Thursday, December 15, 2005        Edition: #3181
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT for the 2-hour season finalé of NBC-TV’s “The Apprentice 4″, Donald Trump is down to 2 potential protégés – financial journalist Rebecca (who’d be the youngest person and only the 2nd woman to win) & Rhodes scholar Randal (already CEO of his own consulting firm) . . . TODAY an elementary school exercise book in which John Lennon wrote & illustrated poems when he was 12 will be auctioned at Sotheby’s in London by the family of his former English teacher, Lancelot Burrows (bids are expected to top $160,000) . . . Comedian Dave Chappelle’s former manager is suing him, claiming Chappelle stiffed him for at least $864,500 (dumb time to sue – Dave no longer has a TV salary to pay it with!) . . . “Today” show host Katie Couric is already the highest paid TV anchor at $14.4 million-a-year, and now word has it NBC-TV is offering a whopping $100 million over 4 years in order to stop her from jumping to the anchor desk at “CBS Evening News” (her co-hosts are reportedly less than thrilled) . . . Mel Gibson is developing the TV movie “Flory” for ABC, based on the true story of a Dutch Jewess and her non-Jewish boyfriend who sheltered her from the Nazis (it seems Mel has left the ‘entertainment’ business) . . . And Disney  is planning a new “Winnie-the-Pooh” TV series for 2007 which will have an as-yet-unnamed 6-year-old girl as the central character instead of ‘Christopher Robin’, plus a new animal character called ‘Lumpy’ (messing with the 80-year-old Pooh legend – it’s blasphemy!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Mariah Carey – She’ll perform live from NYC’s Times Square on ABC-TV’s “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”, the first time in the 34-year history of the year-end special that a singer has performed from Times Square.
• Mary J Blige – She’s signed to star as renowned 1960s jazz singer Nina Simone in an upcoming biopic from MTV Films & Paramount Pictures.
• Shakira – She & fiancé Antonio De La Rua now spend much of their time at their new home in the Bahamas. TONIGHT she appears on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Trisha Yearwood – TODAY she guests on daytime TV talk show “The View”

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Actress Kate Winslet says appearing nude, as she did in her new film “All The King’s Men”, is something she’ll never do again, not due to modesty, but because – she had to ‘starve’ herself for a week . . . The Farrelly brothers’ upcoming spoof of disabled sports, “The Ringer”, in which Johnny Knoxville plays a con artist who pretends to be mentally disabled in order to score a medal, has surprisingly been given approval by organizers of the Special Olympics . . . John Lithgow & Alec Baldwin are in talks to star in “Two Blind Mice”, the story of the stormy feud between former Disney boss Michael Eisner & Hollywood agent-turned-movie exec Michael Ovitz (another movie about the movies) . . . “That ’70s Show’s” Wilmer Valderrama has signed up to star in the bigscreen version of the vintage TV show “ChiPs”, playing motorcycle cop ‘Ponch’ (the role played by Erik Estrada on TV) . . . The new romantic comedy “Holiday” will focus on an American woman (Cameron Diaz) with man troubles (Jack Black) who befriends a British villager (Kate Winslet) with similar problems (Jude Law) . . . And “King Kong” actor Jack Black is also hoping to spoof the superhero film genre in an as-yet-unnamed movie about an astronaut who travels too close to the Sun and afterward becomes the ‘Smartest Man in the World’ whenever he’s hit by sunlight.

LAUGH YOUR WAY TO LUNGS:
Recent research finds that women who laugh heartily at least 5 times-a-day are less likely to be flat-chested than those who rarely laugh. Experts say laughing increases the flow of oxygen to the chest and boosts circulation, which in turn leads to a bigger bosom. (Is that why they call it ‘tittering’?)
– “Focus”

TOP 10 WORDS:
2005’s most looked-up words at Merriam-Webster Online ….
10. Inept
9. Levee
8. Conclave
7. Pandemic
6. Tsunami
5. Insipid
4. Filibuster
3. Contempt
2. Refugee
1. Integrity
It almost serves as a review of the year’s events, doesn’t it?

ARE YOU GETTING THE URGE?
In a bid to catch up with Apple’s iPod and iTunes goldmine, MTV and Microsoft are joining up to offer a new digital music service called ‘Urge’ that will be integrated into an upcoming version of Microsoft’s Windows Media Player. It will offer more than 2 million songs from all genres of music as well as exclusive MTV content. Details will be unveiled in JANUARY at the “International Consumer Electronics Show” in Las Vegas. (It seems that in 2006 we’ll be burying the CD … R.I.P.)
– “USA Today”

TOP TOURS OF 2005:
5. Paul McCartney ($60 million)
4. Kenny Chesney ($63 million)
3. Neil Diamond ($71 million)
2. The Eagles ($117 million)
1. U2’s “Vertigo” tour ($260 million gross/more than 3 million tickets sold)
NOTE: The Rolling Stones’ “Bigger Bang” tour is not included, because stats will not be made available until it’s completed.
– “Billboard Boxscore”

IS IT REALLY A LABOR OF LOVE?
What one word would you use to describe holiday shopping? In a nationwide survey of women, 50% say it’s a ‘pleasure’, 22% a ‘chore’, 19% call it ‘no-big-deal’ and 8% think it’s a ‘nightmare’. (90% of guys describe it as ‘imminent’.)
– AP

SHE SAID IT:
“He saw me at my worst, sweating and passing gas.”
– Formerly 227-lb hairstylist Suzy Preston telling “People” magazine about how she met formerly 339-lb wrestling coach Matt Hoover. The happy couple hooked up as contestants on NBC-TV’s “The Biggest Loser”, in which they lost a combined 252 lbs. He won the $250,000-grand prize for getting down to 182 lbs; she’s now a svelte 132.

SPACE MILES:
Virgin Atlantic Airlines has announced that it will offer its “Flying Club” members the opportunity to convert their ‘air miles’ into ‘space miles’. Members will need to earn 2 million miles on Virgin Atlantic flights to be able to redeem them for a trip to outer space aboard Virgin Galactic. Cash prices for space flights will start at $200,000, but are likely drop over time. (How long does it take to accumulate 2 million air miles? Get on a plane now and stay until you die.)
– AFP

DID YOU KNOW?
The Canadian dollar is now trading at its highest level since January, 1992.

FROM THE-NOSE-ON-YOUR FACE DEPT:
Researchers from the French National Institute for Transport & Safety Research have studied over 10,000 drivers involved in fatal auto accidents and discovered that – driving under the influence of cannabis can double the odds of causing a fatal car crash. And that risk increases if the drug is combined with alcohol. Of all the fatal accidents studied, about 7% involved cannabis and over 21% alcohol. Nearly 3% of the dead drivers were under the influence of both. (And 1% were also eating Doritos at the time.)
– Reuters

REAL, BUT REALLY DUMB GIFTS:
• Finger-Shaped Nose Hair Trimmer ($10.99)
• Fresh Meat-Scented Air Freshener ($4.99)
• Lip Gloss in a Cute Li’l Toilet Bowl Dispenser ($1.99)
• Mother Teresa Breath Mist ($4.99)
• Plastic Ear Filled with Candy Ear Wax ($1.75)
• Napoleon Dynamite Talking Keychain ($9.99)
• 100% Soap Christmas Cards – at least they’re still useful after the holidays. ($4.99)
• Christmas Toaster – burns holiday pics/slogans into your toast: Christmas stocking, Christmas tree, Santa Claus, snowman, Santa hat, and ‘Merry Xmas!’ ($24.99)

SHOPPING SEASON EXTENDED:
THIS YEAR Hanukkah begins on Christmas Day, marking the first time since 1959 that the 8-day Jewish “Festival of Lights” has exactly coincided with the Christian holiday. As a result, retailers are expecting a stronger-than-usual surge of late-season shopping. Meanwhile, the SATURDAY before Christmas – often the busiest shopping day of the year – falls on Christmas Eve. That has some retail observers thinking the traditionally frenzied shopping day could be slower than usual. (Good news for last-minute guys!)
– “Denver Post”

HOW TO BE HAPPY:
What does it take to be truly happy? A lot less than you might think. A panel of experts from a variety of disciplines – a psychologist, psychotherapist, social entrepreneur, an economist, and 2 workplace specialists – worked together to come up with a 10-point plan. Do all of these things regularly and they promise you’ll soon be smiling …
• Plant something and nurture it.
• Count your blessings – at least 5 – at the end of each day.
• Take time to talk. Have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week.
• Phone a friend with whom you have not spoken for a while and arrange to meet up.
• Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it.
• Have a good laugh at least once a day.
• Get physical. Exercise for half-an-hour 3 times a week.
• Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once each day.
• Cut your TV viewing by half.
• Spread kindness. Do a good turn for someone every day.
– BBC News

THE BULL SHEET 12.15.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [72] Tim Conway, Willoughby OH, TV funnyman (“SpongeBob SquarePants”, 4 Emmy Awards-“Carol Burnett Show”)/movie actor (“McHale’s Navy”)

1939 [66] Cindy Birdsong, Camden NJ, Motown oldies singer (The Supremes-“You Keep Me Hanging On”)

1942 [63] Dave Clark, London UK, oldies singer/drummer (Dave Clark 5-“Glad All Over”)

1949 [56] Don Johnson, Flat Creek MO, former TV actor (“Nash Bridges” 1996-2001, “Miami Vice” 1984-89)/movie actor (“Tin Cup”)/married & divorced actress Melanie Griffith – twice

1955 [50] Paul Simonon, Brixton UK, classic rock musician (The Clash-“Rock the Casbah”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1979 [26] Adam Brody, San Diego CA, TV actor (‘Seth Cohen’ on “The OC” since 2003)/movie actor (“Mr & Mrs Smith”, “The Ring”)  NOTE: He’s already been spotted celebrating, arriving at Medieval Times in Buena Park CA on the weekend with 2 party buses containing girlfriend Rachel Bilson, their “OC” co-star Mischa Barton, and a slew of other pals.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bill of Rights Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the signing of the US Bill of Rights (1791) and its incorporation into the US Constitution.
NET: http://www.billofrights.org

• “Firefighters Day”, honoring those who risk their lives to save people from infernos.

• “Full Moon”, the December version variously known as the ‘Oak Moon’, ‘Birth Moon’, or ‘Cold Moon’.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2000 [05] Academy Award-winning film “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” opens, starring Chow Yun Fat & Michelle Yeoh

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1956 [49] The phrase “Elvis has left the building” is first uttered by radio host Horace Logan in Shreveport LA on his show “Louisiana Hayride”

1990 [15] Rocker Rod Stewart marries model Rachel Hunter (Beverly Hills CA)
 
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1854 [151] 1st ‘Mechanical Street Cleaning Machine’ (the kind that wakes you up at 3 am)

1952 [53] 1st person to have a ‘Sex-Change Operation’ (voluntarily, that is) as American George Jorgenson is pruned into Christine Jorgenson in Denmark (do they preserve it in a jar or what?)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Underdog Day
[Fri] Chocolate Covered Anything Day
[Fri] “The Family Stone” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] Winter begins (1:35 pm ET)
[Wed] Elton John’s wedding
This Week Is … Human Rights Week
This Month Is … Closed Caption TV Month

BULL’S BITS

BS ALCOHOL WARNING LABELS:
• “Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.”
• “Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in deranged dancing.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.”
• “Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named ‘Moose’.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may cause you to shay shings like thish.”

BS Q&A:
Q: You have just thrown a ‘wick’. What winter sport are you playing?
A: Curling. It’s when a rock strikes another and glances off at an angle.
– “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Curling”

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• What’s the dumbest purchase you’ve ever made?
• If tomorrow’s newspaper headlines were to be about you, what would you want them to say?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Half of us who own one of THESE have used it in the bathroom.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A  laptop computer.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh.