August 22, 2000 Another BS Download Edition: #1873
AUGUST is “International Air Travel Month” (unless it’s with Air Canada), so here’s a BS look at . . .
ANNOUNCEMENTS YOU HATE TO HEAR WHILE FLYING:
• “We’ll be delayed here on the taxiway while we sober up the captain.”
• “Please ring the flight attendant call button if you also have a lunch that’s still wiggling.”
• “In the coach cabin, there’ll be a $3 charge for oxygen.”
• “Don’t forget to ask your flight attendant about our ‘Frequent Near-Miss Program’ and time-saving out-of-court settlements.”
• “Does anyone on board have a pocket compass that isn’t spinning round and round?”
• “We’ve requested a little higher altitude since we just sucked a fish through the engine.”
• “Passengers, we’ll be serving complimentary champagne during this free-fall.”
• “We hope you’ll enjoy the in-flight movie on that plane next to us.”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
File this under ‘Why?’ — you can expect to see Roseanne IN THE BUFF this fall in “Gear” magazine . . . Antonio Banderas is quoted as saying wife Melanie Griffith had to resort to fertility shots to attempt another pregnancy because she’s “no spring chicken anymore” (safe to say she’ll next try in-vitro because Antonio‘s sex life is cut off!) . . . “Survivor’s” Richard tells “Newsweek” he’s been getting marriage proposals and “wonderful naked photos of men” in the mail . . . An estimated 40 million will tune in the 2-hour finale of “Survivor” TOMORROW night and to keep ‘em hangin’, the million-dollar winner won’t be announced until the FINAL MINUTE of the show.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
“Beyond the Mat”, the movie WWF honcho Vince McMahon didn’t want you to see, is a documentary focusing on the lives of pro wrestlers and the demands of their ‘sport’ (focuses on bigtime grapplers Terry Funk, Mankind, Jake the Snake and Droz) . . . Nick Nolte, Jeff Bridges and Sharon Stone in “Simpatico”, a drama about a horse racing scam (‘Simpatico’ is a horse) . . . James Spader in the sci-fi thriller “Supernova”, which chronicles the search & rescue patrol of a medical ship in deep space in the early 22nd century . . . “The Tigger Movie”, more mindless ‘Winnie the Pooh’ fluff for your kids.
DID YOU KNOW?
• Men who marry ugly women live an average 12 years longer than those with beautiful wives. According to a new Yale study, men with gorgeous spouses are so worried about losing their woman to another man that they go out of their way to please her, adding a great deal of stress to their lives.
• The older you get, the less you smell. The American Aging Association says that’s because your odor-making apocrine glands become less productive as you age. (Oh yeah? Well how do you explain that ripe fog that’s always surrounding grampa then?)
• Women who drink at least 3 cups of coffee daily reduce their chances of becoming pregnant by 27%, according to a recent study. (The reason college men now ask co-eds, “Are you on the mug?”)
THE BULL SHEET 08.22.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1917 [83] John Lee Hooker, Clarksdale MS, legendary bluesman (“Boom Boom”, “One Scotch One Bourbon One Beer”)/1999 ’Lifetime Achievement Award’ Grammy
1920 [80] Ray Bradbury, Waukegan IL, sci-fi author (“Fahrenheit 451″, “Martian Chronicles”)
1945 [55] Steve Kroft, Kokomo IN, CBS News correspondent (“60 Minutes”, since 1989)
1973 [27] Howie Dorough (Dwaline), Orlando FL, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Larger Than Life”, “I Want It That Way”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
The “Little League Baseball World Series” is up to bat THIS WEEK in Williamsport, Pennsylvania where some 100,000 are watching US and international teams battle to make the finals SATURDAY. This year actor Kevin Costner is among 3 chosen for enshrinement in the ‘Little League Hall of Excellence’ and is expected to attend the ceremony SATURDAY.
PHONER: 613-731-3301 (Canadian Branch Little League HQ-Ottawa)
NET: http://www.littleleague.org
The 24th “Festival Des Films du Monde” (“World Film Festival”) runs FRIDAY through September 4th in Montreal. 22 films from all over the world will compete for the coveted ‘Grand Prix of the Americas’.
PHONER: 514-848-3883 (HQ) or 514-495-8176 (Henry Welsh)
NET: http://www.ffm-montreal.org/en/
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
565 [1435] 1st reported sighting of Loch Ness monster (St Columba)
1865 [135] 1st ‘liquid soap’ patented (we can thank William Sheppard for those public washroom dispensers that squirt goo down your sleeves)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1951 [49] Largest-ever crowd to see a basketball game (75,052 watch Harlem Globetrotters in a free performance)
1998 [02] Farmers in Westlock, Alberta set Guinness World Record by using 64 combines to harvest 63 hectares in just 15 minutes and 43 seconds (even more impressive –.the record was set without needing an asterisk beside it to denote the number of limbs lost during the event)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Today] Be An Angel Day
[Sept 17] Annual Terry Fox Run
National Friendship Week
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS CLASSIC ROCK QUIZ:
We give you lyrics from a classic hit, you name the tune.
• “Remember how you made me crazy, Remember how I made you scream” [ANSWER: “Boys Of Summer”, Don Henley]
• “That’s the day I knew you were my pet” [ANSWER: “Sea Of Love”, The Honeydrippers]
• “There’s something about you girl That makes me sweat” [“Need You Tonight”, INXS]
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Which pet can make more sounds – your cat or your dog?
A: Cats have over 100 vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10. (But what about ‘non-vocal’ sounds?)
BS TAG LINE: Hors d’oeuvres — a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
