December 4, 2009

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Friday, December 4, 2009      Edition: #4158
Sheet Happens!

Today 76-year-old film director Roman Polanski is expected to finally be released from jail after ponying up $4.5 million in bail and he’ll be placed under house arrest at his luxe chalet in Gstaad, Switzerland (my god, such torture!) . . . Motown legend Stevie Wonder has a new job, he’s been appointed an honorary ‘Messenger of Peace’ by the United Nations (the gig involves performing a free show at the annual UN office party) . . . Gene Simmons, Heidi Klum, Jeff Probst, Jessica Simpson, LeAnn Rimes, Mario Lopez, Paris Hilton, Rachael Ray, Snoop Dogg, and skateboarder Tony Hawk will be among the ‘stars’ appearing in the new CBS-TV series “I Get That a Lot” (debuting January) in which they’ll pretend to be everyday people on the street, who are often mistaken for celebrities (some of them may go unrecognized) . . . 32-year-old “Pirates Of the Caribbean” actor Orlando Bloom thrilled patrons at Lavo in Las Vegas this week by stripping in the middle of the packed restaurant after someone bumped into him and spilled a drink on his shirt, but fortunately he was able to have 3 brand-new shirts delivered within a half-hour (unlike peons like you or I) . . . 58-year-old actor Michael Keaton, once one of Hollywood’s top leading men (“Batman”), says he stepped away from the movie-making spotlight because he began to feel like he was ‘repeating himself’ (BS translation: The phone quit ringing) . . . Newlywed model-turned-businesswoman Ivanka Trump is launching a new service to help nervous men plan their wedding engagement (first, get a $5-million ring …) . . . And 29-year-old supermodel Gisele Bundchen, who’s due to give birth this month, doesn’t know the gender of her unborn child even though her 32-year-old husband, NFL quarterback Tom Brady, has already been told (hey Gissy, the Patriots-themed nursery might be a clue).

• “The Beatles On Record’ (CTV) – Tonight a 1-hour documentary traces their recording career.
• “Jay Leno Show” (NBC/CityTV) – Tonight Taylor Swift (“Fearless”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Band of Skulls (“Baby Darling Doll Face Honey”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Keane (“Hopes & Fears”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Wale (“Attention Deficit”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Brad Paisley (“American Saturday Night”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – This morning Sting (“If On A Winter’s Night…”).
• “mtvU Woodie Awards” (MTV) – Tonight the prerecorded 2009 campus radio music awards show features performances by The Dead Weather, Death Cab For Cutie, and Matt & Kim.
• “Hockey Night in Canada” (CBC) – A special Friday night edition features ‘Montréal Canadiens 100th Anniversary Ceremony’ followed by the ‘100th Anniversary Game’ (Boston @ Montréal).
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) – This afternoon Michael Bublé (“Crazy Love”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global): Blake Lively (“Gossip Girl”) hosts; musical guest Rihanna.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Diane Birch (“Bible Belt”).

• AC/DC – Their 3 SRO shows at River Plate Stadium in Buenos Aires, Argentina this week were filmed for a future DVD release.
• Adam Lambert – Thanks to his controversial performance at the “American Music Awards”, more scheduled appearances on ABC-TV have been canceled, including “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”.
• Aerosmith – Sunday Joe Perry is the headliner at the Land Shark Tailgate Stage prior to the Patriots-Dolphins NFL game in Miami FL. As well as his own material, he’ll perform the Aerosmith hit “Walk This Way” with special guest T-Pain. Meantime, Perry tells CNN the band now has a ‘short list’ for a new singer to replace Steven Tyler.
• Billy Currington – Saturday he hosts a concert in Key West FL to raise awareness for his newly created Global South Relief Foundation which will deliver supplies to needy Central Americans.
• Kings of Leon – Bassist Jared Followill is reportedly dating country singer Julianne Hough, the twosome spotted getting ‘affectionate’ this week at the Lipstick Lounge in Nashville TN.
• Oasis – Liam Gallagher says he’s ready to record a new album with his old bandmates (minus brother Noel, of course). Not only that, he might call the new group – are you ready? – Oasis.
• Rolling Stones – 62 year old guitarist Ronnie Wood has been arrested on suspicion of assaulting his 20-year-old girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova. He’s been released on bail after spending a night in the slammer.
• Susan Boyle – She tops the new “Billboard 200” album chart as expected, selling a whopping 701,000 copies of “I Dreamed a Dream”. It’s the best-selling debut album by a female artist since SoundScan began tracking music sales in 1991.
• Taylor Swift – Saturday she performs at the “Jingle Ball” concert sponsored by KIIS-FM at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles.
• Usher – Sunday he appears on “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” (ABC).
• The Who – Just in time for their Super Bowl halftime gig in February, they’ll be releasing a new “Greatest Hits” hits album December 21st.

• “Armored” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): A newbie guard for an armored truck company is coerced by veteran co-workers to steal a truck containing $42 million. But a wrinkle in their supposedly foolproof plan divides the group, leading to a potentially deadly resolution. Stars Columbus Short, Matt Dillon, Laurence Fishburne.
• “Brothers” ( R-Rated Drama ): Tobey Maguire stars as a former POW returning home from Afghanistan to find that his wife (Natalie Portman) has been living under the assumption that she was a widow, and his ex-con brother (Jake Gyllenhaal) has become the man of the household.
• “Everybody’s Fine” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Robert De Niro stars as a widower who takes an impromptu road trip to reconnect with his grown children, only to discover that his family members are living far from perfect lives. A remake of the 1990 Italian film “Stanno Tutti Bene”.
Co-stars Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale, Sam Rockwell.
• “Pour Toujours, Les Canadiens!” [Canadiens Forever!] ( Limited Release Sports Drama ): The fictional story centers on a 10-year-old boy waiting for a kidney transplant, a 17-year-old hockey player and his father, a filmmaker who’s making a documentary on the 100-year history of the Canadiens. Stars Dhanae Audet-Beaulieu, Antoine L’Ecuyer, plus past & present Habs players.
• “Transylmania” ( R-Rated Horror Comedy ): A group of college kids travels to Transylvania for a semester at ‘Razvan University’, which turns out not to be as picturesque (or safe) as it appeared in its brochure. Shot on location in Romania. Stars Patrick Cavanaugh (“Mad Men”) and “Dorm Daze” actors James DeBello & Tony Denman.

iPhones are being used as musical instruments in a new course at the University of Michigan. The course “Building a Mobile Phone Ensemble”, taught by computer scientist-musician Georg Essl, instructs students on how to program smart phones to play back info received from their multitude of sensors as sound. The touch-screen, microphone, GPS, compass, wireless sensor, and accelerometer can all be transformed so that different sounds are created when a finger is run across the display, air is blown into the mic, or the phone is tilted or shaken. A public performance is scheduled for next Wednesday. (Unless they max out their plans beforehand.)
– Reuters.


In order to cope with wearing high-heels through the holiday party season, female executives in Britain are having Botox injected … into their feet. The Harley Medical Group, one of the UK’s largest cosmetic surgery chains, says increasingly more women in London are having the ‘foot-filler’ procedure performed on the soles of their feet. Administering the Botox costs $420 each time. (On the other hand, gel-filled pads to tuck into shoes cost about 4 bucks.)

A new ranking of the best grey-hair getaways by “Live & Invest Overseas” publisher Kathleen Peddicord …
5. Argentina – If you want to live a life filled with art and history, culture, and interesting company but can’t afford Paris and its euro, look to Buenos Aires.
4. Dominican Republic – Easy foreign residency, favorable approach to foreign taxation, and, right now, a down real estate market that has created great crisis-buy opportunities.
3. Uruguay – The banking, residency, and tax advantages of Panama without the chaos or the construction dust.
2. France – World’s best quality of life, world’s best health care, world’s best infrastructure, world’s most romantic city.
1. Panama – Thanks to tax breaks and waterfront living, this country manages to become more appealing all the time.
(Honorable mentions: Belize, Chile, Croatia, Malaysia, and Vietnam.)


If you’ve ever pondered what the next decade should be called as this one draws to a close, someone has come up with a prize-winning answer: ‘The One-ders’. An Australian news website offered a $2,010 cash prize in the 6-week contest to name the decade following the soon-to-end ‘noughties’. Adam Vujic’s suggestion was selected because of its optimistic foreshadowing of scientific, humanitarian, and environmental breakthroughs in the next decade. Other suggestions included the ‘tweens’, ‘tennies’, ‘twenteens’, ‘tentions’ and ‘decnos’.

You might want to think twice if you hit a site with a .cm extension. That belongs to Cameroon, pegged by security software maker McAfee as the world’s riskiest domain, with 36.7% of its websites posing a security risk. The 3rd annual “Mapping the Mal Web” report suggests cybercrooks like to use that domain to set up malware because it’s often accessed accidentally as a typo for ‘.com’. The generic and widely used ‘.com’ domain itself isn’t much safer, jumping from 9th last year to 2nd this year in riskiness. (We’re guessing ‘.mal’ isn’t too safe either.)

An ounce of chocolate contains about 20 mg of caffeine. (Wake up and inhale the Dove Bar!)


1949 [60] Jeff Bridges, LA CA, movie actor (“The Men Who Stare at Goats”, “Seabiscuit”)/son of late actor Lloyd Bridges/brother of actor Beau Bridges

1955 [54] Brian Prout, Troy NY, country musician (Diamond Rio-“I Believe”, “Beautiful Mess”)

1964 [45] Marisa Tomei, Brooklyn NY, film actress (“The Wrestler”, “Wild Hogs”, 1992 Oscar-“My Cousin Vinny”)

1969 [40] Jay-Z (Shawn Carter), Brooklyn NY, rap artist/producer (f/Alicia Keys-“Empire State of Mind”, “Show Me What You Got”)/wed to singer Beyoncé (2008)/former CEO (Def Jam Recordings)/40-40 Club owner (NYC)/New Jersey Nets owner (NBA)

1970 [39] Kevin Sussman, NYC, TV actor (“The Big Bang Theory” 2009, “Ugly Betty” 2006-07)

1973 [36] Tyra Banks, Inglewood CA, TV personality (“America’s Next Top Model” since 2003, “The Tyra Banks Show” since 2005)/fashion model (“Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show”)/sometime movie actress (“Tropic Thunder”, “Coyote Ugly”)

Rock & roll pioneer Little Richard is 77; Opera singer Jose Carreras is 63; Rock singer-guitarist John Rzeznik (Goo Goo Dolls) is 44; Country singer Gary Allan (“Watching Airplanes”) is 42; R&B singer-songwriter Keri Hilson (“Knock You Down”) is 27.

Comedian Steven Wright is 54; Rock guitarist Peter Buck (REM) is 53; Rock drummer David Lovering (The Pixies) is 48; Movie producer/director Judd Apatow (“Knocked Up”) is 42.


• “Cookie Day”, celebrating the yummiest treat of all. As poet Edgar Guest once wrote: “I’m sorry for people, whoever they are, who live in a house where there’s no cookie jar.” What’s the best kind? Chocolate chip? Oatmeal and raisin? Peanut butter with macadamia nuts?
• “Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day”, a day for bosses to generously pass out ‘attaboys’. (Thereby saving on Christmas bonuses.)
• “Wear Brown Shoes Day” for some unknown reason. To get the full effect, make sure you wear ‘em with something black.

• “AFL-CIO Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1955 merger of the American Federation of Labor and the Congress of Industrial Organizations to form the largest federation of unions in the USA & Canada.
• “Bathtub Party Day”, encouraging a luxurious long, hot bath to develop inner peace. Almost everyone nowadays takes showers, so here’s a day to recall some of the luxury of days gone by. (Invite a few friends!)
• “International Day Of the Ninja”, when you’re encouraged to dress like a ninja and run wild in the streets.
• “Tinsel Day”, in honor of your cat’s favorite gagging toy, your 2-year-old’s favorite poisonous snack, your vacuum cleaner’s favorite clogging device, and your home’s greatest holiday fire hazard. Looks festive though, doesn’t it?

• “Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women”, established by Parliament in 1991 to recognize and denounce violence against women in our society. The day coincides with the anniversary of the 1989 ‘Montréal Massacre’, when 14 young women were tragically killed at l’École Polytechnique.
• “Miners Day”, saluting each and every miner, past, present and future. It’s a grassroots endeavor to lobby for an official day of commemoration.
• “Pawnbrokers Day”, celebrated on “St Nicholas Day”, the saint who, among other things, is the patron saint of pawnbroking.
• “St Nicholas Day”, commemorating the 4th-century bishop who died December 6, 342 AD and from whom the traditions of ‘Santa Claus’ and exchanging gifts were derived. No wonder he’s the patron saint of both children and merchants! Many European kids awake today to find candy and oranges in their shoes, or if they’ve been bad – a piece of coal. The name ‘Santa Claus’ evolved from St Nicholas via the Dutch form of the name – ‘Sinte Klaas’ or ‘Sinterklaas’. According to Dutch tradition, naughty children are whisked away to Spain by St Nick’s helper, ‘Black Pete’. (Hey buddy, pick me!)


1980 [29] Rock supergroup Led Zeppelin disbands (they reunite for a one-off concert in 2007)


1909 [100] 1st “Grey Cup” game (University of Toronto 26, Parkdale Canoe Club 6)

2008 [01] Governor General of Canada ‘prorogues’ parliament as a result of threatened non-confidence vote just 6 weeks after a general election (eventually Liberals back out of ‘coalition’)

[Mon] International Civil Aviation Day
[Tues] Brownie Day
[Tues] Take It in the Ear Day
[Wed] Christmas Card Day
[Wed] Pastry Day
[Wed] International Anti-Corruption Day
This Week Is … Cookie Cutter Week
This Month Is … Choose a Summer Camp Month


You run down the list while a crew member/guest/phone caller ranks each item as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• Stimulus packages.
• Toll highways.
• ‘To do’ lists.
• Toothpaste containing baking soda.
• Smart cars.
• Fruit cake.
• ‘Secret Santas’.
• Office parties.
• Background seasonal Muzak.

Everything’s going wrong today. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

In the interest of promoting more erudite language, here’s a truly weird word from “Foyle’s Philavery: A Treasury of Unusual Words” for you to toss around for the day …
• ‘Murcous’ . . . lacking a thumb. (“He would have hitchhiked if he wasn’t so murcous.”)
– “Oxford English Dictionary”

Today’s Question: In terms of emergency room visits, THIS is the most dangerous outdoor activity.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Snowboarding.


I think, therefore I am. I think.

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