August 10, 2000 Edition: #1865
BS THINGS ON RICHARD’S TO-DO LIST NOW THAT HE’S OFF THE ISLAND (WE BET):
• Take the fashion world by storm with a new line of black ‘beach socks’.
• Sue that bastard Rudy for sexual harassment.
• As a souvenir of the island, load up shorts with hundreds of live stingrays.
• Renew efforts in trying to have a baby with Richard Simmons.
• Visit tailor to have birthday suit taken in.
• Attend Ricky Martin concert and throw shorts on-stage.
• Make small fortune selling back hair to toupee company.
• Show some ass, honey.
“SURVIVOR FACTS:
• We know the “Survivor” winner gets a million but what about the rest of them? The runner-up will earn $100,000, 3rd place wins $75,000, and 4th place $50,000. But no one receives ANY money until the final episode August 23.
• The “Survivor” concept was developed years ago by Brit Charlie Parsons who couldn’t sell it in England, but did eventually sell it to Swedish television in 1996, and then later in Denmark, Norway and Switzerland.
• “Survivor” producer Mark Burnett is now working on “Destination Mir”, a game show where the winner travels to the ‘Mir’ space station with Russian cosmonauts.
NO YEN FOR FORTUNE:
Unlike anywhere else in the world it’s been tried, the Japanese version of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” is a ratings bust, maybe because flaunting wealth is considered tacky in Japan. (And it’s also hard to say ‘Philbin’.)
MOVIES IN THE MAKIN’:
While shooting a scene for her latest flick “Animal Husbandry”, Ashley Judd had to wolf down 20 hot dogs (no word on how she rehearsed) . . . Britain’s 900-year-old Gloucester Cathedral will serve as the setting for ‘Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry’ in the upcoming “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” . . . Does an Oscar get you good roles? You bet — Helen Hunt has 4 movies coming out THIS FALL co-staring the top names in the biz — Kevin Spacey, Richard Gere, Mel Gibson and Tom Hanks . . . Cameron Diaz may join the ranks of Hollywood’s highest-paid women if she signs to star in what’s being called “The Untitled Nancy Pimental Project” for a cool $15 million (only Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan and Jodie Foster earn in that lofty neighborhood).
WIDE WORLD OF BS:
• This week a German court ruled that two retired brewery workers should receive FREE BEER as part of their pension package. How much beer? 264 pints a year! (Geez, what do you get if you’re a retired pimp?)
• A Yorkshire, England woman was so desperate for a ladies’ room she ran into a pub — while it was on fire! Even though firefighters were on the scene battling the blaze, she managed to persuade the owner to let her make a quick trip to the loo. (When you’ve got fire down below — that’s a REAL emergency!)
• Some 10,000 bagpipers participated in a “Bagpipe-a-thon” for charity in Edinburgh, Scotland. (Ouch! If you’ve never heard the bagpipes — try to imagine Geri Haliwell singing underwater while getting her leg amputated with no anesthetic.)
THE BULL SHEET 08.10.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1959 [41] Rosanna Arquette, NYC, film actress (“The Whole Nine Yards”, “Pulp Fiction”)/lived in Europe with Peter Gabriel from 1992-98/sister of David Arquette and Patricia Arquette
1960 [40] Antonio Banderas, Malaga SPA, movie actor (“Play It to the Bone”, “The Mask of Zorro”, “Philadelphia”)/Mr Melanie Griffith
1972 [28] Angie Harmon, Dallas TX, TV actress (Assistant DA Abbie Carmichael-“Law & Order”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
SATURDAY is “Middle Children’s Day”, to salute middle-born children whose childhood activities were limited by always being ‘too young’ or ‘too old’. A good excuse to ask listeners who are middle children to call your recording line and tell their tales of woe. Pick the best whiners and lay some sadsack violin music in the background when you play them back.
“International Lefthanders Day” SUNDAY salutes all lefties, and recognizes their needs and frustrations. Ask about peculiar problems that southpaws encounter.
PHONER: 785-234-2177 (Lefthanders International-Topeka KS)
PHONER: 800-818-9616 (Southpaw Enterprises-Nelson BC)
NET: http://www.southpaw.bc.ca
LEFTY FACTS:
• According to “Cat World”, scientific testing has revealed that 40% of domestic cats are left-pawed. Just 20% are right-pawed, and the remainder are ‘ambi-pawed’. (Meaning you get TWO sets of claw tracks down your drapes.)
• The past 3 US Presidents have been natural southpaws. If that’s any kind of predictor — Al Gore is a lefty.
• Left-handed people are statistically more likely to be geniuses. — AND to be insane.
• Statistically lefties tend to be more accident-prone and on average don’t live as long.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1889 [111] 1st ‘screw cap’ patented (why is it only adults have trouble with child-proof caps?)
1876 [124] 1st ‘long distance call’ (Alexander Graham Bell calls Paris ON from Brantford ON)
1985 [15] Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” becomes 1st solo album by female artist to sell 5 million copies (makes Shania Twain’s 27 million and counting seem even more unbelievable, don’t it?)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] National Relaxation Day
Elvis Week
Peach Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
SFX THEATER:
You tell the story, a listener on the phone provides the SFX. Today’s story is called . . .
“THE PET SHOP”
Yesterday [your co-host] went into a pet shop, causing the bell above the door to TINKLE. (SFX). A cheeky old parrot SQUAWKED a greeting. (SFX) [Your co-host] also heard MEWING kittens (SFX), SQUEAKING mice (SFX), and an AARDVARK (SFX). As he walked around he could hear the HUM and GURGLING of fish aquariums. (SFX) Then he saw the cutest little puppy WHIMPERING. (SFX) [Your co-host] picked it up, causing the puppy to TINKLE. (SFX) And the cheeky old parrot SQUAWKED. (SFX)
BS TAG LINE:
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
