August 24, 2012

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Friday, August 24, 2012       Edition: #4816

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

The blow-up between Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart is bad news for fans attending Saturday’s “Twilight” convention in San Antonio, Texas as neither star will attend (they won’t be at 3 other upcoming fan get-togethers either) . . . 61-year-old actor-comedian Robin Williams is selling his 653-acre Napa Valley estate in California and its Cabernet Sauvignon vineyard for $35 million (seems he really did quit drinking) . . . Brits are shrugging off the Prince Harry naked-in-Vegas scandal, perhaps in part because pop Prince Charles is preventing the UK press from publishing the nude pics (still no word which one of his buddies sold him out) . . . TV/online gossip-monger TMZ says it had an opportunity to purchase the suicide video of director Tony Scott, but turned it down (what brought on this burst of scruples?) . . . Ending weeks of speculation, 24-year-old Sam Claflin (“Snow White & The Huntsman) has officially been cast as the dashing former “Hunger Games” champion ‘Finnick Odair’ in the upcoming 2nd film, “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” (not exactly a household name … or even pronounceable) . . . 4-year-old Vivienne Jolie-Pitt has just been hired for a role in mommy Angelina Jolie’s new flick “Maleficent” (nice to see nepotism is alive and well) . . . 45-year-old Nicole Kidman is showing off her bare butt in a tiny leather mini on the cover of the September issue of “V” magazine (it’s all about promoting her new movie “The Paperboy”) . . . And former “Sex & The City” actress Kristin Davis and self-absorbed screenwriter Aaron Sorkin (“The Newsroom”) have split up after just a few months but it’s said they’ll ‘definitely remain friends’ (BS translation: Get within a half-mile of me and I’ll scream!).


• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – Tonight Gavin DeGraw (“Sweeter”) performs; 4 acts move on to the top 24.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW) – Tonight, in the 19th season premiere, aspiring models walk their first catwalk in front of an audience.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning The Wanted (“Battleground”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight The Fixx (“Beautiful Friction”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Bombay Bicycle Club (“Different Kind of Fix”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Antibalas (“Antibalas”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Die Antwoord (“Ten$Ion”). Rerun.
• “Live From the Artists Den” (PBS) – Tonight Kid Rock performs at Graceland.
• “Reading & Leeds Festivals” (UK) – The line-up for the massive annual 3-day, 2-venue rock concerts includes The Black Keys, The Cure, Florence & The Machine, Foo Fighters, Kasabian, Paramore, The Shins and many others.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Alec Baldwin hosts the 2011-12 season premiere; musical guest Radiohead (first appearance on the show since 2000). Rerun.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Today guest co-host LeAnn Rimes. Rerun.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Train (“California 37”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Alejandro Escovedo (“Big Station”).


• Blake Shelton – His latest single, “Over”, has become his 7th consecutive #1 country hit and his 12th chart-topper to date. He hasn’t had a single peak outside the top 10 since 2007.
• Celine Dion – She tells “Vegas” magazine that fellow singer Adele will help change the music industry by refusing to slim down. Kind of a back-handed compliment, no?
• Josh Turner – Today his concert recording “Josh Turner: Live Across America” goes on sale exclusively at the Cracker Barrel restaurant chain.
• Kanye West – TMZ reports he’s being courted by “American Idol” as a judge but he isn’t sold on the idea because it’s perhaps not ‘in his wheelhouse’ and he’d require a salary of at least $18 million.
• Nelly Furtado – She’ll perform a track from her new album “The Spirit Indestructible” on a November episode of the CW’s “90210”.
• Patsy Cline – Today the Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum in Nashville opens the new biographical exhibit “Patsy Cline: Crazy for Loving You” for a 10-month run.
• Silversun Pickups – Bassist Nikki Monninger has announced she is pregnant with twin daughters, but she’ll continue to tour with the band as long as she can. Quote: “We’ll put the twins to work ASAP. If they can’t lift heavy equipment, we’ll start them off selling merch.”
• Taylor Swift – She’s denied reports she crashed a Kennedy family wedding, but the mother of the bride insists she did. She says she asked the singer to leave … twice.
• 2 Chainz – The rapper’s first studio album, “Based on a TRU Story”, has debuted at #1, according to SoundScan.


• “The Apparition” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): A couple is haunted by a supernatural presence that is unleashed during a college experiment. Stars Ashley Greene, Sebastian Stan, Tom Felton, Julianna Guill.
• “Premium Rush” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): In Manhattan, a bike messenger picks up an envelope that attracts the interest of a dirty cop, who pursues the cyclist throughout the city. Stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Michael Shannon.


The year’s foremost famous femmes according to “Forbes” …
5. Shakira
4. Jennifer Lopez
3. Beyoncé
2. Lady Gaga
1. Oprah Winfrey


✓Gargle with water.
✓Swallow some stale bread.
✓Chew on a vinegar-soaked sugar cube.
✓Squeeze the bridge of your nose.
✓Pull your tongue.
– “Men’s Health”

Recent research shows that people who are overly suspicious and cynical are more likely to die within a 15-year period than those with more trusting dispositions. It seems chronic suspicion may produce stress that impairs the body’s ability to fight disease. (I find this cheesy study a little hard to believe …)
– PA News


5 amazing facts about ice cream …
• There are some ice creams that are 75% air.
• The last thing Elvis Presley ate before he died was 4 scoops of ice cream and 6 chocolate chip cookies.
• 1-out-of-5 people that eat ice cream binges on it in the middle of the night. This person is usually aged 18-to-24.
• In 1988, the largest ice cream sundae in history was made in Edmonton, Alberta. It weighed in at over 24 tons.
• In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice cream in your back pocket.


1945 [67] Vince McMahon, Pinehurst NC, chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment since 1980 (originally World Wrestling Federation)

1962 [50] Craig Kilborn, Kansas City MO, TV personality (“The Kilborn File” 2010, “Late Late Show With Craig Kilborn” 1999-2005, “The Daily Show” 1996-98)

1973 [39] Dave Chappelle, Washington DC, TV comedian (“Chappelle’s Show” 2003-05)/movie actor (“Block Party”, “Blue Streak”)

1973 [39] Carmine Giovinazzo, Staten Island NY, TV actor (‘Detective Danny Messer’ on “CSI: NY” since 2004)

1988 [24] Rupert Grint, Watton-at-Stone UK, movie actor (‘Ron Weasley’ in the “Harry Potter” films)

Movie actor Sean Connery (‘James Bond’) is 82; Retired TV personality Regis Philbin (“Live With Regis & Kelly”) is 81; Rock bassist Gene Simmons (KISS) is 63; Movie director Tim Burton (“Alice in Wonderland”) is 54; Country singer Billy Ray Cyrus (“Achy Break Heart”) is 51; Rock singer Jeff Tweedy (Wilco) is 45; TV chef Rachael Ray (“Rachael Ray”) is 44; Country singer Jo Dee Messina (“My Give a Damn’s Busted”) is 42; TV-movie actress Blake Lively (“Gossip Girl”) is 25.

Country musician Jimmy Olander (Diamond Rio) is 51; Rock singer Shirley Manson (Garbage) is 46; Rock guitarist Dan Vickrey (Counting Crows) is 46; Pop-rock drummer Adrian Young (No Doubt) is 43; TV-movie actress Melissa McCarthy (“Mike & Molly”) is 42; Rock singer Tyler Connolly (Theory Of a Deadman) is 37; Movie actor Chris Pine (“Star Trek”) is 31.


• “Air Guitar World Championships”, the Grand Final of the 17th annual competition in Oulu, Finland, in which fake strummers from around-the-world compete for big prizes. It’s being streamed live online.
•”Flitting Appreciation Day”, a day to recognize those who have perfected the art of flitting around here and there.
• “Great American Duck Race”, the 33rd annual staging of the ‘World’s Richest Duck Race’ through Sunday in Deming NM. These are real live quackers competing for prize money.
• “Peach Pie Day”, honoring the seasonal dessert made from flour, sugar, butter, and freshly-picked juicy peaches. Yummers!
• “Waffle Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the invention of the ‘Waffle Iron’ by Cornelius Swartwout of Troy NY on this day in 1869. Other inventions attributed to today’s date include ‘Potato Chips’ (Chef George Crum, Saratoga Springs NY in 1853) and the ‘Motion Picture Camera’ (Thomas Edison in Menlo Park NJ, 1891). It’s no wonder August is tagged “National Inventors’ Month”.
• “Weather Cliché Day”, marking the date in 1897 when editor Charles Dudley Warner of the “Hartford Courant” published the quip, “Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” A few common weather clichés …
✓It’s bone-chilling cold.
✓It’s hot as hell!
✓It’s raining cats and dogs.
✓It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.
✓Hot enough for you?
✓When it rains, it pours.
✓The rain’s coming down in buckets.
✓Colder than a well digger’s ass (boot).

• “Banana Split Day”, saluting the ooey-gooey sundae concoction that’s served in a ‘boat’.
• “International Bat Night”, the 16th annual observance encouraging awareness of the way bats live, their needs, and their value. Observed in more than 30 countries.
• “Kiss-and-Make-Up Day”, a day to make amends in relationships that have deteriorated.
• “Secondhand Wardrobe Day”, celebrating the joys of shopping consignment shops, thrift stores, and anywhere else a clothing bargain can be had. What’s your biggest ‘find’?

• “National Dog Day”, to support, rescue, and help dogs in need.
• “Women’s Equality Day”, celebrating the civil rights movement by women that had its formal beginnings in 1848 at the world’s first women’s rights convention, in Seneca Falls NY.


1987 [25] PBS is threatened with a lawsuit if it uses a banana to demonstrate how to use a condom during an AIDS special … by the International Banana Association


1981 [31] Mark David Chapman is sentenced in NYC to serve 20 years-to-life in prison for the assassination of music icon John Lennon


2006 [06] A meeting of 424 astronomers demotes the former planet Pluto to ‘dwarf planet status’ (it had been designated a planet since its discovery in 1930)


2002 [10] Petri Valta of Finland outdistances 90 other contestants from 7 countries by hurling a Nokia 5510 cellphone 219 feet to set a new world record at the “Mobile Phone Throwing World Championships” in Savonlinna, Finland


[Mon] Petroleum Day
[Mon] Banana Lovers Day
[Mon] Global Forgiveness Day
[Tues] Full ‘Blue’ Moon
[Tues] Radio Commercials Day
[Tues] Crackers Over the Keyboard Day
This Week Is … Minority Enterprise Development Week
This Month Is … Water Quality Month


• Is it possible for a psychic fair to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances?
• If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
• On pet food, just what flavor is ‘original’?
• Do dermatologists make rash decisions?
• Should animal shampoo be tested on humans?
• Can you park in a handicapped spot if you’re stupid?


You run down the list rapid-fire while a caller/guest/team member selects the the less desired option …
● Earbuds that constantly fall out or earbuds that get stuck in your ear?
● Finding out your fly was down all day or finding out something was stuck in your teeth?
● Suffering a paper cut or suffering a shaving cut?
● Stubbing your toe or banging your funny bone?
● Sequels or prequels?
● Your spouse’s parents visiting or your own parents visiting?
● Uncontrollable nose hair or uncontrollable ear hair?
● Watching women’s basketball or watching men’s figure skating?
● A crying girlfriend or a crying baby?
● Working out or not-working-out guilt?


☎ Should a kid be barred from playing sports for being too big? The Mesquite Pee Wee Football Association in Texas has banned 12-year-old Elijah Earnheart from playing because he’s 6 ft-1.5 inches (187 cm) tall and weighs 297 lbs (135 kg). If size matters, shouldn’t they also ban players for being too small?


Which religious sect is credited with inventing both the clothespin and the circular saw?
a. The Mormons.
b. The Quakers.
c. The Shakers. [CORRECT]
– “Totally Trivial”


Hors d’oeuvres … a ham sandwich cut into 40 pieces.


Question: Most men under 30 have never owned one of THESE, even though we could all use one once in awhile.
Answer: A shoehorn.


The man who thinks he’s smarter than his wife is married to a clever woman.

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