BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
23-year-old “Glee” star Naya Rivera (‘Santana’) has reportedly egged and keyed a car belonging to 28-year-old co-star Mark Salling (‘Puck’) after finding out that he’s also dating other women (wait a sec, this supposed high school dude is 28?) . . . Nick Cannon might not want to reveal anything, but RadarOnline claims that his singer-wife Mariah Carey is indeed 4-months pregnant (guess that explains why she’s been looking fat[ter] lately) . . . “Daily Mirror” reports actor Tom Cruise was recently showing off his motorcycle skills to some teenage fans when he lost control and crashed into a wall (snort!) . . . 41-year-old Jennifer Aniston has reportedly signed on for the upcoming Judd Apatow-produced comedy “Wanderlust”, which will require her to go topless, smoke pot, and participate in a threesome (with her latest rom-com “The Switch” tanking, it’s about time she changed things up!) . . . Lindsay Lohan’s early release from rehab is conditional on her attending 5 AA meetings, 4 psychotherapy sessions, and 2 behavior therapy sessions per week, plus random drug & alcohol testing twice a week (okay, what’s your pick for the meltdown date?) . . . Latest rumor has it that Audrina Patridge (“The Hills”) and David Hasselhoff (umm??) are also joining the upcoming 11th season of “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC), joining previously reported Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino (“Jersey Shore”) . . . And famous person Heidi Montag tells “Life & Style” magazine her ridiculous new fun-bags are ‘crushing her’ and aren’t so fun after all, so she’d like to have her famously fake boobs downgraded to ‘a D or a double D’ (as in ‘Duh!’).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Boys Of Fall” (ESPN) – Country star Kenny Chesney’s documentary about high school football premieres Sunday afternoon. Among those appearing in the film: New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton, former NFL coach Bill Parcells, Indianapolis Colts QB Peyton Manning, and legendary NFL analyst John Madden.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning Lady Antebellum performs as part of the ‘Summer Concert Series’.
• “The Gulf Is Back” (CW) – Tonight David Hasselhoff hosts this latest TV special paying tribute to victims of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Musical performances include Brian McKnight, Lonestar, and Taylor Hicks. It was recorded during 2 days of free concerts in Biloxi, Mississippi.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Black Crowes (“Croweology”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Snoop Dogg (“More Malice”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Robyn (“Body Talk Pt 2”, out September 7th).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – This morning Norah Jones (“The Fall”).
• “Primetime Emmy Awards” (NBC) – Sunday “Late Night’s” Jimmy Fallon hosts the 62nd orgy of self-congratulation live from LA. Presenters include newlywed co-stars Anna Paquin & Stephen Moyer (“True Blood”) and “CSI” star Laurence Fishburne (proud papa of adult actress ‘Chippy D’). (Get ready to hear this a lot: “And the winner is …. ‘Glee’!”)
• Reading & Leeds Festivals (UK) – Arcade Fire, Blink-182, and Guns N’ Roses headline the 3-day weekend dual-site event. Also on the bill: Billy Talent, Modest Mouse, Paramore, Phoenix, Queens Of the Stone Age, Weezer.
• “Restoring Honor” – Fox News’ personality Glenn Beck assures his Saturday tribute to military personnel on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC is a ‘non-political event’. Participants include Sarah Palin, Marcus Luttrell, and country singer Jo Dee Messina.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Taylor Swift (“Speak Now”, out October 25th).
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Katy Perry performs live in NYC.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Tracy Bonham (“Masts of Manhatta”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Beatles – To celebrate the 50th anniversary of their founding, international tribute acts will perform every song on every Beatles album back-to-back at Liverpool UK’s “Mathew Street Music Festival” this weekend. Europe’s largest free music festival features 6 outdoor stages.
• Chris Brown – He tells BET he was supposed to watch Michael Jackson rehearse on the day he died last year, and he claims his teary tribute at the “BET Awards” was ‘genuine’.
• Fleetwood Mac – Tonight Stevie Nicks plays the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City NJ with her current collaborator Dave Stewart (ex-Eurythmics). She tells “NY Daily News” the Internet has ‘destroyed’ rock & roll. (No mention of copious amounts of cocaine.)
• John Lennon – Saturday a porcelain toilet bowl from Tittenhurst Park, his former mansion in Berkshire, England, goes on sale in an auction of Fab Four memorabilia in Liverpool. The commode is expected to fetch $1,500.
• Katy Perry – Today EMI Australia and Baskin Robbins are offering free cotton candy ice cream to fans in Sydney and Melbourne as part of the promotion for her new album “Teenage Dream”.
• Lady Antebellum – They now have 3 spots on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Top Country Albums’ chart as their 2 studio albums, “Need You Now” and “Lady Antebellum”, have been joined by the newly released “iTunes Session” in the top 10.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Avatar: Special Edition” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Fantasy ): James Cameron’s record-breaking epic ($2.7 billion) returns to select theaters for a limited-run with an extra 9 minutes of footage added, including a new sex scene between ‘Jake Sully’ (Sam Worthington) & ‘Neytiri’ (Zoe Saldana). Cameron will add a further 7 minutes to a special-edition DVD to be released in November.
NET: http://www.avatarmovie.com
• “The Last Exorcism” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): Patrick Fabian & Ashley Bell star in the story of a troubled evangelical minister who agrees to let his last exorcism be filmed by a documentary crew, during which a possessed young woman brings him face-to-face with the devil himself. Vaguely inspired by the 1973 horror hit “The Exorcist”.
NET: http://www.thelastexorcism.com/index.html
• “Takers” ( PG-13 Crime Thriller ): Matt Dillon plays a hard-boiled detective who gets between a group of bank robbers and their plan to score a $20-million heist. Co-stars Hayden Christensen, Zoe Saldana, plus recording artists Chris Brown and TI, who both have recent experience running afoul of the law.
NET: http://www.whoarethetakers.com

PREPARE FOR MORE PONDEROUS PASSWORDS:
Say goodbye to those wimpy 8-letter passwords, the 12-character era of online security is upon us, according to a new report from the Georgia Institute of Technology. Researchers were able to crack 8-character passwords in less than 2 hours using clusters of graphics cards. But when they applied that same processing power to 12-character passwords, they found it would take on average 17,134 years to solve them. A little advice from the experts …
• It’s best to use the longest and most complex password a site will allow. Use non-letter characters whenever possible.
• To help remember your password try using password sentences, ie: “I have 2 kids: Jack and Jill.”
– CNN.com

TEXTING AWAY SLEEP:
Pushing teens to get enough sleep is tough in this era of smartphones, game consoles, iPods, and laptops. What teen wants to drift off when another text is arriving, when X-Box friends are still online, and when Facebook is 24/7? Experts say 80% of adolescents just aren’t getting their recommended daily sleep, about 9 hours. Meantime, a poll by the National Sleep Foundation, finds 90% of parents think their teens get enough sleep at least ‘several nights a week’. Researchers see this as a striking ‘awareness gap’. (Simple solution: No electronics in the bedroom.)
– WashingtonPost.com

WHY BUY A USED CAR?
Auto consumer expert Philip Reed offers the following reasons to go used …
• Cars that are only a year old are already 20-to-30% cheaper than brand-new cars.
• You’ll save money on insurance.
• Used cars are more reliable today than ever before.
• Some used cars are still under factory warranty.
• Most new carmakers now sell ‘certified’ used cars, which include warranties.
• The history of a used car can easily be traced using the Vehicle Identification Number (VIN).
• If you buy used from a private party, the negotiation process is less stressful.
– Edmunds.com

JUICED UP JOHN:
Attention hypochondriacs! Thanks to Japanese manufacturer Toto, you can soon forgo frequent visits to the doctor for health check-ups. Instead, simply pee into the ‘Intelligent Toilet’. A receptacle inside the basin collects urine for sugar content and temperature checks. There’s also an armband to monitor blood pressure. Your data is sent automatically to your personal computer, from where it can be emailed to your doctor. In the next generation model, the data will be sent automatically to family members or doctors via the Internet. This electronic marvel currently retails for around $5,000 in Japan. (What, no heated seat?)
– AFP

FREE PHONE … FOR NOW:
This week Google has enabled gmail users to make calls from microphone-equipped computers to telephones virtually anywhere in the world. All calls in the US and Canada are free until at least the end of this year. Users are also able to receive calls on their PC if they obtain a free phone number from Google or already have one. Google hopes to make money on its PC-to-phone service by charging 2 cents or more per minute for international calls. The international rates vary widely, sometimes even within the same country. (The downside of video calls … you have to get cleaned up and dressed just to answer the phone.)
– AP

WHY YOU FEEL HUNGRY WHEN YOU’RE NOT:
Dr Tony Goldstone, an endocrinologist at Imperial College London, says we can feel hungry when we’re not because the human body originally developed in an age of scarcity, so we have the same innate drive to eat even though we now live in an age of plenty. Another factor is ghrelin, a key hormone involved in appetite regulation. If you haven’t eaten enough, your stomach releases ghrelin, which travels to your brain and makes you think of food. But levels of the stuff can also be jacked up in times of stress and when we haven’t had enough sleep. (See! It’s not your fault you’re always eating after all … porky.)
– Condensed from BeatHealthMag.ca

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• As part of David Hasselhoff’s divorce settlement, he kept possession of the nickname “Hoff” and the catchphrase “Don’t Hassle the Hoff”.
– MentalFloss.com
• After the Haiti earthquake, about 3.1 million Americans using mobile phones donated $10 each to the Red Cross, raising about $31 million. A similar campaign to raise contributions for Pakistan after the recent flooding produced only about $10,000.
– ForeignPolicy.com

BS CHRONOMETER 08.27.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [57] Alex Lifeson (Zivojinovich), Fernie BC, rock singer/guitarist (Rush-“One Little Victory”, “Test for Echo”)

1969 [41] Chandra Wilson, Houston TX, TV actress (‘Dr Miranda Bailey’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1970 [40] Tony Kanal, Kingsbury UK, rock bassist (No Doubt-“It’s My Life”, “Underneath It All”)

1976 [34] Sarah Chalke, Ottawa ON, TV actress ( ‘Dr Elliot Reid’ on “Scrubs” since 2001, “How I Met Your Mother” 2008-09)

1986 [24] Mario (Barrett), Baltimore MD, R&B/pop singer (“Break Up”, “Let Me Love You”)/movie actor (“Freedom Writers”, “Step Up”)

SATURDAY –
Former Canadian Prime MinisterPaul Martin is 72; Pop/country singer Shania Twain (“You’re Still The One”) is 45; Movie actor Jack Black (“Kung Fu Panda”) is 41; Country singer Leann Rimes (“How Do I Live”) is 28.

SUNDAY –
Country musician Dan Truman (Diamond Rio) is 54; Movie actress Carla Gugino (“Night At the Museum”) is 39; Rock guitarist/vocalist Kyle Cook (matchbox twenty) is 35; Rock bassist David Desrosiers (Simple Plan) is 30.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Just Because Day”, a chance to do something spontaneously without rhyme or reason. Most often in life, we do things because we have to, we want to, or they’re expected of us. None of those reasons apply on this day.
• “Oil & Gas Industry Appreciation Day”, honoring the first successful American oil well, drilled near Titusville PA 151 years ago today (1859). That’s when many of today’s problems began.
BS REASONS WE APPRECIATE THE PETROLEUM INDUSTRY:
– The intriguing phenomenon of seeing gooey, black birds on the beach.
– The sweet aroma of refineries and chemical plants, smugly referred to as the ‘smell of money’.
– Continually jacking the price of gasoline up & down at will for no apparent reason.
– The industry’s ongoing effort throughout it’s history to eliminate mass transit and block the development of alternative fuels.
– Keeping the world nice and warm, thanks to greenhouse gas emissions from cars.

SATURDAY –
• “Crackers Over the Keyboard Day”, honoring the time-honored tradition of snacking and surfing. What’s the worst thing you’ve spilled on your computer keyboard? And the strangest thing you’ve ever found in it?

SUNDAY –
• “According to Hoyle Day”, honoring Britain’s Edmond Hoyle on the anniversary of his death in 1769. He’s the guy who took the time to formalize rules to many popular games. Thus the expression ‘according to Hoyle’ has come to mean ‘playing by the rules’.
• “Ironman Canada” in Penticton BC, including a 3.8K swim, 180K cycle, and 42.2K run.
NET: http://www.ironman.ca
• “More Herbs, Less Salt Day”, because it’s ‘healthier, zestier and lustier!’ So go ahead, spice up your life! What’s the world’s most-used spice? Black pepper.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1965 [45] The Beatles have their legendary only meeting with Elvis Presley, hanging out at his Bel Air CA home

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1955 [55] 1st publication of “Guinness Book of World Records” (sells over 70 million copies, more than any other book excepting the Bible and the Qur’an)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1982 [28] ‘Largest Apple Pie’, weighing 30,115 lbs, is baked in 40-by-23 ft dish by TV chef Glynn Christian in Chelsfield, England

1994 [16] ‘Largest Balloon Release’ as a total of 1,592,744 are released by Disney Home Video at Longleat House, England

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Talk Intelligently Day
[Mon] Courtesy Appreciation Day
[Mon] Toasted Marshmallow Day
[Tues] Love Litigating Lawyers Day
[Tues] Trail Mix Day
This Week Is … Be Kind to Humankind Week
This Month Is … Water Quality Month

BULL’S BITS

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THE BS RULES OF LOVE:
• Your braces getting stuck together, in some contexts, counts as foreplay.
• Those ‘mood-setting’ candles you bought will inevitably smell like a Port-o-Potty when lit.
• Accidentally punching her in the ear while trying to brush back her hair is only a deal breaker if you draw blood.
• Satin sheets are only a turn-on in bad romantic comedies.
• Condom wrappers, as a rule, are impossible to open between the hours of 9 pm and 2 am.
• Any music you play to ‘set the mood’ will turn out not to be memorable or romantic … even Boston’s “More Than a Feeling”.
• If she asks you to ‘talk dirty’, you will blurt out something waaaay over the line.
• Even if you both cry afterward, it will still be more embarrassing for you.
– Thanks to Matt Powers

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the definition of ‘cool’? (Britain’s Brand Council defines it as ‘being innovative, irreverent and confident enough to do your own thing’.)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: On average, THIS happens to a person twice a week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Being frightened.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.