August 30, 2000                                     Edition:  #1879

NEW BS FIRESTONE TIRE SLOGANS:
• “Safer than a Russian sub!”
• “Because there’s a lot riding on your lawsuit.”
• “Better than driving around on your axles, right?”
• “C’mon, you gotta expect the odd defective rubber.”
• “Hey, it’s not like we crashed our blimp or something.”
• “We can’t recall a better tire.”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
You can apply for tickets to the Canadian taping of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” SEPTEMBER 7TH in NYC at the CTV.ca Web site . . . ‘N Sync‘s Joey Fatone, JC Chavez and Lance Bass will be presenters at the “MuchMusic Video Awards” SEPTEMBER 21st . . . Darryl Neudorf, the music producer who sued Sarah McLachlan for copyright infringement has not only lost the case, he’s been ordered to pay a quarter-million of her legal fees (now he’s “Fumbling Toward Bankruptcy”) . . . Eminem is being courted to make his movie debut in the upcoming Denzel Washington thriller “Training Day” playing, what else?, a villain . . . “Survivor’s” 72-year-old ex-Navy SEAL Rudy Boesch is in talks to appear in an upcoming episode of CBS-TV’s Navy series “JAG” (they better hope he ain’t cooking).

SOCIAL STUDIES:
• The more you weigh at birth, the longer you live! Scientists have found that the heavier a baby is, the lower the chances it will develop heart disease later in life. (And the more likelihood the mother will demand an epidural.)
• A “Men’s Health” study says the thing men are most afraid of is ‘public speaking’. ‘Getting married’ came in 2nd. (Proving it’s more stressful to be the best man than the groom.)
• A new University of New Hampshire study finds that about 1 in 5 children who use the Internet regularly are exposed to unwanted sexual approaches. (Are you monitoring?)
• University of Western Australia research shows that pedestrians all over the world tend to keep to the right when other people are walking toward them. (There’s the odd moron who can’t decide and after switching back and forth says, “You wanna dance?”)

SPACE RINK:
Scientists studying magnetic readings from the Galileo spacecraft say it looks like one of the moons of Jupiter called Europa has an ocean of water covered with ice. (Izzy Asper has already applied for an NHL franchise.)

LIFE ACCORDING TO ACTION MOVIES:
• There are two kinds of women in the world — the type that want to go to bed with you, and the type that want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25-years-old.
• If you rudely argue with your boss in front of co-workers, not only won’t he fire you, he’ll gain a profound new respect for you.
• If you are asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, you will win.
• If you have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of you dies, you’ll become best friends.
• If you go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore you.
• If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and you curse in pain, she will fall in love with you.

THE BULL SHEET 08.30.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1918     [82] Ted Williams, San Diego CA, Hall of Fame MLB player (Boston)/last to bat .400 (1941)
1932    [68] Allan Fotheringham, Hearne SK, syndicated columnist (“Maclean’s” magazine)/author (“Last Page First”)
1966    [34] Michael Michele, Evansville IN, TV actress (Dr Cleo Finch-“ER”)
1972    [28] Cameron Diaz, San Diego CA, movie actress (“Being John Malkovich”, “Any Given Sunday”, “There’s Something About Mary”) UPCOMING FILMS: Plays ‘Natalie’ in “Charlie’s Angels: The Movie” opening in November/currently in Rome working on Martin Scorsese’s “Gangs of New York” with Leonardo DiCaprio/in talks to join Tom Cruise in “Vanilla Sky”

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Since 1944, each year on the last Wednesday of August in the little town of Bunol in eastern Spain between 11am and 1pm, people flock to the tomato war called “La Tomatina”. Why? Because it’s fun! Over 20,000 go into a frenzy, whipping 240,000 lbs of overripe tomatoes at anything that moves and many things that don’t. By the next morning, the whole mess is cleaned up!
NET: http://www.cyberspain.com/life/tomatina.htm

The “Great Klondike International Outhouse Race” is comin’ up THIS WEEKEND in Dawson City YT as decorated outhouses on wheels like ‘The Mad Crapper’ and ‘The Whizzer of Oz’ are pulled by costumed runners through downtown streets. Last year, some competitors crapped out and refused to participate, accusing others of taking the 3K race ‘too seriously’. Have organizers slammed the lid on any bad feelings? And do contestants sing ‘Skip to My Loo’?
PHONER: 867-993-5575 (Celeste Michon)

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1997    [03] Princess Diana, boyfriend Dodi Fayed and driver Henri Paul involved in fatal car crash in Paris (because of time difference, she’s actually pronounced dead morning of August 31st)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1873     [127] ‘Northwest Mounted Police’ (renamed ‘RCMP’ in 1904) established
1988     [12] 1st swimmer to conquer all 5 Great Lakes (Vicki Keith, who attained 17 world records)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1987     [13] Yves Pol of France runs complete marathon BACKWARDS in 3:57:57
1987     [13] Canada’s Ben Johnson runs 100 metres in world record time of 9.83 secs in Italy

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Labour Day (no BS service)
[Tues] Be Late For Something Day
[Sept 7] Toronto International Film Festival begins
[Sept 17] 20th Annual Terry Fox Run
National Sobriety Checkpoint Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
Q: How did Cleopatra commit suicide?
A: She did the deed 2,030 years ago TODAY by snakebite. (Even though Marc Antony warned her, “You watch your asp!”)

BS TAG LINE:
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.