August 15, 2016

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Monday, August 15, 2016 – Edition: #5796

Sheeters Always Prosper!

★ It might be time to revisit your old copy of “Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone” as it could contain a typo that can make you richer. A hardcover first edition of the book, published in 1997, is expected to fetch up to $34,000 at a Bonhams Fine Books & Manuscripts sale in November as one of only 500 copies to include a typo on page 53. In Harry’s list of school supplies, “1 wand” is included twice. A Bonhams rep calls the typo (which was fixed in later editions) “a treasured piece of Harry Potter arcana”. (BS translation: a screw-up.)
– “The Independent”
★ 3′-8″ (1.12 m) Brit actor Kenny Baker, who played ‘R2-D2’ in 6 “Star Wars” films, has died at age 81 after a long illness. Baker became a household name in 1977 when he took on the role of the robot in the first “Star Wars” film alongside Anthony Daniels’s ‘C-3PO’ character. After the original, Baker went on to appear in sequels “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return Of the Jedi”, as well as the 3 prequels. He did not appear in the recent reboot “The Force Awakens”.
– “The Guardian”
★ A sequel to the rebooted “Ghostbusters” is said to be ‘unlikely’ due to a lack of box office success. The film has only taken in $180 million in the countries where it’s been released so far since July. The Paul Feig-directed film has been plagued with negativity since it was announced, and the director has already confirmed he’s not aboard for any followup. 2016’s “Ghostbusters” movie trailer is the most disliked in YouTube history. Sony Pictures stands to lose $70 million from the movie, according to published estimates.
– “Hollywood Reporter”

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Weird Al Yankovic (“Mandatory Fun”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Nick Jonas (“Last Year Was Complicated”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Kelsea Ballerini (“The First Time”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – The Last Shadow Puppets (“Everything You’ve Come to Expect”). Rerun.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The top 8 compete to stay in the competition.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Karaoke contest with Boy George, Jennifer Holliday, LA Reid, Vanilla Ice. Rerun.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Royce da 5’9″ (“Book of Ryan”). Rerun.

• Bon Jovi – It’s officially announced the band’s new album “This House is Not For Sale” arrives October 21st. It’s the first Bon Jovi recording without guitarist Richie Sambora.
• Eric Clapton – The legendary guitarist is fishing in Iceland and has caught the biggest salmon of the Summer there so far … 28 lbs.
• Green Day – They are releasing “Revolution Radio”on October 7th, the band’s first new recording since 2012. Green Day is currently rehearsing and mapping out a world tour in support of the project.
• Jack White – He’s releasing a rarities collection titled “Jack White Acoustic Recordings 1998-2016”. The double-disc set includes rare and unreleased tracks from throughout his career. The collection is being released on 2-LP vinyl as well as a 2-CD set September 9th.
• Ozzy Osbourne – Former bassist Bob Daisley is suing him for royalties from the iconic hit “Crazy Train”. Daisley claims over $2 million in unpaid royalties have been withheld, according to “Rolling Stone”. He’s routinely sued Ozzy multiple times over the past 36 years.
• Rihanna – MTV is presenting her with the 2016 Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award at the VMAs on Sunday, August 28th. Riri is being honored for her “decade-long impact on music, pop culture, fashion, film, and philanthropy”.
• Rolling Stones – A new box set is on the way next month, compiling mono versions of the 186 songs they recorded 1963-69. “The Rolling Stones in Mono” will be out as CD and vinyl sets on September 30th.
• Sheryl Crow – “Billboard” reports she’s working toward releasing a new album in Spring 2017. The singer-songwriter has already been recording material with special guests Keith Richards and Stevie Nicks.
• Smashing Pumpkins – Billy Corgan has been involved with TNA Impact Wrestling for quite some time and has now received a new title … President of parent company IMPACT Ventures.
• Zac Brown Band – Their SRO 2-night stand at Boston’s Fenway Park this coming weekend is being streamed as a pay-per-view webcast on and in the app for AppleTV. Fans can watch the shows live or on-demand for 48 hours following the performances.

Today’s men are weak sauce compared to their Dads. If younger guys think all those videogames are helping them maintain optimal hand strength, they’d better think again. In a series of studies testing grip and pinch strength, researchers report that men aged 20-to-34 are significantly weaker than their counterparts in the 1980s. Specifically, average men could squeeze with 120 lbs of force in 1985 but only 95 lbs today. The prime reason, researchers suggest, is that men are simply less handy, and fewer now work in manual labor jobs. Weaker hand strength has been linked to everything from heart disease and stroke to arthritis. (Too much texting, not enough heavy lifting!)
– “San Francisco Chronicle”

(Just to remind you how old you’ve gotten.)
✓ The movie “Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone” premiered in NYC on November 11th.
✓ A new website called Wikipedia launched. Today it has over 40 million articles.
✓ The first chapter of Peter Jackson’s “The Lord Of the Rings” film trilogy was released.
✓ Daft Punk released their incredible album “Discovery”.
✓ Britney Spears made history at the VMAs by singing with a giant snake wrapped around her neck like a boa (literally).
✓ We were introduced to the doctors & nurses of Sacred Heart Hospital on ABC-TV’s “Scrubs”.
✓ Russell Crowe won an Oscar for his role in “Gladiator”, the ‘Best Picture’ in 2001.
✓ The White Stripes released their acclaimed album “White Blood Cells”.
✓ ‘Monica & Chandler’ finally tied the knot on NBCTV’s “Friends” during the Season 7 finalé.
✓ Jennifer Lopez became the 1st woman to simultaneously top the album chart (“J-Lo”) and the movie box office (“The Wedding Planner”).
✓ The whole world fell in love with “Bridget Jones’ Diary”, in print and onscreen.
✓ Gamers went crazy for the new game “Halo”.
✓ There was only one Justin (Timberlake), and he sang what was labeled ‘dirty pop’.
✓ A bunch of well-dressed guys with disheveled hair moved the focus away from mainstream music and back to rock ‘n’ roll. Yes. The Strokes.
✓ Steve Jobs presented a new gadget called the iPod to the world. 1,000 songs in your pocket. Imagine that.
(And, oh yeah … you were 15 years younger.)
– Adapted from

Can a computer copy your handwriting? Yes! Researchers at University College London have taught a computer to imitate anyone’s handwriting. The software takes a sample of handwritten text, examines its qualities, and then writes it in the same style right down to an individual’s messy details. They call the system ‘My Text In Your Handwriting’ and have tried it out on samples of handwritten text from historical figures such as Abraham Lincoln and “Sherlock Holmes” creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. So what’s the point? One possible commercial use is for ‘personal’ messages inserted with flowers or presents sent by delivery firms. (Of course no one will figure out a nefarious use for this … for about a day-and-a-half.)
– BBC Technology

If you put your finger on an otter, there will be more hairs under your finger than on an average human head in total.


1964 [52] Melinda French Gates, Dallas TX, wife of Microsoft founder Bill Gates/philanthropist (co-founder & co-chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation)

1968 [48] Debra Messing, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (“Smash” 2012-13, “Will & Grace” 1998-2006)/movie actress (“Lucky You”, “The Wedding Date”) UP NEXT: A musical TV movie adaptation of the 1987 movie “Dirty Dancing”, coming later this year.

1972 [44] Ben Affleck, Berkeley CA, movie director (“Argo”, “The Town”)/movie actor (“Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”, “Gone Girl”)/screenwriter (Oscar-“Good Will Hunting”)/wed to actress Jennifer Garner (2005, separated 2015)

1989 [27] Joe Jonas, Casa Grande AZ, pop singer (DNCE-“Cake By the Ocean”, Jonas Bros-“Burnin’ Up”)

1990 [26] Jennifer Lawrence, Louisville KY, movie actress (“Silver Linings Playbook”, “The Hunger Games” movies)

• “Acadian Day”, celebrating the French who settled areas of Canada now called Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Prince Edward Island in the early 17th century. Many Acadians were later banished by the British to Louisiana, where the name became contracted to ‘Cajun’.

• “Best Friends Day”, a day to salute our BFFs for being there … when nobody else is.

• “Lemon Meringue Pie Day”. OK, we’re in! Just a small piece this time.

• “Relaxation Day”, a day to think about and encourage new forms of relaxation. Meditation? Yoga? Beer?

2005 [11] Sly Stone comes out of a long seclusion to visit the Knitting Factory in Los Angeles, where his little sister Vet headlines with the latest version of the Family Stone.

2005 [11] Leonard Cohen files a lawsuit in Los Angeles Superior Court alleging that his former manager, Kelley Lynch, mismanaged his retirement funds to the tune of at least $5 million

2013 [02] The olinguito, native to Andes forests in South America, is the 1st new mammal to be discovered in 35 years (described as a mini-raccoon with a teddy bear face)

2002 [14] ‘Slowest Police Chase on Record’ as cops in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania charge a 30-year-old man for public drunkenness after he’s spotted cruising down a street on a child’s Fisher Price Power Wheels car … at 3 mph

2009 [07] U2’s first UK gig of the “U2 360° Tour” breaks the attendance record for a concert at London’s Wembley Stadium with over 88,000 attending

[Tues] Roller Coaster Day
[Tues] Wave at Surveillance Day
[Wed] Black Cat Appreciation Day
[Wed] I Love My Feet Day
[Wed] Thrift Shop Day

Aviation Week / Chef Appreciation Week / Feeding Pets Of the Homeless Week / Motorcycle Week / Resurrect Romance Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Nobody likes a smart-ass, so the object of this game is for your contestant to strive to be WRONG as you run through the questions rapid-fire. If they get all the answers incorrect, they win! The correct answers which they can NOT give are in parenthesis.
GAME #1 –
• What country has the most phones per capita? [Sweden]
• How many European countries have royalty as head of state? [11]
• What’s the world’s most popular spice? [Pepper]
• True or false, the sky is up? [True]
• Who’s the greatest radio personality of all-time? [you decide]

GAME #2 –
• How long is the trunk of the average fuII-grown elephant? [8 feet]
• There’s enough of this in oceans to cover all the land on Earth to a depth of 500 ft. [Salt]
• What fruit has its seeds on the outside? [Strawberry]
• True or false, sailboats have sails? [True]
• What’s your name? [their real name]
– First published in “BS” 2003.

William Shakespeare could craft insults that were both cleverly cutting and perfectly poetic. Ask a contestant to decide which of the following are Will’s witticisms and which are display animals at Harvard University’s Museum of Natural History …
• Giant Otter-Shrew [Animal]
• Brindled Weasel [Animal]
• Greasy Tallow-Catch [Insult]
• Mongrel Bitch [Insult]
• Moldy Rogue [Insult]
• Snipe Eel [Animal]
• Cream-Faced Loon [Insult]
• Embossed Carbuncle [Insult]
• Scaly-Breasted Thrasher [Animal]
• Blue-Footed Booby [Animal]
– First published in “BS” 2014.

☎ Is parenting tech (ie: apps that give updates on what your little one is up to at nursery school, webcam baby monitors, location-tracking services, interactive games, health checkers, etc) making Moms & Dads more paranoid?

There’s a campaign to change the name of Eggs & Bacon Bay in Tasmania, Australia to “something healthier”.

Which method of holding a coffee cup has been determined the best in order to prevent it from spilling?
a. With one hand on each side.
b. With one hand underneath, the other clutching the cup.
c. With a claw-like grip from above. [CORRECT]
– “The Times”

An Olympic gymnast walks into a bar. He gets a 2-point deduction and ruins his chances of a medal.

Question: To make just one of THESE, it takes 39,000 gallons (148,000 liters/5,200 cubic ft) of water on average.
Answer: A new car.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

Happybex Voice Overs, Page AZ; Margarida Moura @ M80 Lisboa, Portugal; Benji Norton @ Columbia’s Classic Hits [WOMG] Columbia SC; Torey Slatter @ The Flea 88.2 Devonport NZ; and Joe Lahr @ WMNH Manchester NH.

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