August 28, 2000                                               Edition:  #1877

THINGS YOU’D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN’T . . .
• “Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.”
• “Do I LOOK like a people person?”
• “And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?”
• “If I throw a stick, will you leave?”
• “Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?”
• “Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.”
• “Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.”
• “Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?”
• “Chaos, panic and disorder — my work here is done.”
• “I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay cheques.”

BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “Extra Extra!” reports that ‘80s rock group Survivor has filed suit against the producers of TV’s “Survivor” over TOMORROW’s release of a soundtrack album from the megahit show. (It’s been 18 long hungry years since “Eye of the Tiger”.)
• Web gossip “Inside.com” says “Survivor” winner Richard Hatch has hired a literary agent who is shopping a book proposal about his tribal experiences to various publishers. Word is the proposal has a ‘Machiavellian tone’. (Snippy, snippy!)
• “E! Online” reveals that Robin Williams has signed on to develop and star in a biopic on the life of flamboyant pianist Liberace, who died in 1987. (He already has the wardrobe from “Mrs Doubtfire”.)
•  “People” magazine notes a promotion for the upcoming movie version of “Charlie’s Angels” has tanked. When co-stars Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu posed for a “Vogue” cover photo shoot, the editors were less than thrilled with results. Then Barrymore refused to pose in a re-shoot with duds from a designer who uses real fur, so the whole cover was scrapped. (This movie’s been snakebit since Day 1.)
• “New York Daily News” claims the recent Ellen DeGeneres/Anne Heche breakup may be due to Heche’s romantic interest in a MAN on the set of the film “John Q”, now shooting in Toronto. But the tab claims it wasn’t either of her co-stars, Denzel Washington and Robert Duvall. (Well, let’s see, that leaves Ray Liotta and James Woods. Has she no taste?)

LIFELINE:
A new study shows LINE DANCING can add 10 years to your life because it combines all the positive aspects of intense physical activity with none of the negatives. It’s a low impact activity that requires constant movement and all the direction changes keep the body well toned. (But if your life has led you to line dancing, do you really WANT an extra 10 years?)

ACTUAL OLYMPIC QUESTIONS SENT TO  AUSTRALIA’S DEPT OF IMMIGRATION:
• “I hear that all Australian women are beautiful. Is that true and if so, can you send me pictures of the available ones?”
• “Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?”
• “Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them?”
• “Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two?”
• “Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?”
• Which direction is north in Australia?”

THE BULL SHEET 08.28.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1957    [43] Daniel Stern, Bethesda MD, TV actor (voice of “Dilbert”)/movie actor (“City Slickers” series, “Home Alone” series)
1965    [35] Shania Twain (Eilleen Regina Edwards), Windsor ON (raised in Timmins & Sudbury ON), country/pop superstar (“Man I Feel Like a Woman”, “You’re Still The One”)
1969    [31] Jason Priestley, Vancouver BC, TV actor who always looks surprised (ex-Brandon Walsh-“Beverly Hills 90210″)/video director (Barenaked Ladies)
1982    [18] LeAnn Rimes, Jackson MS (raised in Garland TX), country singer (“Can’t Fight the Moonlight”, “How Do I Live”)/filed lawsuit in May against her father and manager, alleging they stole over $7 million of her hard-earned bucks

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
The annual “Burning Man” celebration runs TODAY-September 4th. It started in 1986, when San Francisco artist Larry Harvey was bitter about losing his girlfriend to another man. He built a wooden effigy, then burned it. Nowadays, some 20,000 gather in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, throw away their clothes or don outlandish costumes and recite poetry, build avant-garde art objects and dance all night. At the finale, they burn a 50-foot wooden effigy of a man. One of the weirdest celebrations anywhere!
PHONER: 415-TO-FLAME (Burning Man Hotline) 
NET: http://www.burningman.com

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999    Russian crewmen return to Earth, abandoning the 13-year-old “Mir” space station (Commercial uses are now being developed for the aging orbiter – California millionaire Dennis Tito is paying $20 million to fly there as the first ‘space tourist’ in 2001. He recently passed the psychological and physical tests and will soon begin training at Russia’s Star City.)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1837    [163] 1st ‘Worcestershire Sauce’ (woost-a-shur) marketed by pharmacists John Lea & William Perrins in, where else?, Worcester ENG
1922    [78] 1st ‘radio commercial’ (then known as ‘toll broadcasting’) as Queensboro Realty Company pays $100 for 10 minutes on WEAF radio in NYC
1996    [04] 1st MLB team to invite fans to ‘Bring Your Pooch to the Park’ (Chicago White Sox)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1978     [22] Donald Vesco rides 21-foot-long Kawasaki motorcycle at record 319 mph
1983     [17] Joseph Kreckman sets record by shooting 2,215 clay pigeons in a single hour

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
[Wed] National Toasted Marshmallow Day
[Mon] Labor Day (no BS service)
Be Kind to Humankind Week
National Catfish Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
AND NOW IT’S TIME TO PLAY – ‘BLAME YOUR MAN!’
Have a woman call her husband or boyfriend and blame him for something he hasn’t done. If he swears and get’s mad and doesn’t apologize or agree to having done it, HE wins a guy prize. If he apologizes for something he hasn’t even done, SHE wins a girl prize. Get that finger on the dump button!

BS TAG LINE: Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.