Thursday, December 22, 2005        Edition: #3186
Nuthin’ Like a Bull in Your Radio Shop!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Madonna & Guy Ritchie celebrate their 5th wedding anniversary by renting Skibo, the castle in the Scottish highlands where they were wed, for a romantic getaway without the kids (oh oh, prepare for battle!) . . . Britney Spears & Kevin Federline are set to jet off to the Caribbean after Christmas in what’s said to be a last-ditch attempt to save their failing marriage . . . “Stacked” star Pamela Anderson is stoked about spending the holidays snowboarding in Whistler BC with her ex-, Tommy Lee, and their 2 sons . . . A rumored year-end ‘We Hate Paris Hilton’ party in Hollywood is said to be attracting the likes of Nicole Richie, Mary-Kate Olsen & Bijou Phillips to celebrate by dressing as the hotel heiress, performing her non-hit song “Screwed”, and voting on Hilton’s ‘Most Cringe-Worthy Moment of the Year’ . . . Brad Pitt has reportedly purchased vintage Cartier wedding bands while shopping on Hollywood’s Rodeo Drive, and the latest buzz has he & Angelina Jolie planning a Buddhist-style ceremony at his Malibu CA mansion . . . “King Kong” actress Naomi Watts is reportedly set to wed “Manchurian Candidate” actor Liev Schreiber, and word has it that it may happen soon (a little ‘Kong’ in the works perhaps?) . . . 21-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson’s relationship with 27-year-old actor Josh Hartnett is going so well, she’s reportedly moved into his TriBeCa apartment in NYC (they met on the set of Brian De Palma’s upcoming thriller “The Black Dahlia” while shooting in Bulgaria) . . .  David Cronenberg’s drama “A History Of Violence”, starring Viggo Mortensen & Ed Harris, has been named ‘Best Picture of 2005′ by the Toronto Film Critics Association . . . And man of many hats Ryan Seacrest (“American Idol”, “ American Top 40″, KIIS-FM LA, “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”) has added another cap to his repertoire, a 7-figure deal to become lead anchor of “E! News” and develop a new series for the cable net (believe it dude, your ‘talent’ is getting spread r-e-a-l thin).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Christina Aguilera – She says her “Dirrty” look is a thing of the past. She’s decided on a ‘classier image’ for the future, something more fitting for a married lady. Like underwear?
• Death Cab For Cutie – They’ve made a video for each of the 12 tracks on their Grammy-nominated album “Plans”. The anthology of short films, called “Directions”, was created by 12 different directors and will be unveiled on their Website NEXT MONTH.
• Franz Ferdinand – “You Could Have It So Much Better” was just released a few months ago, but the Scots rockers already have 14 new songs that they’ll start recording early NEXT YEAR.
• Gwen Stefani– Rumors of her being pregnant with her first child have been confirmed to “Us Weekly” magazine by her father-in-law, Douglas Rossdale. The baby’s said to be due in JUNE.
• Lil’ Kim – TONIGHT an initiative she started will distribute toys, clothing & books to underprivileged kids in Philadelphia PA. She’s currently serving a-year-and-a-day in federal prison for lying to a federal grand jury. Looking for time off for good deeds, Kimmy?
• Mary J Blige – TODAY she’s on ABC-TV’s daytime gabfest “The View”.
• Toby Keith – He’s “Dream Walking” after coaching his son Stelen’s football team, the Mud Dogs, to an undefeated season and the championship in their 15-team league back home in Oklahoma.
• Wynonna Judd – TODAY she guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Singer Avril Lavigne has landed another movie role, this one in the bigscreen version of the best-selling book “Fast Food Nation”, co-starring Ethan Hawke, Patricia Arquette & Wilmer Valderrama . . . Actor/director Ethan Hawke is also set to shoot “The Hottest State”, the story of 2 young aspiring actors grappling with questions of self-identity, which will co-star Michelle Williams . . . “Pirates of the Caribbean” actress Keira Knightley has signed to star in a movie adaptation of Alessandro Baricco’s best-selling novel “Silk”, the story of a married silkworm smuggler who falls for a beautiful European woman in 19th-century Japan . . . The upcoming dramatic epic “Borgia”, about the famously corrupt Renaissance Italian family, is having trouble securing financing since its star Colin Farrell entered rehab for addiction to painkillers . . . If the APRIL shooting date is delayed, “Borgia” co-star Scarlett Johansson may take a pass so she can get on with her next scheduled film, the action adventure “Amazon”, in which she’ll play an avenging warrior in 200 BC . . . In the upcoming comedy, “You, Me & Dupree”, 61-year-old Michael Douglas plays father to Kate Hudson, something he say’s comes naturally because he used to change her diapers when she was newborn to his friend Goldie Hawn (Kate, now 26, must find that a bit of a creepy comment).

BS AMAZING FACT:
Men can also breast-feed babies. Witness this truly scary photo …
NET: http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/miscarticles/milkmen.html
NET: http://www.babycenter.com/expert/baby/babybreastfeed/8824.html

OSCARS’ BEST BETS:
Movie experts have released their tips for who’s most likely to win at the 2006 Academy Awards, based on the latest awards, nominations and general feelings within the industry. “Brokeback Mountain”, “The Constant Gardener” and “Capote” are in the lead, along with their directors and writers. “Brokeback” star Heath Ledger and supporting actor “Jake Gyllenhaal” are also looking good. Meanwhile, “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit” is considered a good contender for ‘Best Animated Picture’. And Woody Allen is hotly tipped to pick up something, anything for “Match Point” (limited opening DECEMBER 28th) – it’s his time apparently. (Now that his wife is post-teen.)
– AFP

TOP TV CATCHPHRASES OF 2005:
5. ”Suit up!” – ‘Barney’ (Neil Patrick Harris), “How I Met Your Mother”.
4. ”We’re going to have to take the boy.” – The creepy, bearded ‘Others’ guy on “Lost”
3. ”Narm!” – ‘Nate Fisher’ (Peter Krause), “Six Feet Under”.
2. ”Hell to the no!” – Whitney Houston, “Being Bobby Brown”.
1. ”I don’t need to see that!” – ‘Valerie Cherish’ (Lisa Kudrow), “The Comeback”.
– “Entertainment Weekly”

WEIRD SCIENCE:
• Dr Fabrizio Benedetti of Italy’s University of Torino Medical School has hooked pain patients to a computerized morphine injection system. Sometimes the computer administers a dose without them knowing it; at other times a nurse informs them it’s dosage time then administers it. Surprise! The morphine is up to 50% more effective when patients know it’s coming.
• Scientists have devised a new method whereby obese people can lose excessive weight without any invasive surgery, but simply by swallowing – a balloon! Results of a recent trial have been startlingly good, with patients showing significant weight loss in just 3 months.
• A portion of the genetic code of the prehistoric woolly mammoth has been reconstructed, and
scientists in Japan and Russia believe it will be possible to decode the entire genetic make-up of the extinct 12-ft-tall, 7-ton beast – which could lead to a modern-day clone. DNA was extracted from a well-preserved 27,000-year-old specimen found in the Siberian permafrost.

IMITATING THE KING:
A sign of the apocalypse? There are now estimated to be over 30,000 Elvis impersonators around-the-world, though they prefer to be known as ‘Elvis Tribute Artists’. One of the oddest, a ventriloquist, uses a dummy that looks like Elvis. Rick Martino, author of the book “Be Elvis! A Guide to Impersonating the King”, says the secret is to create a character that also includes your own personality. He claims fans find that far more believable than a straight impersonation. (People, he’s been dead 28 years … deal with it!)
– “NY Daily News”

SHE SAID IT:
“I don’t sweat it. Jesus drank. It came straight from the Bible that he had a glass of wine. Actually, I don’t know if it says he actually drank it, but whatever.”
– Singer Kelly Clarkson defending her love of the evil John Barleycorn in “Blender” magazine. Will her next hit be called “Behind These Bloodshot Eyes”?

RAP INSTEAD OF THE RACK:
New York-based Human Rights Watch is alleging that the USA operated a secret prison near Afghanistan’s capital of Kabul as recently as LAST YEAR. The report claims detainees at the facility – known as ‘Dark Prison’ – were deprived of sleep, chained to walls, and forced to listen to loud music by Eminem and Dr Dre as an instrument of ‘torture’. (Wouldn’t Ashlee Simpson be far more painful?)
– AP
BUSH’S OTHER KINDER, GENTLER TORTURE METHODS:
• Rambling Scientology lectures from Tom Cruise.
• Strapping prisoners to Pam Anderson’s rack.
• Chinese Food & Water Torture.
• Building secret detention centers in Branson, Missouri.
• Interrogations by Dr Phil.
• Making prisoners look at naked pictures of his mom, Barbara.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 90% of Hallmark greeting cards are given by women.
• 75% of all workers are looking for another job at any given time. 
• 52% of cellphone owners have used their phones to flirt.
• 34% of us plan to ‘re-gift’ presents this holiday season.
• 20% of us are chronic procrastinators.
• 8% of us thinks it’s okay to kiss multiple colleagues at the office holiday party.

MANITOBA ROCKS:
Across Canada, a total of 68 meteorites have been found. That makes Derek Erstelle’s recent discovery of one in Manitoba all the more amazing – it was his 3rd! The Winnipeg Métis artist, who makes carvings out of antlers, rocks and driftwood, doesn’t have any formal scientific training but has just been verified by planetary scientists at the University of Calgary as the only Canadian to discover 3 separate meteorites. Why does he keep looking? They can be worth $50,000 or more. (Especially if you carve them into 5,000 little walruses.)
– CBC News

HOLLYWOOD’S ALL-TIME MOST EXPENSIVE MOVIES:
Surprisingly, even the most over-bloated stinkers of all-time still made money. (All figures are in 2005 US dollars.)
5. “Spider-Man 2″ (Cost $210 million/Grossed $823 million worldwide)
4. “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines” (Cost $217 million/Grossed $468 million)
3. “Waterworld” (Cost $229 million/Grossed $345 million)
2. “Titanic” (Cost $247 million/Grossed $2.3 billion worldwide)
1. “Cleopatra” (Cost $286 million/Grossed $378 million)
All the gossip about Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” being ‘slow off the mark’ is idiocy. It’s budget was $207 million, but it’s already grossed $155 million around-the-world!
– “Forbes”

THE BULL SHEET 12.22.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [60] Diane Sawyer, Glasgow KY, TV news anchor (“Good Morning America” since 1999, “20/20″ since 1998)

1949 [56] Robin Gibb, Douglas, Isle of Man, oldies singer (Bee Gees-“Stayin’ Alive”, “I Started a Joke”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1997)

1960 [45] Chuck Mead, alt-country singer/guitarist (BR5-49-“Cherokee Boogie”)

1962 [43] Ralph Fiennes [Rafe Fanes], Suffolk UK, movie actor (“Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire”, “The Constant Gardener”)

1980 [25] Chris Carmack, Washington DC, TV actor (‘Luke Ward’ on “The OC” 2003-04)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Capricorn the Goat” astrology sign begins.

• “International Arbor Day”. What a great time of year to honor trees … just as we’re killing them and dragging them into our homes!

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1990 [15] Pearl Jam performs for the 1st time, using the name ‘Mookie Blaylock’ as the opening act for Alice in Chains in Seattle WA

2000 [05] 42-year-old Madonna & 32-year-old movie director Guy Ritchie wed at Skibo Castle in the highlands of Scotland

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1882 [123] 1st string of ‘Christmas Tree Lights’ created in Thomas Edison’s labs (just 3 years after invention of the light bulb, the original tree lights are red, white & blue)

1980 [25] 1st album released with absolutely no sound (“The Wit & Wisdom of Ronald Reagan”)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Abilities Day
[Sat] Christmas Eve
[Sat] Egg Nog Day
[Sun] Christmas Day
[Mon] St Stephen’s Day
[Mon] Whiner’s Day
[Mon] Recyclable Packaging Day
This Week Is … International Lipstick Week
This Month Is … Tie Month

BULL’S BITS

REAL TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Farmer Develops the Elvis Chicken! It Swivels Its Hips When It Walks!”
• “Dead Hubby Buried with Winning Lotto Ticket in His Pocket!”
• “Congress Prepares to Repeal Law of Gravity!”
• “10 Giraffes Have Heads Torn Off When Zoo Truck Passes Under Low Bridge!”
• “Tasty Eats or Threat to Mankind? Potatoes Develop Intelligence!”
• “Cave Paintings Reveal Existence of Prehistoric Insurance Salesmen!”

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you could spend the holidays anywhere in the world, where would you most want to be?
• How should “The West Wing” writers handle the recent death of actor John Spencer?
a. Ignore it and use body doubles, special effects & clever editing to keep ‘Leo McGarry’ in the picture.
b. Shamelessly recast him, in the style of “Dallas”, “Dynasty” and other vintage TV soaps.
c. Let art imitate life for a change and kill off the character behind-the-scenes.

BS PHONER:
The phone number 1-800-FREE-411 offers FREE directory assistance service for all of the USA. What’s cool is it’s an automated system with computerized voice that’s fun to mess with. Keep correcting it and it keeps apologizing.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 13% of working stiffs admit they’ve called in sick because of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They discovered they were out of coffee when they woke up.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.