August 23 2018

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Thursday, August 23, 2018 – Edition: #6278

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★ “Simpsons” fans can now visit the world’s first ever permanent replica of the Kwik-E-Mart. The recreated convenience store from Springfield opened last week in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina and is designed just as it’s seen in the cartoon – and allows visitors the chance to buy squishees, Heat Lamp Hot Dogs and Lard Lad Donuts, plus Simpsons memorabilia. The store is next door to a ‘Simpsons’-themed cinema called the ‘Aztec Theater’ just like in the show.  The theatre is expected to open later this year and offer a ‘4D Simpsons movie experience’.
★ The next James Bond movie has lost its director. Bond producers Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli, along with star Daniel Craig, announced Tuesday that Danny Boyle has exited the project over “creative differences.” Boyle, the director of “Slumdog Millionaire” and “Trainspotting,” confirmed earlier this year that he would direct the 25th 007 film. Boyle and his regular collaborator John Hodge were working on the script.
★ “Stranger Things” star Charlie Heaton will star in the title role of the two-part BBC One drama “The Elephant Man”.  It will tell the extraordinary real life story of Joseph Merrick who developed physical deformities to his skin, face, arms and feet from the age of five. Harrowing scenes will depict Merrick being exhibited in an 1860s London freak show where he became known as ‘The Elephant Man’.  But The Elephant Man finds a true friend in Dr. Frederick Treves who brings him to London Hospital where he lived until his death in 1890 at the age of 27.  The special will air next year.
★ “The Hills” is making a comeback after eight years. The hit MTV reality show began as a spin-off to “Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County” in 2006 and ran for six seasons, making celebrities out of its stars Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge, and Heidi Montag, among others. During the 2018 MTV Video Music Awards on Monday night, a teaser trailer was released announcing that the show is returning under the name “The Hills: New Beginnings”.
★ Bristol Palin is the newest addition to the “Teen Mom” cast, and she is opening up about her personal life ahead of the new season. In a new teaser, while talking to her mother, Sarah Palin,  Bristol says: “I was a teen mom. My life is not perfect at all.”  Bristol’s teen motherhood made headlines due to the fact that it happened shortly after Sarah’s run for Vice-President. She was 18 when she welcomed baby boy Tripp Johnston.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Mandy Moore, Elsie Fisher, Dennis Lloyd ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Pierce Brosnan, Deepak Chopra, Pusha T featuring 070 Shake ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): John Dickerson, Michaela Watkins ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Ewan McGregor, Ann Dowd, Taylor Gordon ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Dominic Cooper, Rebecca Ferguson, Grace Vanderwaal ( R )
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Joel McHale, Giancarlo Esposito, White Denim
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Golnesa Gharachedaghi, Mike Shouhed ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Priyanka Chopra, Meredith Vieira, Richard M. Cohen ( R )
• “The Talk” (CBS): Valerie Bertinelli, Duff Goldman ( R )
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Alec Baldwin, Ru Paul, Meaghan Murphy
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Anne Hathaway, Darren Criss, Cate Blanchett ( R )
• “The Story of the Royals” (ABC): Conclusion. A chronicle of the pivotal moments in the crown’s history, including the many loves, losses, extravagances, challenges and charms.
• “The Gong Show” (ABC): Judges Rob Riggle, Ed Helms and Regina Hall praise, critique and gong unusually talented and unique performers.
• “NFL Preseason Football” (FOX): Philadelphia Eagles at Cleveland Browns
• “Jersey Shore Family Vacation” (MTV): The gang heads to Las Vegas on another family vacation to meet Ronnie’s baby. Vinny and Pauly head to Canada.

Kanye West — A class action lawsuit has been filed against him and against Jay Z’s Tidal streaming service concerning the exclusivity of West’s “The Life of Pablo” album. The complaint is that West and Tidal misled consumers by having them believe The Life of Pablo would only be available on Tidal, and it popped up on other streaming services six weeks later.
• Drake — surprised an 11-year-old heart transplant patient with a visit on Monday, after he saw her complete the ”In My Feelings Challenge”.  In a video posted to the hospital’s Facebook page, Drake told a surprised Sofia Sanchez: ”You asked me to come, and I’m here. I’m so happy I got to see you.”  Drake also sang her a rendition of ‘God’s Plan’ and they exchanged autographs.
• Ed Sheeran — has denied copying Marvin Gaye’s hit ‘Let’s Get It On’, after being sued for $100 million.  Sheeran states his track ”is not actually similar” to ‘Let’s Get It On’, and claims any similarities are based on common themes in music.
• Madonna — is responding to the critics who roasted her Aretha Franklin tribute at the VMAs, saying she didn’t intend to deliver a tribute at all. She says that MTV had asked her to “share any anecdotes I had…connected to Aretha Franklin! I shared a part of my journey and thanked Aretha for inspiring me along the way.”
• Mr. Big — Singer Eric Martin says he is working on material for a new album, and it could be their last. The band has continued touring since the death of drummer Pat Torpey in February.
• Meat Loaf – The musical based on his “Bat out of Hell” album will tour North America this Fall.  It has already run in the UK and Toronto.  The American tour begins Nov. 6 in Detroit.
• Kacey Musgraves — feels there is a ”big lack in female voices” in the music industry.  Speaking to Reese Witherspoon for her “Shine On With Reese” series, she said: ”You look at the (Top 40) charts…you might see three women.”
• Shania Twain – will be saluted by Jess Moskaluke, Kira Isabella and Madeline Merlo at the opening of the Canadian Country Music Awards Sept. 9.  Each young star will sing a Shania song to open the show prior to Twain joining them onstage to begin her hosting duties.

As tattoos become more and more popular, parents are increasingly having to deal with the issue of their children wanting to get ink done.  A poll done for the Children’s Hospital in Michigan had some interesting findings.  Five per cent of parents said that their teen already had a tattoo.  When asked how they would react if their teen wanted to get a tattoo, 78% of parents said they would absolutely not consider it.  But one in 10 parents thought that a tattoo would be OK as a reward or to mark a special occasion or memory.  32 per cent of parents who participated in the survey already had a tattoo themselves.
(I’m not sure we should be going down the ‘tattoo as a reward’ road…!)
(A tattoo sleeve used to mean you were a biker or an ex-con who probably had a weapon.  Now it means you’re a chef who makes a lovely pork belly with balsamic drizzle!)
(If you don’t want your kid to get a tattoo, tell him to get a tattoo!)

It has finally happened.  Political correctness has hit the realm of . . . animal crackers.  After more than 100 years, the iconic Barnum’s Animal Crackers box has been redesigned.  Out are the images of animals caged in a boxcar on their way to a circus.  On the new box, the animals are roaming free — side-by-side in a grassland.  A company spokesperson says that this is the right time for the “evolution” of the design to show animals in a natural habitat, because Barnum has always made changes based on key animal and environmental issues.  The animal rights organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is taking credit for the new look, saying the redesign was a result of discussions with the company, and that “The new box for Barnum’s Animals perfectly reflects that our society no longer tolerates caging and chaining exotic animals for circus shows.”
(This was NOT what I expected when I saw the headline: “Free Animal Crackers”!)
(They do know that caged or not, these things are going to be savagely devoured with a nice big glass of milk, don’t they?)
(But are they really free when their ultimate destiny is to end up under the seat of my minivan, just out of reach of the vacuum?)

►Make a list:  Assign a budget and stick to it.  (And for God’s sake, DON’T bring the kids along!)
►Find sales:  For back-to-school clothes, shop end of summer sales and focus on apparel the kids can wear all year long.  (Whether they like it or not!)
► Buy in bulk:  Kids can really go through the essentials like paper, pencils, glue sticks and notebooks quickly.  (And backpacks.  Trust me.)
►Do your online homework:  Follow your favorite brands and retailers on social media and sign up for their email newsletters. It is a great way to stay in the know about the latest and greatest deals. Sometimes they even have exclusive sales for their followers.  (No fair!  12 more days of summer vacation, and I have to do homework?)


1949 [69] Rick Springfield, Sydney Australia, rock singer (‘Jessie’s Girl’, ‘I’ve Done Everything For You’), TV actor (‘Noah Drake’ on “General Hospital” 1981-2013)

1949 [69] Shelley Long, Fort Wayne IN, TV actress (‘Diane Chambers’ on “Cheers” 1982-1993, “Modern Family” since 2009)

1961 [57] Dean DeLeo, Montclair NJ, rock guitarist (Stone Temple Pilots – ‘Plush’, ‘Interstate Love Song’)

1970 [48] Jay Mohr, Verona NJ, movie actor (“Are We There Yet?”, “Jerry Maguire”)/TV personality (“Last Comic Standing”/standup comedian (“Jay Mohr: Happy. And a Lot.”)

1976 [42] Scott Caan, LA CA, TV actor (‘Det Danno Williams’ on “Hawaii Five-O” since 2010)/movie actor (“Ocean’s 11″ movies, “Gone In 60 Seconds”)/son of actor James Caan

1978 [40] Julian Casablancas, NYC, rock singer-songwriter (The Strokes – ‘Last Nite’)/son of Elite Models founder John Casablancas

1978 [40] Kobe Bryant, Philadelphia PA, basketball player (NBA champ with the Los Angeles Lakers 2000-02 and 2009-10, NBA MVP 2008)

1980 [38] Joanne Froggatt, Littlebeck UK, TV actress (‘Anna Bates’ on “Downton Abbey” 2010-15)

• “Day for the Remembrance of the Slave Trade & Its Abolition”, designated by UNESCO in 1998 as an annual observance to memorialize the transatlantic slave trade.

• “Hug Your Sweetheart Day”, an annual excuse to let your beloved know that he or she is always there in your fondest thoughts. Gag.

• “Sponge Cake Day”, celebrating the fat-free dessert that’s based on flour, sugar, and eggs. It has a firm yet well-aerated structure, similar to a sea sponge. (And is no good until it is covered with icing, whip cream, ice cream, or all 3!)

• “Buttered Corn Day”, are you a butter spreader or full cob roller? (Depends on who’s looking?)

• “Ride the Wind Day”, a day to soar above the earth or catch a ride with the breeze. Here are some great ways to enjoy Ride the Wind Day:
-Fly in an airplane
-Fly a kite
-Hang glide
-Ride a motorcycle
-Hop in a sailboat

[Fri] Can Opener Day
[Fri] National Waffle Day
[Sat] Pony Express Day
[Sat] Kiss and Make Up Day

2000 [18] 51 million watch the final episode of the original “Survivor” TV series (a Summer replacement show) as Richard Hatch is named the $1-million winner (then promptly forgets to pay his taxes, leading to jail time)

2007 [11] Queen guitarist Brian May is finally awarded his doctorate in astrophysics by London’s Imperial College (the degree he was seeking when he left school during the band’s first flush of success)

1966 [52] 1st photo of Earth from the Moon is taken by ‘Lunar Orbiter’

2008 [10] Madonna kicks off the 86-date “Sticky & Sweet Tour” at Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales which goes on to become the highest grossing tour by a solo artist ($408 million)

2015 [03] A 12 year-old boy trips and rips the 17th-century painting “Flowers” by Paolo Porpora worth $1.5m at an exhibition in Taiwan


✓ “Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
✓ “Bookkeeper” and “bookkeeping” are the only words in the English language with three consecutive double letters.
✓ The word “queueing” is the only English word with five consecutive vowels
✓ The two longest one-syllable words in the English language are “screeched” and “strengths.”
✓ “Strengths” is also the longest word in the English language with just one vowel.
✓ The word “Australia” contains three A’s and each of them is pronounced differently.

Can I pop that zit on your back?
Nice work with the manscaping.
Does this look like hemorrhoids to you?
Twister, anyone?
Can I use your towel?
Can I borrow some underwear?
I’m sorry.  I thought that was my leg.
I need everyone to close their eyes while I get undressed.
I know a doctor who can help you with that…
Your wife wasn’t lying…
By the way, they’re real, and they’re spectacular.

(You just don’t know it.)
• Tailgating – Grilling is great, but grilling + sports + beer + getting way too competitive is even better.
• Hot Cocoa – Nothing helps you kick back like a hot cup of cocoa, especially if it’s spiked.
• Halloween Candy – The only time it’s acceptable to have candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
• Apple Picking – If you don’t pick your own apples, then you’re doing Fall all wrong.
• Holiday Leftovers – Mashed potatoes for days. Cranberry sauce on everything.
• Hot Soup – Not to mention cheddar broccoli bread bowls that’ll warm you up anytime.
• Pumpkin Pie – Might as well pop that top button on your pants now. It’s almost pie time.
• Pumpkin Spice Lattés – The first time each year that you catch a whiff of that pumpkin aroma, it’s magic.
• Mulled Wine – The perfect beverage for every Autumn party or family get-together.
• No More Hot Dogs – Bye-bye, Summer. We’ll be wanting you and your weenies again next year. Until then … so long tube steak!
– Adapted from

When I told an astronaut that I couldn’t find milk for my coffee, he said “In space, no one can. Here, use cream”

• What name is usually given to a Russian astronaut?
a. Space Comrade
b. Cosmonaut [CORRECT]
c. Glasnost
d. Boris

• What is the main vegetable used in sauerkraut?
a. Cucumber
b. Lemon
c. Cabbage [CORRECT]
d. Kraut

What’s the dumbest thing that ever sent you to the ER?

Question:  In a survey, 17% of guys say they have never worn one of THESE. What is it?
Answer:  A tuxedo!

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.


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