December 19, 2002

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Thursday, December 19, 2002        Edition: #2446
Only 6 More Sleeps Till Xmas!

A sitcom being developed for NBC-TV about a single mom who’s raising 3 children she had with 3 different men has been given the temporary title “The Town Slut”, which the net says will likely change if the series is picked up (ya think?) . . . Members of the Women in Creation feminist group have been arrested for filming the explicit soap opera “Mother Don’t Tell Me” in the streets of the Bolivian capital of La Paz after police found naked women filming a lesbian scene (now something like this might pick up my interest in “The Young & the Restless”) . . . Actress Elizabeth Hurley says she won’t take the $158,000 a year in child support that sleazy movie producer Steve Bing has agreed to pay to take care of their son Damian until age 18 (she must be really good – that would make it a $2,844,000 roll in the hay for Bing) . . . Picture this – Pamela Anderson has reportedly become a Sunday School teacher, reading Bible stories to children that’s led to record attendance . . . “Chicago” star Catherine Zeta-Jones says she wants her children schooled in Bermuda – fortunately, hubby Michael Douglas happens to own a 47-villa resort there . . . Actress Monica Belluci, who appears in the upcoming “Matrix Reloaded” sequel, is “Stuff” magazine’s ‘Sexiest Woman For 2003′ . . . Pepsi is replacing Britney Spears with Beyonce Knowles in ads (apparently Britney had too many artificial additives for their product) . . . Winona Ryder has reportedly been asked to model for designer Marc Jacobs after wearing a number of his outfits to her recent shoplifting trial (a new line of prison uniforms perhaps?) . . . And we quote 42-year-old sleep-around guy Hugh Grant: “Girls I fancy with a hangover are totally different from girls I fancy when I’m completely healthy” (what a classy English gentleman!).

TONIGHT is the 2-hour finale of CBS-TV’s “Survivor: Thailand” as the final four contestants (Brian, Helen, Clay, Jan) battle for the million-dollar grand prize. More details are leaking about the stormy marriage of 34-year-old finalist Brian Heidik –
• Both he and his 30-year-old wife Charmaine, also known as CC Costigan (who appeared in the DECEMBER 5th episode), have starred in a number of soft-core porn films. His résumé includes “Virgins of Sherwood Forest” and “Sinful Obsession”. Her credits include “Sexecutioner”, “Bikini Hotel” and “Beach Babes from Beyond”.
• They have been involved in 5 domestic violence incidents in the past year. In the most recent, she was arrested NOVEMBER 17, charged with spousal abuse and spent 2 days in jail. She allegedly punched him in the nose when she came home to find him passed out drunk on the living room couch while their young son was crying on the floor.
• Perhaps due to all this trash, Brian is no longer the fan favorite. A poll at the official “Survivor” Website now picks Clay as most likely to win with 43% of the vote, followed by Jan with 26%.

Word is oddball director Quentin Tarantino will bring back the characters ‘Vincent Vega’ (played by John Travolta in “Pulp Fiction”) and ‘Vic Vega’ (played by Michael Madsen in “Reservoir Dogs”) for a prequel to both films to be called “The Vega Brothers” which will follow the pair’s exploits at a nightclub they own in the late ‘80s . . . Meryl Streep is considering a lucrative deal to play Martha Stewart in an NBC-TV movie and is said to be extremely interested provided the film isn’t a ‘hatchet job’ . . . Just as “Gangs of New York” is about to open comes word its director Martin Scorsese and star Leonardo DiCaprio will re-team to shoot a $100-million-plus bio-film about legendary billionaire recluse Howard Hughes . . . Filming begins NEXT MONTH in NYC on “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, starring Jim Carrey as a man who enlists a doctor to help him erase the memory of a former relationship from his mind.

Do you have one of those friends always pushing you to try ‘natural’ remedies? One of the most commonly touted herbal medicines has been the use of Echinacea to fight the common cold. Well, sorry to disappoint you homeopathy freaks, but a new study by the American College of Physicians finds the herb has NO EFFECT on cold symptoms whatsoever. (However, if you smoke a dried dandelion then drink 3 cups of morning dew, your cold will disappear – in about 7 days!)

China’s only privately-owned automaker plans to roll out a vehicle equipped with karaoke. The Geely Group says its new ‘Beauty Leopard’ will come with a phone, karaoke machine and GPS navigation gear. It will go into production in January 2003 and go on sale in April for about $18,000. (That’s all you need to create road rage – a tone deaf idiot singing in a traffic jam.)

Caressa Kisses, a 24-year-old Reno, Nevada prostitute has a pretty good record picking NFL games based on what she calls the ‘John Factor’ – the number of players named John on any given team. Seems that most of the time, the team with the most Johns wins. She’s been making weekly predictions on big games for several radio stations. By the way, if her theory holds out, the NY Jets should win the Super Bowl (yeah right) – they have the most Johns of any team.
PHONER: 775-246-9901 (Moonlight Bunny Ranch)

• According to a new survey of married couples, 15% of those under age 65 have experienced infidelity in their marriages. But here’s the mental picture you don’t want to conjure up – 10% of those over 65 also admit to fooling around on their spouses. (Man, what’s going on at those weekly euchre games?)
• Another survey of couples finds that 22% of women and 12% of men punish their partners by denying them sex. (That’ll never work – most wives would be thankful to have an extra minute of free time.)
• A new survey by online employment site finds that 18% of us would resort to having plastic surgery in order to get a job. (Apparently the poll was done in a Hooters.)

China now has more than 200 MILLION mobile phone users.


1944 [D-Dec 13, 2002] Zal Yanovsky, Toronto ON, oldies singer (Lovin’ Spoonful-“Do You Believe in Magic”, “Summer in the City”) before leaving the band in 1967 and settling in Kingston ON

1969 [33] Santana Dotson, New Orleans LA, NFL DT (Washington Redskins)

1974 [28] Jake ‘The Snake’ Plummer, Boise ID, NFL QB (Arizona Cardinals)

1972 [30] Warren Sapp, Orlando FL, 300-lb NFL DT (Tampa Bay Buccaneers-Super Bowl Champions in January?)

1972 [30] Alyssa Milano, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (Phoebe Halliwell-“Charmed”) who’s currently dating Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst or *N Sync’s Justin Timberlake – or perhaps both

1980 [22] Marla Sokoloff, San Francisco CA, TV actress (Lucy Hatcher-“The Practice”)

1980 [22] Jake Gyllenhaal, LA CA, up & coming movie actor (“Moonlight Mile”, “The Good Girl”)

Hey kids! TODAY is “E-Mail Santa Claus Just in Case He Didn’t Get Your Letter Day”. It’s also “National Clean Out Your Closet to Make Room for New Toys Day”!

THIS WEEK is “Tell Someone They’re Doing a Good Job Week”, when you’re encouraged to compliment someone’s work effort each day. And hey boss, toss in a Christmas bonus, would ya?

1997 [05] All-time movie box office champ “Titanic”, starring Leonardo Dicaprio & Kate Winslet, opens in theaters (eventually grosses $1.8 billion worldwide)

2001 [01] “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” opens in theaters (#5 all-time with $860 million worldwide)

1857 [145] 1st ‘bathroom tissue’ marketed (50 cents for 500 sheets – about the same as now)

1917 [85] 1st NHL games played (5,500 fans watch Montréal Canadiens beat Ottawa Senators 7-4, while 700 soldiers get in free to see Montréal Wanderers defeat Toronto Arenas 10-9)

1970 [32] 1st ‘disposable razors’ go on the market (and 1st wife borrows her husband’s to shave her legs)

1922 [80] 24-year-old Theresa Vaughn is tried for bigamy in England after it’s found she had accumulated 62 husbands – in just 5 years

1984 [18] Scotty Bowman becomes NHL’s all-time winningest coach (retires after winning 2002 Stanley Cup with Detroit Red Wings, his 9th in a 34-year career that includes records for 1,244 regular season victories & 223 playoff wins)

[Fri] “Gangs of New York” opens
[Fri] Underdog Day
[Sat] Humbug Day
[Sun] First Day of Winter/Shortest Day of the Year (longest day of the year is Christmas day with your relatives)
[Tues] National Egg Nog Day
[Wed] A’ Phabet Day (No ‘L’)
[Wed] Movies “Catch Me If You Can”, “Chicago” and “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” open
This Month Is . . . Safe Toys & Gifts Month


• If electricity comes from electrons does that mean that morality comes from morons?
• You know how most packages say ‘Open Here’? What is the protocol if the package says, ‘Open Somewhere Else’?
• Is air travel nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo?
• When you ‘reboot’ your computer, does that mean kicking it again?
• Why isn’t ‘palindrome’ spelled the same way backwards?
• Is it considered a ‘terminal illness’ if you get sick at the airport?

Q: In Dr Seuss’ famous story, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, what was the name of the Grinch’s dog?
a) Max
b) Snax
c) Grunch
A: It was ‘Max’.

Q: What’s the angel’s name in the classic Christmas movie “It’s A Wonderful Life”?
a) Gabriel
b) Michael
c) Clarence
A: Throughout the movie, Jimmy Stewart talks to ‘Clarence’.

Q: What happens when a bell rings in “It’s A Wonderful Life”?
a) A wish is granted.
b) An angel gets its wings.
c) The fries are done.
A: An angel gets its wings.

Q: Where did ‘Frosty’ melt?
a) In a lake.
b) In a greenhouse.
c) In a Turkish bath.
A: In a greenhouse.

“What’s the best ‘driving tune’ of 2002?” (According to a Yahoo! online poll, 2002’s top 5 tunes to hit the road with are “Hot in Herre” by Nelly, Eminem’s “Without Me”, “Days Go By” by Dirty Vegas [from a car commercial], “Soak Up The Sun” from Sheryl Crow, and Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle”.)

• Challenge listeners to see if they can crash a really big party and call you from the event.
• Have callers make New Year’s resolutions for their spouses, then call the spouse and read the resolution.

NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command), which is responsible for air defence over Canada and the US, is again tracking Santa’s journey Christmas Eve. The tradition began in 1955 after a misprinted phone number for a Santa hotline in newspapers led kids to call NORAD with their questions about the big guy. The Canadian air force has reportedly freed up three CF-18 fighter jets to snap digital photos of the journey and beam them back to NORAD’s Website. The site also explains how Santa visits so many homes in one night and what snacks reindeer prefer.
PHONER: 719-474-2111 (recorded updates available)

Today’s Question: According to an online survey, women who are not really sure what to get their husbands for Christmas will just buy this.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A wallet.

Technology is simply a means of manipulating the world so you don’t have to experience it.

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