August 15, 2000 Edition: #1868
WORST BS PICK-UP LINES:
• Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
• I may not be ‘Fred Flintstone’, but I bet I can make your bed rock.
• I’d like to boink your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
• If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until afternoon.
• Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
• You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
• Hi, I’m a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
• Hi my name is [your co-host]. Remember it, cause you’ll be screaming it all night long.
• The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
A replica of Jennifer Aniston’s $52,000 wedding dress will be available in stores THIS FALL at a modest $350 . . . While he gets over his breakup with Winona Ryder, Matt Damon has reportedly moved in with best bud Ben Affleck (wags say Ben’s the neat-freak and Matt’s the slob) . . . Sally Field has signed on to guest-star in 6 episodes of “ER” next season playing the estranged mother of ‘Abby Lockhart’ (in the 1st episode the docs attempt to revive her acting career with a defibrillator).
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Julia Roberts (aided by a padded bra) plays the title role in “Erin Brockovich”, the story of a research assistant who helps an attorney in a lawsuit against a large utility company . . . Future “Spider Man” Tobey Maguire and Charlize Theron in the drama “The Cider House Rules”, which won Oscars for both supporting actor Michael Caine and author John Irving.
ONLY IN CANADA:
• A new program offering members of the Canadian Armed Forces 6 free Viagra pills a month apparently isn’t catching on. In true Canadian fashion, it seems our military men are just too embarrassed to participate. (The program was introduced so soldiers could carry a gun AND wave the flag at the same time.)
• For the first time ever, a Canadian dog will receive Britain’s highest animal award for bravery, the “PDSA Dickin Medal”, often called the “Animals’ Victoria Cross”. The posthumous recipient is a large Newfoundland known as “Gander” who, as mascot of the Royal Canadian Rifles, helped save lives during the battle for Hong Kong in 1941. “Gander” joins 53 previous animal honorees – 31 pigeons, 18 dogs, 3 horses and 1 cat. (Only medal my dog will win is the ‘Tidy Bowl Award’.)
• About 5 million tons of road salt are used across Canada in an average year. A just-released 5-year study by Environment Canada finds that it’s harming plants, animals, birds, fish, eco-systems and groundwater, but poses no direct danger to humans. (As long as we refrain from eating and drinking.)
THE DASH FOR DOTS:
Network Solutions, the company that processes most Internet domain name requests, says that a new dot.com company name is registered, now get this, EVERY 3.9 SECONDS. (So you think you’re gonna get rich with your Internet start-up huh?)
THE BULL SHEET 08.15.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [75] Oscar Peterson, Montreal PQ, jazz piano legend (to celebrate, Montreal’s Concordia University has set up the ‘Dr Oscar Peterson Jazz Scholarship’)
1950 [50] Princess Anne (Elizabeth Alice Louise Windsor), London ENG, dour-faced QEII daughter
1958 [42] Craig MacTavish, London ON, new NHL coach (Edmonton Oilers)/former player (last to play without a helmet)
1972 [28] Ben Affleck, Berkeley CA, movie actor (“Shakespeare in Love”, “Good Will Hunting”)
1974 [26] Natasha Henstridge, Springdale NF [raised in Fort McMurray AB trailer park], movie actress (“The Whole Nine Yards”, “Species I & II”) who left home at 14 for modeling career in Paris and landed first cover on French “Cosmopolitan” when she was only 15
1968 [32] Debra Messing, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (Grace Adler-“Will & Grace”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Relaxation Day”, a day to think about and encourage new forms of relaxation.
TODAY the “Dog Days of Summer” end, the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere.
TODAY is “National Failures Day”, a day for [your co-host] to reflect on his life’s accomplishments.
TOMORROW is the 23rd anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death and his estate is still cranking in the bucks off his memory. In a new twist, the annual candlelight vigil to commemorate his (alleged) August 16, 1977 death is being held online TONIGHT in what’s being called a ‘vigilcast’.
NET: http://www.elvis-presley.com
PHONER: 800-238-2000 (Graceland)
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999 Tiger Woods wins PGA Championship (this year’s begins Thursday in Louisville KY)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1848 [152] 1st ‘dental chair’ (Waldo Hanchett-Syracuse NY)
1877 [123] 1st use of telephone greeting ‘Hello’ (Thomas Edison persuades Alexander Graham Bell it’s better than the previously used ‘Ahoy’)
1939 [61] “The Wizard of Oz” premieres (Grauman’s Chinese Theater-LA)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1974 [26] Longest trampoline marathon by a team (6 people) lasts 52 days
1994 [06] NFL-record crowd of 112,376 attend Dallas/Houston exhibition game in Mexico City
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] National Thriftshop Day
Thanks For All The Gifts Week (a time to catch up on all your thank-you notes)
Family Fun Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:
What’s the stupidest spam ad pitch you’ve received in your e-mail? (Just today we received “Discover hidden secrets about the past!”, “Locate people who owe you money!”, and “Become biologically younger in 30 days — guaranteed!”)
BS TAG LINE: Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it!
