Thursday, December 8, 2005        Edition: #3176
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY’S edition of French “Vogue” is devoted to rehabbed model Kate Moss, with 4 different covers of her under the tag line ‘Scandalous Beauty’ (she’s bigger now than before she tried to shove a snowbank up her nose) . . . TONIGHT on “Survivor: Guatemala”, one contestant’s decision about accepting a new car creates a rift in camp (the show’s said to have a ‘car curse’ – whoever wins a car reward never wins the game) . . . Matthew Perry is set to make a TV comeback on “West Wing” creator Aaron Sorkin’s highly anticipated comedic drama “Studio 7 on the Sunset Strip”, playing a comedy writer who takes the reigns of a “Saturday Night Live”-style sketch show (after he initially refused the gig, his friends reportedly talked him into it) . . . Movie star George Clooney is promising to give a quarter of the profits from his planned Las Vegas casino Las Ramblas to charity (the joint doesn’t open till 2008 but it already has a Website: http://www.lasramblasvegas.com/) . . . “Desperate Housewives” creator Marc Cherry has had 5 one-of-kind quilts made as holiday gifts for the show’s stars, with each quilt panel depicting something from the show (Marcia Cross should have a couple of corpses on hers) . . . Pop singer Mariah Carey is thinking of buying a hotel in London, just a small one where she’d keep a ‘Mimi Suite’ in which to stay while visiting Old Blighty . . . And “OC” star Peter Gallagher says he constantly gets fan mail about his bushy eyebrows, one letter saying: “I’d like to cut them up, make tea out of them, and drink it.”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Eminem — He’s told a Detroit radio station he’s reconciled with his ex-, Kimberly, and they will probably remarry. They first married in 1999, then went through an ugly divorce in 2001.
• 50 Cent – TONIGHT he appears on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Franz Ferdinand – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” on CBS-TV.
• Jennifer Lopez –She & hubby Mark Anthony are making a movie together. He’ll play an Puerto Rican singer named ‘Hector Lavoe’ and Lopez will play his wife, ‘Puchi’. Wow, what a stretch!
• Van Halen – Eddie Van Halen’s estranged wife, actress Valerie Bertinelli, has finally filed for divorce after a 4-year separation. The 2 have been married for 24 years and have one son, 14-year-old Wolfgang.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Rosario Dawson’s “Rent” co-stars, Wilson Jermaine Heredia & Tracie Thoms, have just joined the cast of her next film “Descent”, a thriller about a college coed who turns into a vengeful seductress after a shocking act of violence . . . Jamie Foxx has signed to star in the political thriller “The Kingdom”, playing the leader of a team of counter-terrorism investigators that’s trying to find those responsible for a deadly bombing attack on US workers in the Middle East . . . Jim Carrey is set to play newspaper columnist-turned-oddities curator Robert Ripley in a new Tim Burton film about the creator of “Ripley’s Believe It Or Not” (a role thought to be earmarked for Johnny Depp) . . . Billy Crudup & Mandy Moore will star in the romantic comedy “Dedication”, the story of a misogynist children’s book author who’s forced to collaborate with a young female illustrator (gee, wonder what happens?) . . . And Italian bombshell Monica Bellucci is teaming up with Brit actor Jeremy Irons to star in a film about Formula 1 auto racing, “Monza 2″, to be filmed in Italy, Serbia and the UK.

HAVE A FANNY-SLAPPING CHRISTMAS:
Austria’s traditional Christmas ‘Devils’ have been given official clearance to carry on smacking people in the butt. The custom is to dress either as ‘St Nicholas’, handing out treats to the good, or as ‘The Devil’, handing out beatings to the bad. Even after dozens of complaints about getting tagged on the backside, Vienna police have ruled that it’s all in fun and legal action will only be taken if someone is injured. (Amazing the stuff that’s been conjured up to ‘celebrate’ the holidays, ain’t it?)
– Ananova News

DID YOU KNOW?
The $6-billion perfume industry launches 350 new scents every year.
– The Fragrance Foundation

QUESTIONING THE HOLIDAY SEASON:
Highlights of a new Lifetime Television survey of women …
• 81% plan to stay home for the holidays with their immediate family.
• 78% would pick Brad Pitt over Vince Vaughn under the mistletoe (take note, Jen!). 68% would prefer Bruce Willis over Ashton Kutcher (seems Demi traded down). 53% would pick “Wedding Crashers” actor Owen Wilson over his brother, “Old School” actor Luke Wilson (mom always liked Owen best).
• 69% would pick a romantic dinner other receiving an iPod.
• 65% find the holidays the most fun time of the year; 26% find it the most stressful.
• 58% would prefer a shopping spree over an intimate night with the man of their dreams. (A shopping spree lasts longer.)
• 55% of pet-owners plan to buy a gift for their critter, but only 41% something for their boss.
• 33% say the last people they’d want to spend the holidays with are ex-spouses and in-laws.
• 32% acknowledge they’ve ‘re-gifted’ a present they didn’t want; 45% suspect someone has re-gifted them.
– PR Newswire

ARGUMENTS HURT YOUR HEALING:
The next time when you fight with your spouse, keep in mind that a half-hour argument is enough to slow down your body’s ability to heal wounds – by at least a day. The new study, reported in the current issue of the “Archives of General Psychiatry”, is the latest discovery in a three-decade-long series of experiments aimed at identifying and explaining the ways psychological stress can affect human immunity. (If you’ve got wounds to heal after a marital argument – you’ve got far bigger problems than stress!)
– “Health”

FROZEN IN ‘05:
Some stars are on a roll but these most definitely are not, according to “Film Threat” online magazine’s annual “Frigid 50: The Coldest People in Hollywood 2005″ …
5. Singer/actress Jennifer Lopez.
4. Drugged out actor Tom Sizemore.
3. Movie director Brett Ratner.
2. Katie Holmes, soon to be acting the bride.
1. Scientology sicko Tom Cruise
– “Film Threat”
NET: http://www.filmthreat.com/index.php?section=features&Id=1648

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A Big Bear City, California woman who was shot and held hostage in a garage for 6 days by her ‘boyfriend’ says she’ll still marry him despite his slight anger-management problem. She says she loves him as deeply today as she did before this ‘awful thing’ happened. Unfortunately, her lover is going to spend the next 20 years in the slammer. Or maybe that’s a good thing?
• A woman in England who had her debit card stolen was more than a bit surprised to find that her bank balance was actually going up instead of down. It seems the thief used the card to bet on horse races with a bookie who direct-deposits any winnings into the bettor’s bank account. By the time cops got involved and figured out what had happened, the ‘victim’ had made some $445. File this one under ‘You know you’re addicted to gambling when …’
• A Danbury, North Carolina man is likely sorry he showed up at a local couple’s mobile home to get a tattoo. A fight broke out; the poor man was beaten and stabbed; then things really got out of hand when a serrated kitchen knife was used to – cut off his ears. The couple has been charged with a slew of offences but fortunately the victim’s ears were retrieved and reattached. So he’s going to keep his iPod after all.
• A pair of septuagenarians has been arrested for fraud in Milan, Italy for hoodwinking online customers. The 2 old friends, aged 74 & 75, set up a Website purportedly selling state-of-the-art electronics (sound systems, TVs, DVD players, etc) at deep discount prices. But customers complained they’d spend thousands and only receive – a bag of potatoes. When cops raided the geezers’ apartment, they founds dozens of sacks of spuds ready for shipping.

BS AMAZING WINTER FACTS:
• The coldest temperature ever recorded was on July 21, 1883 in Antarctica when it was -89 C (-160 F). That’s about -75 C (-135 F) colder than a freezer!
• The world’s largest snowman was made in Japan in 1995. It took 10 days to build and was over 5 times taller than a giraffe.
• When a large iceberg melts, it makes enough water to fill about 10,000 Olympic-size swimming pools.
• Snowflakes can be as big as 10 cm (4 inches) across – longer than your finger.

THE BULL SHEET 12.08.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [69] David Carradine, Hollywood CA, movie actor (‘Bill’ in “Kill Bill: Vol 1 & 2″)

1953 [52] Kim Basinger, Athens GA, movie actress (“Cellular”, Oscar-“LA Confidential”)/ex-Mrs Alec Baldwin

1964 [41] Teri Hatcher, Sunnyvale CA, TV actress (‘Susan Mayer’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

1966 [39] Sinead O’Connor, Dublin, Ireland, pop singer (“Nothing Compares 2 U”) who’s just released the new album “Throw Down Your Arms”

1976 [29] Dominic Monaghan, Berlin, Germany, TV actor (‘Charlie Pace’ on “Lost” since 2004)/movie actor (‘Merry’ in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bad Hair Day”. So if you’ve got it, flaunt it!

• “Bodhi Day”, the Buddhist holiday commemorating ‘Buddha’s Enlightenment’.

• “Inane Answering Machine Message Day”. What’s yours say? Time to spice it up?

• “Take It in the Ear Day” which is either about accepting criticism graciously, or some really weird sexual proclivity.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1959 [46] For the first time, a movie features ‘Aromarama’, in which smells are piped in through ceiling vents to accompany the on-screen action of “Behind the Great Wall” (critics were right when they said, “This movie really stinks!”)
MOVIES YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO SEE IN ‘AROMARAMA’:
• “The Longest Yard”
• “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”
• “Big Fish”
• “King Kong”
• “In Her Shoes”
• “Seabiscuit”
• “Corpse Bride”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1980 [25] John Lennon is shot and killed by Mark David Chapman on the sidewalk outside NYC’s Dakota apartment building

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1996 [09] 1st time a 2nd-year expansion team makes the NFL playoffs as Carolina Panthers beat San Francisco 30-24 (Jacksonville later becomes 2nd team to accomplish this feat)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1940 [65] Record ‘Lopsided Professional Football Game’ as Chicago Bears slaughter NY Giants 73-0 in NFL championship game

1990 [15] ‘World’s Largest Pizza’ measures 122 feet, 8 inches long and a total of 11,816 square feet (Norwood, South Africa)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] “The Chronicles of Narnia”, “Brokeback Mountain” and “Syriana” open in movie theaters
[Sat] International Human Rights Day
[Sat] Children’s Memorial Day
[Sat] Nobel Prize Awards Ceremonies
[Sun] “Survivor: Guatemala” finalé
[Sun] 2005 Nobel Peace Prize Concert (Oslo, Norway)
This Week Is . . . Drunk Drivers Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . MADD’s Tie One on For Safety Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• If you add together all the numbers on a roulette wheel, what do you get?
a. Zero.
b. 666. [CORRECT]
c. Really dizzy.

• Out of all the fruits, which has the most calories?
a. Avocado. [CORRECT]
b. Banana.
c. Cumquat.

FRACTURED SEASONAL SONGS:    
Name the carol described in each riddle …
• Decorate the entryways. [“Deck the Halls”]
• Cup-shaped instruments fashioned of a whitish metallic element. [“Silver Bells”]
• Boulder of the tinkling metal spheres. [“Jingle Bell Rock”]
• Vehicular homicide was committed on dad’s mom by a precipitous darling. [“Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”]
• Wanted in December: top forward incisors. [“All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”]
• The apartment of two psychiatrists. [“The Nutcracker Suite”]
• The lad is a diminutive percussionist. [“Little Drummer Boy”]
• I beheld a trio of nautical vessels moving in this direction. [“I Saw Three Ships”]
• Do you perceive the same vibrations which stimulate my auditory sense organ? [“Do You Hear What I Hear?”]
• Parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster. [“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”]

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If your spouse wanted to be with someone else just ONE TIME and would never be unfaithful again, would you let him/her do it?
• In an expensive restaurant, after getting the check for an excellent meal, you notice that you were not charged for one of the items you ate. Would you tell the server?
• If a human organ were not available, and technology assured that it would be successful, would you accept an animal’s heart?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average person spends 2 weeks of their life doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Waiting at traffic lights.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.