August 22 2018

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Wednesday, August 22, 2018 – Edition: #6277

Deja Moo!

★ Johnny Depp is not denying that he hit a location manager while on production for his movie, “City of Lies,” but he is claiming it was done in self-defence and should therefore not cause him any legal or financial problems. Answering the complaint filed earlier this year by Gregg “Rocky” Brooks, Depp is arguing that any violence brought upon the location manager was because the actor “feared for his safety” during the incident.
★ Italian actress and director Asia Argento was among the first women to publicly accuse Harvey Weinstein of sexual assault, and became a leading figure in the #MeToo movement. Her boyfriend, Anthony Bourdain, eagerly joined the fight. But according to recently surfaced legal documents, in the months that followed her revelations about Weinstein, she quietly arranged to pay $380,000 to her own accuser: Jimmy Bennett, a young actor and rock musician who said she had sexually assaulted him in a California hotel room when he was only two months past his 17th birthday. She was 37.
★ The “warlock” could be coming to reality TV, at least in a limited capacity.  There are rumors that Charlie Sheen could be making appearances on “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” now that his ex Denise Richards has joined the cast.  Sheen and Richards share two teenage daughters.  Whether he appears on camera or not, Charlie says he will be watching.
★ Lisa Marie Presley celebrated a victory on Monday after a judge ruled that she doesn’t have to pay a penny to her estranged husband Michael Lockwood in their bitter divorce. Lockwood had argued in court last week that an ‘ironclad’ post-nuptial agreement the couple signed in 2007 – in which both signed away their rights to each other’s property and spousal support – should be torn up because he didn’t read it and his attorney at the time didn’t explain it to him.
★ Eva Longoria has joined Paramount’s live-action feature “Dora the Explorer,” based on the character from the popular Nickelodeon TV series. The movie will tell the story of Dora, a girl who has spent most of her life exploring the jungle with her parents, but now must navigate her most dangerous adventure yet: high school. Longoria is playing Eva, Dora’s mother. It’s set to be released Aug. 2, 2019.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jim Gaffigan, Antonio Brown, Imagine Dragons ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Leslie Jones, Emily Ratajkowski, Greta Van Fleet ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Josh Brolin, Ruth Negga, Walk the Moon ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Armie Hammer, Brandon Flowers, Taylor Gordon ( R )
• “The Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Damian Lewis, Ruth Wilson, Chris Pratt ( R )
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Bill Burr, Regina Hall, Marina Franklin
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Dorinda Medley, Isaac Mizrahi ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Jenni “JWoww” Farley, Deena Nicole Cortese, Paul “Pauly D” DelVecchio, Vinny Guadagnino, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino ( R )
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Chadwick Boseman, Lucy Liu, John Cho, Kristin McGee, Adam Lambert
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kim Kardashian West ( R )
• “Big Brother 20” (CBS): Houseguests compete to win the Power of Veto
• “The Story of the Royals” (ABC): Part 1 of 2. A chronicle of the pivotal moments in the crown’s history, including the many loves, losses, extravagances, challenges and charms.
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): Winning acts advance in a results episode

Post Malone — says Justin Bieber asked him to plan his bachelor party … although he dances around actually calling it that. Malone says they’re just going to have a nice little party with some fishing and hanging out.
Drake His homecoming concert in Toronto on Monday was postponed “due to circumstances” beyond their control, according to LiveNation. He had already pushed back or cancelled a number of North American dates for this tour, which he’s co-headlining with Atlanta hip hop trio Migos.
• Ariana Grande – says she will be changing her last name once she is married to Pete Davidson.  But she won’t give up Grande completely.  She plans to hyphenate and become “Ariana Grande-Davidson.
• Kelly Clarkson — made a couple’s wedding day even more special by making a surprise appearance to sing ‘Piece by Piece’ for their first dance. The bride and her groom were blindsided when Clarkson and a live band were revealed from behind a curtain as they took the floor to dance together as husband and wife.
• Eagles – Their first greatest hits album has moonwalked past Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” to become the bestselling album of all-time. The Recording Industry Association of America says “Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975” is now certified 38x platinum, which means sales and streams of the album have reached 38 million copies.
• Eric Clapton – will release his first Christmas album, “Happy Xmas’ on Oct. 12.  It will actually be a limited-edition box set and will contain ‘Jingle Bells’, which he has dedicated to Avicii, the late DJ, who died in April at the age of 28.
• Brett Young — will headline CMT on Tour this winter. The trek is scheduled to begin in mid-November. Eleven stops have been announced so far, running until Dec. 16, and more dates will be added in the coming weeks.
• Runaway June — will release their debut, a five-song, self-titled EP, on Sept. 7.  Produced by Dann Huff (Keith Urban, Thomas Rhett, Brett Young), the lead single is ‘Buy My Own Drinks’. It also will include a cover of Dwight Yoakam’s ‘Fast As You’.

Scientists have uncovered the “oldest solid cheese ever found” in the Egyptian desert.  Archaeologists came across the find while cleaning the sands around a 19th-dynasty tomb at the remains of the ancient city of Memphis.  The whitish solidified mass was found in a broken jar.  The 3,200-year-old cheese was found to be made from a mixture of cow milk and that of a sheep or goat.  Analysis revealed signs of bacteria in the cheese which could have caused the deadly disease brucellosis, which is contracted through the consumption of unpasteurized dairy products. The finding suggests that Egyptians ate contaminated cheese or milk.
(Well, of course it was contaminated.  It wasn’t kept in the fridge!)
(If it’s THAT old, I hope they at least got it for half-price!)
(This is also evidence that my style of humor goes back much further than initially believed…)

It’s hard to believe, but some people still believe that they need to drain their smartphone battery all the way down to zero percent before plugging it in to charge.  That’s right…if you spot someone blasting music, playing games, and FaceTiming someone simultaneously, you might want to let them in on this little nugget from the Apple website:  “Charge your Apple lithium-ion battery whenever you want. There’s no need to let it discharge 100% before recharging.”  They go on to say that completely draining your battery each time may actually be doing yourself a disservice, because that increased use could contribute to your phone battery’s eventual inevitable decline.
(And besides, if you were supposed to drain the battery each time, they’d be selling you a device to do just that…probably called the ‘iDrain’!)
(But if you do want to drain your battery quickly, just go away for the day and forget your charger!)

Remember that movie “Twins” where Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito played…well, twins?  And of course, one was much more biologically gifted than the other.  This isn’t quite that extreme, but a study done on a set of twins who had been apart for 30 years shows that your athletic destiny is not entirely due to the genes that you are born with.  One 52 year-old twin was a marathoner and triathlete, the other a truck driver who didn’t exercise at all.  Although the truck-driving twin was 30 pounds heavier than his brother, tests showed that he actually had stronger leg muscles.  The running twin had 94 per cent slow-twitch fibres, ideal for an endurance athlete; the non-runner twin had just 40 per cent slow-twitch fibres, which aren’t very good for speed, but they are good for short bursts of strength.  It was previously believed that fibre type was very highly genetic.  But it seems that all the endurance training the trained twin did may have interfered with his ability to put on muscle and gain strength.  It seems that when it comes to your athletic potential, your genes matter, but what you do with them may matter even more.  Either way, the big message is that your health and athletic destiny aren’t pre-determined at birth.
(Great.  NOW what’s my excuse?)
(Of course the out-of-shape twin had stronger legs.  You gotta haul yourself around somehow!)
(I believe my legs have started a new category:  NO-twitch fibres!)

Some of the foods available at Toronto’s Canadian National Exhibition, on now until Sept. 3:
• Gold Ice Cream Bar:  A vanilla milk chocolate ice cream bar covered in a 24-karat edible gold leaf.  You can’t taste the gold, but it will show up in a lot of selfies… (And you can bet you’ll pay for it!)
• Golden Burger:  If its edible gold bun doesn’t impress you, its sheer size sure will. A five-ounce beef patty topped with maple and peameal bacon, Canadian cheddar, onion rings, jalapenos and all the fixings.  $100.  (And I still have trouble shelling out $10 for a burger…)
• Chocolate Banana Steakclair:  A chocolate éclair stuffed with steak, provolone cheese, banana slices, chocolate sauce and whipped cream.  (Just because they can, doesn’t mean they should…)
• Deep Fried Ferrero Rocher:  Ferrero Rocher chocolate wrapped in cookie dough and deep fried. (You had me at ‘Ferrero Rocher chocolate wrapped in cookie dough and deep fried’!)
• Hong Kong-Style French “Toast” Curds:  Deep fried cheese curds topped with peanut butter, condensed milk and a slab of butter.  (Then go on the roller coaster…)
• SanFran Friar Fritter:  A veal and porchetta sandwich topped with jalapeno poppers, jalapeno peppers, coleslaw, sandwich toppings and SanFran’s signature sauce.
• The Cold Pocket:  A sweet bun filled with Sweet Jesus ice cream, caramel, sugar, and other toppings.
(Remember when you went to the fair and it WASN’T about the food?  You thought you were lucky if you got to share some candy floss with your sister.  Or was that just me?)


1945 [73] Steve Kroft, Kokomo IN, CBS News correspondent (“60 Minutes” since 1990)

1963 [55] Tori Amos, Newton NC, rock singer (‘Winter’, ‘All These Earthquakes’)

1967 [51] Ty Burrell, Grants Pass OR, TV actor (‘Phil Dunphy’ on “Modern Family” since 2009)

1970 [48] Giada DeLaurentiis, Rome, Italy, TV chef (“Giada at Home”)/Culinary Hall of Fame (2012)

1972 [46] Paul Doucette, North Huntington PA, rock guitarist (Matchbox Twenty-‘3A.M.’, ‘Unwell’)

1973 [45] Howie Dorough, Orlando FL, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-‘I Want It That Way’)

1973 [45] Kristen Wiig, Canandaigua NY, movie actress (“Bridesmaids”)/TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 2005-12) COMING UP…Where’d You Go, Bernadette, 2019

1978 [40] James Corden, London UK, TV host (“The Late Late Show” since 2015, “70th Tony Awards” 2016) GRAMMYS host 2017, 2018/stage actor 2012 Tony Award for “One Man, Two Guvnors”)

• “Eat a Peach Day”, the best way being while standing under a peach tree, immediately after picking it, with the juice running down your arm.

• “Southern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day”, a time for everyone Down Under to go outdoors at noon and yell ‘Hoodie-Hoo!’ to chase away Winter and make ready for Spring.

• “Tooth Fairy Day”, honoring the tradition of bartering molars for moolah. Where’s it come from? No one knows for sure, but there was a fairy tale in 18th-Century France about a ‘tooth mouse’ who hides under a pillow. The tooth fairy as we now know her didn’t make an appearance until the early 1900s, as a generalized ‘good fairy’ with a professional specialization. So how much is she paying for prime enamel these days?

• “Bao Day”, at first, one might consider it to be just a simple steamed bun. Dumplings aside, this is the flavorful Chinese dough used to make bāozi, or bao, and is stuffed with savory meats or sweets.

• “Pecan Torte Day”, Do you know these ‘Pecan Fast Facts’? No peekin’. . .
→ Pecans provide nearly 10 percent of the recommended Daily Value for zinc. If the body does not get enough zinc, it may have difficulty producing testosterone – a key hormone in initiating sexual desire in both men and women.
→ Pecan trees usually range in height from 70 to 100 feet, but some grow as tall as 150 feet or higher.
→ It would take 11,624 pecans, stacked end to end, to reach the top of the Empire State Building.
→ Texas adopted the pecan tree as its state tree in 1919. In fact, Texas Governor James Hogg liked pecan trees so much that he asked if a pecan tree could be planted at his gravesite when he died.
→ Albany, Georgia, which boasts more than 600,000 pecan trees, is the pecan capital of the U.S.  Albany hosts the annual National Pecan Festival, which includes a race, parade, pecan-cooking contest, the crowning of the National Pecan Queen and many other activities.

[Thurs] Buttered Corn Day
[Thurs] Hug Your Sweetheart Day
[Fri] Can Opener Day
[Fri] National Knife Day

2006 [12] Paramount Pictures severs all ties with actor Tom Cruise after 14 years, citing ‘bizarre antics’ (sofa-jumping) and ‘erratic behavior’ off-screen (BS translation: Scientology) They later reconsidered.

2012 [06] Rapper star LL Cool J confronts an alleged burglar at his L.A. home.  One broken nose, jaw, and rib later, Cool J has subdued the intruder and police take the suspect into custody. (No word on whether LL quoted ‘Mama Said Knock You Out’ during the altercation)

1989 [29] British Telecom unveils world’s 1st ‘Pocket Phone’ (that handy little drain for disposing of excess income)

2003 [15] Norwegian Elvis impersonator Kjell Bjornestad sets a new world record by performing Presley’s repertoire for 26 straight hours

2007 [11] Texas Rangers rout Baltimore Orioles 30-3, the most runs scored by one team in a modern Major League Baseball game


✓ There is only one ATM in Antarctica.
✓ Marijuana is legal and not classified as a drug in North Korea.
✓ Moscow, Russia boasts more billionaires than any other city in the world.
✓ In Ireland, there are more mobile phones than people.
✓ In Milan, Italy, it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during funerals and hospital visits.
✓ It is legal in South Africa to attach flamethrowers to cars to repel carjackers.

• Girls expect us all to look like Jack Sparrow.
• No Wi-Fi is the new scurvy
• Being swiped left on ‘Shiver me Tinders’.
• Can’t use a smartphone with my hook.
• All the looting and pillaging is done on Wall Street now.
• Feel that use of the name ‘Arrrrby’s’ is cultural appropriation.
• A buccaneer is too much to pay for corn, damn it!
• Having to wait in line for a personal watercraft sticker.
I feel ‘Meh’, not ‘Arrrrrr!’
I’m not getting enough booty.

• “Transporters are working perfectly fine and will be able to resolve the problem shortly”
• “Have you tried switching it off and on again?”
• “Beam me sideways, Scottie.”
• “Sorry Captain but you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
• “Don’t you know about the bird, Spock?” “Yes.  Logic dictates that it is undoubtedly “the word”, Jim.
• “If you would have gone to LUDICROUS speed, we’d have been there by now.”
• “Yes We Khan.”
• “I’m really glad we actually stuck to the prime directive this time and just left the planet without incident”
• “We’re going to build a wall! It will be YUGE! And the Romulans will pay for it!”
• “If you like it then you shoulda put a Klingon it.”
(First published in BS in 2017)

• If your life were made into a TV show, would it be a soap opera, drama, or sitcom? What would it be called?

There is no time like the present . . . for postponing what you should be doing.

Question:  1 in 4 of us have used a sick day to do THIS.  What?
Answer:  Care for a pet.

Doing what you like is freedom.  Liking what you do is happiness.


Leave a comment