August 31, 2012

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Friday, August 31, 2012        Edition: #4821

Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

There’ll be no “Bull Sheet” for Monday, the “Labor Day” holiday. Next issue is for Tuesday, September 4th. Happy long weekend, all!

Lindsay Lohan has been banned from LA’s Chateau Marmont hotel after racking up an unpaid bill of $46,350 during her stay in June-July (includes over $3,000-worth of drinks from the mini-bar) . . . Sorta singer Clay Aiken has tweeted that he & his brother have been playing a drinking game while watching TV whereby they down a shot every time they see a black person onscreen at the Republican National Convention (so far, they say they’re ‘sober as a Mormon’) . . . Movie heartthrob Ryan Gosling is set to make his feature film directorial & writing debut with the fantasy thriller “How To Catch a Monster”, which will star Christina Hendricks (“Mad Men”) as a single mom (they co-starred in “Drive”) . . .  Charlie Sheen’s new comedy “Anger Management” (FX) has received an unusual order to produce another 90 episodes over the next 2 years, a promise the network made if the show hit a specific ratings threshold (the show returns in January) . . . “Modern Family” creator Steve Levitan has reacted to news that Ann Romney, wife of presidential candidate Mitt Romney, considers the ABC-TV comedy her favorite show by offering her a guest role in the upcoming season (odd program for her to watch considering Mitt’s anti-gay marriage stance) . . . And though he’s a supporter of the Democratic Party, actor Michael Douglas is set to play Republican Ronald Reagan in a new movie called “Reykjavik”, about the peace talks between the former US president and then-Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev in the Icelandic capital (even at 67, he’s still too young!).

• Bumbershoot Festival (Seattle WA) – This weekend’s annual 3-day music & arts event is top-lined by Awolnation, Gotye, Jane’s Addiction, Keane, Passion Pit, Skrillex, and … Tony Bennett.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Today Backstreet Boys make their 1st official performance since the return of Kevin Richardson as part of the ‘Summer Concert Series’ in NYC’s Central Park.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Wood Bros (“Live: Volume One: Sky High”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight We Are Augustines (“Rise Ye Sunken Ships”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight  2 Chainz (“Based On a TRU Story”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Rodriguez (“Searching for Sugar Man”). Rerun.
• Made In America Festival (Philadelphia) – Saturday-Sunday Jay-Z headlines and curates this inaugural 2-day, 3-stage event with some proceeds going to the United Way. The line-up includes Drake, Janelle Monae, The Hives, Pearl Jam, Rick Ross, Santigold, and Skrillex among others. The making of the event will become a Ron Howard documentary film.
• “MDA Show of Strength” (MY) – Sunday the 2012 Muscular Dystrophy fundraiser includes appearances by BoB, Carrie Underwood, Hot Chelle Rae, Luke Bryan, and Tim McGraw.
• Rise Above Fest (Gilford NH) – Awareness & prevention of teen suicide is the focus of this 1st-time event on holiday Monday. Seether curates and headlines, alongside Buckcherry, Puddle of Mudd, and more. Some proceeds go to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
• Rock Allegiance Festival (Hershey PA) – Saturday Stone Temple Pilots headline this all-day event at Hershey Park Stadium. Also on the bill: Buckcherry, Daughtry, Seether, Three Days Grace and others.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – NFL star Eli Manning (NY Giants) hosts; musical guest Rihanna (“Talk That Talk”). Rerun.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Christina Perri (“Lovestrong”); Jason Mraz (“Love Is a Four Letter Word”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight The Dunwells (“Blind Sighted Faith”).

• Adele – She’s reportedly wed her fiancé Simon Konecki in a secret ceremony before close family & friends, according to UK’s “Daily Mail”. He was first introduced to Adele through singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran, and reportedly fell for her immediately.
• Duran Duran – With just 1 week to go before the final dates of their 2-year “All You Need Is Now” world tour, they’ve been forced to cancel the remaining shows on the North American leg as keyboardist Nick Rhodes is too ill to perform. His health problem has not been identified.
• Leann Rimes – Her rep has confirmed that she has voluntarily entered a 30-day, in-patient treatment facility to cope with ‘anxiety and stress’, which has nothing to do with any eating disorder or substance abuse. The facility will permit her to fulfil weekend tour obligations.
• Madonna – Saturday she makes history as the 1st act to play a paid-for concert on the historic Plains of Abraham in Québec City, Québec. Celine Dion, Elton John, Metallica, and Paul McCartney have previously performed on the historic 250-year-old battlefield, but for free.
• Rolling Stones – “Los Angeles Times” is reporting they’ll play ‘a small handful of shows’ celebrating their 50th anniversary by the end of 2012. Two of these shows will apparently be in London, another two in Brooklyn, New York.
• Silversun Pickups – Saturday they begin a new round of touring in support of their new album “Neck Of The Woods” in Calgary, Alberta. They’ve also announced they’ll be part of the “Voodoo Experience” festival in New Orleans, Louisiana in late October.
• Trey Songz – With his 5th effort, “Chapter V”, he’s finally nabbed his first #1 album on the sales chart this week, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
• – He and Brit pop star Cheryl Cole have suffered whiplash after a minor accident in Los Angeles, which occurred after they left a studio following a marathon recording session. was driving a Cadillac which hit a parked car; Cole was riding shotgun.
• Van Halen –They’ve postponed their upcoming tour of Japan after Eddie Van Halen had to undergo surgery to treat a severe bout of diverticulitis, a disease of the large intestine.

• “For a Good Time, Call…” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Two former college frenemies move into a fabulous Manhattan apartment and end up having to start up a phone-sex line in order to make ends meet. Stars Ari Graynor, Lauren Miller, Justin Long.
• “The Possession” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): After a young girl buys an antique box at a yard sale, unaware that a malicious ancient spirit lives inside, her father teams with his ex to find a way to end the curse. Stars Natasha Calis, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Kyra Sedgwick.
• Opening in limited release today: “The Ambassador” (Documentary); “Breathing” (Drama); “The Good Doctor” (Thriller); “The Tall Man” (Mystery).

Should 3 people be allowed to marry each other? After all, they’re all grown-ups and what business does society have in regulating what they do in private? A notary in the Brazilian state of Sao Paulo has sparked controversy by accepting a civil union among 3 people. She says  there is nothing in law to prevent the 1 man and 2 women from uniting and they should be entitled to family rights. The trio, who have declined to speak to the press, have lived in Rio de Janeiro together for 3 years and share all expenses. (Pity this poor guy on his wedding anniversary every year!)
– BBC News

When you travel for business, you might work hard and live a clean life, but most people suspect you are on your worst behavior. That’s the conclusion of a Harris Interactive online poll of more than 2,000 adults. A few highlights …
• 94% of respondents think ‘bad behavior’ is likely to take place at trade shows and conventions.
• 77% think people on the road are often involved in ‘heavy drinking’.
• 66% contend that traveling business people are more prone to ‘cheat on a spouse’.
• 54% say road warriors are likely to ‘spend too much money’.
• 53% of people polled believe business travelers are more likely to ‘eat fatty foods’.
– “Los Angeles Times”

Scientists think they have solved the mystery of why pandas like to … do a handstand when they urinate. One of the oddest animal behaviors ever found has long been a mystery. Why would male pandas prefer to pee upside down, performing an awkward handstand to do so? Researchers now think there is a purpose to this gymnastic feat as an upside-down panda can project his pee higher up a tree, thereby allowing him to spread his scent further afield and increase his chances during the limited mating season. (Ah! It’s all about impressing the ladies.)

Every day, 6 million tons of manure hit the ground behind farm animals in North America.
– “Totally Trivial”


1945 [67] Van Morrison, Belfast, Northern Ireland, classic rock-pop-blues singer (“Moondance”, “Brown Eyed Girl”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1993)

1949 [63] Richard Gere, Philadelphia PA, movie actor (“Chicago”, “Pretty Woman”)

1972 [40] Chris Tucker, Atlanta GA, movie actor (“Rush Hour” movies)/stand-up comedian

1975 [37] Sara Ramirez, Mazatlan, Mexico, TV actress  (‘Dr Callie Torres’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2006)/Broadway actress (Tony Award-“Spamalot”)

Oldies singer Barry Gibb (Bee Gees) is 66; Talk-show host Phil McGraw (“Dr Phil”) is 62; Oldies singer Gloria Estefan (“Music of My Heart”) is 55; Rock guitarist Joe Trohman (Fall Out Boy) is 28.

TV sports analyst Terry Bradshaw (“FOX NFL Sunday”) is 64; TV actor Mark Harmon (NCIS”) is 61; Billionaire Guy Laliberté (Cirque du Soleil) is 53; Movie actor Keanu Reeves (“Matrix”) is 48; Movie actress Salma Hayek (“Frida”) is 46; Rock bassist Sam Rivers (Limp Bizkit) is 35; TV actor Jonathan Kite (“2 Broke Girls”) is 33; Rock drummer Spencer Smith (Panic At the Disco) is 25.

• “Blue Moon”, the 2nd Full Moon of August. The term originated in the 1937 “Maine Farmer’s Almanac”, which described a ‘Blue Moon’ as 4 Full Moons in a season when there are usually only 3. The editors of “Sky & Telescope” admit the magazine misused the term in 1946 to describe 2 Full Moons in a month, an error that’s become a popular misconception.
• “Invent a New Sandwich Day”, and be sure to give it a really creative name!
• “Love Litigating Lawyers Day”, because even shysters need affection.
• “Trail Mix Day”, celebrating the combination of nuts, seeds, dried fruits (bark, twigs, compost, etc) that takes about a gallon of water to wash down.
• “World Championship Barbecue Goat Cook-Off” in Brady, Texas. It’s the 39th annual, featuring some 125 teams trying to get your goat … to taste good.
• “World Testicle Cooking Championship”, an annual weekend event in the Serbian village of Lunjevica. The festival serves up a variety of testicles, including wildlife. It also gives awards for ‘ballsy’ newsmakers.

• “Building Code Staff Appreciation Day”, honoring those important personnel who would never take a bribe and allow shoddy construction to take place … honest!
• “First Day of Spring” in Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa, so designated by tradition, not any relation to the Vernal Equinox.
• “Great Klondike International Outhouse Race” in Dawson City, Yukon, the annual dash though downtown streets involving decorated outhouses on wheels containing a ‘seated’ jockey and pulled by costumed runners. If you don’t happen to own an outhouse – they’ll rent you one!
• “No Rhyme Nor Reason Day”, a celebration of words that don’t rhyme with any other words, ie: orange, purple, silver.
• “September”. In Latin ‘septem’ means ‘seventh’. That’s because back in the day when the New Year started in March, September was in fact the 7th month.

• “Blueberry Popsicle Day”, a celebration of the flavor that leaves your lips and tongue looking like some kind of purple-fleshed alien.
• “Fathers Day” in Australia and New Zealand, celebrated on the 1st Sunday in September.
• “The Running Of the Sheep” in Reed Point, Montana, when hundreds of woolies charge down Main Street, then participate in the ‘Ugliest Sheep’ and ‘Prettiest Ewe Contest’.

• “Labor Day” in Canada & the USA, a tribute to the contributions workers have made to our prosperity and well-being. It became a statutory holiday in both the US and Canada in 1894. In dozens of other countries, May 1st is “International Workers’ Day”, a day of celebration for labor.

2007 [05] Horror thriller remake “Halloween”, directed by rocker-turned-filmmaker Rob Zombie, opens in movie theaters

1976 [36] A judge finds George Harrison guilty of ‘subconscious plagiarism’, ruling the chorus to his 1971 hit “My Sweet Lord” is identical to the 1963 Chiffons hit “He’s So Fine” (after years of litigation, Harrison eventually buys the rights to the Chiffons’ tune, thereby ending the problem)

1955 [57] 1st ‘Sun-Powered Automobile’ is demonstrated (57 years later and you still don’t have one)

1995 [17] 6 people die attempting to rescue a chicken that has fallen down a well in southern Egypt (only the chicken survives)

[Sep 4] Newspaper Carrier Day
[Sep 5] CMA Awards nominees announced / NFL Kick-Off Special w/Mariah Carey and No Doubt (NYC) / Be Late For Something Day
[Sep 6]  MTV Video Music Awards / Toronto Film Festival begins
[Sep 7] “The Words” opens in movie theaters / “”Raiders Of the Lost Ark” IMAX re-release / 3rd “Stand Up to Cancer Telethon” / Lazy Moms Day / Salami Day
[Sep 8] International Drive Your Studebaker Day / International Literacy Day / World Physical Therapy Day
[Sep 9] 2012 CCMA Awards (Saskatoon SK) / London 2012 Festival closes (UK) / Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day / International Lace Day / Grandparents Day / Hug Your Hound Day / Wonderful Weirdoes Day
[Sep 10] “The Voice” Season 3 debut (NBC) / Boss-Employee Exchange Day / Swap Ideas Day / World Suicide Prevention Day
[Sep 11] 9/11 Remembrance Day
[Sep 12] Videogames Day
[Sep 13] International Chocolate Day / Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day / Peanut Day
[Sep 14] “Finding Nemo 3-D”; “Resident Evil: Retribution” open in movie theaters / Comic Con begins (Montréal) / Stand Up to Cancer Day
[Sep 15] Big Whopper Liar Day / Greenpeace Day / International Day of Democracy / International Dot Day / Boys & Girls Club Day / International Eat an Apple Day / International Coastal Cleanup Day / Puppy Mill Awareness Day / Responsible Dog Ownership Day
[Sep 16] International Day For the Preservation Of the Ozone Layer / Wife Appreciation Day / Stay Away From Seattle Day / Stepfamily Day / Rosh HaShanah begins at sunset (Jewish)
[Sep 17] “CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” (ABC) / US Constitution Day / Woman Road Warrior Day
[Sep 18] World Water Monitoring Day / Respect Day / ADD Awareness Day / Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day / “Nowhere But Up: The Story of Justin Bieber’s Mom” is published
[Sep 19] Talk Like A Pirate Day
[Sep 21] “Dredd 3-D”; “End of Watch”; “House At the End Of the Street”; “Trouble With the Curve” open in movie theaters / POW-MIA Recognition Day / World’s Alzheimer’s Day / International Day of Peace / Business Women’s Day / Car-Free Day
[Sep 22] Farm Aid 2012 (Hershey PA) / Hunting & Fishing Day / Fish Amnesty Day / Dear Diary Day / Elephant  Appreciation Day / Hobbit Day / Ice Cream Cone Day / Centenarians Day / White Chocolate Day
[Sep 23] “Primetime Emmy Awards” (ABC) / Celebrate Bisexuality Day / Restless Legs Awareness Day
[Sep 24] “Dancing With The Stars: All Stars” premieres (ABC) / Canadian Polaris Prize announced / Punctuation Day / A Day to Eat Dinner With Your Kids
[Sep 25] One-Hit Wonder Day / Yom Kippur begins at sundown (Jewish)
[Sep 26] Women’s Health & Fitness Day / World Maritime Day
[Sep 27] “Two-And-a-Half Men” season debut (CBS) / JK Rowling publishes “The Casual Vacancy” / World Tourism Day / Ancestor Appreciation Day
[Sep 28] “Hotel Transylvania”; “Looper”; “Won’t Back Down” open in movie theaters / Hug a Vegetarian Day / New York Film Festival begins / Love Note Day / Good Neighbor Day / Walk to Work Day / Save the Koala Day / Ask a Stupid Question Day / Fish Tank Floorshow Night
[Sep 29] Full ‘Harvest’ Moon / Global Festival 2012 (NYC) / World Heart Day / Public Lands Day / Attend Your Grandchild’s Birth Day / Coffee Day / Family Health & Fitness Day
[Sep 30] Sukkot begins at sunset (Jewish) / “Dexter” season premiere (SHOW) / “Homeland” Season 2 debut (SHOW) / Blasphemy Day / Chinese Moon Festival / Drummer Appreciation Day


✗ Texas Electric-Chair Tester.
✗ Cat Food Quality Controller
✗ Hooker in Amish country.
✗ Lindsay Lohan’s publicist.
✗ Janitor at a porno theater.
✗ Roadkill Cleanup Crew.
✗ Taser Tester.
✗ Sunblock Boy, senior citizens’ nude beach.

☎ If you were going to rent out your spouse, how much would you charge?

Who turned down actor Richard Gere’s first 3 major film roles?
a. Patrick Swayze
b. John Travolta [CORRECT. Travolta turned down the lead in “Days of Heaven”, “American Gigolo”, and “An Officer & A Gentleman” before they were offered to Gere.]
c. Kevin Costner

Keyless entry takes all the magic out of opening the door for your date.

Question: The average person has 50 of THESE.
Answer: Contacts in their cellphone.

The human is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

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