August 15, 2007

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Wednesday, August 15, 2007        Edition: #3592
Sheeters Always Prosper!

THIS WEEK actress Janeane Garofalo begins work in Ottawa on the TV movie “Binky”, co-starring with a Jack Russell terrier in the story of a woman who reluctantly agrees to drive her ailing mother’s dog to Boston (you know you’re off the A-list if you’re working with animals and/or children) . . . Britney Spears could be saddled with a hit & run charge over that vehicle she bumped while parking LAST WEEK (she actually managed to ding it twice before driving away) . . . 39-year-old Edmonton-born TV actress Jill Hennessy (“Crossing Jordan”) has confirmed she’s 6-months-pregnant with her 2nd son (soon she’ll be “Raising Jordan”) . . . OJ Simpson’s once-scuttled hypothetical memoir “If I Did It” is getting published after all, with proceeds to help satisfy the $33.5-million wrongful-death judgment the Goldman family won against him in 1997 (the book was already leaked online as an eBook – 2 months ago) . . . Electronic Arts’ new version of its football video game, “Madden NFL 08”, released YESTERDAY for all video game platforms now also comes in a version for mobile phones (only users with 20/20 vision can play because the ball’s the size of a pinhead) . . . Actor/director Mel Gibson has met with Guatemalan President Oscar Berger hoping to get permission to make a movie and/or documentary at a Mayan archaeological site in the country (“Apocalypto 2“?) . . . Bruce Willis & Demi Moore’s 18-year-old daughter Rumer Willis, already a veteran of 2 movies, now says she’d like to launch a singing career (maybe daddy can help her out with that, too?) . . . And 27-year-old Jessica Simpson says she plans to adopt a child from the Casa Hogar Elim orphanage in Mexico, which she’s been visiting with her former-minister father since she was a teen (she admits that at age 16, she actually asked for an orphan – as a birthday gift).

• Amy Winehouse – Rumor has it she & her 3-month husband Blake Fielder-Civil have flown to the US for intensive counseling and detox treatment together. She reportedly smoked heroin, snorted coke, and gulped ecstasy, horse tranquilizer, whiskey and vodka before being admitted to hospital LAST WEEK. Meanwhile, Island/Universal is threatening to sue US retailers that are selling pirated copies of her 2003 debut album, “Frank”, which is not due for American release until NOVEMBER. Sales of illegally imported copies have already surpassed 18,000 units.
• Joni Mitchell – Tina Turner, Corinne Bailey Rae, and Leonard Cohen are among those who’ll join jazz great Herbie Hancock on his upcoming Mitchell tribute album “River: The Joni Letters”.
• Kanye West – His mother Donda West’s new book, “Raising Kanye – Life Lessons From The Mother of A Hip-Hop Superstar”, says he’s been extremely self-confident and in love with his own image ever since he was 12. We bet that’s also when other kids quit liking him.
• Pat Benatar – She’s revisiting her greatest hits on a new acoustic album planned for 2008. The unplugged collection will include re-workings of “Love Is a Battlefield” and “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” among others.
• Toby Keith – THIS FALL he’ll release “A Classic Christmas”, a 2-CD set featuring new recordings of traditional holiday songs. Will there be a tune called “Big Dog Santy”?
• U2 – The upcoming documentary, “Here Is What Is”, by their Canadian record producer Daniel Lanois will highlight what goes on behind-the-scenes as they put material together and feature rare footage of the band in the recording studio.
• Van Halen – After numerous delays, their long anticipated tour featuring David Lee Roth on vocals for the first time in 22 years will finally get off the ground SEPTEMBER 27th in Charlotte NC. Maybe.
• Wilco – The alt-rock band has been forced to postpone this week’s gigs, including a concert scheduled for TONIGHT in Winnipeg, because guitarist Nels Cline is suffering from … chicken pox.

• Good Charlotte – This morning they guest on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Lifehouse – They flog their latest album “Who We Are” on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Nelly Furtado – She performs on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• “Newport Harbor: The Real Orange County” – The sort-of 4th season of “Laguna Beach” debuts (MTV) with a new title, a new location further along the Pacific coast, and a new cast of beautiful but vacuous high school teens.
• Robin Thicke – The soul-singing son of vocalist Gloria Loring & Canadian entertainer Alan Thicke (“Growing Pains”) faces the panel on “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Satellite Party – Perry Farrell’s latest band is on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” – This season’s final performance show (FOX/CTV) will have the top 4 dancing their collective a** off in hope of being crowned the winner on TOMORROW’s final results show. Is Cat Deeley not the best host on TV?

• ‘Data Smog’ – The modern-day problem of being overwhelmed by way too much information.
• ‘Fizzy Pop & Chop’ – A staple at celebrity bashes, it’s a bottle of champagne with a side order of cocaine.
• ‘Mobisode’ (contraction of ‘mobile’ & ‘episode’) – A short video program designed to be watched on a small, mobile screen such as a digital media player or cellphone.
• ‘Scalper Bot’ – A software program designed to purchase a large number of tickets online for concerts and other events, thus allowing the purchaser to sell the tickets for a big profit.
• ‘Smexting’ (contraction of ‘smoking’ & ‘texting’) – Sending text messages while standing outside on a smoking break.
• ‘Voluntourism’ – Package trips offered by tour companies for students to do volunteer work in Third World countries. Legitimate aid agencies are less than thrilled with the idea.

Overweight residents of an Italian town are being paid to lose weight. People living in the northwestern Italian town of Varallo receive 50 euros (about $70) for losing 4 kg (circa 9 lbs) in a month. Mayor Gianluca Buonanno also promises that if they can keep the weight off for 5 months, they’ll get another 200 euros. (Otherwise … you pay it back?)
– Reuters

As more and more of us avoid cancer-causing rays, summer has become the season of fake tans. But what to do about those tell-tale orange streaks that often end up on the sides of your feet, palms, elbow and knees? First of all, try to apply self-tanning lotion as evenly as possible. Wear plastic gloves to avoid tinting your palms. And try using Nair or other hair removal creams to remove any self-tanner streaks Rub it on, then immediately wipe it off with a washcloth or tissue. (It’s far gentler than sandpaper.)
– “Ready Made Magazine”

The first space hotel is scheduled to open for business in 2012. It will enable guests to travel around-the-world in just 80 minutes. The Barcelona-based architects who have created ‘Galactic Suites’ say the space hotel will be the most expensive tourist accommodations in the galaxy, costing circa $4 million for a 3-day stay. (Geez, do you get breakfast with that?)

According to paleontologists at London’s Natural History Museum, the dimensions of the face between mouth and eyebrows are crucial in determining how attractive a man appears to women. Researchers divided the distance between the brow and upper lip, by the width of the face. The lower the result, the more ‘masculine’ the face is said to be. (Studio experiment!)
– PA News

You know those scented strips on perfume ads that make women’s mags smell so good? Well, it may not be long before a whiff of your favorite magazine will have you craving breakfast instead of eau de toilette. Several ad agencies are currently toying with the idea of peel-and-sniff campaigns for food products. Already in some hotels berry-scented stickers are being affixed to the front page of newspapers to encourage guests to enjoy a muffin with their coffee. (What else could you sell using smell?)
– “Cosmopolitan”

Medical researchers are warning that even people with small pot bellies are at greater risk of developing heart disease. Just a few extra inches around the waistline can triple the rate at which dangerous deposits clog up arteries around the heart. ([Co-host] has more deposits than T-D. Citibank)
– “The Guardian”

How to clean house with less hassle …
• Rather than dusting the top of the refrigerator periodically, cover it with plastic food wrap that you can peel off and replace every few months.
• Glass tabletops will sparkle if you wipe them gently with lemon juice or vinegar, then dry them with paper towels and polish them with newspapers.
• Steam-clean your microwave by heating 2 cups of water in it for 5 minutes. The steam will loosen cooked-on grunge.
• Avoid bed-making drudgery by replacing the top sheet and comforter with a duvet and duvet cover. Then all you have to do is shake out the duvet and the bed is made.
• Minimize scuffs on wooden furniture by rubbing the damaged spot with the meat of a walnut or pecan. Scuffs on leather furniture can be minimized by rubbing them gently with a pencil eraser.
– “Akron Beacon Journal”

A retired French army colonel is aiming to take a leap into the record books by completing a 1,000 mph skydive from the edge of space. In an attempt to become the first to break the sound barrier in free-fall, 63-year-old Michel Fournier will ascend to an altitude of 25 miles in a helium-filled weather balloon before plunging to Earth at supersonic speed. He’s is expected to make the parachute jump over the Saskatchewan prairie NEXT MONTH.
– “Daily Telegraph”

Employee performance declines by about 1% for each degree that an office’s temperature varies (warmer or cooler) from 72 F (22 C). (As you can tell, it’s freezing in here this morning.)

“I’m happy to be the person who gets the old ladies covered.”
– Schmaltzy singer Clay Aiken, telling the “Houston Chronicle” he’s totally content with his musical niche. Or maybe he’s describing some kind of truly icky proclivity?


1925 [82] Oscar Peterson, Montréal QC, jazz piano legend/Companion of the Order of Canada (1984)/Governor General’s Performing Arts Award (1992)/Jazz Hall of Fame (1995)/Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award (1997)/UNESCO Music Prize (2000)

1950 [57] Princess Anne (Elizabeth Alice Louise Windsor), London UK, dour-faced daughter of Queen Elizabeth II

1958 [49] Craig MacTavish, London ON, NHL head coach (Edmonton Oilers since 2000)/former player who survived 14 NHL seasons even though he was the last to play without a helmet

1964 [43] Debi Mazar, Queens NY, TV actress (‘Shauna’ on “Entourage” since 2004)

1968 [39] Debra Messing, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (‘Grace Adler’ on “Will & Grace” 1998-2006)

1972 [35] Ben Affleck, Berkeley CA, movie actor (“Smokin’ Aces”, 1998 ‘Best Screenplay’ Oscar-“Good Will Hunting”)/married to actress Jennifer Garner (2005)

1974 [33] Natasha Henstridge, Springdale NL (raised in Fort McMurray AB trailer park), movie actress (“The Whole Nine Yards”, “Species”)/TV actress (“Commander in Chief” 2005-06)

• “Failures Day”, a day for to reflect on life’s accomplishments. Interesting to note that every successful person has had failures … but failures are no guarantee of success.

• “Relaxation Day”, a day to think about and encourage new forms of relaxation. Beer?

1939 [68] “The Wizard of Oz” premieres at Grauman’s Chinese Theater in LA (originally a box office flop, it only becomes a classic years later)

2006 [01] Chantal Kreviazuk performs on “Canadian Idol” (CTV)

1969 [38] “The Woodstock Music & Art Fair” opens, attracting some 450,000 rock fans to watch 2 dozen bands on a wooden stage in the middle of Max Yasgur’s farm (leads to future mega-rock events getting tagged with the suffix ‘-stock’)

1848 [159] 1st ‘Dental Chair’ (Waldo Hanchett of Syracuse NY patents his creation, complete with headrest & adjustable seat)

1877 [130] 1st use of telephone greeting ‘Hello’ as Thomas Edison persuades his pal Alexander Graham Bell that it sounds better than the previously used ‘Ahoy!’ (try using ahoy on the phones throughout your show today)

1974 [33] A team of 6 athletes in Phoenix AZ performs the ‘Longest Trampoline Bouncing Marathon’ (1,248 hours or 52 days)

1994 [13] NFL-record crowd of 112,376 attend Dallas/Houston exhibition game in Mexico City

[Thurs] 30th anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death
[Fri] Thriftshop Day
[Fri] “High School Musical 2” airs (Disney Channel/Family Channel)
[Fri] “Death at a Funeral”; “The Invasion”; “The Last Legion”; Superbad” open in movie theaters
[Fri-Sept 3] Canadian National Exhibition (Toronto)
[Sat] Bad Poetry Day
[Sun] Aviation Day
This Week Is … Elvis Week (aka ‘Help Lisa Marie Avoid Singing for a Living Week’)
This Month Is … Child Support Enforcement Month (aka ‘Deadbeat Dad Month’)


• “Hey, you’re really cute. You look just like my little sister.”
• “Excuse me, have you seen my colostomy bag?”
• “Me and my wife have an open marriage …”
• “I must be huntin’ treasure, ’cause I’m diggin’ yer chest.”
• “You are the hottest beeyotch on the beeyatch.”
• “Hello there. I’m extremely wealthy.”
(The best pick-up line to use on guys is … “Hi.”)

When you get disconnected on the phone, who is responsible to redial … the caller or the callee?

You and your co-host each give an answer to a perplexing question, one a total bluff, the other the correct explanation. Your contestant must choose the correct option. Today’s question: How did the standard breed ‘Portuguese Water Dog’ get its name?
• It was originally bred to herd fish. Yep, that’s right. Back in the 1500s, Portuguese fishers always had a dog aboard and frequently used it to send messages between boats and also to herd fish into nets in much the same way a sheepdog collects its flock. Eventually, commercial fishing equipment made those duties unnecessary. [CORRECT]
• What a load of baloney! The Portuguese Water Dog got its name because it was used in 17th-century England to retrieve bottles from the wine cellar. Not wishing to leave guests alone at the dining table, a host would command a well-trained pooch to go fetch another flagon. At the time, Madeira wines were known by the slang terms ‘Portugal Potable’ and ‘Portuguese Water’. [TOTAL CRAP]

Thank god Picasso wasn’t a plastic surgeon.

Today’s Question: A woman’s pupil will spontaneously dilate if she merely looks at THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A baby.

Nobody notices when things go right.

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