artist

1974 [45] David Harbour, New York, actor (‘Jim Hopper’ on “Stranger Things” since 2016)

1980 [39] Charlie Hunnam, Newcastle England, TV actor (“Sons of Anarchy” 2008-14)/movie actor (“Pacific Rim”)

1983 [36] Andrew Dost, Cass City MI, pop bassist-keyboardist (fun.-‘Some Nights’, ‘We Are Young’)

1984 [35] Mandy Moore, Nashua NH, TV actress (“This Is Us” since 2016)/movie actress (“A Walk to Remember”)/pop singer (‘Candy’)

1987 [32] Shay Mitchell, Mississauga ON, TV actress (‘Emily Fields’ on “Pretty Little Liars” 2010-2017)

1988 [31] Haley Joel Osment, Los Angeles, CA, child actor (“The Sixth Sense”, “A.I. Artificial Intelligence”)

1990 [29] Maren Morris, Arlington TX, country singer (‘My Church’, ‘The Middle’)

1990 [29] Alex Pettyfer, Stevenage UK, movie actor (“The Butler”, “Magic Mike”)

1992 [27] Daisy Ridley, London England, movie actress (“Rey” in the “Star Wars” franchise)

• “Encourage a Young Writer Day”, because it’s an investment in our future. Some of the most famous authors began writing as children (on the walls, in crayon…)

• “Golfers Day”, honoring everyone who walks a mile chasing the little white ball, on the 103rd anniversary of the 1916 founding of the Professional Golfers’ Association (PGA).
-“To Golf or Not to Golf?? What a Stupid Question.”
-“Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself, you forget to hate your enemies.”
-“Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.”
-“The worst day of Golf beats the best day of work.”
-“Golf’s Three Ugliest Words…‘Still Your Shot’.”
-“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”

• “Siblings Day”, celebrating brothers and sisters who are living, those who aren’t … and perhaps
those who shouldn’t be.

• “SPCA Day”, honoring the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, the organization that looks out for our furry little friends. It was chartered on this day in 1866. Also ‘Farm Animals Day’. Hug a cow.

• “Safety Pin Day”, legend has it that, in 1849, Walter Hunt owed a friend $15 and decided to invent something new in order to earn the money to repay him. He invented the safety pin.

[Thurs] Barbershop Quartet Day
[Thurs] Cheese Fondue Day
[Fri] Day of Silence
[Fri] Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day

1992 [27] Brash stand-up comedian Sam Kinison dies at age 38 when his car is hit by a teenage drunk driver

2009 [10] “Hannah Montana: The Movie” opens in theaters, starring Miley Cyrus (the last G-Rated thing she ever does)

1970 [49] Paul McCartney announces the breakup of The Beatles

2007 [12] Johnny Cash’s last residence, a 14,000-sq-ft house in Hendersonville TN, burns to the ground.  It was owned by Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees at the time.

2007 [12] Pink Floyd’s 90s-era lineup (Rick Wright, David Gilmour and Nick Mason) reunite onstage to take part in a tribute to recently deceased ex-frontman Syd Barrett. It would be Pink Floyd’s final concert appearance

1953 [66] 1st color 3-D movie premieres, the horror film “The House of Wax”, starring Vincent Price

2001 [18] Michigan engineer Kevin Olmstead wins $2.18 million on ABC-TV’s “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”, then largest quiz show prize of all-time

2005 [14] Golfer Tiger Woods becomes the 1st to win 4 Masters titles under age 30, by sinking a 15-foot birdie putt on the 1st hole of a sudden-death playoff vs Chris DiMarco


✓ Queen Elizabeth has an Official Champion to fight for her in duels
✓ Brad Pitt is banned from entering China because of his role in “Seven Years in Tibet”.
✓ The longest Oscar acceptance speech was made by Greer Garson for 1924’s Mrs. Miniver. It took an hour.
✓ Ronald Reagan was denied a movie role of President because he didn’t look the part.
✓ Katy Perry’s dad used to sell acid and her mom dated Jimi Hendrix.  Both are now Pentecostal pastors.
✓ Bill Murray doesn’t have an agent. You can leave him a voicemail message, hoping that he’ll like the project and will get back to you.
-UnrealFacts, KickassFacts, FactSpy

• Crayola Crayons: Taste the Rainbow
• Clearasil: Once You Pop, You Can’t Stop
• Taco Bell: What’s the Worst That Could Happen?
• Jagermeister: I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up
• Duct Tape:  Mmm-Mmm Good
• Tinder: The Quicker Picker-Upper
• The Dollar Store: Because You’re Worth it
• KFC: It Gives You Wings
• Tide: Betcha Can’t Eat Just One
• (***Caution***) Viagra: Like a Rock

Best of BS . . .
• That one time a family was not as happy as they were pretending to be in vacation photos
• When they tried to merge with MySpace to create SpaceFace
• The campaign for a “dislike” button was started by Oscar the Grouch
• The Great Poking of 2011
• Facebook holds the patent to the edit button, which is why Twitter can’t have one.
• When people figured out that Farmville has no ending
• Every time someone deletes their Facebook account, a task force hunts them down like Sandra Bullock in ‘The Net’
• When they were sued over copyright infringement for the thumbs-up symbol by the Fonz
• The great ‘Thoughts and Prayers don’t seem to be helping’ discovery of 2016
• That time you said ‘Maybe’ to an event invitation, but really, you meant ‘No’
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS in 2018

Who would your dream music festival headliner be? You can pick any artist from any era.

• What are the actual dimensions of a two-by-four?
a. 1.5” by 3.5” [CORRECT]
b. 2” by 4”
c. 2.25” by 4.25”
d. 53 1/3 yards by 160 feet

• Which of the following fictional characters was created in 1965?
a. Betty Crocker
b. Pillsbury Doughboy [CORRECT]
c. Wonder Woman
d. Pac-Man

Some things are better left unsaid.  Which I usually realize right after I’ve said them.

Question:  In a survey of newlyweds, almost 20% said their first fight was about THIS. What?
Answer:  Laundry

When you’re good at making excuses, it’s hard to excel at anything else.


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