Wednesday, February 15, 2006        Edition: #3219
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY  “Juno Awards” nominations will be announced for the upcoming 35th annual ceremony APRIL 2nd in Halifax (NET: http://www.juno-awards.com) . . . TONIGHT James Blunt and the Kaiser Chiefs have a leading 5 nominations apiece as the 2006 “Brit Awards” for music are handed out at London’s Earls Court, featuring performances by The Gorillaz, Coldplay, Kanye West, Jamie Foxx, Kelly Clarkson, and – perhaps – Prince (64-year-old Paul McCartney has turned down an ‘Outstanding Contribution to Music’ honor because he’s afraid it would make him look like a has-been) . . . Meantime, the 4th annual “Naomi Awards”, celebrating the worst musical achievements of the year in the UK, have gone to Ms Dynamite, Westlife, Babyshambles, and the Pussycat Dolls, among others . . . LAST NIGHT “Desperate Housewives” actress Nicollette Sheridan dressed up as one of the Pussycat Dolls for a brief walk-on at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas – and walked off $10,000 richer (it pays to be a star!) . . . Making the movie “Crash” cost about $6.5 million, but already an additional $4 million has been spent flogging it for ‘Oscar consideration’ (it deservedly has 6 nominations) . . . “Lost” star Evangeline Lilly suffered such a severe allergic reaction to a plant on the Hawaiian island where the show is shot that she couldn’t control her itching on camera, so the ever-empathetic producers – simply had it written into the storyline . . . Word has it plumped-up Janet Jackson has been issued an ultimatum by her record label, Virgin Records, to lose 20 lbs by SEPTEMBER or it won’t release her new album . . . Actress Julia Roberts has reportedly spent $20 million on a vast plot of land along the California coast in Malibu, the first step toward building the house of her dreams . . . And “Brokeback Mountain” fans can now buy ‘fully pose-able’ dolls in the likeness of the movie’s ‘Jack’ and ‘Ennis’ on eBay, complete with horses, campfire, dog, tent, flashlight, liquor bottle, tree & can of beans.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Clay Aiken – NEXT MONTH he’ll finally begin recording his 2nd studio album, which is now expected in MAY. In addition to new material, the new CD will contain ‘lots of covers’.
• Duran Duran – TONIGHT they perform a free show in Piazza Castello in Torino, Italy following the day’s medal ceremonies for the Winter Olympics.
• Franz Ferdinand – Frontman Alex Kapranos likes the idea that music fans now only download individual songs they like, because lazy bands can no long get away with selling a hit single surrounded by an album full of filler.
• INXS – TODAY they’re on TV’s “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Norah Jones – She’s set to make her bigscreen debut in a movie about Hurricane Katrina with the working title “My Blueberry Nights”. It will be the first English-language film by Hong Kong director Wong Kar-wai.
• Rockie Lynne – His country single “Lipstick” is the best new artist debut since Gretchen Wilson’s “Redneck Woman” in 2004. The Statesville NC native learned to play guitar during a 3-year stint in the US Army.
• Rolling Stones – SATURDAY upwards of 2 million fans are expected for their free “Bigger Bang” concert on Copacabana Beach in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Contrary to recent reports, that would NOT be a world record for largest live concert. Rod Stewart drew 3.5 million to the same beach on New Year’s Eve, 1994.
• Sheryl Crow – She’s just re-recorded a version of her ballad “Always on Your Side” from her “Wildflower” album, this time as a duet with Sting.
• Yellowcard – TONIGHT they guest on ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• A teacher in Zolotaya Dolina, Russia is facing up to 2 years in jail after allegedly ordering her students – to lick her classroom floor clean! The 35-year-old teacher has refused to comment but her colleagues believe students may have made up the story to divert their parents’ attention from their poor grades. If so, the ruse at least partially worked anyway – she’s been suspended until an investigation has been completed.
• There’s a new rule banning cellphone use at Green Oaks Family Dentistry in Arlington TX. Seems things were getting out of hand as patients were attempting to have phone conversations – while dentists were working in their mouths!
• [DISCRETION] A man in Belgrade, Serbia needed emergency surgery after inserting a thin pencil inside his ‘manhood’ in order to prop it up. During an ensuing tryst, the pencil shifted and became lodged in his bladder, forcing him to call an ambulance. In the future, he’s agreed to try using pills instead of writing utensils.

DID YOU KNOW?
• Elephants are the only animals with 4 knees.
• Every day, an average of 40 people will get hurt on a trampoline
• The average iceberg weighs 20 million tons.
• The human heart creates enough pressure to squeeze blood 30 feet.
• According to the World Health Organization, there are 100 million acts of intercourse every day.

YUCKIEST THINGS TO TOUCH:
South Korea’s Consumer Protection Board has lab-tested several items commonly used by the public and ranked them by their bacteria content. Here are the surprising results, from least-infected to most …
5. Elevator buttons.
4. Public washroom doorknobs.
3. Hand-straps on public transit.
2. Computer mouses in Internet cafes.
1. Shopping cart handles.
Fortunately, experts say, washing your hands with soap removes almost all of the icky bacteria you get from touching this stuff.
– Yahoo! News

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 100% of lottery winners surveyed say they gained weight after their big win.
• 87% of Canadian university & college students have experienced ‘virtual sex’ using instant messaging, Webcam or phone.
• 49% of us sleep with 2 pillows.
• 40% of us admit we’ve been so mad we’ve hurled footwear at another person.
• 38% of guys sing in the shower daily.
• 31% of us say if we had an extra $1000, we’d save it.
• 20% of Canadian men have cooked naked.
• 8% of North American households now have 4 or more cellphones.

CUTTING EDGE VOCAB:
• ‘Candy Bar Phone’ – A cellphone with a rectangular shape and no lid, as opposed to a ‘flip phone’ or ‘clamshell phone’.
• ‘Chip & Pin Security’ – Credit cards embedded with a computer chip that, instead of a signature, require a PIN number to be keyed in. The system, used in many parts of the world, has just been adopted across the UK THIS WEEK.
• ‘Phone Phishing’ – Obtaining a person’s personal, financial, or password data by calling a customer service call center and pretending to be that person asking for assistance.

NEW LIFE FOR OLD STUFF:
A semi-complete guide to turning old crap into, well … new crap –
• Pillbox … Scrape out lipstick from almost-empty tubes and create a personalized lip palette.
• Shoe Boxes … Store CDs, DVDs or videos in them.
• Newspaper … Stuff into shoes or boots to deodorize.
• Muffin Tin … Organize small items in your workshop drawer.
• Shoulder Pads … Use rubber bands to attach pads to the end of hangers and make padded hangers to hold delicate clothes.
• Mason Jars … Use to hold kitchen utensils or makeup brushes.
• Spice Jars … Refill with flour or confectioners’ sugar and use to dust items when cooking.
• Egg Carton … Keep a pair of earrings in each cup.
• Old Keys … Sew into the bottom of curtains to keep them hanging straight.
• Scarves … Turn them into colorful pillow covers.
– “Woman’s Day Magazine”

IT’S A POOCH PARTY:
They already have their own designer clothes, health insurance and therapists, and now more and more household pets are enjoying – their own birthday parties! According to a recent poll by California-based Veterinary Pet Insurance, fully 58% of pet owners surveyed have hosted birthday bashes for their pets. The popularity of pet parties is confirmed by Three Dog Bakery, a specialty store which gets about 20 requests a week for pet birthday cakes.
PHONER: 949-760-3647 (Sandy Deem, Three Dog Bakery, Newport Beach CA)
– Reuters

HOTTER, TALLER, STRONGER:
A recent survey finds that Italy has the highest espresso consumption in-the-world. On average, each Italian drinks about 600 SHOTS of espresso a year. (The reason most Italians haven’t blinked since the last Olympics.)
– AFP

THE BULL SHEET 02.15.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [55] Jane Seymour, Hayes UK, movie actress (“Wedding Crashers”)

1954 [52] Matt Groening, Portland OR, animator/TV show creator (“The Simpsons” since 1989)

1976 [30] Brandon Boyd, Van Nuys CA, rock singer (Incubus-“Wish You Were Here”)

1972 [34] Jaromir Jagr, Kladno, Czech Republic, NHL top scorer (NY Rangers)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “National Flag of Canada Day”, the 10th annual official celebration of Canada’s maple leaf flag. It was first unveiled on Parliament Hill in 1965, replacing the ‘Red Ensign’.
NET: http://www.pch.gc.ca/progs/cpsc-ccsp/sc-cs/df1_e.cfm

• “John Frum Day”, the high holy day on the South Pacific island of Tanna where the ‘John Frum Religion’ is one of the last of the ‘cargo cults’ that sprang up during World War II … apparently after locals drank large quantities of the hallucinogenic local drink kava. It honors an American ‘god’ that no sober man has ever seen. The celebration includes natives marching with fake rifles made of bamboo and fake chainsaws while singing, “We’ve come from America to cut down all the trees so we can build factories …” Wow, dude – pass the kava!
NET: http://www.religionnewsblog.com/13441

• “Susan B Anthony Day”, honoring the 1820 birth of one of the first women’s rights advocates, and the face on the first US dollar-coin that bombed.

THIS WEEK is “Random Acts of Kindness Week” designed to inspire people to practise kindness and to pass it on to others.
NET: http://www.actsofkindness.org/people/days.asp

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [02] “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” starring Ty Pennington debuts on ABC-TV

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1907 [99] “Happy Birthday to You” is copyrighted by Patty & Mildred Hill (imagine the royalties – it’s likely the world’s most sung song!)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1903 [103] 1st ‘Teddy Bear’ introduced by Morris & Rose Michtom (named after US President Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Second Honeymoon Weekend
[Sun] “NBA All-Star Game” (Houston)
[Sun] “Daytona 500″ (Daytona Beach FL)
[Sun] British Academy of Film & Television Arts “BAFTA Awards” (London UK)
[Mon] Family Day (Alberta)
This Week Is . . . International Flirting Week
This Month Is . . . Pet Dental Health Month

BULL’S BITS

REAL TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “One-Legged Man Sues Store for Making Him Buy a Pair of Shoes!”
• “US Military Has Team of ‘Underground Submarines’ Stalking Iran!”
• “Dollhouse Is Haunted!”
• “Bush’s New Plan for Homeless: Clown Cars!”
• “Warning! Squeezing Pimples Can Kill You!”
• “Man Shoots Sparks When He Passes Gas!”

BS ‘FOOD OR BAND’?
You run down the list while your contestant decides whether each is a type of food or a [past or present-day] recording act …
• Stewed Dormice [Food]
• Chumbawamba [Band]
• Seal Flipper Pie [Food]
• Chocolate Chex [Food]
• Lemonheads [Band]
• Blind Melon [Band]
• Ritz Bits [Food]
• Korn [Band]
• Blood Dumplings [Food]
• Veruca Salt [Band]
• Sugarland [Band]
• Toasted Sausage Bread [Food]
• Black Crowes [Band]
• Squirrel Nut Zippers [Band]
• Monkey Toes [Food]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Women like to watch Olympic curling. It’s the only time they get to see men pushing brooms.
• According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is … they’re a bunch of liars.

BS FLAG DAY QUIZ:
• What was 20-year-old seamstress Joan O’Malley ‘s most famous creation? [She sewed Canada’s first prototype maple leaf flag in 1964.]
• Professor George Stanley is the person who suggested a red-and-white single maple leaf design for the flag. Where did he teach? [Royal Military College in Kingston ON]
• What kind of maple leaf is on the Canadian flag? [MP John Matheson chose the ‘Sugar Maple’ leaf as the model for the flag’s leaf.]
• What was Bill Clennett’s claim to fame in 1996? [He was the  unemployed casual laborer whom PM Jean Chretien felt was a threat at the initial 1996 “Flag Day” rally in Gatineau, so he grabbed him by the throat, breaking his dentures in the process. The RCMP later paid for the teeth.]
– “Canadian Heritage” / CNEWS

WEB GOODIES:
• Searchable insults for every occasion are available from ‘Insults Net’ …
NET: http://www.insults.net
• KZOK Seattle’s Bob Rivers has a big selection of ‘Twisted Tunes’ parody songs that are updated regularly and free to download …
NET: http://www.bobrivers.com/audiovault/tunes/
• Here’s a cool little service to provide listeners. “Behind the Name” gives you the meaning and origin of any given name you plug in …
NET: http://www.behindthename.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Compared to 60 years ago, only a quarter as many people do THIS on a weekly basis.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Go see a movie in a theater.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is a hereditary disease.