December 22, 2016

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Thursday, December 22, 2016 – Edition: #5878

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ This week veteran 52-year-old singer Richard Marx helped to wrestle and restrain a ‘crazy’ passenger while on a flight in Southeast Asia. The “Right Here Waiting” singer and his wife, model Daisy Fuentes, were on board a Korean Air plane from Vietnam to South Korea when the man began acting up. Daisy documented the incident in a series of snaps on social media, revealing airline staff struggled to handle the situation, prompting Richard to step in and help. (Stop … or I’ll sing!”)
★ TV star Priyanka Chopra (“Quantico”) is the new global brand ambassador for Pantene. The 34-year-old actress has been announced as the new face of the hair-care brand and is set to front the company’s ‘Strong is Beautiful’ campaign which goes live on December 26th. In a release Chopra says: ”I am very happy to be the new Pantene World Ambassador. Pantene is a beloved brand all over the world, I’m thrilled that [it] defends and celebrates the beauty of strength.” (BS translation: Thanks for the moolah.)
– Bang Showbiz
★ Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, has decided to use Artificial Intelligence to play the Red Hot Chili Peppers in his house. He recently built the AI, which he’s named ‘Jarvis’ after the “Iron Man” character. The tech mogul’s blog lists some of the tunes played in the Zuckerberg home, which include “Don’t Stop”, “Dani California”, and “Under the Bridge”. As well as playing music, ‘Jarvis’ controls the lights, temperature, appliances, and security for the household. And who is the voice of ‘Jarvis’? Actor Morgan Freeman (aka ‘God’).
– “The Telegraph”
★ And Mischa Barton says she was glad to be voted off “Dancing With the Stars” earlier this year because she hated the entire experience. The former “OC” actress was voted off the dance competition after just 3 weeks. She admits she didn’t have a good relationship with her professional partner, Artem Chigvintsev, whom she claims once told her off. Barton compares the show to “The Hunger Games”. Quote: “It was all a popularity contest. It was awful. I was so glad to get kicked off.” (Bitter, bitter!)

• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – DJ Shadow (“The Mountain Will Fall”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Machine Gun Kelly w/Camila Cabello (“Bad Things”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Former Spice Girl Mel B.
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – DJ Khaled (“Major Key”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Rick Astley (“50”). Rerun.

• Chic – Nile Rodgers’ band was nominated for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame for the 11th time this year but failed to make the cut again. That makes them the most-nominated group to not get in. However, Nile will be honored by himself with an ‘Award for Musical Excellence’.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s pulled out of her $1 million New Year’s Eve concert at Miami’s E11even nightclub, purportedly to spend more time with her family. The 47-year-old has 8-year-old twins Max and Emme with her ex-husband Marc Anthony.
• Justin Bieber – PETA president Ingrid Newkirk has branded him ”self-absorbed” and responsible for causing ”needless suffering” to animals after he stepped out at Hyde nightclub in West Hollywood wearing a fur coat. The Biebs himself confirmed: ”Hell yeah it’s f—ing real!”
• Kanye West – He’s now cancelled the 2nd leg of his “Saint Pablo Tour” which was scheduled for a number of European dates, including London and Paris. An inside source says: ”He continues to want to work and Kim has to keep telling him to rest.”
• Katy Perry – 36-year-old actor Diego Luna says he’s more recognized from his role in her 2010 video “The One That Got Away” than his movies. Long before being cast in “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story”, Luna starred as Katy’s tragic love interest and it jump-started his career.
• The Lumineers – They’re donating proceeds from their cover of the seasonal tune “Blue Christmas” to environmental charity Cool Earth, which works with rainforest communities across the globe to halt deforestation. The song was originally a hit for Elvis Presley.
• One Direction – Liam Payne looks to be moving forward with his solo career by registering a new song. Liam has registered the title “Myself” with international music rights organization BMI.
• Pearl Jam – Drummer David Abbruzzese is furious he’s been excluded from the band’s Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction. Only bassist Jeff Ament, guitarist Stone Gossard, and frontman Eddie Vedder have been named, alongside a “parade” of drummers. Abbruzzese played with the band 1991-93 when they had their biggest hits, including “Alive” and “Jeremy”.
• Spice Girls – Former member Mel C is set to perform an intimate gig New Year’s Eve during a trip to the Maldives. She & boyfriend Joe Marshall are joining Victoria & David Beckham, as well as Gordon & Tana Ramsey on the getaway. Mel is providing the entertainment.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Alien: Covenant” – 38-year-old actor James Franco has joined the cast alongside Michael Fassbender, Noomi Rapace, and Guy Pearce. The sci-fi thriller serves both as part of the “Alien” film franchise, and as a sequel to director Ridley Scott’s 2012 feature “Prometheus”.
It follows the colony ship ‘Covenant’ as it heads toward a remote planet. The film is due in May.
• “Cruella de Vil” – Director Alex Timbers is reportedly in negotiations to transform Emma Stone into Disney villain ‘Cruella de Vil’ in a standalone, live-action spin-off film about the “101 Dalmatians” character. Production is scheduled to begin early next year. The project is part of a growing number of live-action titles based on classic Disney films.
• “The Devil In the White City” – 74-year-old movie directing legend Martin Scorsese says he will resume work on this film in January, the true story of serial killer Doctor HH Holmes who lured his victims to their deaths in his elaborately constructed ‘Murder Castle’ at the 1893 World’s Fair in Chicago IL. Leonardo DiCaprio is set to produce and star in the project.
• “Everything is Coming Up Profits: The Golden Age of Industrial Musicals” – Will Ferrell & Kristen Wiig are reuniting to develop a movie musical based on the book of the same name. The 2013 book centered on musicals that are made to be shown to employees at corporate events. Ferrell and Wiig last teamed up in 2015 to make “A Deadly Adoption”.
• “Pirates Of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” – 31-year-old Keira Knightley is reportedly making a surprise return to the franchise as ‘Elizabeth Swann’ after previously denying she’s involved in the 5th instalment. Reports suggest she’s secretly filmed a few brief scenes alongside Johnny Depp’s ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’. The new film is set to sail in May.

It’s that time of year when we’re being bombarded with ‘Best of 2016’ lists, and realizes we can’t possibly read them all. So the site has tracked down as many ‘Top 10′ lists as it could find, then smashed ’em together and churned out this list that’s ‘according to everyone’. Hence, the year’s best movies …
1. “Moonlight”
2. “La La Land”
3. “Hell or High Water”
4. “Jackie”
5. “Toni Erdmann”
6. “Manchester By the Sea”
7. “OJ: Made in America”
8. “The Lobster”
9. “Arrival”
10. “Loving”

• Wearing new shoes on Christmas Day will bring bad luck. (Not to mention aching feet.)
• Snow on Christmas means Easter will be green. (Duh … like when wasn’t it?)
• Place shoes side-by-side on Christmas Eve to prevent a quarreling family. (Also get a turkey with 6 drumsticks.)
• If you don’t eat any plum pudding, you will lose a friend before the next Christmas. (Likely the one who made the pudding.)
• If you refuse mince pie at Christmas dinner, you will have bad luck for a year. (But you’ll save the embarrassment of upchucking on the dinner table.)
• On Christmas Eve all animals can speak, but it is bad luck to hear them. (Especially if its your lecherous Uncle Hans.)
• It’s bad luck to let a fire go out in your house during the Christmas season. (It’s worse luck to let the whole shebang burn to the ground!)
• A blowing wind on Christmas Day brings good luck. (But not right after dinner.)
– A “BS” compilation

The Economist Intelligence Unit has ranked cities’ safety using 40 indicators across 4 themes – digital security, health security, infrastructure safety, and personal safety. Here are the top 10 …
10. NYC, USA
9. Melbourne, Australia
8. Toronto, Canada
7. Zurich, Switzerland
6. Sydney, Australia
5. Amsterdam, The Netherlands
4. Stockholm, Sweden
3. Osaka, Japan
2. Singapore
1. Tokyo, Japan
– “Business Insider”

✓ In Wales ‘Mari Lwyd’ (‘Grey Mare’), an elaborately decorated horse’s skull attached to a long wood pole covered by a blanket, and her party of revelers travel throughout town singing.
✓ Icelandic kids leave a shoe on their windowsill. While they sleep each night, 13 magical ‘Yule Lads’ climb down from the mountains to leave gifts in the shoes of well-behaved children.
✓ In Italy an ugly-yet-kind old witch named ‘Befana’ (‘Giver of Gifts’) controls the present-giving duties instead of Santa. As per tradition it happens on the eve of Epiphany, January 5th.
✓ Spain’s ‘Caganer’ (‘Defecator’) is a male figurine with his pants rolled down mid-squat. Tradition says farmers will have a poor crop if they don’t include him within their nativity scenes.

• The world’s largest mincemeat pie factory is in Barnsley, South Yorkshire UK, and it produces 720 pies a minute.
– “The Guardian”
• At US airports, the usual limits on taking liquids through security do not apply if the liquid is holding live fish.
– “Boston Globe”


1962 [54] Ralph Fiennes, Suffolk UK, movie actor (“Grand Budapest Hotel”, “Harry Potter” films)/stage actor (Tony Award-“Hamlet”)

1989 [27] Jordin Sparks, Phoenix AZ, pop singer (w/Chris Brown-“No Air”, “Tattoo)/”American Idol 6” winner at age 17 (2007)

1993 [23] Meghan Trainor, Nantucket MA, pop singer (w/Charlie Puth-“Marvin Gaye”, “All About That Bass”)

• “Abilities Day”, honoring disabled people and their care-givers. It is also a time to recognize that we all have abilities and disabilities of various kinds.

• “Capricorn the Goat” astrology sign begins and runs through January 20th. People born under the sign are said to be practical, disciplined, methodical, organized, cautious, and careful.

• “Date Nut Bread Day”, celebrating the rich loaf that is moist and delicious and great toasted for breakfast. Sort of like Christmas cake, only with half the weight.

• “Haiku Poetry Day”, celebrating the unrhymed Japanese style of verse that’s written in 17 syllables divided into 3 lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables. A sampling for the season: Twelfth Day of Christmas / Shouldn’t have had all that nog / Drums are way too loud!

2006 [10] “Night At the Museum”, starring Ben Stiller, opens in movie theaters (spawns 2 sequels)

2007 [09] Late night TV host Jimmy Fallon (“Tonight Show”) weds producer Nancy Juvonen

2002 [14] Joe Strummer, lead singer of legendary Brit punk band The Clash, dies in Broomfield, England at age 50 of an undiagnosed congenital heart defect

2012 [04] Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood (65) marries girlfriend Sally Humphreys (34)

2014 [02] English singer Joe Cocker (“With a Little Help From My Friends”, “Up Where We Belong”) dies of lung cancer at age 70 in Crawford, Colorado

2001 [15] Richard Reid unsuccessfully attempts to destroy American Airlines Flight 63 from Paris to Miami using explosives hidden in his shoes (due to this one feeble attempt, passengers are subjected to removing their shoes at security for over a decade)

[Fri] “A Monster Calls”; “Why Him?” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Chanukah begins (Jewish)
[Sat] Christmas Eve (Christian)
[Sat] Egg Nog Day
[Sun] Christmas Day
[Mon] Boxing Day (Canada, UK)
[Mon] Thank-you Note Day
This Week Is … Christmas Bird Count Week
This Month Is … Bingo’s Birthday Month


✗ “Are you really jolly or is it the Prozac?”
✗ “I can see what you had for lunch in your beard.”
✗ “My mommy says that you’re my real daddy.”
✗ “All I want for Christmas is some gamblin’ money.”
✗ “That lady over there said you’re drunk.”
✗ “What’s your policy on giving cannabis to kids?”
✗ “Red is not your color, fat man.”
✗ “If I don’t see a Hatchimal under the tree … I’m coming after you.”

☎ Is Christmas your favorite day of the year? No? Then what is?

Which country’s national anthem has no words?
a. Tonga
b. Kazakhstan
c. Spain [CORRECT. The “Marcha Real” (‘ray-al’) is one of only 4 anthems that’s wordless, along with those of Bosnia-Herzegovina, Kosovo, and San Marino.]

When the boss called me to his office to give me a pink slip, I didn’t expect he’d want me to wear it.

Question: What is the sexiest profession according to a new poll?
Answer: Women think the sexiest people are entrepreneurs or business owners. Men think ad executives are the sexiest.

Every age is modern to those living in it.

“The Bull Sheet” is on holiday hiatus from December 24th through January 1st inclusive. Subscribers will receive credits for missed service days.

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