Friday, December 15, 2006       Edition: #3431
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Bob Dylan is seeking a court injunction to stop the release of the movie “Factory Girl”, alleging it defames him by suggesting he was responsible for the 1971 suicide of Andy Warhol muse Edie Sedgwick (it’s scheduled to debut in limited release DECEMBER 29th) . . . “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” has made the biggest home video debut of any release THIS YEAR with 1st-week sales of 10.5 million units . . . Author Kitty Kelley, who has a long history of writing bios that are hated by their subjects (Frank Sinatra, Nancy Reagan, the Bush family) will next pen an unauthorized biography about Oprah Winfrey (bet this one doesn’t make ‘Oprah’s Book Club’) . . . “Dancing With the Stars” finalist Stacy Keibler has joined the cast of the TV drama “What About Brian” (ABC), playing a new neighbor to the title character (actor Barry Watson) . . . Music producer Phil Spector has reached a $900,000 settlement in his lawsuit against a former assistant accused of embezzling from Specter’s pension fund, which Phil can hand right over to his lawyer to fund his criminal trial defense (he’s scheduled to go to court MARCH 5th for the 2003 murder of actress Lana Clarkson) . . . Oliver Stone’s Ixtlan production company has agreed to pay about $6,000 to settle allegations it violated the US government’s Cuban embargo when Stone filmed a documentary about Fidel Castro back in 2002 (which is stupider – the ongoing ban on American travel to Cuba or the Treasury Department devoting 4 years of man-hours and paperwork to collecting 6-grand?) . . . PETA is on Madonna’s case after she was spotted wearing a $70,000 chinchilla fur which her rep confirms is real, but justifies by  reminding us her boss doesn’t eat meat (like a murderer bragging about being tidy) . . . And word has it Tom Cruise has lured a pair of high-profile recruits to Scientology: Jennifer Lopez, whose friends confirm she’s recently started using ‘Scientology sayings’; and Jim Carrey, who’s said to be taking ‘beginner courses’ in the faith (both were invited to Cruise’s Italian wedding).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aretha Franklin – The ‘Queen of Soul’ is planning to hold auditions for singers to portray her in a national tour of a new musical based on her 1999 autobiography “Aretha: From These Roots”.
• Bette Midler – TONIGHT she’s a guest on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Gladys Knight – TODAY the R&B legend appears on “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Justin Timberlake – TOMORROW he’s the host/musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC).
• Kellie Pickler – TODAY she’s a guest on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV)
• The Killers – They’ve been asked to write the next ‘James Bond’ theme song. If they agree, the tune will appear on the 22nd ‘007′ flick, which has been titled “Risico” [pronounced ‘RISS-eh-co’].
• Nas – TONIGHT he appears on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• OK Go – TONIGHT they guest on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Sarah McLachlan – TONIGHT she performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Snoop Dogg – He was supposedly banned from Britain due to his involvement in a Heathrow Airport brawl in APRIL, but now it seems he’ll be allowed to travel there early NEXT YEAR to tour with Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs … if Snoop’s not in jail by then.
• Toby Keith – TONIGHT his film “Broken Bridges” gets it’s TV premiere (CMT) before being released on DVD JANUARY 9th. It’s also currently being shown as in-flight entertainment by several airlines.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Charlotte’s Web” ( G-Rated Family Fantasy ): Dakota Fanning stars in this bigscreen version of the  acclaimed children’s novel by EB White about a pig named ‘Wilbur’ who’s afraid he’ll end up done like dinner, so he hatches a plan to save his bacon with the help of a resourceful spider named ‘Charlotte’. Features the voices of Julia Roberts (‘Charlotte’), Steve Buscemi, John Cleese, Oprah Winfrey, Cedric the Entertainer, Kathy Bates, Reba McEntire, André Benjamin (Outkast), Thomas Haden Church, and Robert Redford. Shot in Australia.
NET: http://www.charlotteswebmovie.com/site/index.php
• “Eragon” ( PG Action-Fantasy ): In his mythical homeland of ‘Alagaesia’ [pronounced ‘ale-GAH-zee-uh’], a farm boy happens upon a dragon’s egg, a discovery that leads him on a journey to defend his home against an evil king. Stars young British newcomer Edward Speleers (who beat out 180,000 other applicants for the role) and veteran actor Jeremy Irons. Based the 1st novel of the ‘Inheritance Triology’ by Christopher Paolini, perhaps not surprisingly a life-long fan of JRR Tolkien.
NET: http://www.eragonmovie.com/
• “The Pursuit of Happyness” ( PG-13 Dramady ): Will Smith plays a struggling sales rep who takes custody of his son (played by real-life son Jaden Smith) just as he’s poised to begin a life-altering career change. Thandie Newton (“Crash”) co-stars. The spelling error in the title is intentional; it refers to an important scene in the movie.
NET: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/thepursuitofhappyness/

2006 TOP-GROSSING CONCERT TOURS:
Based on total ticket sales …
5. Tim McGraw/Faith Hill ($89 million).
4. U2 ($96 million).
3. Bon Jovi ($131 million).
2. Madonna ($195 million).
1. The Rolling Stones ($437 million).
– “Billboard Boxscore”

OW, MY ACHING WI-FI:
Some schools in the UK are removing their Internet wi-fi networks after complaints from both teachers and parents of students about headaches and skin rashes. The worry for parents is that their children, who have thinner skulls and developing systems, are exposed to far more radiation from gadgets and gizmos than previous generations. Bristol engineer Anthony Wood claims it’s not the type of wave, but the frequency that’s important. The higher the frequency, he says, the more energy there is in the waves. Wi-fi waves are similar to microwaves, except they’re on all the time. (Worth studying or is this just a repeat of the panic over talking on cellphones; living near high-voltage power lines; and sitting too close to the TV?)
– “BBC News Magazine”

2006 TOP iTUNES:
Based on the number of (legal) downloads during the year …
5. “Temperature” – Sean Paul
4. “Crazy” – Gnarls Barkley
3. “You’re Beautiful” – James Blunt
2. “Promiscuous” – Nelly Furtado
1. “Bad Day” – Daniel Powter
(Final tally: 2 Canadians, 1  Brit, 1 American duo, 1 Jamaican.)
– iTunes.com

LEAST ANNOYING COUNTRIES:
According to a new study by the UN Conference on Trade & Economic Development, Papua New Guinea has the fewest cellphones in the world, less than 1 for every 100 residents. Other countries where citizens are least likely to be perpetually holding their right hand to their ear: Cuba, Eritrea, and Nepal, where less than 2% of the populations own a cellphone. (On the other end of the scale, the “Computer Industry Almanac” predicts that by 2010, there will be more than 1 cellphone per person in Western Europe.)
– “Sun-Sentinel”

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• Metropolitan Toronto Police brass have slammed the brakes on a ‘25 and home’ scheme that allowed cops to go home early as a ‘reward’ if they wrote 25 traffic tickets during a shift. The traffic ticket quota was shut down after a veteran officer was acquitted of insubordination for refusing to participate in the program. Give this guy a medal!
– “Toronto Sun”
• Norway’s Highway Patrol (the ‘U-P’) warns that as many as 100,000 motorists may be pulled over and breathalyzed NEXT WEEK (2.2% of the entire population). That’s just part of a larger European initiative that involves 100,000 police officers in 25 nations using the week before Christmas to fight drunk driving.
– “Aftenposten”
• A Brazilian businessman on the road in Cologne, Germany received an alert on his cellphone from the security system at his house on the other side of the Atlantic in Guaruja, Brazil. He then logged on to his laptop and watched live online images of a burglar attempting to clean him out. A quick call to the local cops succeeded in busting the perp before he got a chance to leave. Ain’t technology grand?
– Reuters

SHE SAID IT:
• “I just feel like I am a target. People have told me for months and years, ‘You’re a target’ but it’s only just kind of sunk in that I am a target.”
– Hair-trigger tempered model Naomi Campbell telling Sky News it’s not her fault her employees keep running into airborne objects. Campbell just had one assault charge dismissed in London court due to insufficient evidence, but faces another on JANUARY 16th in a NYC court.
• “You can’t rush a man into anything, whether it’s a relationship, marriage or having children. When he is ready, he will let you know.”
– Beyoncé telling “In Style” magazine that Jay-Z will give her proper instructions when it’s time.

THE BULL SHEET 12.15.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [73] Tim Conway, Willoughby OH, TV funnyman (“SpongeBob SquarePants”, 4 Emmy Awards-“Carol Burnett Show”)/movie actor (“McHale’s Navy”)

1939 [67] Cindy Birdsong, Camden NJ, Motown oldies singer (The Supremes-“You Keep Me Hanging On”)  FACTOID: In the upcoming movie “Dreamgirls”, loosely based on the Supremes, she’s depicted as ‘Effie Melody White’, played by former “American Idol” finalist Jennifer Hudson.

1942 [64] Dave Clark, London UK, oldies singer/drummer (Dave Clark 5-“Glad All Over”)

1949 [57] Don Johnson, Flat Creek MO, former TV actor (“Nash Bridges” 1996-2001, “Miami Vice” 1984-89)/movie actor (“Tin Cup”)/married & divorced actress Melanie Griffith – twice

1955 [51] Paul Simonon, Brixton UK, classic rock musician (The Clash-“Rock the Casbah”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1979 [27] Adam Brody, San Diego CA, TV actor (‘Seth Cohen’ on “The OC” since 2003)/movie actor (“Thank You for Smoking”, “The Ring”)

SATURDAY –
TV correspondent Lesley Stahl (“60 Minutes”) is 65; Oldies singer Benny Andersson (ABBA) is 60; Classic rocker Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top) is 57; Movie actor Benjamin Bratt (“Traffic”) is 43;
Country singer Jeff Carson (“Shine On”) is 43; Oldies singer Michael McCary (Boyz II Men) is 35.

SUNDAY –
Movie actor Eugene Levy (“American Pie”) is 60; Rock bassist Mike Mills (REM) is 48; Country singer Tracy Byrd (“10 Rounds With Jose Cuervo”) is 40; Movie actress Milla Jovovich (“Resident Evil”) is 31.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bill of Rights Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the signing of the US Bill of Rights (1791) and its incorporation into the US Constitution.
NET: http://www.billofrights.org
• “Firefighters Day”, honoring those who risk their lives to save people from infernos.
• “Halcyon Days” begin, the 7 days before and the 7 days after the Winter Solstice that are traditionally thought to be a time of ‘calm and tranquillity’. Uh, maybe at your house.
• “Underdog Day”, to salute all of the underdogs and unsung heroes, the ‘Number Twos’ who contribute so much to the ‘Number Ones’ that we always read about. Sherlock Holmes’s Dr Watson, Robinson Cruse’s Friday, Captain Kirk’s Mr Spock and [co-host] are examples. Ask listeners for other followers who’ve been under-appreciated.

SATURDAY –
• “Chocolate Covered Anything Day”, so fill up the tub and invite that special someone over!
• “Eat What You Want Day”, a day to actually enjoy what you eat without worrying about quotas and content. Go ahead chubby, have another mug of gravy!
• “Hanukkah” begins, the annual 8-day Jewish festival also known as the ‘Festival of Lights’, ‘Feast of Dedication’, and ‘Feast of the Maccabees’. It commemorates the rededication of the Temple of Jerusalem by Judas Maccabee in 165 BC. Traditions include lighting the menorah, playing the dreidel game, special foods such as donuts and latkes, and setting an extra place at the dinner table in case a hungry stranger wanders in.
NET: http://www.history.com/minisites/hanukkah
• “Las Posadas” begins, the traditional 9-day Mexican Christmas celebration that includes breaking open a pinata. Similarly, “Simbang Gabi” or “Christmas Observance” in the Philippines runs through January 6th, said to be the world’s longest Christmas celebration.

SUNDAY –
• “Audubon Christmas Bird Count”, the annual avian enumeration conducted by some 40,000 North American bird watchers through JANUARY 3rd.
• “First Flight Anniversary Celebration” will be held at Kill Devil Hills NC. A tradition since 1928, it honors the Wright Brothers’ flight at Kitty Hawk NC December 17th, 1903. 103 years ago at 10:35 am ET, the first sustained motorized aircraft flight travelled a total of 850 ft. Orville Wright was the pilot, winning the honors in a coin toss. Wilbur got to run alongside.
• “International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers”, the 4th annual tribute to prostitutes who have been killed while ‘on-the-job’.
NET: http://www.swop-usa.org/
• “Maple Syrup Day”, honoring the great Canadian taste treat that requires a 2nd mortgage on your house to purchase. There are over 12,000 maple syrup producers in Canada, accounting for more than 85% of world production. The province of Québec is the world’s top-ranking maple syrup producer, accounting for more than 70% of all production.
• “Saturnalia”, the week-long ancient Roman festival honoring Saturn the planter god, which was marked with these lasting traditions: the exchange of gifts, illumination of lights, and the closing of businesses. Early Christian church leaders scheduled “Christmas” at this time of year partly to counteract this extremely popular but disapproved pagan celebration.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1956 [50] The phrase “Elvis has left the building” is first uttered by radio host Horace Logan in Shreveport LA on his show “Louisiana Hayride”

1990 [16] Rocker Rod Stewart marries model Rachel Hunter in Beverly Hills CA (whoa, did that prove expensive!)
 
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1854 [152] 1st ‘Mechanical Street Cleaning Machine’ (the kind that wakes you up at 3 am)

1952 [54] 1st person to have a ‘Sex-Change Operation’ (voluntarily, that is) as American George Jorgenson is pruned into Christine Jorgenson in Denmark (do they preserve it in a jar or what?)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Bake Cookies Day
[Wed] “Night at the Museum” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Humbug Day
[Thurs] Look at the Bright Side Day
[Thurs] Flashlight Day
This Week Is … Human Rights Week
This Month Is … Closed Caption TV Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Why don’t we keeps gloves in the glove compartment?
• Can you give a man who has everything … everything else?
• Where do people who live in Lourdes go when they are ill?
• Did cavemen get laughed at for wearing last season’s mammoth skins?
• What should you send to a sick florist?

BS PHONE STARTER:
What particular sound annoys you the most?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In Sweden, THIS is popular with banana and roast beef.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pizza.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
To be content with little is hard; to be content with much is impossible.