August 29, 2000 Edition: #1878
The 19-track CD, “Survivor: The Official Soundtrack To The Hit CBS TV Series”, is in music stores TODAY, the first in a planned series of “Survivor” albums. Just in case you can’t find a copy, here’s a look at . . .
BS TRACKS ON “SURVIVOR” CD:
• “Oops! I’m Nekkid Again!”
• “Days of Wine and Rodents”
• “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Gervase”
• “I’ve Got Sand in Low Places”
• “We’re Off to Eat the Lizard”
• “I Saw Him Standing Bare”
• “Raindrops Keep Snuffing Out My Torch”
• “The Alliance Sleeps Tonight”
• (“Sittin’ On) A Rock With a Gay”
• “Rat’s in the Ladle”
• “50 Ways to Love Your Larva”
(Source: Top5.com)
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS WEEK winning “Survivor” Richard Hatch is hosting a radio talk show in Providence RI (similarities between a rat-infested island and a radio station — 1. You have to be creative if you want to survive. 2. People who say they are your friends will stab you in the back. 3. The toilet facilities are often very primitive.) . . . 11-year-old Chaille Stovall will DIRECT the feature film “Camp Grizzly” THIS FALL, making him Hollywood’s youngest-ever director (“Uh, like Dustin, could you show like more angst when you sit on the whoopee cushion?”) . . . In preparation for her new TV show THIS FALL, actress Geena Davis has reportedly had a tattoo of her ex-hubby, director Renny Harlin’s name removed from her ankle (now if she could only have his box office bombs “Cutthroat Island” and “The Long Kiss Goodnight” removed from her resume!).
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
In the “The Big Kahuna”, Kevin Spacey and Danny DeVito play salesmen trying to score the big one at a manufacturers’ convention . . . Kim Basinger gives up her chic expatriate life in Italy to go live in Kenya in the drama “I Dreamed of Africa” . . . “The Next Best Thing”, a comedy-drama about a straight woman (Madonna) and a gay man (Rupert Everett) who decide to have a child together.
HASN’T HE HEARD OF TRUST?
Italian psychologist Giuseppe Cirillo, who founded a school of courtship and seduction in Rome, has invented a ‘chastity timer’ — a device that attaches to underwear elastic to record the frequency and length of time the undies are removed. A future version will include an alarm that sounds on your cell phone if your partner’s ‘chastity timer’ exceeds 5 minutes. (Divorce on the grounds of diarrhea?)
AMAZIN’ BS FACTS:
• Identical twins make the best spouses! A new study shows that only 1 in 20 marriages involving an identical twin ends in divorce. It may be that twins naturally know how to take someone else’s feelings into consideration at all times. (It’s also easier to play ‘swapsies’.)
• Almost 50% of women would wear short skirts and revealing blouses if it would double their pay. (Source: Bernice Kanner’s book “Are You Normal?”)
• The average speed of human growth between the ages of 0 and 18 is .0000048 mph. (Source: “Sizesaurus” by Stephen Strauss)
• According to a Water Pik survey, the average shower in the morning takes 12 minutes. (Unless someone flushes).
THE BULL SHEET 08.29.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [64] John McCain, Panama Canal Zone, US Senator (AZ)/ex-Republican Presidential candidate
1938 [62] Elliott Gould (Goldstein), Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“M*A*S*H”)/ex-Mr Barbra Streisand
1941 [59] Robin Leach, London ENG, former TV host (“Life Styles of the Rich & Famous”)
1958 [42] Michael Jackson, Gary IN, self-titled ‘King of Pop’ (“Thriller”)/Lisa Marie Presley’s ex-weirdo
1961 [39] Rebecca De Mornay, Santa Rosa CA, movie actress (“Hand That Rocks the Cradle”, “Risky Business”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “More Herbs, Less Salt Day”, because it’s ‘healthier, zestier & lustier!’ (Pass the parsley.)
TODAY is “According to Hoyle Day”, honoring Britain’s Edmond Hoyle on the anniversary of his death in 1769. He’s the guy who took the time to formalize rules to many popular games. Thus the expression ‘according to Hoyle’ has come to mean ‘playing by the rules’.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1893 [107] 1st ‘zipper’ patented (ouch!)
1965 [35] 1st ‘parachuting bull fighter’ Luis “The Conceited” Rios misses Spanish bullring and lands in city dump
1990 [10] 1st ‘father-son teammates’ in Major League Baseball (Ken Griffey Sr & Jr-Seattle Mariners)
1996 [04] Tiger Woods’ pro golf debut (4-under-par 67 in 1st round of Greater Milwaukee Open)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1982 [18] Longest recorded kite flight (180 hours, 17 minutes in Washington)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] NFL season opens
[Mon] Labor Day (no BS service)
Be Kind to Humankind Week
National Back-To-School Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
WHO WANTS TO BE ON-THE-AIR? (the BS version of the TV game)
Q: In Greek mythology, what were ‘nymphs’ — wives of Zeus, goddesses of love, nature spirits, or really popular?
A: Nature spirits.
Q: ‘Homiletics’ is the art of what — preaching sermons, natural medicine, sewing, or playing a song with your armpit?
A: Preaching sermons.
Q: What’s the most commonly requested plastic surgery procedure — facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, or nose job?
A: According to a new poll by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, it’s liposuction.
Q: Which would you go to if you needed a barrel repaired — a cooper, a gaffer, a wainwright, or a proctologist?
A: Cooper.
BS TAG LINE: Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
