August 28, 2012

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Tuesday, August 28, 2012        Edition: #4818

Thanks For Being a Bull Market!

Ellen Degeneres & Portia De Rossi have made an easy ‘mill’ on the mansion they bought from Brad Pitt at the beginning of the year, selling the Pacific-view estate for $13 million, according to (Pitt’s the guy who really profited – he only paid $4.8 million) . . . Actress Kirsten Dunst has banned her father from watching her new movie “Bachelorette”, about a bachelorette party which spirals out of control (opening September 7th), because he’s ‘too much of a prude’ to appreciate the raunchy humor (sort of a female version of “The Hangover”) . . . Sabrina Bryan has been announced as the 13th “Dancing With the Stars All-Stars” contestant, when the new season debuts September 24th (does being a former member of “The Cheetah Girls” qualify you as a ‘star’?) . . . During a family retreat to Balmoral Castle in Scotland, Britain’s Prince Harry reportedly got a ‘stern talking to’ from his father and grandparents in regard to his recent behavior in Las Vegas (word has it he and his military unit are expected to be posted to Afghanistan again – now that’s harsh punishment!) . . . “The Office” actress Jenna Fischer (‘Pam’) tells the show’s cast & crew have all grown ‘very sentimental’ and are cherishing shooting every scene of the final season even though they’re only on the 4th episode (will you miss it or did you quit the show a couple years back like most fans?) . . . And the parents of Kim Kardashian’s estranged hubby Kris Humphries are now officially divorced just a couple weeks after filing papers, while Kris’ split with Kim has been ongoing ever since last October (the divorce has now lasted 5 times longer than the marriage).


• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Andrew WK (“Gundam Rock”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Alabama Shakes (“Boys & Girls”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – White Denim (“D”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – R Kelly (“Write Me Back”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Hacienda (“Hacienda Brothers”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Owl City w/Carly Rae Jepsen (“The Midsummer Station”).


• Alanis Morissette – Today she releases “Havoc & Bright Lights”, her first album in 4 years.
• Flobots – Today their new album, “The Circle In the Square”, is out.
• Kenny Chesney / Tim McGraw – Their “Brothers Of the Sun Tour” that finished in Foxboro, Massachusetts on the weekend was the highest-grossing tour of the Summer, according to Pollstar. It covered 23 dates in 22 cities.
• Lady Gaga – Her new album “ARTPOP”, coming next year, is rumored to feature numerous collaborators. Among them: DJ-producer White Shadow, rapper Azealia Banks, electro house producer Zedd, and Whitesnake guitarist Doug Aldrich.
• Usher – He won a hard-fought battle against ex-wife Tameka Raymond last week to gain primary custody of his 2 children, Usher Raymond V and Naviyd Ely Raymond. But it’s not over yet … his ex is now vowing to appeal the ruling.


• “Battleship” ( PG-13 Action ): An epic action-adventure that unfolds across the seas, in the skies, and over land as Earth fights for survival against a superior force. Based on Hasbro’s classic combat game. Stars Taylor Kitsch, Brooklyn Decker, Alexander Skarsgard, Rihanna.
• “Darling Companion” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Kevin Kline & Diane Keaton star in this story of a woman who loves her dog more than her husband … and then her husband loses the dog. Co-stars Elisabeth Moss, Dianne Wiest, Sam Shepard.
• “The Five-Year Engagement” ( R-Rated Romantic Comedy ): Jason Segel & Emily Blunt star in this comedy that charts the ups & downs of an engaged couple’s relationship. The duo previously appeared together in “Gulliver’s Travels” and “The Muppets”.
• “The Pirates! Band of Misfits” ( PG Animated Adventure ): ‘The Pirate Captain’ sets out on a mission to defeat his rivals ‘Black Bellamy’ and ‘Cutlass Liz’ for the Pirate Of the Year award. Voice cast includes Hugh Grant, Salma Hayek, Jeremy Piven.
• “The Lucky One” ( PG-13 Drama ): Zac Efron stars as a Marine who travels to North Carolina after serving 3 tours in Iraq to search for the unknown woman he believes was his good luck charm during the war. Co-stars Taylor Schilling, Blythe Danner, Riley Thomas Stewart.
• “Think Like a Man” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Four friends conspire to turn the tables on their women when they discover the ladies have been using Steve Harvey’s relationship advice against them. Stars Chris Brown (in a brief appearance), Gabrielle Union, Kevin Hart, Michael Ealy.
• Also released today: “Boardwalk Empire: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); “Homeland: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “In Plain Sight: Season 4” (TV); “Jersey Shore: Season 5” (Reality TV); “Quadrophenia” (Vintage Music); “Sons of Anarchy: Season 4” (TV); “Two-and-a-Half Men: The Complete 9th Season” (TV); “The Vampire Diaries: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); and “The Walking Dead: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV).


The first wave of Gen-Xers has rounded age 40, and they are changing the face of what it means to be middle-aged. Women of this generation – think Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Aniston, Gwyneth Paltrow, Salma Hayek, Angelina Jolie – are pushing waifish teens off magazine covers, starring in movies, inspiring cosmetics and fragrances, wearing bikinis to the beach and minis to the mall. Thanks to advances in the beauty industry, more knowledge about healthy lifestyles, increased life expectancy and freer attitudes, middle-age doesn’t look the way it used to. (Who’s the hottest 40-something female?)


So much for Gen Y stereotypes. Generation Y – those born between 1979 and 1989 – spent the most money on books in 2011, knocking the long-time book-buying leaders, Baby Boomers, from the top spot, according to a new consumer study. Turns out they aren’t just sun-deprived geeks sitting alone in the basement with only a controller, joystick, or keyboard to keep them company. There’s likely a pile of books next to the game console as well because they’re the most bibliophilic generation alive. (Partly because Boomer vision is failing?)
– “Christian Science Monitor”


‘Facedeals’ is a new deals program that’s still being tested but it’s sure to incite all manner of responses when it’s rolled out. Here’s how it works: After you give it preauthorization via your Facebook profile, Facedeals maps the current physical appearance of your face by scanning your most recently tagged photos with facial-recognition software. Then, when you enter a participating business, a special camera scans your face, checks you in, and sends personalized discounts directly to your smartphone based on your Facebook ‘like’ history. (Are we alone in thinking this is a tad creepy?)


Football games are more likely to turn aggressive and dirty when the teams are evenly matched, a study at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands has found. The same is true of basketball games and is probably a universal phenomenon in all competitive team sports where 2 opposing teams are of the same level of ability. It’s also true of aggressive contests between individuals in the animal kingdom, whether it’s rutting deer stags or quarrelsome Siamese fighting fish. (Baboon vs badger … who’d win?)
– “The Independent”


For years, doomsayers predicted the death of the watch as clock-equipped cellphones exploded in popularity. Some said watches would eventually go the way of VCRs and the Sony Walkman. Not so fast. After a drop during the recession, watches are experiencing a renaissance. Bulky ones have shown up on red carpets and in runway shows. Retro styles have popped up on TV shows like “Mad Men” and “Boardwalk Empire”. And watch companies are rushing out with bright colors, new designs, and hi-tech varieties to suit every taste. (You know what this means … people asking for the time are gonna start pointing at their wrists again.)
– “Los Angeles Times”


Seems like we’re hearing about shooting sprees almost weekly of late. Security and law enforcement officials offer the following advice when confronted by an ‘active shooter’ …
✓As a precaution, take note of the 2 nearest exits in any facility you visit.
✓If you are in an office, stay there and secure the door.
✓Attempt to take the active shooter down as a last resort. Act with physical aggression and throw items.
✓When law enforcement arrives, put down any items in your hands. Raise hands and spread fingers. Avoid quick movements toward officers such as holding onto them for safety.
– “Milwaukee Journal Sentinel”

UCLA electrical engineering professor John Villasenor calculates that if the cost of digital storage continues to drop at its current rate, in the very near future it will become technologically and financially feasible for authoritarian governments to record nearly everything that is said or done within their borders – every phone conversation, electronic message, social media interaction, the movements of nearly every person and vehicle, and video from every street corner. (Time to buy canned food, a mess of water jugs, and head for the hills!)
– “Pacific Standard”


If you want to track the rise of our celebrity-obsessed culture, look no further than the newspaper obituaries. Researchers have found that during the 20th century, more and more obits of entertainers and athletes turned up in the ‘Notable Deaths’ section of the “New York Times”, mirroring a growing public fascination with celebrities. At the same time, interest in the deaths of scientists, inventors, industrialists, and religious figures seemed to fade from 1900 to 2000. (Yeah, F Sherwood Rowland died. Had you heard?)

The Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey Clown College has announced plans for its first open auditions in Chicago in years. Auditions, according to the circus, are open to any aspiring ‘funster’ interested in traveling and performing with the circus while ‘learning the ancient traditions of clowning’. Among the traits the circus will be looking for – improvisational ability, a sense of timing, and ‘a sincere desire to be a clown’. No previous experience is required. (Also must be willing to accept that many people are clown-phobic and will scream in horror.)
– “Chicago Tribune”


To be considered ‘addicted’ (to anything), you should be compulsively stuck doing something that is no longer fun, feels out of control, serves no useful purpose, and is certainly not worth the pain, costs, and harms.


1965 [47] Shania Twain (Eilleen Edwards), Windsor ON, pop-country singer (“Party For Two”, “You’re Still The One”)/ex-wife of music producer Mutt Lange/1999 CMA Entertainer Of the Year

1969 [43] Jack Black, Hermosa Beach CA, movie actor (“Bernie”, “School of Rock”)/sorta rock singer (Tenacious D)

1969 [43] Jason Priestley, Victoria BC, TV actor (‘Richard Fitzpatrick’ on “Call Me Fitz since 2010, “Beverly Hills 90210” 1990-98)

1981 [31] Jake Owen, Vero Beach FL, country singer (“Alone With You”, “Barefoot Blue Jean Night”)

1982 [30] LeAnn Rimes, Pearl MS, country singer (“Something’s Gotta Give”, “How Do I Live”) who started singing at age 3 and has sold well over 20 million records

1986 [26] Florence Welch, London UK, indie rock singer (Florence & The Machine-“Spectrum”, “You’ve Got the Love”)  BS FACTOID: She’s just announced plans to take a year off.


• “Crackers Over the Keyboard Day”, honoring the time-honored tradition of snacking and surfing. What’s the worst thing you’ve spilled on your computer keyboard? And the strangest thing you’ve ever found in it?

• “Radio Commercials Day”, commemorating the 1st-ever radio ad, broadcast on this date in 1922. Queensboro Realty received 10 minutes of air time on NYC station WEAF for $100. (In honor of the occasion, we’re airing a festival of our best current commercials all day!)


2003 [09] During her performance at the 20th “MTV Video Music Awards”, Madonna infamously plants open-mouth kisses on both Britney Spears & Christina Aguilera (how come hardly anyone remembers Xtina being involved in this stunt?)


1837 [175] 1st ‘Worcestershire Sauce’ (WOOST-a-shur) marketed by pharmacists John Lea & William Perrins in, where else?, Worcester UK

1907 [105] 19-year-old Seattle teen Jim Casey borrows $100 from a friend to start local delivery service that eventually becomes … UPS (nowadays it’s about a hundred bucks per pickup)

1996 [16] 1st MLB team to invite ball fans to ‘Bring Your Pooch To the Park’ (Chicago White Sox)


1997 [15] After a ride fails, Belgian amusement park riders are stuck upside down for 90 minutes


[Wed] “Lawless”; “The Oogieloves In the Big Balloon Adventure” open in movie theaters
[Wed] La Tomatina (Buñol, Spain)
[Wed] International Day Against Nuclear Tests
[Wed] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
[Wed] XIV Paralympics Games open (London)
[Thurs] Toasted Marshmallow Day
This Week Is … Safe at Home Week
This Month Is … Literacy Month


✓ Practice frantically making lunches for kids that no one will eat.
✓ Ask the utility company to get your son’s runners down from the power line.
✓ Slap a label on your kid’s phone … it’s worth more than your car.
✓ Remind the kids of all the things they did this Summer so they don’t answer the question “What did you do this Summer?” with “Nuthin’”.
✓ Buy your kid a new binder … there’s more writing on the outside than there ever was inside.
✓ Start a savings plan for the 842 school fundraisers you’ll be asked to participate in this year.
✓ But your kid new ‘indoor shoes’. Last year’s have already evolved into ‘outdoor shoes’.
✓ Practice driving in school zones by following a slow-moving motorhome for 20 miles.
✓ Remind yourself not to refer to any teacher by the size of their butt or lack of hair … or both.
✓ Locate that missing tuna sandwich from last March that’s stuck between seats in the minivan.
– Extrapolated from


I’m so poor, I can’t even pay attention.


☎ Besides your spouse/partner, who would you even consider sharing your toothbrush with? (Spouse tops a recent poll, followed by family member, best friend, boss, and total stranger.)


Question: Doctors say the most likely thing for kids to stick up their nose is a crayon; THIS is 2nd-most likely.
Answer: A french fry. (


Honk if you love peace and quiet!

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