December 1, 2016

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Thursday, December 1, 2016 – Edition: #5863

Bully For You!

★ “Manchester By the Sea” has been named ‘Best Film Of the Year’ by the National Board of Review, in one of the first awards to be handed out ahead of the 2017 Oscar season. The drama about a Massachusetts man navigating incredible grief has also won ‘Best Actor’ honors for star Casey Affleck and ‘Best Original Screenplay’.
– “Wall Street Journal”
★ Beyoncé, Radiohead, and Kendrick Lamar are reportedly being lined up to headline next year’s Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival in Indio CA. If Radiohead signs it will be the Brit band’s 3rd time headlining the event, following legendary performances in 2004 and 2012. Beyoncé has never topped the bill but has made surprise appearances with Jay Z in 2010 and with sister Solange Knowles in 2014. The 18th annual festival begins April 14th.
★ And “Hamilton” creator Lin-Manuel Miranda is developing a film and TV series adaptation of “The Kingkiller Chronicle”. The actor/producer/composer is producing the projects and composing songs for the adaptations. Miranda and his fellow producers are also hoping to bring the book series to the stage. The Pat Rothfuss heroic fantasy trilogy of books was first published in 2007.

• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Kane Brown (self-titled debut album out Friday).
• “Enlighten Us: The Rise & Fall of James Arthur Ray” (CNN) – Debut of a documentary about motivational speaker James Arthur Ray, who reached the top of the ‘personal development’ industry only to be convicted of felony negligent homicide.
• “The Great American Baking Show” (ABC) – Season 2 debut hosted by actress/screenwriter Nia Vardalos & husband Ian Gomez. Based on the UK series “The Great British Bake Off”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Keith Urban (“Ripcord”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Foals (“What Went Down”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Machine Gun Kelly w/Camila Cabello (“Bad Things”).
• National Christmas Tree Lighting – The ceremonial lighting of the giant tree at Presidents Park beside the White House in Washington DC. Appearances by Chance the Rapper, Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood, James Taylor, Kelly Clarkson, The Lumineers, and Marc Anthony. Highlights air on Hallmark Channel next Monday, December 5th.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Guest co-host Hilary Duff (“Breathe In. Breathe Out.”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Kacey Musgraves (“A Very Kacey Christmas”).
• “Unstoppable: The Fentanyl Epidemic” (CBC) – Debut of a documentary about fentanyl overdoses that have killed over 2,000 Canadians in the past 5 years. Airing as part of the “Firsthand” series, this doc reveals a dangerous tipping point in the synthetic-drug trade.

• Adele – Getting pre-sale tickets to her just-announced 2017 ‘final’ Wembley shows in London is frustrating fans. Scalpers are scooping them up and re-selling them on the secondary market for up to £9,000 (over $11,000).
• Guns N’ Roses – The “Not in This Lifetime” tour is now set to visit Australia, New Zealand, Southeast Asia, and other parts of the world in the first part of 2017.
• Martina McBride – She’s confirmed her “Love Unleashed Tour” dates for 2017. Lauren Alaina is joining her in partnership with CMT’s “Next Women of Country Tour” when the new tour leg kicks off February 2nd in St Louis MO.
• Metallica – The veteran rockers are set to debut atop the new ‘Billboard 200’ album chart with “Hardwired … to Self-Destruct”. It gives the band a 6th #1 career album.
• Miranda Lambert – Her new double album “The Weight of These Wings” looks to top the new ‘Billboard Top Country Albums’ chart.
• Prince – “Prince: R U Listening?”, a new documentary focusing on the late pop legend’s early years and rise to super-stardom, is being made by filmmaker Michael Kirk for a 2017 release. The film features interviews from Prince’s friends, family, and musical peers such as Mick Jagger, Billy Idol, Bono, and Lenny Kravitz.
• The Weeknd – He’s set a new record for the most plays of his tracks in a single day on streaming service Spotify with his new album “Starboy”. The 26-year-old just managed to surpass previous record holder Justin Bieber’s 36 million streams last November.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Breaking & Exiting” – “Twilight Saga” actor Peter Facinelli is making his directorial debut with this romantic comedy written by and starring “CSI Miami” actress Jordan Hinson. The story centers on 2 odd characters who meet during a home invasion … a career thief (Milo Gibson) and the suicidal homeowner he attempts to burgle.
• “Chaos Walking” – Tom Holland is in talks to join the cast of this dystopian thriller about an infection that kills all of the women on Earth save one (Daisy Ridley of ” Star Wars: The Force Awakens”) and leaves men able to hear each other’s thoughts and those of animals. Based on Patrick Ness’ trilogy of young adult books under the same title, the film is expected in 2018.
• ‘Dick Cheney movie’ – Adam McKay (“The Big Short”) is again looking to real-world inspiration for his latest project. The as-yet-untitled drama is about US president George W Bush’s 2001-09 VP. Cheney was a staunch supporter of the Iraq war, and infamously shot his quail-hunting partner in Texas by accident in 2006. Brad Pitt’s Plan B Entertainment is co-producing the flick.
• “Mortal Engines” – Filmmaker Peter Jackson and first-time director Christian Rivers’ movie adaptation of the sci-fi fantasy book of the same name by Philip Reeve is being released in December 2018. The project has been in the works since 2009. Production on the highly-anticipated film is expected to begin in 2017 but it’s not yet known who will star in the project.
• “The Pact” – Leslie Mann and WWE star John Cena have signed to appear in this new comedy. The story follows three parents who, upon discovering their daughters have agreed to lose their virginity on prom night (that’s “The Pact”), attempt to stop them before it’s too late. So far this project is categorized as in development.

Before starting up a band, you should know that the following names are taken … honest!
• Mary Kay & the Cosmetics
• Phlegm Fatale
• Results of Inbreeding
• The Sphinctones
• Albino Toilet Boys
• Biff Hitler & the Violent Mood Swings
• The Boxing Ghandis
• Cottage Cheese From the Lips of Death
• Electric Prostates
• The Well Hungarians
– Sourced from

Cycling, swimming, doing aerobics, and racquet sports all offer life-saving benefits, according to a new Australian study. Researchers set out to quantify the impact of sports and exercise on the odds of preventing premature death. Sport and exercise-specific data from over 80,000 adults have been tracked for an average of 9 years. Swimming, aerobics such as gymnastics and dance, and racquet sports such as badminton, tennis, and squash have been found to be associated with significantly reduced risk of death. The findings suggest that participation in specific sports may have significant benefits for public health. (What, no poker?)
– CBC News

• Australia – Porn featuring small breasts. That’s because it can purportedly make actresses appear to be under 18.
• China – Game consoles were banned in 2000, but the ban has not been extensively enforced.
• China – Reincarnation without prior consent. It’s a sneaky way to control Tibetan Buddhists by trying to rule out one of their most sacred beliefs.
• Russia – Emo clothing. When the government was trying to stop high suicide rates amongst teens, it decided emo fashion was to blame.
• Iran – Western hair cuts. In order to impede the spread of decadent culture all hair cuts must adhere to a list of government-approved styles.
• Saudi Arabia – Valentines Day. A ban on the sale of symbols of romance has just driven them onto the black market.
• Denmark – All fortified foods are outlawed. That includes Ovaltine, Marmite, and even milk that’s fortified with vitamin D.
• Denmark – Baby names are restricted to a government-approved list of around 24,000 names. If you pick a different one, you must seek official permission for it.

• The ancient Greeks may have reached China 1,500 years before Marco Polo.
• A coconut crab’s claws are almost twice as strong as a black bear’s bite.
– “Mental Floss Magazine”


1935 [81] Woody Allen (Allen Stewart Konigsberg), Brooklyn NY, film director/writer/actor (“Blue Jasmine”, “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”)/2 Oscars (“Hannah & Her Sisters”, “Annie Hall”)

1945 [71] Bette Midler, Honolulu HI, pop singer (“The Rose”)/movie actress (“The First Wives Club”) UP NEXT: “Hello, Dolly!” on Broadway in 2017.

1970 [46] Sarah Silverman, Bedford NH, comedian/TV personality (“Sarah Silverman Program” 2007-10, “Saturday Night Live” 1993-94)

1977 [39] Brad Delson, Agoura CA, rock guitarist (Linkin Park-“The Catalyst”, “In The End”)

1985 [31] Janelle Monáe, Kansas City KS, pop/soul singer/songwriter (“Cold War”, fun. f/Janelle Monáe-“We Are Young”)

1988 [28] Tyler Joseph, Columbus OH, rapper/singer (Twenty One Pilots-“Heathens”, “Ride”)

1988 [28] Zoe Kravitz, Venice CA, movie actress (“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”, “Divergent” series)/daughter of actress Lisa Bonet & rocker Lenny Kravitz

1990 [26] Nico Sereba, Oslo, Norway, pop musician (Nico & Vinz-“In Your Arms”, “Am I Wrong”)

• “Advent Calendar Day”, the day many kids begin opening one compartment on their seasonal calendar each day through December 24th. Hey, is that chocolate in there?

• “Antarctica Day”, begun in 2010 to celebrate the December 1, 1959 signature of the Antarctic Treaty, signed by 12 nations to set aside the entire continent (nearly 10% of the Earth) to be forever used exclusively for peaceful purposes in the interests of all mankind.

• “Bifocals At the Monitor Liberation Day”, a day of lamentation for all those forced to tip their heads back open-mouthed in order to use a computer, thanks to their need for bifocal lenses. Gradually, more and more of us are suffering from ‘presbyopia’ (Greek word for ‘aging eye’).

• “Let’s See What We Find In the Fridge Day”, a day to be brave and eat something from the back of the refrigerator. So what did you find?

• “World AIDS Day”, the 28th annual day of AIDS awareness and education, first declared by the UN’s World Health Organization in 1988. The official symbol of “World AIDS Day” is the red ribbon. In some communities, the occasion is observed as “Day Without Art”.

2003 [13] World premiere of the 3rd and final “Lord Of the Rings” movie, “The Return Of the King”, in Wellington NZ (#14 movie of all-time, grossing $1.12 billion worldwide)

2004 [12] Longtime NBC News anchor and managing editor Tom Brokaw says good night for the last time on “NBC Nightly News”

2011 [05] It’s a good day for comedy writers and late-night talk show hosts as pop boy-band Hanson announces they will be selling ‘MMMHop’ beer (a take off on their one-and-only hit “MMMBop” in 1997)

2014 [02] 60-year-old AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd pleads not guilty to charges of threatening to kill and possession of drugs (eventually sentenced to 8 months of home detention and ordered to pay NZ$120,000 in reparation)

1971 [45] John & Yoko Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” is released

[Fri] “Incarnate”; “Jackie” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Mutt Day
[Fri] Salesperson Day
[Sat] Bartender Appreciation Day
[Sun] “Mariah’s World” debuts (E!)
This Week Is … Cookie Cutter Week
This Month Is … AIDS Awareness Month


• Whyzit women can’t put on mascara with their mouths closed?
• Whyzit you never see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
• Whyzit Noah didn’t swat that pair of mosquitoes?
• If flying is so safe, whyzit they call an airport a ‘terminal’?
• Whyzit books have a bunch of blank pages at the very end?
• Whyzit a guy is called a ‘running back’ in football when he is running forward?
• Whyzit they are called ‘stairs’ inside but ‘steps’ outside?
• Whyzit there’s a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
• If croutons are made from stale bread, whyzit they come in airtight packages?
• Whyzit toasters have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp which no human being would eat?

What were the first and longest-lasting characters on a Kellogg’s cereal box?
a. ‘Tony the Tiger’ on Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes.
b. ‘Snap!, Crackle!, and Pop!’ on Kellogg’s Rice Krispies [CORRECT. ‘Snap!’ was born in 1933, Crackle! and ‘Pop!’ in 1941. The little gnomes were also the first animated characters to ever appear in a cereal commercial.]
c. ‘Sugar Pops Pete’ on Kellogg’s Sugar Pops.
– “Topher’s Breakfast Cereal Trivia”

☎ How many email addresses do you have? Why so many?

A Stanford University study has found that men who are trying to conceive a child shouldn’t be doing what?
a. Weightlifting.
b. Household chores. [CORRECT, especially if they involve the vacuum or microwave.]
c. Wearing Spider-Man jammies.

It’s amazing what you’ve done with your hair! How did you manage to grow it out of your nostrils like that?

Question: A “Fitness Magazine” poll finds fully a third of us would rather not do THIS at the gym.
Answer: Sweat.

For children, time moves slower in a fast moving vehicle.

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