August 25, 2014

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Monday, August 25, 2014        Edition: #5291

You Really Know Your Sheet!

★ Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t upset about estranged hubby Chris Martin dating actress Jennifer Lawrence, according to a friend. The source says the 41-year-old “Goop” founder wishes only the best for the Coldplay singer, saying “Hey, he could do worse.” The mom of two, for her part, has moved on with “Glee” co-creator Brad Falchuk. Their relationship evolved from professional to romantic after Paltrow guest-starred on the FOX-TV show as substitute teacher ‘Holly Holliday’.
– @USWeekly
★ Seems 44-year-old singer Mariah Carey has moved to silence her gabby 33-year-old estranged hubby Nick Cannon. According to one report, her lawyers have drawn up a confidentiality agreement which means that Cannon can no longer comment on the pair’s impending divorce, thanks to severe financial penalties if he violates the terms. As their 6-year marriage takes a tumble, both Mariah and Nick (predictably) say their children, Monroe & Moroccan, come first.
★ Katie Holmes is going right back where she started from … California. The 35-year-old actress has reportedly left NYC and moved into a 6,000-square-foot home in LA’s Calabasas neighborhood. Holmes migrated to the East Coast 2 years ago after her high-profile split with actor Tom Cruise, but she apparently decided to head back west because she believes it’s a better spot to raise her 8-year-old daughter Suri Cruise. Holmes paid a reported $3,795,000 for her new digs and the deal was ‘super secret’. Anyone violating its privacy terms could face a $1-million penalty.
★ And movie icon Lauren Bacall has left $10,000 for the care of her beloved dog Sophie in her will. The 89-year-old actress died in NYC earlier this month and left behind a $26.6-million estate. According to papers filed Friday in a Manhattan court, her grandsons will inherit $250,000 each; 2 longtime employees will share $35,000; and the rest of her estate, including her apartment in the Dakota building and its contents, will be split between her 3 children: Leslie Bogart, Stephen Humphrey Bogart, and Sam Robards … who will become the dog’s guardian.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Grouplove (“Spreading Rumors”). Rerun.
• “Emmy Awards” (NBC) – Tonight Seth Myers hosts live from the Nokia Theatre in LA. HBO’s “Game of Thrones” leads all TV series with 19 Primetime Emmy Award nominations, pushing HBO’s total count this year to 99, most of any network. In the ‘Best Drama’ category it competes with “Breaking Bad”, “True Detective”, “House of Cards”, “Downton Abbey”, and “Mad Men”. “Orange Is the New Black” is among the leaders in the comedy categories, with 12 nominations. Other comedy nominees include “The Big Bang Theory”, “Louie”, “Silicon Valley”, “Veep” and “Modern Family”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – OK Go (“Hungry Ghosts”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Liquor Store (“In the Garden”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – LP (“Into the Wild”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Rixton (“Me & My Broken Heart”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Lyle Lovett (“Release Me”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – LeAnn Rimes (“Spitfire”). Rerun.

• Ariana Grande – Today her debut album, “My Everything”, is released. She performed the new single, “Break Free”, last night at the MTV Video Music Awards. A ‘Deluxe Edition’ of the album exclusive to Target stores includes 2 bonus tracks.
• Eminem / Rihanna – They’re among the latest celebs to take part in the ALS ice bucket challenge. The “Monster” duo decided to take their soaking on stage Saturday in Eminem’s hometown of Detroit MI during the final night of their 6 date co-headlining tour.
• Fitz & The Tantrums – Today they’ll perform 3 songs at Arthur Ashe Stadium in Queens NY as part of the opening ceremony of the US Open tennis tournament.
• Iggy Azalea – The Aussie rapper was left red-faced but unhurt after tumbling off the stage at the MTV Video Music Awards benefit concert for Lifebeat: Music Fights HIV/AIDS on Friday night. She was quickly hoisted back up by security and continued on with her set.
• Jennifer Lopez – Despite her poor track record, thrice-married J-Lo tells “Chelsea Lately” she will likely wed again because she doesn’t want to be perceived as someone who … ‘whores around’.
• Kanye West – According to “Star” magazine, Kim & Kanye want to buy baby Nori a toddler-sized gold toilet to match their adult-sized gold toilets. And instead of regular diaper cream, Kim slathers North in ‘Crème de La Mer’, which costs $2,000 a jar.
• Lil Wayne – Friday night the rapper was honored with the ‘Songwriter Of the Year’ prize at the BMI R&B/Hip-Hop Awards at the Pantages Theatre in LA. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis picked up ‘Song Of the Year’ for their track “Can’t Hold Us”.
• Miley Cyrus – The Dominican Republic has banned the twerking, crotch-grabbing singer from performing there on September 13th after ruling that she violates ‘morals and customs, which are punishable by Dominican law’.
• Wiz Khalifa – His Saturday night concert in Chula Vista CA was cancelled following a shooting in the backstage area of his gig the night before. A man reportedly died after being shot at least 5 times. Cops think it’s unlikely the shooter and victim had any connection to Wiz.

Here’s the latest news on what’s trendy in cosmetic surgery. According to “New York Times”, women are increasingly asking for saline injections in their boobs, thereby increasing their busts by as much as 2 cup sizes. For $3,500, the poke can blow up breasts from an A to a C cup within 24 hours. However the results only last … for 24 hours. Why would anyone spend that much on something with such a short lifespan? Apparently the temporary transformation is considered useful for parties, romantic vacations, weddings, and red-carpet events. (Imagine the look on some poor confused schmuck’s face as he realizes the D-cup breasts he fell in love with last night have somehow magically shrunk to a B-cup in the morning light.)

It’s amazing the things people leave behind while traveling. Over the years the lost & found list at the upscale Le Meridien Excelsior Hotel near London’s Heathrow Airport has featured a diverse range of items including: A white rabbit left under a bed, live frogs swimming in a bathtub, the radiator from a Ford automobile, several sets of false teeth, and …. an artificial leg found in the hotel spa. (Try calling a large local hotel and asking about the strangest items left behind by guests.)
– PA News

Most popular answers to the question: “What causes you to be most concerned?”
28.8% – Money/financial Issues.
16.8% – My Job/Career.
12.5% – Marriage/Intimate Relationships.
10.9% – Social Relationships.
8.3% – Personal Appearance/Weight Issues.
7.7% – Family/Children.
7.1% – No Answer.
4.4% – Health Concerns.
2.1% – Political Issues.
1.4% – Cultural Issues.
– InterCommerce Corporation

A new Michigan State University study of over 650 women aged 18-to-24 suggests that those who have read EL James’ “Fifty Shades of Grey” books are more likely to have fasted, used diet aids, and had a partner who verbally abused them or demonstrated stalker behavior toward them. Women who’ve read all 3 books are also more likely to binge-drink and to have had 5 or more sexual partners than women who haven’t read any of the trilogy. The study author says the results indicate ‘known risk factors for being in a violent relationship’. It’s not known which comes first, reading the books leading to risky behavior or vice versa. (For sure anyone who actually manages to finish reading this tortuously bad writing has to be masochistic.)
– Sky News

Electric cars and power tools could be powered using hemp.
– BBC News


1930 [84] Sean Connery, Edinburgh, Scotland, retired movie actor (Oscar-“The Untouchables”, “Dr No”)/the best-ever ‘James Bond’?

1931 [83] Regis (Francis Xavier) Philbin, NYC, retired TV host (“Live With Regis & Kelly” 1989-2011, “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” 1999-2001, 2009)/most onscreen face-time of anyone in TV history

1949 [65] Gene Simmons (Chaim Witz), Haifa, Israel, long-tongued dinosaur rocker (KISS-“Rock ‘n Roll All Night”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2014)/reality TV show personality (“Gene Simmons: Family Jewels” 2006-12)

1958 [56] Tim Burton, Burbank CA, movie director-producer (“Alice in Wonderland”, “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory”)  COMING UP: “Big Eyes”, opening December 25th.

1961 [53] Billy Ray Cyrus, Flatwoods KY, country singer (“Achy Break Heart”)/TV actor (“Hannah Montana” 2006-11)/father of singing phenom Miley Cyrus  BS FACTOID: He was among a slew of artists commemorating the 50th anniversary of The Beatles’ Hollywood Bowl show in LA over the weekend by recreating the original 1964 setlist.

1967 [47] Jeff Tweedy, Belleville IL, alt-rock singer (Wilco-“You Never Know”, “You & I”)

1968 [46] Rachael Ray, Glens Falls NY, TV personality (“Rachael Ray”, “Rachael Ray’s Tasty Travels”)

1970 [44] Jo Dee Messina, Framingham MA, country singer (“My Give a Damn’s Busted”, “That’s the Way”)

1981 [33] Rachel Bilson, LA CA, TV actress (‘Dr Zoe Hart’ on “Hart of Dixie” since 2011, “The OC” 2003-07)

1987 [27] Blake Lively, LA CA, TV actress (“Gossip Girl” 2007-12)/movie actress (“The Sisterhood Of the Traveling Pants” films)/wannabe lifestyle guru (

• “Banana Split Day”, saluting the ooey-gooey sundae concoction that’s served in a ‘boat’.

• “Kiss-and-Make-Up Day”, a day to make amends in relationships that have deteriorated. (Let’s see, there’s that ornery cab driver, that rip-off auto mechanic, the boss …)

• “Secondhand Wardrobe Day”, celebrating the joys of shopping consignment shops, thrift stores, and anywhere else a clothing bargain can be had. What’s the biggest ‘find’ you’ve had?

• “Whiskey Sour Day”, an annual salute to the mixed drink containing whiskey, lemon juice, and sugar. Whiskey sours are shaken, then served either straight or over ice, traditionally garnished with half an orange and a maraschino cherry. Yes, please!

1994 [20] Billy Joel is officially divorced from model Christie Brinkley after a 9-year marriage; Jimmy Page & Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin reunite in a London studio to record the concert that becomes the MTV special “Unledded”; Jimmy Buffett crashes his seaplane while attempting a takeoff in Nantucket MA, but manages to swim to safety.

1979 [35] “My Sharona” by The Knack peaks at #1 on pop singles chart and stays 5 weeks; “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” by the Charlie Daniels Band reaches #1 on country chart.

1984 [30] Latest fad toy is introduced, robotic action figures called ‘Transformers’ (leads to 4 really bad movies)

1981 [33] Jeff Schwartz sets record for ‘Solo Trampoline Bouncing’ (266 hours, 9 minutes)

[Tues] Women’s Equality Day
[Wed] “The November Man” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] La Tomatina (Buñol, Spain)
[Wed] Tug-of-War Day
[Thus] Radio Commercials Day
[Thus] Crackers Over the Keyboard Day

Be Kind to Humankind Week / Safe at Home Week


Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
NSR = Need some roughage.
T4W = Time for whiskey.
TXT L8R = Can’t find reading glasses.
WWIS = What was I saying?
X2EZ = Crossword puzzle too easy.
WSWS = Wearing socks with sandals.
80/20 = Spouse doing more and more of the talking.
TN2WMP = Trying not to wet my pants.
– First published in “BS” 2011.

• Have a friend ride in the back seat … gagged.
• Wear snorkel gear and hang fish from the ceiling.
• Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.
• At traffic light, eye driver in next car suspiciously then, with a look of fear, suddenly lock your doors.
• Squeegee your windshield at every stop.
• Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
• Shock other drivers. Compliment them on their skill and finesse.
– First published in “BS” 1999.

☎ What will you be famous for?

There are 10 black socks & 10 brown socks in a drawer. If you reach into the drawer in the dark, what is the smallest number of socks you must take out before being sure of having a pair that matches? (You could luck in after taking out just 2 socks, but are absolutely certain to have a pair after taking out 3 socks, the 3rd matching either the black or brown sock already removed.)

I tried Flintstone vitamins. I didn’t feel any better, but I could stop the car with my feet.

Question: The average man does THIS 5 times an hour; the average woman about 7 times an hour.
Answer: Touches their face. (“Men’s Health”)

Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.

Wes Pinner @ Lake Country 94.7 [WUKL] Greensboro GA; Ryan Bard @ CHY FM Cofs Harbour NSW Australia; Monica Mayer/Topher Wadey @ 88.3 CJIQ Kitchener-Waterloo ON; Danny Oldani @ Sports Radio 1150 The Zone [KZNE] College Station TX; Jai Bernard @ WAVE FM Wollongong NSW Australia; Jabulani Msibi @ Lekoa FM Vereeniging, South Africa; and Philip Doherty @ KISS Waterford, Ireland.

Leave a comment