August 1 2023

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Tuesday, August 1, 2023 – Edition: #7528

If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

The Bull Sheet is headed off for its annual summer holiday next week, and will not be publishing Monday August 7 through Friday August 11. All subscribers will receive credit for non-service days. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Monday August 14.


[***UPDATE***] ★ Paul Reubens, the actor behind the comedic Pee-wee Herman character, died on Sunday at the age of 70. A post on his Instagram profile reads: “Paul bravely and privately fought cancer for years with his trademark tenacity and wit. A gifted and prolific talent, he will forever live in the comedy pantheon and in our hearts.” In an attached statement from Reubens himself, he apologized to his fans for dealing with his health battle privately for 6 years, saying: “I have loved you all so much and enjoyed making art for you.” LINK: 
★ Britney Spears will not reunite with her estranged sons before they move to Hawaii with her ex-husband Kevin Federline, a source has confirmed. Sean Preston and Jayden James are set to leave their home state of California today alongside their father, stepmother Victoria Prince and half-siblings — without saying goodbye to their mom. Federline and Prince plan to rent a place in the Aloha State while they search for a permanent house, according to a report. Spears hasn’t seen her teenaged sons in over a year. They also did not attend her wedding to Sam Asghari last June, and although they have exchanged “occasional texts” it has been reported that they have distanced themselves from their mother.
★ Kaley Cuoco turned “reverend” for a good friend – serving as officiant at pal Tracey Wade’s wedding. The “Big Bang Theory” star shared photos on Instagram Story, detailing her experience performing the ceremony. She captioned the pics: “Yes this happened lol”. They show her standing at a podium beneath a flower-covered archway at the outdoor wedding, with actor Will Vogt referring to her as “our reverend.” In another post, Cuoco shared pics of herself and the bride, with the caption: “I got to marry my nearest and dearest today!” She jokingly added, “I’m avail for all future weddings, bat mitzvahs, and any legal ceremony you may need me for lol.”
★ “Shark Week,” Discovery Channel’s annual celebration of sharks hosted by Jason Momoa, was back for its 35th year last week, and we’re going to need a bigger boat if its ratings continue like this: The shows drove the network to #1 in all-TV primetime with Adults and Men 18-49, and #1 across cable television with Adults and Men 18-54. It was the highest-rated “Shark Week” premiere night in 3 years, reaching more than 5.3 million viewers across Discovery Channel, discovery+, and Max on its first night, and impressive ratings continued for the rest of the week.
★ What’s a TV awards show without the actors and writers? The 75th Emmy Awards ceremony, scheduled to air on Fox on Sept. 18, has been postponed due to the writers and actors strikes. Those involved “have been told that the ceremony will not air on September 18 — the first time that there has been official word that the date has been pushed. It’s the first time since 2001 that the annual television awards show has been delayed.
★ Jamie Lee Curtis says she shudders to think what would have happened if her opioid addiction occurred during today’s fentanyl crisis. Curtis, who has been sober 23 years, said in an interview that she’d “dead” if the drug was as available back then as it is today. The 64-year-old “Halloween” star, who was also addicted to alcohol and used cocaine, called herself “incredibly lucky” to not have completely blown up her life as an addict.
★ Brace yourself — The 10th installment of the “Saw” hits theaters on Sept. 29 – and the first trailer is out now. In it, Jigsaw killer ‘John Kramer’ travels to Mexico for an experimental medical procedure in hopes of a miracle cure for his cancer. But he quickly learns that the entire operation is a scam. A voice is heard saying: “Of all the men to cheat, you picked John Kramer?” With a new game in play, full of Jigsaw’s devious and deranged traps, the serial killer says: “It’s time to play a game. You all pretended to cure me. But what I have planned for each of you is very real.” LINK:


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jessica Chastain, Maren Morris (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Brendan Fraser, Tan France, Lizzy McAlpine (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Bruce Springsteen (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Danny DeVito, Tegan and Sara (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Deena Nicole Cortese, Jenni Farley, Sammi Giancola, Vinny Guadagnino, Angelina Pivarnick, Nicole Polizzi, Mike Sorrentino
• “The Talk” (CBS): Holly Robinson Peete, Rodney Peete, Marque Richardson, guest co-host Jamie Yuccas (R)
• “Live with Kelly and Mark” (ABC/CTV): Julia Stiles
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Lauren Graham, Mo Amer, The Black Keys (R)
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Whoopi Goldberg, Matt Rogers (R)
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Rob Riggle, Sam Claflin (R)
• “Celebrity Wheel of Fortune” (ABC): Paul Scheer, Luenell and Mary Lynn Rajskub
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): Auditions continue as contestants of all ages vie for the chance to win the $1 million prize.
• “Beat Shazam” (Fox): A team of siblings, a team of friends, and a stepfather/daughter team battle for the prize.
• “Hey Yahoo!” (GSN): Contestants try to predict the top 5 most common Yahoo! Search answers, leading to hilarious and sometimes unusual guesses.

• Cardi B — threw a microphone at a concertgoer who hurled a drink at her mid-performance on Saturday. Video shows her looking surprised when the drink is thrown her way during an outdoor set at Drai’s Beachclub in Las Vegas. In response, she launches her mic at the front-row attendee, who is then escorted out by security. LINK:
• Taylor Swift – The members of Haim joined her on stage during her Santa Clara CA show in Friday, wearing dresses similar to the ones they wore in the ‘Bejeweled’ video. Este, Danielle and Alana joined Swift for the song ‘No Body, No Crime’. LINK:
• Sinead O’Connor – Following the sad news of death, her 1990 #1 hit ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ is expected to re-enter the UK Top 40 this week at #12.
• Dexys Midnight Runners – The group, now known as “Dexys”, has announced details of their first North American tour in 40 years. The band, which dropped the new album “The Feminine Divine” last week, will tour the UK in September, then head to Europe in October, before hitting LA for a gig on October 26, the first of 14 shows in the US and Canada.
• My Morning Jacket — were joined by The Muppets‘ ‘Animal’ on drums during their set at Newport Folk Festival over the weekend. Footage shows the special guest hammering away on the skins for the band’s set closer ‘One Big Holiday’. LINK:
• Jason Aldean — again spoke in defense ‘Try That in a Small Town’ during his Boston show on Sat. This time, he connected his song’s message to the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, ending his 3½ minute intro by suggesting his fans would’ve taken the law into their own hands if they’d found the 2 bombers before the police did. The crowd roared in approval. LINK:
• Chris Young — With ‘Looking for You’ scaling the country charts, he has provided an update on his 9th album. Quote: “We’re already about 9, 10 songs deep already, so very, very excited about what’s to come.” Young says that he plans to drop a few more songs from the album over the next while.
• Priscilla Block – has given fans a preview of the new song ‘Fake Names’. She posted an Instagram video showing herself singing along to the bouncy tune while doing her makeup. She’s currently at #4 on the country charts with her Justin Moore duet ‘You, Me, And Whiskey’. LINK:


Oh, sure…why not? Being chronically late isn’t just rude – now it’s considered a medical condition. Some medical experts have labeled it “time blindness” and associate it with being ADHD or other mental health issues. And now, a young woman on TikTok says she has been ridiculed for asking during a job interview “are there accommodations for people who struggle with time blindness and being on time?” According to psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis, “Time blindness is a difficulty with a perception of time, how much time is passed, how much time it’s going to take to do something, and it can be quite impairing to people.” She says that time blindness can over show up in anyone with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder or other mental health conditions. But on the other hand, “Dr. Michael Manos, a pediatric behavioral health specialist at the Cleveland Clinic, says that at times, everyone deals with time blindness, for instance when we “get caught up in something and get ‘in the zone’”. He agrees, though, that “Some people with ADHD…are more prone to having difficulty being able to judge how long something will take to do or to lose track of time.” There are some strategies and therapies that can help.
(Guys, when you told her you’d be home after “one more beer”…time blindness, amiright?)
(Would you also be OK with accommodating your employer if they had time blindness, and paid you 2 weeks late?

Everyone is guilty of doing it sometimes: Impulse shopping. You spot “that thing” that you just HAVE to have, and price be darned, you plunk down your plastic and take it home. Or, even worse, you come across that collector’s item that you didn’t even know existed 15 minutes ago, and whisk it away, your wallet several hundred dollars lighter. Well, maybe not so much these days. Impulse buying is down in 2023, as more shoppers are looking to make “wiser” purchases, according to a new poll conducted in the US. The survey of 2,000 adults found 38% have intentionally decreased the amount of impulse spending they are doing this year. The average person is spending $151 impulsively per month, down from $314 in 2022. People also reported making fewer impulse purchases per month, dropping to 6, from 12 impulse purchases per month in both 2022 and 2021.
(Impulse buying is down? Not so, judging from the mountain of Amazon boxes I have to wade through to get to the front door every day when I get home from work…!)

Today’s the day, if you’d like to be named ‘Subway’. Subway restaurants is seeking a sandwich lover to legally change their first name to “Subway”. And exactly what would entice someone to do something like that? How about…a lifetime of free food and beverages from the world’s second-largest restaurant chain? Hold on, though…don’t file the paperwork to change your name just yet. First, you have to submit your current name to Subway (which you can do starting today, through Friday)…then be chosen to get the “golden ticket”. The company will cover the winner’s $750 legal fees for the name change, “making it easy and effortless to become ‘Subway’ and enjoy a lifetime of delicious subs.” The winner will have 4 months to make the name change legal, at which time they will be able to collect their prize. According to the fine print, free Subway “for life” equals $50,000 worth of gift cards. LINK:
(How is it that a Kardashian hasn’t already named one of their babies “Subway”?)
(Is there anything to say you can’t change your name back once you’ve got the goods?)

➢ Emperor & King: Both are rulers, but an emperor typically rules more than one nation, while a king rules only one territory – which could be located within an empire. That means a king may be ranked under an emperor.
➢ Tiara & Crown: Usually, only sovereigns wear crowns, while other members of the royal family or nobility are allowed to wear coronets and tiaras. Design-wise, crowns are always a full circle, while tiaras are sometimes only semi-circular.
➢ Copyright & Trademark: While copyrights are automatically created when something is produced, trademarks are created and registered by the owner for use in commerce. This means that social media pictures fall under copyright protection, while business names are protected by trademark laws.
➢ Knitting & Crocheting: For one, a knitting needle has a pointy end, while a crocheting needle has a hooked end. And when it comes to crocheting, you only use one single needle. For knitting, you can use as many needles as you want. (Sounds like my acupuncturist…!)
➢ Model & Supermodel: The difference is how famous the person is. If a model is known outside the fashion world, she/he is a supermodel. For example, Cindy Crawford, Gisele Bundchen and Naomi Campbell. (Although I’ve seen many models who seem like ‘super’ models to me!)
➢ Rabbit & Hare: Although they belong to the same family, they are different species. Hares have longer ears than rabbits and don’t dig burrows. Hares are also less social and their young can fend for themselves shortly after birth.
➢ Sunscreen & Sunblock: Sunscreen is a chemical defense that penetrates the skin to absorb UV rays, and sunblock is a physical barrier. Sunscreen has ingredients such as avobenzone and para-aminobenzoic acid (you’re welcome…), while sunblock uses zinc oxide or titanium oxide.
➢ Yeti & Bigfoot: The main difference is their location. Known as Sasquatch or Bigfoot, this mythical creature supposedly lives in the Pacific Northwest in North America. Yeti is thought to be native to the Himalayas in Asia. (And only Bigfoot fought “The 6 Million Dollar Man”! What? Am I old?)

He may be back on Twitter…er… “X”, but Kanye is still persona non-grata to Adidas. The sportswear brand is releasing a second batch of high-end Yeezy sneakers after cutting ties with the rapper, as it seeks to unload the unsold shoes, while contributing to groups fighting antisemitism. The online sale, starting tomorrow, follows an earlier sale in May. Models that will be available include the Yeezy Boost 350 V2, 500, and 700 as well as the Yeezy Slide and Foam RNR. The company cut ties with Ye in October after he made offensive remarks online and in interviews. That left Adidas holding US$1.3 billion worth of unsold Yeezys and searching for a responsible way to dispose of them.


• “August” begins, originally the 6th month of the Roman year which was called ‘Sextilis’. In 8 BC, Emperor Augustus Caesar persuaded the Senate to change the month’s name to ‘Augustus’ in his honor. If it weren’t for him, today would be the first of Sextilis!
• “Girlfriends Day”, either some girl’s greedy grab at gifts from her guy, or perhaps a day for ‘the girls’ to hang out and share woman-to-woman time? (And you’ll notice, guys, that ‘Girlfriends’ is in plural form. Take from that what you will…)
• “Respect for Parents Day”, since 1994, a day to remind everyone (not just children) that parents deserve and require respect. Today, we are reminded to consider the value parents have in our society.
• “World Wide Web Day”, marking the birth of the Web in August 1990 at the Europe Laboratory for Particle Physics in Switzerland. Tim Berners-Lee & Robert Cailliau developed a prototype Web browser and introduced Hypertext Markup Language (HTML) (And Al Gore was nowhere to be found…)
• “Spider-Man Day”, marking the superhero’s debut in 1962 in issue #15 of “Amazing Fantasy” comics, a creation of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko. (My Spidey-sense told me this day was approaching…)
• “Homemade Pie Day”, pumpkin pie, which was first recorded in a cookbook in 1675, originated from British spiced and boiled squash. It was not popularized in America until the early 1800s.
• “Play Ball Day”, baseball umpires call out, “Play ball!” to start games. Here are a few ball-based sports to get the proverbial ‘ball’ rolling: baseball, basketball, billiards, bocce ball, bowling, carpet ball, croquet, dodge ball, field hockey, foosball, football, four square, golf, handball, jacks, juggling, lacrosse, marbles, paddleball, paddle tennis, paint ball, polo, racquetball, softball, squash, stickball, tee ball, tetherball, tennis, volleyball, water polo, waffle ball – and of course pickleball.

[Wed] Dinosaurs Day
[Wed] Coloring Book Day
[Thurs] Watermelon Day
[Fri] Hooray for Kids Day
This Week Is…Single Working Women’s Week
This Month Is…Admit You’re Happy Month

1959 [64] Joe Elliott, Sheffield England, rock singer (Def Leppard -‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’, ‘Love Bites’)

1960 [63] Chuck D (Carlton Ridenhour), Roosevelt NY, rapper (Public Enemy-‘Shut ’Em Down’, ‘Fight the Power’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 2013 (with Public Enemy)

1963 [60] John Caroll Lynch, Boulder CO, movie actor (“The Founder”, “Fargo”)/TV actor (“American Horror Story”) COMING UP…”Outlaw Posse”

1964 [59] Adam Duritz, Baltimore MD, rock singer-songwriter/pianist (Counting Crows-‘Mr. Jones’, ‘Accidentally in Love’)

1965 [58] Sam Mendes, Reading England, filmmaker (“Spectre”, “Skyfall”) COMING UP…”Beautiful Ruins”

1979 [44] Jason Momoa, Honolulu HI, TV actor (‘Khal Drogo’ on “Game of Thrones” 2011-12)/movie actor (“Aquaman”) COMING UP…”Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom”, 2023

1988 [35] Max Carver, San Francisco, CA, TV actor (“Teen Wolf” 2013-2015, “The Leftovers” 2014)

1976 [47] Elizabeth Taylor is granted her 6th divorce, this time from actor Richard Burton, the couple’s second divorce

1994 [29] Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley announce they are married, having wed at a secret ceremony in the Dominican Republic 11 weeks earlier

2012 [11] A “Sight & Sound” magazine ranking lists Alfred Hitchcock’s 1958 thriller “Vertigo” as ‘Greatest Film of All-Time’

1981 [42] MTV goes on the air, bringing music videos to the masses – or at least the ones with cable (First video: The Buggles’ ‘Video Killed the Radio Star’)

2015 [08] Rush plays its last-ever concert, closing out their “R40 Live” tour at The Forum near Los Angeles. While not announced as the group’s final show, it had been hinted. At the end, drummer Neil Peart uncharacteristically comes to the front of the stage to take a bow with his bandmates

2012 [11] Badminton teams from China, Indonesia, and South Korea are kicked out of the women’s doubles competition at the London Olympics for trying to … lose on purpose

2013 [10] Russia grants NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden 1 year of temporary political asylum (he’s still there, and was granted citizenship in Sept. 2022)

1998 [25] Scott Gehrke & Lorrie Kilgore are wed above Perris CA in a 55-second ceremony as they, and a presiding minister, parachute from 13,000 feet (they truly fell for each other)


✓ It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath.
✓ ‘Almost’ is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
✓ Your eyeballs do not grow or change their size as you age.
✓ There are more trees on earth than there are stars in the Milky Way.
✓ Four times more people speak English as a foreign language than as a native one.
✓ Beetles taste like apples, and worms like fried bacon.
-Bootstrike, GoodHousekeeping

Best of BS . . .

• “Shut up. I know exactly what I’m doing.”
• “…but it’s SO CUTE!”
• “No one ever died from doing this…”
• “It’ll be quicker if we use a nail gun.”
• “We’ll be fine.”
• “What’s the worst that could happen?”
• “Oh, crap. It’s not a dolphin.”
• “Everyone — follow me!”
• “What are you gonna do, shoot me?”
• “Yep, it’s definitely the blue wire…”
• “Raccoons can’t even GET rabies.”
• “Well, I guess we killed all the zombi—.”
• “Ooooooo…what’s this button do?”
• …said today.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2017

• Looking for an alibi for this Friday.
• Chameleon for sale. Green . . . no, blue . . . wait, brown. Now it’s green again…now I can’t see it at all…
• Wanted: SWF to decide where I should eat dinner every time I’m going out.
• Mind-reader needed. My wife keeps assuming that I know what she’s thinking.
• Wanted: Cat-repellent keyboard.
• For sale: Cupcakes with no icing.
• Wanted: 2 Sausage McMuffins & a large coffee.
• Looking for foster parents who don’t have any issues with providing food and shelter to 44-year-old man-child.
• Handsyman needed.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

Who knew?

Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and say: “You know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was”?

What was the worst or weirdest thing your roommate did?

Question:  Parents say they have an average of 6 separate arguments with their kids each day. What’s the most common thing they argue about?
Answer:  Not cleaning their plate

Education costs money. But then so does ignorance.


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