August 25, 2000 Edition: #1876
Now available at Internet auction site eBay — Rudy, Kelly, Gervase and Susan “Survivor” dolls, Pagong bandannas, Sonja’s sneakers, and the “Unofficial Survivor TV Series Coloring Book”. And here’s a BS look at some . . .
LESS POPULAR “SURVIVOR” AUCTION ITEMS:
• Catalogued collection of Colleen’s leg scabs.
• Kelly’s new self-help book, “How to Pick Someone Else’s Zits”
• One pair of used black beach socks.
• Rudy’s recipe for burnt stingray.
• A vial of actual spit from one of Richard’s hissy fits.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Word is Jennifer Lopez saw a shrink before shooting “The Cell”, pretending to need psychiatric help in order to prepare for her role (the psychiatrist declared her insane for dating Puffy Combs) . . . A 3rd ‘Pokemon’ movie is being imported from Japan, which will be retitled and released NEXT SPRING (it’s called “Kesshoto No Teio”, which means ‘Give Us Even More of Your Hard-Earned Money Gullible Gaijin’).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Richard Dreyfuss, Burt Reynolds, Dan Hedaya & Seymour Cassel play a group of aging hitmen who plan one last crime in the comedy “The Crew” (“Space Cowboys” mob style) . . . Kirsten Dunst braves brutal competition to make her high school cheerleading squad in the comedy “Bring It On” (“Rocky” with pom poms) . . . Wesley Snipes stars in the high-tech espionage thriller “The Art of War” as a secret agent framed for an assassination (“Murder at 1600″ II).
HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS:
A new study shows that being nice can ruin your chances of achieving results in business. The study proves that in tough negotiations, strategy is more important than cooperation. (The study was authored by one Richard Hatch.)
LOST & FOUND:
Try calling a large local hotel and asking about the strangest items left behind by guests. The list at Le Meridien Excelsior Hotel near London’s Heathrow Airport includes a white rabbit under a bed, live frogs in a bath tub, the radiator from a Ford, several sets of false teeth, and an artificial leg found in the hotel spa!
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• To protest a gun-buyback program by the local police, a pro-gun Powell, Tennessee car dealer is offering a free bolt-action, military surplus rifle to anyone who buys a vehicle TOMORROW on what he’s dubbed “Second Amendment Saturday”. And to prove he’s a total moron, he’ll also give out water pistols to kids.
• A Dutch electronics company and Levi Strauss have teamed up to develop a jacket which contains a built-in Internet music player, a cell phone and a headset in the collar. (Optional matching pants feature a belt buckle monitor, fanny fax and an electronic flyswatter.)
• A Taiwanese man has been arrested for fraudulently trying to collect dismemberment insurance to pay off $20 million in gambling debts. Seems he managed to persuade a couple of friends to purposely chop off his left hand. (Whew, what a relief! We thought ‘dismemberment’ was something else.)
THE BULL SHEET 08.25.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1930 [70] Sir Sean Connery, Edinburgh SCOT, film actor (“Entrapment”, Oscar-“The Untouchables”, the best ‘James Bond’?)/received knighthood New Year’s Eve 1999
1933 [67] Regis (Francis Xavier) Philbin, NYC, TV host (“Who Wants to be a Millionaire?”, “Live with Regis & ?” since 1989)/some sources report him to be 66 or 69 – he obviously lies
1964 [36] Blair Underwood, Tacoma WA, TV actor (stars as Dr Ben Turner in Steven Bochco’s new drama “City of Angels” this fall/movie actor (“Rules of Engagement”, “Deep Impact”)
1970 [30] Claudia Schiffer, Reinbach GER, model (5’11”, 37-24-36)/sometime actress (“Richie Rich”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Montreal] “World Film Festival” opens
The 9th annual “Canadian Garlic Festival” invades Sudbury ON TODAY-Sunday. Events include a ‘garlic hunt’ and ‘garlic relay’ (mouth-to-mouth?). PHONER: 705-673-7404 (Mary Stefura)
TODAY is “Kiss-and-Make-up Day”, a day to make amends in relationships that have deteriorated. To celebrate, let’s play “Kissin’ Couples”! We’ll give you the first names of married TV couples, you tell us their last names . . .
• Heathcliff and Clair [ANSWER: Huxtable, on “The Cosby Show”]
• Paul and Jamie [ANSWER: Buchman, on “Mad About You”]
• Mike and Carol [ANSWER: Brady, on “The Brady Bunch”]
• Marge and Homer [ANSWER: Simpson, on “The Simpsons”]
• Howard and Marion [ANSWER: Cunningham, on “Happy Days”]
• Dharma and Greg [ANSWER: Montgomery, on “Dharma & Greg” of course]
The “Ironman Canada” competition huffs ‘n puffs SUNDAY in Penticton BC.
PHONER: 250-490-8787 (Barry Poole)
NET: http://www.ironman.ca/
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1940 [60] 1st ‘parachute wedding’, as bride, groom, wedding party, minister and musicians all sky dive over NYC (the honeymoon proves challenging!)
1960 [40] 1st players’ names appear on back of football uniforms (AFL)
1970 [30] Elton John makes his North American debut at LA nightclub
AND REMEMBER . . .
[3 weeks from today] Sydney Olympics opening (drag queens will appear in the closing ceremony in what is being described as first open display of homosexuality at an Olympic ceremony)
[Sat] Little League World Series championship (Williamsport PA)
[Sat] Women’s Equality Day (women will never be equal to men until they can walk into a bar with a bald head and beer belly and feel like they’re the sexiest person alive)
[Sat] National Cherry Popsicle Day (the kind moms love ‘cause the stains DON’T come out)
[Sun] Petroleum Day (celebrate by watching the price of a litre hit a buck)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Before succeeding as an actor, Sean Connery was – a Mr Universe contestant, a nude model, a milk delivery man or a coffin polisher?
A: Talented guy — he was all of them! (Source: “Internet Movie Database”)
BS TAG LINE: Women might be able to fake orgasms but men can fake whole relationships.
