Thursday, August 16, 2001 Edition: #2112
The King is Still Dead!
TODAY is the 24th anniversary of Elvis Presley’s being found dead on the john from an overdose. Some ‘King’-size numbers . . .
• Elvis record sales have passed the 1 billion mark, more than any other recording artist.
• Elvis fan clubs still number close to 500 around-the-world.
• When he died, his estate amounted to just $6 million, with only a few hundred thousand in cash. Nowadays, Elvis Presley Enterprises operates a global industry that generates an estimated $700 million — a year.
ELVIS FILM OR NOT?
It’s amazing how many movies Elvis Presley made — more than 30. But what’s more amazing is how stupid some of their names were. Give the following list rapid-fire to a contestant who must decide if each is a real Elvis film or a fake . . .
• “Clambake” (REAL)
• “Spinout” (REAL)
• “Crazy For Chicks” (NOT)
• “Girl Happy” (REAL)
• “What Goes Around Comes Around” (NOT)
• “Speed Rocker” (NOT)
• “Kissin’ Cousins” (REAL)
• “Harum Scarum” (REAL)
• “Cool’s The Rule” (NOT)
• “Flaming Star” (REAL)
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Clint Eastwood tells the SEPTEMBER issue of “Gear” magazine he keeps fit by putting on a thong leotard and taking Pilates (a trendy exercise routine), that his favorite actresses are the Olsen twins, and that the only guy tougher than he is onscreen is — Woody Allen (do we sense a tongue firmly planted in a cheek here?) . . . Word just leaked that U2’s The Edge was treated to a surprise 40th birthday bash LAST WEEK when he was whisked off stage following an “Elevation Tour” concert in Europe and flown by private jet to a club on the Spanish island of Ibiza where celeb guests included supermodels Elle Macpherson and Linda Evangelista, and the party tunes were spun by Fatboy Slim — total cost, an estimated $30,000! . . . Word is Penelope Cruz’s Spanish father Eduardo Sanchez is warning her NOT to marry boyfriend Tom Cruise because pops figures the twice-divorced actor will break her heart (especially if the ‘best man’ shows up on the honeymoon) . . . It wasn’t so long ago it was cancelled, but already a TV ‘reunion movie’ is being planned for “Baywatch” that would include original stars David Hasselhoff, Pam Anderson, Yasmine Bleeth, Gena Lee Nolin, Carmen Electra and Donna D’Errico, plus “Survivor II” mouthpiece Jerri Manthey as a guest lifeguard (main reason for the reunion — other opportunities aren’t exactly banging down producer Hasselhoff’s door) . . . The new show getting the most buzz for the upcoming TV season is the FOX-TV spy-thriller “24″ which will star Kiefer Sutherland as a secret agent who has 24 hours to foil an assassinaltion plot AND find his missing teenage daughter, the hook being – the show takes place in ‘real-time’, meaning each 1-hour episode represents 1 hour of the 24 (I think I’m gonna skip the 8 episodes when he’s sleeping).
MOVIES IN THE MAKIN’:
Halle Berry is in talks to star opposite Ben Affleck in the upcoming ‘crime romance’ “Gigli” (shot on location in rehab) . . . Gwyneth Paltrow, who plays a 350-lb woman in the Farrelly
Brothers comedy “Shallow Hal” coming this NOVEMBER, says ‘every pretty girl should be forced to wear a fat suit to get a real sense of what it’s like to be overweight’ (her ‘fat suit’ weighed 325 lbs) . . . And a yet-to-be-titled prequel to “The Exorcist” begins shooting NEXT SPRING, relating ‘Father Merrin’s’ first encounter with the devil while doing missionary work in Africa after WW2 (his work involved operating a pea soup kitchen).
FAT HEADS:
A new study in the “British Medical Journal” suggests that children who weigh more at birth tend to have a higher IQ later in life. Research shows that each 2-lb increase in birth weight corresponds with an IQ increase of 2.8 points in girls and 4.6 points in boys. (So [co-host], I guess you were a ‘preemie’?)
THE CASE OF THE EUNUCH BUFFALO:
For the just-completed 2001 World Track & Field Championships, the city of Edmonton erected dozens of life-size fiberglass bison statues. Since the games wrapped on the weekend, local police have been investigating some 20 cases of theft of – bison testicles. So far, two men have been charged after being caught performing one impromptu ‘surgery’, but that leaves 19 cases unsolved. (One theory is the buff bits are being fenced to “Fear Factor”.)
STORE HANGERS:
At the Lugner City shopping center in Vienna, Austria female shoppers are being offered vouchers worth $35, a bottle of champagne and a free meal if they shop – topless. Dozens have taken up the offer, in fact so many that the promotion has been extended!
HERE’S LIGHT IN YOUR EYE:
There’s a new alarm clock on the market that makes no noise. It uses light that glows increasingly brighter and brighter until you wake up. (I already have one of these — it’s called a window.)
HEADLINES FOR SALE:
According to the “South Florida Business Journal”, 24-year-old Brandon Wertz is offering to walk around with a corporate logo tattooed on his head for a fee of — $50,000. He says he got the idea after seeing that idiot couple offering corporate naming rights to their unborn child on TV. (Even Divine Brown didn’t charge 50 grand for head.)
THE CONTEST PRIZE YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR:
A Dutch travel agent is offering a travel package to corporations wanting to instill ‘team spirit’ in employees. After arrival in Paris, participants are left homeless and without cash to compete in teams of 10 begging for money. Weekend accommodation is also supplied – a cardboard box under a bridge. Hard to believe but so far, at $400 PER PERSON, there’ve been no takers. (I think I had this package last time I went to the Dominican Republic – only with the ‘frequent trotter’ option.)
THE BULL SHEET 08.16.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1930 [71] Frank Gifford, Santa Monica CA, retired TV sportscaster (“Monday Night Football”)/NFL Hall of Fame player (NY Giants)/Mr Kathie Lee Gifford since 1985
1953 [48] Kathie Lee Gifford, Paris FRA, retired TV talk show host (“Live With Regis & Kathie Lee”)/Mrs Frank Gifford
1954 [47] James Cameron, Kapuskasing ON, movie director (Oscar-“Titanic”, “Terminator”, “True Lies”)/TV producer (“Dark Angel”) NEXT FILM: The sequel “True Lies 2″, scheduled to open Summer 2002
1956 [45] Laura Innes, Pontiac MI, TV actress (Dr Kerry Weaver-“ER”, since 1995)
1958 [43] Madonna (Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone), Bay City MI, pop singer currently cleaning up with her “Drowned World Tour” (“What It Feels Like for a Girl”, “Music”)/bad film actress (“The Next Best Thing”)/mom to Rocco and Lourdes NEXT FILM: She’s signed on alongside Ben Stiller, Chris Rock and Jason Alexander to lend her voice to the upcoming animated flick “Madagascar”, about four captive animals released into the wild.
1958 [43] Angela Bassett, NYC, movie actress (“The Score”, “What’s Love Got to Do With It”, “Waiting To Exhale”)
1972 [29] Emily (Erwin) Robison, Dallas TX, country singer (Dixie Chicks-“Goodbye Earl“, “Wide Open Spaces”) NOTE: It’s just been reported that Martie Seidel, the last single member of the trio, is engaged to marry Irish college prof Gareth MaGuire
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Duluth GA] PGA Championship begins
[Ottawa] Central Canada Exhibition opens
TODAY is “National Tell A Joke Day”, a good day to have young kids call in with really rotten jokes, then tutor them on how to make them funnier.
8 RULES FOR TELLING A JOKE:
1. Before you open your mouth, know your joke. Even if you’re adlibbing, you must have a clear idea of where you’re headed.
2. Know your audience. All jokes are not appropriate for all gatherings.
3. Do not ask permission to tell a joke. Surprise is crucial.
4. Do not tell everyone how funny your joke is beforehand.
5. There must be ample set-up to the joke, providing the pertinent details the audience needs to know.
6. There must be a punch line or strong conclusion.
7. Avoid detours. As a rule, jokes work best in a straight line.
8. Commit to your joke. Once you begin, follow through to the end.
(Source: “Your Humor Guide”)
TODAY-Sunday “The World’s Largest Outdoor Sale Festival” lines Highway 127, the route from Covington KY to Gadsden AL, a distance of 450 miles! (The answer to the question, “Where can I choose from 14,562 velvet Elvis paintings?)
PHONER: 931-879-9948 (Jamestown TN)
NET: http://www.127sale.com
ON THIS DAY . . .
1999 [02] “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?”, hosted by Regis Philbin, premieres on ABC-TV as a summer fill-in special and quickly becomes TV’s #1 show
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1954 [47] 1st issue of “Sports Illustrated” magazine (1st cover features MLB catcher Wes Westrum, batter Eddie Matthews and NL umpire Augie Donatelli behind the plate)
1996 [05] 1st regular season MLB game outside US or Canada as San Diego Padres beat NY Mets 15-10 in Monterrey, Mexico
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1960 [41] Joseph Kittinger sets world record for ‘successful free fall’ dropping 84,700 ft — more than 16 miles — before opening parachute over New Mexico
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Bad Poetry Day
[Sat] National Watermelon Day
[Sun] Potato Day
[Mon] National Radio Day (hey, do we get the day off?)
National Elvis Week (aka ‘Help Lisa Marie Avoid Working for a Living Week’)
National Child Support Enforcement Month (aka ‘Deadbeat Dad Week’)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS INTERVIEW:
John Freyer, a graduate student at the University of Iowa, has been auctioning off ALL his possessions on the eBay Web auction site since last fall. So far, people have bought everything from his toothbrush to his boxer shorts. Why’s he doing this? It’s an ‘art’ project to find out what happens when you no longer have possessions to define yourself.
PHONER: 319-341-0831 (Iowa City IA)
NET: http://www.allmylifeforsale.com
BS ‘REACH FOR THE MIDDLE’:
Nobody likes a smart-ass, so the object of this game is for your contestant to strive to be mediocre by getting 2 out of 3 questions WRONG, proving it pays to be ignorant!
GAME #1 . . .
• What’s the most popular month for weddings, [June, followed by September and August.]
• What do you call a male duck? [A ‘drake’.]
• What do the ‘H’s in ‘4-H Club’ stand for? [Head, heart, hands and health.]
GAME #2 . . .
• Which part of your body never stops growing? [Ears or nose.]
• The average person spends this much time kissing in a lifetime. [2 weeks.]
• This cartoon character was once banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. [Donald Duck.]
BS TAG LINE:
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
