Tuesday, December 5, 2006        Edition: #3423
Sheet For Brains!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY and tomorrow Guernsey’s Auction House in NYC is auctioning off memorabilia from TV icon Dick Clark, including the microphone he used on “American Bandstand” plus mementoes from the likes of Paul McCartney, Michael Jackson & Bob Dylan (profits go to cancer and AIDS research) . . . TODAY 25-year-old Paris Hilton is scheduled to be arraigned on DUI charges relating to her SEPTEMBER 7th arrest while driving her Mercedes-Benz during a late-night burger run (like the “Billboard Music Awards”, she won’t be attending) . . . “Casino Royale” ($245 million worldwide after just 3 weeks) has a shot at surpassing “Die Another Day” as the biggest money-making ‘Bond’ movie ever ($432 million worldwide) . . . Morgan Freeman’s low-budget new film “10 Items or Less” will be the first movie released via the actor’s new Internet project ‘Quickstart’ on DECEMBER 15th, just 2 weeks after its theatrical debut . . .  PR flack Robin Baum, who’s credited with helping Russell Crowe control the furore following his attack on a NYC hotel worker with a phone LAST YEAR, has severed her relationship with the actor … because of his bad temper (oh oh, that’s gonna make him really mad – better put your helmet on!) . . . What actor George Clooney calls his ‘longest relationship’ has ended with the death of his 300-lb pet potbellied pig named ‘Max’ after 18 years in the Clooney household . . . Pseudo-star Tori Spelling has a deal to write her ‘memoirs’, due in 2008, reflecting back on all 33 years of her unspectacular existence . . . And OUTzoneTV.com is conducting an online poll to choose 2006’s ‘Sexiest Gay Celebs’ from a list of nominees that includes former *NSYNCer Lance Bass, actor Neil Patrick Harris, TV host Ellen DeGeneres, and singer Melissa Etheridge (winners will be announced JANUARY 5TH).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ciara – TODAY she appears on both “Live With Regis & Kelly” (CBS/CTV) and the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Darryl Worley – The “I Just Came Back (From a War)” singer is joining the USO’s “Hope & Freedom Tour 2006” of the Persian Gulf to bring a bit of cheer to US troops in the area.
• Gwen Stefani – She admits she didn’t intend to do a 2nd solo album, but she had a couple of ‘amazing tracks’ left over from the first album so the just-released 2nd effort, “The Sweet Escape” just came together. She says the new album doesn’t have a direction which, she claims, makes it ‘very modern’. Maybe she should have just called it “Leftovers”?
• The Killers – Frontman Brandon Flowers is dealing with a bout of bronchitis. They’re hoping he’ll be better in time for their next gig TOMORROW in Atlanta GA.
• Sheryl Crow – She’s signed up as a spokeswoman for Revlon Colorist premium hair color and will be featured in a national ad campaign beginning in JANUARY.
• George Michael – He’s the current owner of the piano on which John Lennon composed his song “Imagine”. TODAY it will be used as the centerpiece of an exhibit showing the work of 3 photographers who have worked in war zones at Goss Gallery in Dallas TX, owned by Michael’s longtime partner, Kenny Goss. The show runs through JANUARY 13th, then goes on tour.
• Justin Timberlake – TONIGHT he performs during the annual “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” (CBS).
• KT Tunstall – TONIGHT she performs “Suddenly I See” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Sarah McLachlan – THIS MORNING she’s on the “Early Show” (CBS).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Beerfest” ( Comedy ): Erik Stolhanske & Paul Soter play a pair of brothers who go to Germany to spread their grandfather’s ashes at “Oktoberfest”. There they stumble upon a super-secret, centuries-old, underground beer games competition which they vow to return to and win. Co-stars Jay Chandrasekhar, Cloris Leachman, and Mo’nique.
• “How to Eat Fried Worms” ( Family Comedy ): On his first day at a new school, an 11-year-old (Luke Benward) inadvertently ends up in a challenge with the local bully (Adam Hicks). In order to save face and earn the respect of his new classmates, he must force himself to eat 10 worms in 1 day.
• “Idlewild” ( Musical Drama ): A tale of greed, ambition and murder set in a backwater juke joint  in the small town of Idlewild GA, starring OutKast’s Andre Benjamin (Andre 3000) and Antwan Patton (Big Boi). Co-stars Terrence Howard (“Crash”), Patti LaBelle, and Ving Rhames.
• “Miami Vice” ( Action Thriller ): Producer/director Michael Mann revisits his landmark TV series “Miami Vice” (1984-89) amidst the backdrop of underworld drug running. Stars Colin Farrell & Jamie Foxx as undercover federal agents ‘Sonny Crockett‘ & ‘Ricardo Tubbs’. Co-stars Gong Li as a seductive hottie who launders and invests money.
• “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” ( Action Adventure ): Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom & Keira Knightley are back in the 2nd installment of at least 3 films in this swashbuckling series. In this follow-up to the 2003 blockbuster, ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’ takes on the legendary ‘Davy Jones’ (Bill Nighy) who captains the ghostly ship ‘Flying Dutchman’. The all-time #3 movie in worldwide box office at a little over $1.06 billion. Adams Media Research predicts sales of 12-to-13 million copies for the DVD. A ‘Collectors 2-Disc Version’ includes 10 extra featurettes.
• “Pulse ( Horror Thriller): A group of college students discovers that a computer hacker friend has unwittingly pirated a signal that opens a doorway for evil to cross over into the world. Based on the Japanese horror movie “Kairo”. Stars Kristen Bell (“Veronica Mars”), Ian Somerhalder (“Lost”), and pop singer Christina Milian (“Say I”).
• Also on DVD TODAY: “The Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton Film Collection”; “The Frank Capra Collection” (6 discs with a scrapbook); “High School Musical: Remix Edition”; “NFL Greatest Super Bowl Moments I-XL”; “Rocky: 30th Anniversary 2-Disc Collector’s Edition”; an 8-DVD set of the complete 1st season of “Saturday Night Live” featuring the original cast; and the $60-package, “24: Season 5”, which offers access to a website that will screen new show segments for 24 weeks.

GREEN XMA$:
Each year luxury retailer Neiman-Marcus releases a holiday gift catalogue full of glamorous gifts guaranteed to get people talking. Highlights from the 80th edition of the “Christmas Book” …
• Backyard Water Park: Built on-site, this package offers 26 interactive water columns, maneuverable cannons, spray faces, water games, and ground sprays. Includes a programmable control panel to optimize water usage. Price: Starts at $100,000.
• Limited-Edition 2007 BMW M6 Convertible: The buyer also gets an expense-paid trip to meet with the engineers and designers involved in the creation of the convertible in Munich, Germany. Price: $139,000.
• All-Star Sports Celebrity Dream Package: VIP travel, accommodations, and tickets for 4 people to 6 pro sports events: 2007 “NHL All-Star Game” in Dallas TX; “Super Bowl XLI” in Miami FL; 2007 “NBA All-Star Game” in Las Vegas; 2007 “Major League Baseball All-Star Game” in San Francisco CA; 2007 “US Open Tennis Championships” in Queens NY; and a bonus ‘surprise event’. Price: Starts at $250,000.
• Virgin Galactic Charter to Space: An out-of-this-world trip for 6 passengers that includes medical assessments, training, a ride on the Virgin Galactic spaceship 63-miles-high, and an after-trip party on British entrepreneur Richard Branson’s private island retreat in the Caribbean.
Price: $1.7 million.
• The Club at Castiglion Del Bosco: Own the use of 1 of 21 luxury villas being developed among the ruins of a 12th-century fortress overlooking Val D’Orcia in Italy. Each membership includes a private heated swimming pool plus a luxury vehicle for use during visits, and it can be handed down for future generations to enjoy. Price: $3.8 million.
– CNN Money

SILLY STUDIES:
• Swedish psychotherapist Per Naroskin says people can work more efficiently, sleep better and develop talents they never realized they had if they just – talk out loud to themselves. Naroskin says talking out loud to no one in particular forces you to listen to yourself, and he claims it works even better if you use lots of wacky voices and crazy accents. (Sounds like this show!)
• A study by the University of Otago in New Zealand suggests that teens who use cannabis are 3 times more likely to develop schizophrenia than those who don’t use drugs. It’s the first study on the subject to follow its subjects from birth. (We think the results are doubtful. All of me.)

TOO HOT TO SLEEP:
How come the global warming alarmists never warned us about the bears? Russian media reports that ‘insomniac bears’ are freaking the crap out of people in Siberia as the weather is still too warm for them to hibernate. Apparently there are still flowers and buds on the trees in the Kemerovo region of southern Siberia, which is usually covered in snow and ice by NOVEMBER, and bears continue to roam the countryside looking for food. (Send them to “Sherman’s Lagoon”!)
– CNN

PSYCHEDELIC SHACK:
The Bethel Woods Center for the Arts in upstate New York wants artifacts from the 1969 “Woodstock Festival & Concert” for a museum that will hopefully open NEXT YEAR. It already has film, tickets, posters, security jackets and other items but it’s looking for more donations and long-term loans. It doesn’t even have to be stuff specifically from “Woodstock”, but any other 1960s artifacts, such as JFK campaign posters or ticket stubs from The Beatles invasion of North America. The idea is to tell the story of both “Woodstock” and the 1960s. (It’ll be the first museum entirely devoted to roach clips.)
– BN

PHILOSOPHY GONE SOUTH:
TV cartoon “South Park” shares the same inquiring and skeptical approach to life as some of the world’s leading philosophers, according to the new book “South Park and Philosophy”. Author & Florida State University prof Robert Arp claims that the animated comedy, which holds the record for the most swear words per episode, offers meditation on the ideas of philosophers like John Stuart Mill and Socrates. Arp claims the goal of both “South Park” and philosophy is to discover truth and make the world a better place. He admits the difference is that philosophy usually takes a less shocking approach. (And his students have actually heard of Trey Parker & Matt Stone.)
– “GQ”

DID YOU KNOW?
• According to the “Village Voice”, the expression ‘nutty as a fruitcake’ was coined in 1935.
• The record distance at the annual ‘Great Fruitcake Toss’ in Manitou Springs, Colorado is 1,116 feet (340.2 meters). An air-powered pneumatic device was used. Next chance to break that record is coming up JANUARY 6th.

HE SAID IT:
“I love every pleasure women have to offer a red-blooded male. I love making love to women. I’ve always had girlfriends. I have always loved to sleep on a woman’s breast. I slept on Liza’s left breast.”
– Creepy producer & Liza Minnelli ex-, David Gest, on his supposed love of women.

THE BULL SHEET 12.05.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [81] Dave Broadfoot, North Vancouver BC, standup comedian for over 50 years (‘Honorable Member for Kicking Horse Pass’/’Sgt Renfrew’)/TV comic (“Old Enough To Say What I Want”, “Royal Canadian Air Farce”)/Officer of the Order of Canada

1932 [74] Little Richard (Penniman), Macon GA, rock n’ roll pioneer (“Tutti Frutti”, “Good Golly Miss Molly”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1986)

1946 [60] Jose Carreras, Barcelona, Spain, opera singer (The Three Tenors)

1965 [41] John Rzeznik, Buffalo NY, rock singer/guitarist (Goo Goo Dolls-“Let Love In”, “Give A Little Bit”)

1967 [39] Gary Allan (Herzberg), Montebello CA, country singer (“Life Ain’t Always Beautiful”, “Nothing On But The Radio”)

1985 [21] Frankie Muniz, Wood Ridge NJ, TV actor (“Malcolm in the Middle” 2000-06)/movie actor (“Racing Stripes”, “Agent Cody Banks”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bathtub Party Day”, encouraging a luxurious long, hot bath to develop inner peace. Almost everyone nowadays takes showers, so here’s a day to recall some of the luxury of days gone by. Invite a few friends!
• “International Volunteer Day”, honoring the selfless people who make many of the good things in life happen by volunteering their time.
• “Ninja Day”. How do you celebrate? For ninjas, just be. For non-ninjas (‘nonjas’), simply dress up like a ninja and hang out with your friends … who will like disown you immediately.
NET: http://askaninja.com/ninjaday
• “Tinsel Day”, in honor of your cat’s favorite gagging toy, your 2-year-old’s favorite poisonous snack, your vacuum cleaner’s favorite clogging device, and your home’s greatest holiday fire hazard. Looks festive though, doesn’t it?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1854 [152] 1st ‘Folding Theater Chair’ (Aaron Allen, Boston MA, who needed a place to put his gum)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1908 [98] University of Pittsburgh uses 1st football ‘Uniform Numbers’ (imagine play-by-play without numbers – “And the guy with the gimpy ankle passes to the guy with the clump of mud on his helmet. He’s tackled by that other guy in the baggy pants …”)

1929 [77] 1st ‘Nudist Organization’ (‘American League For Physical Culture’, NYC)

1983 [23] NFL licenses the 1st official ‘Football Video Game’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1952 [54] ‘Krystyne Kolorful’ becomes the world’s ‘Most Decorated Woman’ with tattoos over 95% of her body

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women
[Wed] St Nicholas Day
[Wed] Pawnbrokers Day
[Thurs] Grammy Awards nominees announced
[Thurs] Christmas Lights Across Canada 2006
[Thurs] National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
[Thurs] 2006 Christmas Pageant of Peace opening (Washington DC)
[Fri] Bad Hair Day
[Fri] “Apocalypto”; “Blood Diamond”; “Breaking & Entering”; “The Holiday”; “Unaccompanied Minors” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Christmas Tree Week
This Month Is … Drunk & Drugged Driving Prevention Month

BULL’S BITS

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit when you are in school you wish you where old enough to work, but when you are old enough to work you wish you were back at school?
• Whyzit you can never find a fire-eater when there’s a fire?
• Whyzit a collection of the same facts can be made to appear in so many different ways?
• Whyzit in a restaurant you always want to eat what someone else is eating?
• Whyzit people say ‘Nobody goes there anymore, because its too  crowded’? How can that be?
• Whyzit TV viewer warnings always say ‘MAY contain adult situations, violence and bad language’? Either it does or it doesn’t.

BS MULTILINGUALISM:
• What does the word ‘pizza’ mean in Italian – ‘pie’, ‘piece’, or ‘leftovers’? [Pie]
• What does the word ‘khaki’ mean in Hindi – ‘dusty’, ‘pokey’, or ‘well-endowed’? [Dusty]
• What does the word ‘ukulele’ mean in Hawaiian – ‘small guitar’, ‘jumping flea’, or ‘life of the party’? [Jumping flea ]
• What does the word ‘Bolshoi’ mean in Russian – ‘big’, ‘bold’, or ‘BS’? [Big]
– “10,000 Answers: The Ultimate Trivia Encyclopedia”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A proud new papa phones the newspaper and reports the birth of triplets. The receptionist doesn’t quite catch the message. “Will you repeat that?” she asks. “Not if I can help it,” he replies.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: More than half of men will have THIS at some point in their lives.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Dandruff.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Truth is not determined by majority vote.