Tuesday, December 19, 2000 Edition: #1957
MORE BS TWISTED TITLES:
• “Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration” (“Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”)
• “Loyal Followers Advance” (“O Come All Ye Faithful”)
• “Array the Corridors” (“Deck the Halls”)
• “Bantam Male Percussionist” (“Little Drummer Boy”)
• “Red Man En Route to Borough” (“Santa Claus is Coming to Town”)
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Crash Test Dummies lead Brad Roberts is scheduled to appear in court charged with pot possession, the result of a police search after his car accident in SEPTEMBER . . . According to the Website ‘Beliefnet’, Michael Jackson will play NYC’s Madison Square Garden TONIGHT as part of a benefit concert (if it happens, it’d his first North American performance in ages) . . . Britain’s Prince Andrew plans to leave the Royal Navy after 22 years to promote British business abroad (wow, a Royal with an actual job!) . . . Celine Dion has confirmed she has a 2nd fertilized embryo stored in a fertility clinic (her bun in the oven has a twin in the fridge).
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
“The Cell” is out on DVD, the sci-fi thriller in which Jennifer Lopez plays a psychotherapist who journeys inside a serial killer’s mind . . . Tom Green highlights the cast of the comedy “Road Trip”, about 4 college buds who hit the road to retrieve a tape mistakenly mailed to a girlfriend . . . Neighborhood boys discover the mysteries of womanhood in the comedy “The Virgin Suicides”, starring Kirsten Dunst.
EINSTEIN WAS A LUSH:
We’ve heard of the health benefits of moderate alcohol consumption, but now a research team at Japan’s National Institute for Longevity Sciences says moderate drinkers also seem to possess slightly higher IQs than others. Their definition of ‘moderate drinking’ — less than a pint of wine per day. (After the office party on the weekend, I qualified for Mensa.)
THE PC CRECHE:
This holiday season several shops in London ENG are selling new ‘Politically Correct Nativity Sets’. For single-parent families, there’s a set without a ‘Joseph’. And for lesbian-parented families, a set in which ‘Joseph’ is female. You can also pick your wise men in a selection of skin colors. (If the wise men had’ve been women, they’d have asked for directions so they arrived on time, they’d have cleaned up the manger & the gifts would’ve been practical.)
EVERY TIME A BELL RINGS, IT’S A CASH REGISTER:
50% of people polled by Blockbuster named the 1946 Jimmy Stewart classic “It’s a Wonderful Life” as the #1 movie they plan to watch this holiday season. And 21% picked it as their choice if they could own only one holiday video.
BS HOLIDAY HANGOVER HINTS:
• Drink lots of vegetable or fruit juice containing fructose, which speeds up the breakdown of alcohol. (Source: “Before You Call the Doctor”)
• Place a cold compress on your forehead and put your feet in a tub of hot water. (Cathy Rogers, Naturopathic Practitioner in Seattle)
• Take 2 tablets of activated charcoal before bedtime. (Source: UCLA Medical Research)
THE BULL SHEET 12.19.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1961 [39] Reggie White, Chattanooga TN, legendary NFL DE (Carolina Panthers)
1969 [31] Kristy Swanson, Mission Viejo CA, movie actress (Christie Boner-“Dude, Where’s My Car?”, “Big Daddy”)/TV actress (Susan Crawford-“Grapevine”)
1969 [31] Santana Dotson, New Orleans LA, NFL DT (Green Bay Packers)
1972 [28] Alyssa Milano, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (Phoebe Halliwell-“Charmed”)
1972 [28] Warren Sapp, Plymouth FL, 300-lb NFL DT (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)
1974 [26] Jake “The Snake” Plummer, Boise ID, NFL QB (Arizona Cardinals)
1980 [20] Marla Sokoloff, Alameda County CA, TV actress (Lucy Hatcher-“The Practice”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Hey kids! TODAY is “National Clean Out Your Closet to Make Room for New Toys Day”!
THIS WEEK is “Tell Someone They’re Doing a Good Job Week”, when you’re encouraged to compliment someone’s work effort each day. And hey boss, toss in a Christmas bonus, would ya?
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999 Actor Desmond Llewelyn, famous for his role as ‘Q’ in ‘James Bond’ films, dies at 85 just 1 month after his final movie “The World is Not Enough” opens (he’s been replaced by John Cleese as ‘R’)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1857 [143] 1st ‘bathroom tissue’ marketed (50 cents for 500 sheets — about the same as now)
1917 [83] 1st NHL games played (5,500 fans watch Montreal Canadiens beat Ottawa Senators 7-4, while 700 soldiers get in free to see Montreal Wanderers defeat Toronto Arenas 10-9)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1984 [16] Scotty Bowman becomes NHL’s all-time winningest coach (and he’s still adding to his record with Detroit Red Wings)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Winter begins (8:37am EST)
[Thurs] Humbug Day
[Fri] Madonna’s wedding (have you heard?)
International Language Week
Universal Human Rights Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS DOUBLE ‘P’ GAME: (Both words in the 2-word answers begin with the letter ‘P’)
• Mario Lemieux’s NHL team. (Pittsburgh Penguins)
• The cartoon character who says, “B’dee, B’dee, B’dee, that’s all folks!” (‘Porky Pig’)
• A game that’s also known as table tennis. (Ping Pong)
• The Chairman of the Advisory Board for Elvis Presley Enterprises. (Priscilla Presley)
• The movie boy who never wants to grow up. (‘Peter Pan’)
BS TAG LINE:
The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding. (Madonna, take note!)
