Friday, December 14, 2018 – Edition: #6357
The Sheet Hits the Fans!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has announced next year’s inductees: Janet Jackson, Stevie Nicks, The Cure, Roxy Music, Radiohead, the Zombies and fan vote winners Def Leppard will all join the class of 2019. The induction ceremony will be held at Brooklyn’s Barclays Center on March 29th. An edited version of the event will air later on HBO. Ticket details will be announced in January.
-RollingStone
★ A group of victims of Hurricane Katrina are going on the offensive in their class action lawsuit against Brad Pitt. Pitt tried to deny any responsibility for the subpar homes built by his charity in New Orleans, and sought to have the case against him dismissed. Pitt claimed it was not his responsibility to make sure the homes were properly built by his charity. In the suit, the plaintiffs say that “Mr. Pitt gladly accepted responsibility for his personal participation when the publicity was favorable … [He] received incalculable marketing and publicity benefits from his involvement with the Foundation and the Lower Ninth Ward.” A judge has yet to rule.
-TheBlast
★ Moments after Kathie Lee Gifford announced her upcoming departure from “Today,” speculation began as to whom would take over the coveted spot opposite Hoda Kotb. According to a new report, Jenna Bush Hager is the favorite to fill those shoes. She is said to be well-liked by both viewers and NBC head honchos. Jenna, the daughter of former President George W. Bush, has filled in admirably for Kathie Lee in the past. An NBC source noted that Jenna has great chemistry with Hoda.
-MSN
★ In the wake of his wife Roseanne’s death on “The Conners,” it seems Dan might just be getting a new love interest — and the casting couldn’t be more perfect. Dysfunctional family sitcom vet Katey Sagal — who found fame as ‘Peg Bundy’ on “Married… With Children” before moving on to play the tough-as-nails matriarch on “Sons of Anarchy” — debuted on Tuesday as Louise, one of Dan and Roseanne’s former classmates who left Lanford to try to launch a music career. It’s unclear if Louise will be back for more episodes, but judging by the deluge of tweets from fans, they sure hope that she does.
-MSN
★ Portia De Rossi wants Ellen Degeneres to quit her talk show. Although Ellen recently extended her contract up to the summer of 2020, she was apparently close to declining, partially because her wife urged her to turn down the deal in order to do something else. De Rossi says that “I just think she’s such a brilliant actress and stand-up that it doesn’t have to be this talk show for her creativity. There are other things she could tackle.” But Ellen’s brother, stand-up comic Vance DeGeneres, advised her to stay on, telling her that the country needs her positivity.
-ContactMusic
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Armie Hammer, Mark Ronson, Pete Lee
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Tony Shalhoub, Django Gold
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jake Tapper, Bill Burr, Nikki Glaspie (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Busy Philipps, Noah Centineo, Derren Brown, Morrissey (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Leslie Mann, Darlene Love
• “The Talk” (CBS): Leslie Mann, guest co-host Carrie Ann Inaba
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kathryn Hahn, Lucas Hedges, Michael Bublé
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Ellie Kemper, Steve Spangler
• “I Love Lucy Christmas Special”: (CBS): The Ricardos and Mertzes decorate Lucy and Ricky’s Christmas tree and reminisce about how their lives have changed since the arrival of the Ricardos’ son, Little Ricky.
• “The 87th Annual Hollywood Christmas Parade (CW): The Christmas parade features larger-than-life inflatable character balloons and celebrity-filled cars making the trek down Hollywood Boulevard. Nancy O’Dell serves as Grand Marshal. Hosted by Erik Estrada, Laura McKenzie, Dean Cain and Montel Williams.
SATURDAY-
• “Entertaining Christmas” (HALLMARK): Kara tries to prove herself to the residents of a Vermont town.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Matt Damon with musical guests Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus.
SUNDAY-
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Cynthia Bailey, Anderson Cooper
• “2018 Miss Universe” (FOX): Nearly 100 women from across the globe compete for the opportunity to become the next Miss Universe. From Bangkok, Thailand.
• “Sunday Night Football” (NBC): Philadelphia Eagles at Los Angeles Rams
• “iHeartRadio Jingle Ball 2018” (CW): Shawn Mendes, Cardi B. and Camilla Cabello headline the holiday music event.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Kanye West – hit up Bob Dylan on Twitter. On Wed., he tweeted: “Calling out to Bob Dylan Let’s get together.” Ye didn’t provide any details on what the meeting might entail.
• The Chainsmokers – tweeted a quick teaser of their new single, which is dropping today. The clip features a vocoded female voice over a melody similar to their ‘Sick Boy’ track released earlier this year.
• Adam Levine — has spoken out on “The Voice” in response to the backlash that followed his decision to encourage viewers to save finalist Reagan Strange, despite the fact she was too ill to perform. Levine says that has smoothed things over with DeAndre Nico, who was eliminated instead. Quote: “It was a strange week, but it’s over now. DeAndre’s my boy. I love him. We talked. It’s all good.”
• Baby, It’s Cold Outside – Citing audience input, CBC, Canada’s national broadcaster, has reversed its decision to remove the holiday track from seasonal playlists. After radio stations in Cleveland and Denver removed the song from airplay, CBC Radio joined two other broadcasters in banning the song last week. Meantime, several versions of the song surged in sales and streaming.
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards says in a new interview that he doesn’t drink much these days. He says about a year ago, “I pulled the plug on it. I got fed up with it.” Although he still enjoys an occasional glass of wine or a beer, he notes that when the Stones toured Europe last summer, it was “interesting to play sober.”
• Led Zeppelin — Jimmy Page has spent the last few years working on various Led Zeppelin-related projects, but he says in 2019, “you’ll be getting stuff from Jimmy Page.” He didn’t provide specifics, but it could be a box set devoted to Coverdale/Page, the 1993 record he made with Whitesnake frontman David Coverdale.
• Neil Young — will be going ahead with a huge gig in London’s Hyde Park next summer because the sponsor, Barclaycard, has pulled out. He initially objected to playing the British Summer Time festival because, as he put it, the concert was using a “fossil fuel funding entity” as a sponsor.
• Van Halen — David Lee Roth says he watched his Van Halen earnings “walk off into another man’s pocket” as the result of a bad contract, and that his financial situation has been resolved only in the past 18 months. He says he is bouncing back with two new companies: Ink the Original, a skin care line for those with tattoos, and an outdoor lifestyle company called Laugh to Win.
• Dolly Parton – has seen a big rise in streams of her music following the premiere of the Netflix coming-of-age comedy, “Dumplin’, which features her music. Her music streams have grown over 132% since last month.
• Blake Shelton – Gwen Stefani says he’ll feel no pressure from her to propose, even if it seems everyone else wants to see it happen. She says because of the relationship “trauma” that they’ve both been through, it is good enough that “you get to a place where you can find somebody that’s like your best friend, that you know you can depend on and trust and go through life”
• Maren Morris – She and Florida Georgia Line will help ring in the new year on 2019’s Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest. They’ll perform from New Orleans. The west coast portion will feature Kane Brown and Lauren Alaina, plus Kelsea Ballerini, who will perform with her latest collaborators, the Chainsmokers, from Los Angeles.
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Mule” (R-Rated, Drama/Mystery): A 90-year-old horticulturist and WWII veteran is caught transporting $3 million worth of cocaine through Michigan for a Mexican drug cartel. (Clint Eastwood, Bradley Cooper)
• “Once Upon A Deadpool” (PG-13, Action/Comedy): Foul-mouthed mutant mercenary Wade Wilson (AKA. Deadpool), brings together a team of fellow mutant rogues to protect a young boy with supernatural abilities from the brutal, time-traveling cyborg, Cable. (Ryan Reynolds, Josh Brolin)
• “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” (PG, Animation/Family): Miles Morales becomes the Spider-Man of his reality and crosses paths with his counterparts from other dimensions to stop a threat to all reality. (Shameik Moore, Jake Johnson)
• “If Beale Street Could Talk” (R-Rated, Drama/Romance): A woman in Harlem desperately scrambles to prove her fiancé innocent of a crime while carrying their first child. (KiKi Layne, Stephan James)
• “Mortal Engines” (PG-13, Action/Adventure): In a post-apocalyptic world where cities ride on wheels and consume each other to survive, two people meet in London and try to stop a conspiracy. (Hera Hilmar, Hugo Weaving)
DO YOU SMELL SOMETHING?
☞ (***Caution: contains farts and stuff***) Farts are funny. That’s a fact. And now you have the opportunity to give the gift of gas. “Farts Direct” will deliver a jar full of fart to a person of your choosing. All you have to do is choose a scent and choose a person. And yes, there are different scents available. If you’re feeling festive, you can choose between ‘Sprout Stench’ or ‘Stuffing Shart’. Alternatively, you can go classic with ‘Hanging Out Of Your Arse’, ‘Curry Napalm’ or ‘Love Puff’. Or perhaps ‘Better Out Than In’ or ‘Stay Still In Case It Slips’ might be more appropriate for the loved one on your list. A jar of smelly fun is going for about $13. The farts come in an airtight lid (which is important) and with a personalized message. Or you can send it anonymously. Like you send any other fart.
(Still, I’d rather receive this than a “Yule log!”)
-LADBible
☞ If you’re looking for a game to play during the holidays that requires a little more imagination than your typical game of Monopoly, break THIS one open: “What’s that Smell?” claims to be a “scent-sational” party game which puts your sense of smell to the test, challenging players to correctly guess scents ranging from roses to rotting garbage…and worse. The winner (aka “Nose-it-All”) gets to pick a player to suffer the “Whiff of Shame”: three big sniffs of one of the pungent “Stank Cards”: ‘Extra Old Toe Cheese’, ‘Diaper Blowout’, ‘Hot Chunky Vomit’, and ‘Smothered in B.O.’ There are over 50 smells in total. Just $27.99.
(That would explain why the dog is rolling in the presents under the tree!)
-PRNewswire
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
➠ A first-time political candidate in Arkansas has learned a valuable civics lesson: vote.
Cliff Farmer didn’t make it to the polls in time to vote Tuesday, and his race for a Hoxie City Council seat ended up as a tie. Farmer and his wife were returning from Florida when their plane too late for him to vote for himself. His wife voted early, but Farmer said he’d intended to vote after they returned. That resulted in Farmer and incumbent Alderwoman Becky Linebaugh each receiving 223 votes. A winner was to be declared yesterday by coin toss or another game of chance.
(He didn’t vote early, or often!)
-13WHAM
➠ An Elkhorn, Nebraska elementary school principal was put on administrative leave after she told teachers not to use candy canes in their decorations because the “J” shape stands for Jesus. Jennifer Sinclair sent teachers a memo listing what was and was not acceptable in classrooms. On the unacceptable list: Santa, Christmas trees, reindeer, green and red items, and candy canes. Apparently, snowmen and characters from “Frozen” would be OK. The ban was quickly reversed by the school board.
(I know she caused a lot of people to SAY the ‘J’ word…)
-FOX35, LincolnJournalStar
➠ It’s the end. Of the Uranus Examiner. The small Missouri newspaper, whose name made it the ‘butt’ of jokes, is closing its doors because its name generated more interest than the paper itself. The paper put our just five editions since September. Uranus, Missouri is an unincorporated tourist town along historic Route 66.
(I’m sorry did you say it is closing its BACK doors?)
-AP
BS CHRONOMETER 12.14.18
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [69] Cliff Williams, Romford UK, now-retired rock bassist (AC/DC-‘Thunderstruck’, ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)
1984 [34] Jackson Rathbone, Singapore, movie actor (“Twilight” franchise)
1988 [30] Vanessa Hudgens, Salinas CA, movie actress (“High School Musical” movies, “Thirteen”) COMING UP…”Polar” 2019
1992 [26] Tori Kelly, Wildomar CA, singer-songwriter (‘Should’ve Been Us’, ‘Nobody Love’)
SATURDAY-
TV Actor Tim Conway (“The Carol Burnett Show”) is 85; TV Actor Don Johnson (“Miami Vice”) is 69; TV Actor Adam Brody (“The OC”) is 39; TV Actress Michelle Dockery (“Downton Abbey”) is 37; TV Actress Camilla Luddington (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 35; Pop guitarist Alana Haim (Haim) is 27
SUNDAY-
Guitarist Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top) is 69; TV Actor Benjamin Bratt (“Miss Congeniality”) is 55; Rock Singer Benjamin Kowalewicz (Billy Talent) is 43; TV actress Krysten Ritter (“Don’t Trust the B– in Apartment 23”) is 37
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bouillabaisse Day”, a day to throw some shellfish in a pot with some finely-chopped onion, celery, and tomato; a little white wine, a little more white wine; and a whole mess of garlic. Nummers, instant heaven!
• “International Monkey Day”, to raise awareness about monkey issues, monkeys in the news, and ways you can help monkeys . . . apes and other primates included (***See ‘This Day in Show Biz’, below***)
• “Roast Chestnuts Day”, a day when we’re encouraged to actually do what we all sing about at this time of year: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”. They go great with a cup of hot chocolate!
• “National Salesperson’s Day”, honoring those gifted and creative individuals whose big kick in life is persuading others to spend a buck. OK sales types, what lame rah-rah sales slogans been drummed into your head? You know, stuff like …
– Never Leave the Ball in Their Court!
– Don’t Give Up If They Don’t Call Back!
– Success Perceived Is Success Achieved!
– Always Search for Your Customer’s ‘Hot Spot’!
– It Does NOT Just Happen!
SATURDAY-
• “Cat Herders Day”, a day of sympathy for anyone who feels their job, or even their life, is like trying to herd cats.
• “International Tea Day”, observed annually since 2005 in tea producing countries like Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Nepal, Vietnam, Indonesia, Kenya, Malawi, Malaysia, Uganda, India, and Tanzania.
• “Cupcake Day”, saluting those fabulous little cakes that don’t count as cheating on your diet ’cause they’re just small … right?
SUNDAY-
• “Chocolate Covered Anything Day”. What unusual food enveloped in chocolate have you eaten? Chocolate-covered coffee beans … mmm!
• “Stupid Toy Day”, a half-hearted salute to some of the bad inventions marketed for kids.
• “Tea Party Day” in Boston MA, anniversary of the original 1773 ‘Boston Tea Party’, a protest over taxation by American colonists.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1977 [41] At the peak of the disco era, the film ‘Saturday Night Fever’ opens in theaters. The soundtrack contains the #1 hits ‘Stayin’ Alive’ and ‘Night Fever’, among others
2005 [13] Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” remake, starring Naomi Watts, Adrien Brody, and Jack Black, opens in movie theaters
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1978 [40] Billy Joel plays Madison Square Garden for the first time, which he considered a “temple” while growing up. He later became the first musical act to hold residency there.
2004 [14] The funeral for guitarist Dimebag Darrell (Damageplan, Pantera) takes place in Arlington TX with Eddie Van Halen placing Darrell’s original black & yellow-striped guitar into the KISS Kasket he’s buried in (Darrell had been shot 5 times in the back of the head by a mentally ill former US Marine)
2012 [06] Stalker Jacob Nicholas Kulke is arrested outside a residence belonging to Taylor Swift and charged with trespassing (he claims he’s been in touch with her via social media and is planning to surprise her for her birthday)
CATCH OF THE DAY:
2003 [15] US President George W. Bush announces the capture of Iraqi President Saddam Hussein
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2004 [14] The Millau Viaduct, ‘Tallest Bridge in the World’ (343 m or 1,125 ft) is inaugurated near Millau, France
BULL’S BITS
BS WACK FACTS:
✓ Robert Downey Jr. was paid 100 times more for “The Avengers” than he was paid for the first “Iron Man” film.
✓ Harry Styles and Justin Bieber can both juggle.
✓ Lady Gaga wrote ‘Just Dance’ and ‘Born This Way’ in just 10 minutes.
✓ Daniel Craig was the first actor to play James Bond who was born after the series began in 1962.
✓ Elvis Presley was naturally blonde.
✓ Chuck Norris’ first name is actually Carlos.
-TheFactSite
BS UNUSUAL THINGS TO BRAG ABOUT:
• Taking the longest nap ever
• Getting fired
• Surviving Y2K
• Being in the friendzone
• Turning oxygen into carbon dioxide
• Using a toilet backwards
• Being the most amazingly humble person. Like no one- literally NO ONE, is more humble
• Four nipples
• High score at the local golf club
• Knowing all the words to ‘Tequila’
• Bacne
-Twitter
Best of BS . . .
BS QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE BUYING EGG NOG:
• “Am I feeling sufficiently noggy today?”
• “What’s the best egg-to-nog ratio?”
• “I have high cholesterol — is there egg white nog?”
• “What other disgusting egg-based beverages could I try?”
• “Has this egg nog been approved by the Nogmaster General?”
• “Is egg my best choice of nog?”
• “Which one’s the egg nog that all the rappers drink?”
• “Do I really feel like drinking this crap?”
• “What would Jesus drink?”
• “Which came first, the egg or the nog?”
-Neloo, first published in ‘BS’ in 2017
BS RANDOM JOKE:
May your weekend be so stunning that there is no Emoji to describe it.
BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could tick one thing off your bucket list this weekend, what would it be?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 28% of men do this at least once a year without telling their wife. What is it?
Answer: Gamble
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Every champion was once a contender who refused to give up.
