August 18, 2000 Edition: #1871
GOAL SETTING: BS THINGS YOU SHOULD TRY TO DO BEFORE TURNING 30 . . .
• Buy at least one item of furniture somewhere besides the Goodwill.
• Wear a suit to something other than a wedding or funeral.
• Stop using flags as curtains.
• Finish high school.
• Own a pair of underwear your mom didn’t buy you.
• Get a job that doesn’t require a name tag and a paper hat.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY they’ll shoot scenes for NBC’s “The West Wing” at the Democratic National Convention site, just before installations are torn down (too bad the convention didn’t nominate ‘Jed Bartlet’ instead of Gore) . . . TOMORROW TLC’s Tionne ‘T-Boz’ Watkins, who is pregnant by rapper Mark 10, will marry him (don’t do it — he’s a scrub!) . . . Buzz is rocker Beck is the latest on “Autumn in New York” actress Winona Ryder‘s list of conquests, he reportedly flying she to Ireland for a holiday in a castle (a shorter list would be celebs she HASN’T slept with) . . . There’s a tabloid report that Jennifer Lopez has a benign brain tumor (Puffy Combs is suing for defamation).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Jennifer Lopez stars in the thriller “The Cell” as a psychotherapist who journeys inside the mind of a comatose serial killer where she experiences bizarre fantasies, including one where she’s the Virgin Mary and another where she’s a sexy dominatrix (here’s a ringing endorsement — co-star Vincent D’Onofrio tells “Entertainment Weekly”, “People are going to vomit over some parts of the movie”) . . . Vincent D’Onofrio also stars in “Steal This Movie!”, a biopic on ‘60s protest leader Abbie Hoffman . . . After the glitzy Hollywood version that bombed big time, “Godzilla 2000″ goes back to the chintzy Japanese production values that made the big guy a star in the first place.
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A company called Rotozip has introduced the first power tool ‘designed specifically for women’ at this week’s “National Hardware Show” in Chicago. It’s a hand-held circular saw weighing less than 3 lbs with an ‘ergonomic design’ especially for women. (Has something to do with a makeup mirror.)
• One of the groups protesting this week’s Democratic convention was “Citizens Against Breast-Feeding” who believe natural feeding is a “violation of babies’ civil rights” that leads to an “incestuous dependency on the breast”. Without breast-feeding they say, there wouldn’t be a “Playboy” magazine.
• Iuma Dylan-Lucas Thornhil of Hutchinson KS has become the first baby ever named after a Website. The parents did the dirty deed to win $5,000 (or free music for life) from the ‘Internet Underground Music Archive’ Website, ‘IUMA’ for short. (At age 18 she’ll be changing her name to ‘ISYAM’, which stands for “I’ll sue your ass, morons!”)
SHE’S GOT LUNGS:
For the 2nd consecutive year, home country favorite Dagmara Stanek has won the “Vocal Noise Competition” in Goldap, Poland. She beat out 300 rivals from 4 countries with a scream of 126.1 decibels, comparable to the sound produced by a pneumatic hammer!
THE BULL SHEET 08.18.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [63] Robert Redford, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (“The Horse Whisperer”, “Up Close and Personal”)/film director (“Quiz Show”, “A River Runs Through It”) NOTE: His next directorial effort is “The Legend of Bagger Vance” starring Will Smith, coming out in November
1952 [48] Patrick Swayze, Houston TX, movie actor (“Ghost”, “Dirty Dancing”)/pilot of the year
1957 [43] Denis Leary, Boston MA, movie actor (“A Bug’s Life”, “Wag the Dog”)/TV ad pitchguy
1969 [31] Christian Slater (Hawkins), NYC, film actor (“Hard Rain”, “Broken Arrow”)/ex-con
1969 [31] Everlast (Erik Schrody), LA CA, pop/hip hop singer (“What It’s Like”)
1969 [31] Edward Norton, Boston MA, movie actor (“Fight Club”, “People vs Larry Flynt”)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [54] Bill Clinton, Hope AR, 42nd US President/cigar lover
1948 [52] Mary Elizabeth ‘Tipper’ Gore, Mrs Al/future US First Lady?
1969 [31] Matthew Perry, Williamstown MA [raised in Ottawa ON], TV actor (Chandler Bing-“Friends”)/mother was PM Trudeau’s press secretary, step-father is NBC and former CTV news reporter Keith Morrison
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Bad Poetry Day”, a day to compose some really rotten rhyme as revenge against all that ‘good poetry’ you were forced to study in school.
Toronto’s 18-day “Canadian National Exhibition” opens TODAY.
PHONER: 416-393-6000
NET: http://www.theex.com
Vancouver’s “Pacific National Exhibition” runs SATURDAY through September 4th.
PHONER: 604-253-2311
NET: http://www.pne.bc.ca/fair/
SATURDAY is “Homeless Animals Day”, to call attention to that fact that up to 17 million pets are put down in North American shelters each year due to overpopulation. Numerous pet vigils will be staged by the “International Society for Animal Rights,” whose motto is “Spay/Neuter! It Stops the Killing!”
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999 Planet Hollywood restaurant chain, famous for celebrity investors Demi Moore, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, files for bankruptcy protection (the chain’s still operating but Schwarzenegger has since bailed out)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1900 [100] 1st use of the word ‘television’ (some guy named Perskyi in France)
1922 [78] 1st ‘Caesar Salad’ is concocted in Tijuana MEX (named for ‘Caesar’s Restaurant’)
1997 [03] 1st virtual ‘in-store appearance’ by music artist as country singer Joe Diffie goes online to chat with Web surfers and offer fans ‘virtual autograph’ using electronic writing pad
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] National Radio Day
National Hypnosis Awareness Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: Who knows, did it ever happen?
BS TAG LINE: Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
