Monday, December 22, 2003        Edition: #2692
Nuthin’ Like a Bull in Your Radio Shop!

TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• “NY Daily News” reports that some 600 family, friends & fans flocked to Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch SATURDAY for a get-together that was part homecoming, part pep rally. Among the celebs in sight – tennis star Serena Williams, has-been rapper MC Hammer and “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest. It appeared to mark the start of a PR campaign, that also includes a Website dedicated to gushing tributes.
• “Daily Dish” says Colin Farrell is taking his role in “Alexander” very seriously – even refusing to change his wacky hairstyle for nights out. The hunky Irish star has been sporting blond locks for months on the Moroccan set of the film but now he’s gone one step further and had bizarre Michael Bolton-style blond extensions added. Despite the retro look, his legendary prowess with the ladies reportedly hasn’t been affected.
• Britain’s “Daily Star” claims Julia Roberts is begging husband Danny Moder to overcome his fear of paparazzi so he can walk her down the red carpet at the Academy Awards. Movie cameraman Moder is famously shy of intrusive photographers, but Julia reportedly wants her & hubby to appear as a couple now, not as individuals.
• “E! Online” reports that Janet Jackson has been signed up as the featured performer for the Super Bowl halftime show, live on CBS-TV from Houston FEBRUARY 1st.
• “NY Post” says Eminem is conducting a witch hunt to find out who stole 3 unfinished tracks for his next album and tried to sell them on eBay a week-and-a-half back. Interscope record execs immediately contacted eBay when the scam was discovered and the auction was shut down.
• George Clooney is single again, according to “Us Weekly”. The 42-year-old eternal bachelor  has apparently split with 31-year-old actress-girlfriend Krista Allen, whom he met LAST YEAR while filming “Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind”. A ‘friend’ says, “It looks like George broke her heart.”
• “Celebrity News” reports that actor Nicolas Cage celebrated his 40th birthday early (its actually JANUARY 7th) with a party SATURDAY that included the likes of Jack Nicholson, Warren Beatty, Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher. Then the festivities took a really strange twist when his grandmother waltzed in with an unconventional gift – a pony.

“WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:
• “Bush Gives Canada’s Sled Dogs 3,000 Fire Hydrants!”
• “Saddam Played Chess With Live Humans!”
• “Pope to Canonize Nun Who Had 10 Different Personalities!”
• “Alien Army Heads for Earth!”
• “America’s Newest Superhero – Fatman!”

GETTING HIS LICKS IN:
More than 10 million copies are being produced in the first run of the new  49-cent Canadian stamp featuring a picture of QE2 by rocker-cum-photographer Bryan Adams. He took the pic while attending the Queen’s ‘Golden Jubilee’ celebration LAST SUMMER. While it’s an honor for his work to be used, it won’t make Adams a whole lot richer – Canadian Post is only paying him a ‘small honorarium’.

GOOD HAIR DAY:
Stylin’ awards for the best and worst-tressed celebrities of the year, according to an admittedly unscientific survey by the makers of Wella hair products …
• Jennifer Aniston (“Friends”) . . . ‘Best Overall Hair’ and ‘Best Highlights’
• Alicia Silverstone (“Miss Match”) . . . ‘Best Blondie’
• Jennifer Garner (“Alias”) . . . ‘Best Brilliant Brunette’
• Debra Messing (“Will & Grace”) . . . ‘Most Ravishing Redhead’
• Britney Spears/Pamela Anderson . . . ‘Best Blond Bombshell‘
• Christina Aguilera/Pink . . . ‘Worst Female Hair Color’
• Melissa Rivers . . . ‘Worst Red Carpet Hair’
• Among guys – the cast of “Queer Eye”, rocker Kid Rock and actor Rob Lowe make the best list. Justin Timberlake, Tim McGraw & Adam Sandler are listed among the worst.

ANOTHER NICE GUY:
LAST WEEK we told you about the shoe company in Maine that handed out unbelievably generous holiday bonuses. Well, here’s another – Stine Seed Co of Adel, Iowa has awarded all 270 employees $1,000 for each year of service. It all adds up to more than $1 million in bonuses, thanks to generous owner Harry Stine! (The boss handed out our bonuses Friday, a big improvement over last year. This time I got TWO snails and a bag of rocks.)

ANOTHER USE FOR MEDICAL WEED:
Marijuana-based medicines may someday play a role in treating sleep disorders, according to research in THIS MONTH’S issue of the journal “Sleep”. For instance, ‘sleep apnea’ is a medical disorder characterized by frequent interruptions in breathing during sleep. It’s associated with numerous serious medical conditions, including headaches, high blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, heart attack and stroke. Researchers at the University of Illinois in Chicago have found that the administration of THC and other so-called ‘cannabinoids’ dramatically suppresses sleep apnea in rats. (However, they keep running out of cheese in the cages.)

WE NEED A WORD:
You know that ‘claustrophobia’ is the fear of confined spaces and ‘arachnophobia’ is the irrational fear of spiders, but what do you call the fear of terrorists? Guess what … therapists say there is no official name for the phobia, even though it’s become increasingly more common, particularly since 9/11. It’s predicted that within a year they’ll have a name for it. But why wait? Let’s help them out. Suggestions anyone?

SHOULD YOU GO TO WORK SICK?
How sick do you have to be to stay home? Michigan infectious disease specialist Dr Mohamed Fakih says it depends on how many people you’re exposing. If your symptoms, such as headache, fever and body aches, are particularly severe or your job brings you into contact with a lot of people, then the prudent decision is to stay home. If you insist on working sick, you should wash your hands frequently, cover your mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze, and don’t touch anything that co-workers will touch. (Excuse me a minute while I Lysol the mike muff.)

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• A “Money” magazine poll shows that fully 66% of us would prefer a sunny, warm Christmas to a white one. (“I’m dreaming of a brown sun-tan …”)
• In a Lennox poll on politeness, 34% of respondents say most people’s manners are ‘poor’. Interestingly, 80% of the same people rate their own manners as ‘excellent’.
• In a “Woman’s Own” magazine survey, 1,000 men were asked what turned them on most.  92% said they were most turned on by sexy lingerie. (Many of them liked it on women too.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
• The chances of you needing medical attention from a shaving injury are 1 in 7,000. In other words – every 19 years.
• The month in which you’re most likely to die from poisoning, falling or in a fire is DECEMBER. (So happy holidays, eh?)

THE BULL SHEET 12.22.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [58] Diane Sawyer, Glasgow KY, TV news anchor (“Prime Time”, “Good Morning America” since 1999, “20/20″ since 1998)

1949 [54] Robin Gibb, Douglas ISLE OF MAN, oldies singer (Bee Gees-“Stayin’ Alive”, “I Started a Joke”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1997)

1962 [41] Ralph Fiennes (pronounced ‘Rafe Fanes’), Suffolk UK, movie actor (2 Oscar nominations-“The English Patient”, “Schindler’s List”)

1980 [23] Chris Carmack, Washington DC, TV actor (‘Luke Ward’-“The OC”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Winter Solstice”, the shortest day of the year (in Southern Hemisphere, summer begins). Winter officially arrived at 2:04 am ET. The solstice is celebrated in many ways …
• “Mumping Day” in England, traditionally when the poor go house-to-house begging for food.
• In the Wicca religion it’s “Yule”, marking the death of the Sun-God and his rebirth from the Earth Goddess – source of the ‘Yule log’.
• “National Flashlight Day”, a tongue-in-cheek commemoration of the year’s longest night.
• The annual “Yukon International Storytellers Festival” features all-night music and stories in Whitehorse YT.

TODAY is “International Arbor Day”. What a great time of year to honor trees, just as we’re killing them and dragging them into our homes!

TOMORROW in Oaxaca (wah-HAH-kah), Mexico is the annual “Feast of the Radishes”, when figurines are cleverly carved – from radishes. (The next day is ‘Festival of Farts’.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1990 [13] Pearl Jam performs for the 1st time, using the name ‘Mookie Blaylock’ as the opening act for Alice in Chains in Seattle WA

1993 [10] Michael Jackson stages internationally-televised press conference to deny child abuse

1993 [10] Crash Test Dummies release hit single “Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm”

2000 [03] 42-year-old Madonna & 32-year-old Guy Ritchie wed at Skibo Castle in the highlands of Scotland

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1882 [121] 1st string of ‘Christmas tree lights’ created in Thomas Edison’s labs (just 3 years after invention of the light bulb, the original tree lights were red, white & blue)

1980 [23] 1st album released with absolutely no sound (“The Wit & Wisdom Of Ronald Reagan”)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Christmas Eve
[Wed] National Egg Nog Day
[Thurs] Christmas Day
[Thurs] A’ Phabet Day (No ‘L’)
[Thurs] “Peter Pan”, “Cold Mountain” and “Cheaper By The Dozen” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Kwanzaa begins
[Fri] National Whiner’s Day
[Fri] Recyclable Packaging Day
[Fri] Awful Tie Day
[Sat] National Fruitcake Day
This Week Is . . . International Lipstick Week
This Month Is . . . Safe Toys & Gifts Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS HORRIBLESCOPE:
TODAY is the first day of the astrology sign Capricorn, the Goat. If this is your birthday, here’s your reading in the stars … It’s okay to keep putting your money in your mattress but you might want to switch to saving paper money – it’s way more comfortable. This morning you’ll hear a strange clicking noise as you’re walking through your kitchen. Time to trim those toenails, isn’t it? Today is a terrific day to saunter … just be careful not to let it degenerate into a mosey. It’s a good week to use the expression ‘just dandy’ as often as possible. You’ll find that, gradually, fewer and fewer people will annoy you with inane questions.

IT’S A DYSFUNCTIONAL CHRISTMAS IF …
• Most of the family gives beer as a gift, but Grandma hands out ammo.
• The holidays aren’t complete unless you go down to the ‘pen’ and visit Momma.
• You leave a bottle of Schnapps out for Santa.
• The centerpiece at Christmas dinner is anything prepared by a taxidermist.
• You stand under the mistletoe waiting for your cute cousin to walk by.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “If they ever did a remake of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’, what modern-day actor should get the Jimmy Stewart role?” (In a Blockbuster poll, Nicholas Cage was top choice, followed by George Clooney.)
• “What unusual job has you stuck working on Christmas Day?“
• Monica Sheehan & Tina Klem wrote a book called “50 Reasons NOT to Go Home For the Holidays”. Some highlights: The dog’s welcome is much warmer than your family’s, your childhood bedroom is now the home office, you still have to sit at the ‘kid’s table’. Ask listeners for more.
• PM Paul Martin says he opposes mandatory retirement that forces people to quit work. Should you be allowed to work as long as you can perform your job?

BS WEB GOODIES:
• In previous years we’ve been exposed to seasonal favorites butchered by barking dogs and meowing cats, now for some unknown reason Dirk Keysser has released a Christmas carol CD called “Happy Clucking Holidays” on which he buck-buck-buckawws his way through 10 songs as – a chicken. The album is a total waste of $9.99, but you can get free sample clips here, including “Ode to Joy”, “Carol of the Bells”, and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” …
NET: http://www.happycluckingholidays.com/listen_2.html
• Wal-Mart has now entered the music download competition. At 88 cents per song, this is the lowest (legal) deal so far.
NET: http://musicdownloads.walmart.com/catalog/servlet/MainServlet

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In Paraguay, if you tilt your head backward during a conversation it usually means THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: You forgot something.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Hollywood: A place where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.