BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Jennifer Aniston’s publicist has already shot down the story that graces the cover of the new issue of “Star Magazine”, which claims the actress has split with boyfriend Justin Theroux (if you keep printing it often enough, sooner or later you’ll luck in!) . . . 45-year-old Pamela Anderson tells People.com she’s sworn off men until she completes her upcoming return stint on ABC-TV’s “Dancing With the Stars”, which premieres September 24th (45 days, a new personal best!) . . . 41-year-old “Live! with Kelly” host Kelly Ripa tells “In Touch” she gets Botox jabs as often as possible, and certainly as soon as her kids notice she’s frowning (“Mom, your face moved!”) . . . 79-year-old sorta comedian Joan Rivers is comparing retailer Costco to the Nazis (huh?) for not carrying her new book “I Hate Everyone … Starting With Me” (she even chained herself to a shopping cart while ranting into a bullhorn at the Burbank CA store) . . . Jennifer Lopez has launched a $20-million lawsuit against her former driver & head of security, Hakob Manoukian, for ‘blackmail, extortion, and related acts’ after he allegedly threatened to reveal damaging info about her (makes you wonder what she’s hiding) . . . This week filming got underway on a new 10-episode season of cult comedy “Arrested Development”, which is set to debut on Netflix in 2013 (the new business model for TV shows?) . . . And attention-loving Miley Cyrus has felt it necessary to tell the September issue of “Marie Claire” that her dog Ziggy ate her diamonds ‘on purpose’ and was ‘pooping them out all morning’ (fortunately for fiancé Liam Hemsworth, her new engagement ring wasn’t one of them).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Miranda Lambert (“Four the Record”). Rerun.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning OneRepublic (“Waking Up”).
• Honda Civic Tour 2012 (Bristow VA) – Saturday Linkin Park kicks off the annual cross-country rock tour, with Incubus and MuteMath on the bill as well. The month-long trek runs through September 10th in San Diego CA.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Trey Songz (“Chapter V”, out August 21st). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Rufus Wainwright (“Out Of the Game”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Colbie Caillat (“All Of You”). Rerun.
• Olympics Closing Ceremony (London UK) – Sunday the London 2012 wrap-up and salute to Rio 2016, “A Symphony of British Music”, includes Pink Floyd performing “Wish You Were Here” w/Ed Sheeran; models Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Lily Cole and others walking the catwalk to David Bowie songs; the Spice Girls reuniting for a one-off performance; Muse performing the Games’ official song “Survival”, pop star George Michael, and lots more.
• Outside Lands Festival (San Francisco CA) – Tonight-Sunday the annual 3-day rock fest in Golden Gate Park features Foo Fighters, fun., Jack White, Metallica, Neil Young, Norah Jones, and Skrillex among others.
NET: http://www.sfoutsidelands.com
• “StePhest Colbchella ‘012: RocktAugustFest” (NYC) – Tonight TV satirist Stephen Colbert hosts a concert aboard NYC’s Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum that includes Flaming Lips, fun., Grandmaster Flash, Grizzly Bear, Santigold and others. Performances and artist interviews will be shown on “The Colbert Report” (Comedy Central) next week.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Allman Bros Band – Today-Sunday they’re presenting the inaugural “Peach Music Festival” at Montage Mountain in Scranton PA. Also on the bill: OAR, The Wailers, and Zac Brown Band.
NET: http://thepeachmusicfestival.com
• Bob Dylan – Tonight his first North American tour dates for 2012 get underway in Lloydminster, Alberta, with shows running through November 19th in Philadelphia PA. Mark Knopfler (Dire Straits) is the special guest for the duration.
• Carly Rae Jepsen – Her debut album, “Kiss”, is due September 18th. The Canadian singer/songwriter wrote or co-wrote many of the tracks with the help of several collaborators.
• Leonard Cohen – Sunday the 77-year-old troubadour launches a world tour in support of his latest album, “Old Ideas”.The first leg kicks off Sunday with a 5-night-stand in Ghent, Belgium and wraps October 7th in Lisbon, Portugal. He’ll return to North America this Fall.
• Randy Travis – The country music veteran has been released on bail following a bizarre series of events in Tioga, Texas. After allegedly walking naked into a convenience store to buy cigarettes, he was later busted for DUI, and also for threatening to shoot a state trooper, which is punishable by up to 10 years in prison and a $10,000 fine. His mug shot is downright scary!
NET: http://tinyurl.com/8kqaxzv
• Rick Ross – “God Forgives, I Don’t” has become his fourth #1 album, according to Nielsen SoundScan. The first week sales were buoyed by the Amazon MP3 store, which sold the album for just $5.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Bourne Legacy” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): Former franchise director Paul Greengrass once jokingly called a possible 4th instalment “The Bourne Redundancy”, and now we’ll see if he was right. With ‘Jason Bourne’ out of the picture, the series reboots sideways with a new agent, ‘Aaron Cross’, played by Jeremy Renner. Co-stars Rachel Weisz, Edward Norton.
NET: http://www.thebournelegacy.net
• “The Campaign” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Will Ferrell plays a long-term North Carolina congressman whose re-election is challenged by a naive, child-like director of a local Tourism Center (Zach Galifianakis). Co-stars Jason Sudeikis, Dylan McDermott, John Lithgow, Dan Aykroyd.
NET: http://thecampaignmovie.warnerbros.com
• “Hope Springs ( PG-13 Dramedy ): Meryl Streep & Tommy Lee Jones play a late-middle-aged couple who, after 30 years of marriage,  find themselves in more than a rut, post-post empty nest. So what to do? They attend an intense, week-long counseling session to work on their relationship. Co-stars Steve Carell.
NET: http://www.hopesprings-movie.com

THE WONDER YEARS:
Our 20s are the defining decade of adulthood, according to clinical psychologist Dr Meg Jay. Some of her reasons for demarking that decade as definitive …
• The brain caps off its last major growth spurt during our 20s.
• Personality can change more during our 20s than in any other decade.
• Female fertility peaks at age 28.
• Two-thirds of lifetime wage growth happens during the first 10 years of a career.
• More than half of us are dating, married, or living with a partner by age 30.
• 80% of life’s most defining moments take place before age 35.
(Too bad it’s the same decade in which many of us are also the most uncertain.)
– Bigthink.com

HIGHEST-PAID CELEBRITY COUPLES 2012:
5. Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith ($40 million combined over the past year)
4. Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie ($45 million)
3. David & Victoria Beckham ($54 million)
2. Model Gisele Bundchen & New England Patriots QB Tom Brady ($72 million)
1. Beyoncé & Jay-Z ($78 million)
– Forbes.com

GOOD NATURED SWABS:
Among the 70,000 so-called ‘Games Makers’ (aka volunteers) working at the London 2012 Olympics, perhaps the most high-profile job belongs to the ‘moppers’. These are the people responsible for keeping courts dry in sweaty sports such as badminton, volleyball, team handball, and basketball. Unlike other volunteers, moppers get the attention of fans. At indoor volleyball games, for instance, they get introduced just like players, running through cheerleaders who shake pompoms above the moppers’ heads. (And just think how great this would look on your résumé.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

ALL THUMBS:
At the “National Texting Competition” in NYC this week, 17-year-old Austin Wierschke took home the $50,000 grand prize for the second time, this time by keying in a 149-character message in just 39 seconds. The competition entails several challenges: ‘Texting While Blindfolded’; ‘Texting With Hands Behind the Back’; ‘Transcribing a Phrase Written Backward’; and ‘Text Blitz’, where phrases are shown to contestants for a length of time and they have to copy them as fast as they can. (No ‘Texting While Walking Through an Intersection Oblivious to the Mack Truck Bearing Down on You’?)
– NBCNews.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• At London 2012, Usain Bolt won the men’s 100-meter final in 9.63 seconds. That makes him faster than an elephant but slightly slower than a housecat. (Unless you’re trying to get it off your pillow.)
– “Pacific Standard”
• During WW2, the Nazis plotted to kill Winston Churchill with an exploding bar of chocolate. (“British Bulldog Blown to Reese’s Pieces!”)
– “Daily Telegraph”

BS CHRONOMETER 08.10.12

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1959 [53] Rosanna Arquette, NYC, movie actress (“Pulp Fiction”, “The Whole Nine Yards”)/sister of actors David Arquette & Patricia Arquette

1960 [52] Antonio Banderas, Malaga, Spain, movie actor (“Shrek” movies, “Spy Kids” films)/Mr Melanie Griffith since 1996

SATURDAY –
Apple Computer co-founder Steve Wozniak is 62; Wrestler-TV personality Hulk Hogan is 59; TV personality Joe Rogan (“Fear Factor”) is 45; TV actress Anna Gunn (“Breaking Bad”) is 44; Rock singer Ben Gibbard (Death Cab For Cutie) is 36; Movie actor Chris Hemsworth (“The Avengers”) is 29; Rock guitarist Heath Fogg (Alabama Shakes) is 28; Rapper Asher Roth (“I Love College”) is 27.

SUNDAY –
Classic rock singer-guitarist Mark Knopfler (Dire Straits) is 63; Movie actor Bruce Greenwood (“Star Trek”) is 56; TV actor Peter Krause (“Parenthood”) is 47; Movie actor Casey Affleck (“Ocean’s 11” films) is 37.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Elvis Week 2012” begins with his Memphis mansion Graceland offering a raft of events to perpetuate the legend. Activities include a tribute artist contest, riverboat cruise, 5K run, memorial service, and candlelight vigil. August 16th will be the 35th anniversary of his death.
NET: http://www.elvis.com/elvisweek/
• “Kool-Aid Days”, the annual weekend celebration of the soft drink mix originally made in Hastings, Nebraska. Edwin E Perkins first marketed the stuff in 1927 in 6 flavors (raspberry, cherry, grape, lemon, orange, and root-beer). This year’s fest features 22 kinds.
NET: http://www.kool-aiddays.com
• “Lazy Day”, a day to take it easy. Just another day around here.
• “S’Mores Day” celebrating one of our favorite campfire treats. Here’s the complicated directions – toast marshmallows over campfire, then place them on graham cracker with piece of chocolate. Take second graham cracker and smush it on top. Inhale.
• “Smithsonian Day”, celebrating the series of Washington DC museums that form the Smithsonian Institution, basically ‘America’s Attic’. It was created on this date in 1846.

SATURDAY –
• “Dog Days of Summer” end, traditionally the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Ahhh!
• “Garage Sale Day”, saluting a North American institution on what’s likely to be a popular day for garage/yard sales. For argument’s sake, if you put a dollar-value on all your time taken to  prepare and then clean-up after a sale … would it really be worthwhile?
• “National Scrabble Championship”, through August 15th in Orlando FL, where over 400 experts from the US & Canada compete for the $10,000 first prize. (Try a little play-by-play).
NET: http://tinyurl.com/9cn8w6n
• “Play In the Sand Day”, which seemed like a harmless fun activity … until some fear-monger researcher recently warned there may be health and safety implications.
• “Sons & Daughters Day”, a day to pay special tribute to offspring. If they’re teenagers they’ll no doubt respond, “Yeah right … whatever.”

SUNDAY –
• “International Youth Day”, a United Nations observance since 1999 to draw attention to youth issues worldwide. (Acne?)
• “Middle Children’s Day”, a salute to middle-born children whose childhood activities were limited by always being ‘too young’ or ‘too old’. (Aw, ya whiners!)
• “Perseid Meteor Shower”, when Earth passes through a broad stream of debris from Comet Swift-Tuttle. This year’s peak is set to happen on Saturday night and Sunday morning.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/9bexwvg
• “Vinyl Record Day”, celebrated annually on what’s thought to be the 1877 date when Thomas Edison invented the phonograph. The purpose is to encourage the preservation of the recordings, the cover art, and the cultural influence of vinyl records. Do they really sound ‘warmer’ as aficionados claim?
NET: http://vinylrecordday.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1987 [25] “A Chorus Line”, the Broadway smash that had become the longest-running show on Broadway 4 years earlier, celebrates its historic 5,000th performance

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1985 [27] 1st solo album by a female artist to sell 5 million copies (Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”)

1985 [27] Michael Jackson pays $47.5-million for ATV Music catalogue, which includes 251 songs written by John Lennon & Paul McCartney

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2003 [09] Temperatures in the UK top 100F (38 C) for the 1st time during a European-wide heat wave

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1981 [31] Pete Rose of the Philadelphia Phillies gets the 3,631st hit of his baseball career, breaking Stan Musial’s record for most hits by a National League player

COMING UP . . .
[Mon] International Lefthanders Day
[Mon] Skinny Dipping Day
[Mon] Filet Mignon Day
[Tues] Creamsicle Day
[Tues] International Nagging Day
[Tues] Financial Awareness Day
This Week Is … Assistance Dog Week
This Month Is … Audio Book Appreciation Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SCREENING QUESTIONS FOR POTENTIAL ROOMMATES:
• Will you sell my bed on Kijiji when I’m not home?
• When you first meet my grandparents, will you lead with that story about getting an abortion?
• Do you have Skype conference calls at 5 am so you can sing “Amazing Grace” with your cousins?
• Are your interests restricted to Beef Wellington and cocaine?
• Do you thaw unwrapped scallops in the fridge’s butter compartment?
• Do you write inspirational quotes on whiteboards?
• Do you think that running a hairdryer 24/7 is an acceptable substitute for buying a space heater?
• Do you know how to braid your hair and take the bus, or will you need written instructions?
– Thanks to Caroline Hansen

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awful.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the most revolting thing you have ever eaten?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: For the first time ever, more women are doing THIS than men.
Answer: Getting tattoos.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.