Tuesday, February 7, 2006        Edition: #3213
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the charity benefit “Les Paul & Friends: 90th Birthday Salute” in Los Angeles honors the electric guitar pioneer with performances by Aerosmith’s Joe Perry, Alison Krauss, Merle Haggard & several other prominent guitarists . . . TONIGHT rock legends David Bowie & Cream, country icon Merle Haggard, late bluesman Robert Johnson & late comedy innovator Richard Pryor are among the recipients of the 2006 “Grammy Lifetime Achievement Awards”, which will be formally acknowledged during TOMORROW’s live “Grammy Awards” telecast . . . TONIGHT “Laguna Beach” star Kristin Cavalleri & Ethan Erickson co-host the new UPN reality series “Get This Party Started”, in which unsuspecting folks are given surprise parties, thrown by their loved ones . . . TONIGHT “Thatcher: The Musical” has its world premiere at the Warwick Arts Centre in Coventry, England, a stage show based on the life of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who was nicknamed the ‘Iron Lady’ (show-stopping numbers include “The Cabinet Shuffle”, “The Tory Blues” & “The Thatcher Anthem”) . . . For the first time ever, SUNDAY’s entire “Super Bowl” game was aired with a 5-second delay by ABC-TV (begging the question – why?) . . . Todd Wallace, the paparazzo charged with assault in SEPTEMBER after aggressively trying to snap actress Reese Witherspoon, has been found dead in his apartment (now there’s a storyline for a movie!) . . . Actress Denise Richards has reportedly taken an AIDS test because she’s convinced soon-to-be-ex-husband Charlie Sheen was cheating on her throughout their attempted reconciliation – with hookers.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Beatles – A huge collection of previously unseen photos of them on the set of their 1965 movie, “Help!”, has been published in the new book, “Now These Days Are Gone”. The 500 images were discovered after 35 years in storage at Scotland’s University of Dundee.
• Beyoncé – TONIGHT she’s on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s going to stop being sexy … so her children won’t be embarrassed. A friend says Christina’s goal is now to come across as a more ‘classy’ performer.
• Faith Hill & Tim McGraw – TODAY they do the “Oprah Winfrey Show”. They’ll likely talk about their new tour together that kicks off APRIL 21st.
• Jamie Foxx – TODAY he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Joe Nichols – Female fans have been bringing extra underwear to concerts to throw on-stage when he sings “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off”. He’s currently opening for Toby Keith on the “Big Throwdown II” tour.
• Trisha Yearwood – TODAY her mega-selling latest album “Jasper County” is being re-released with an additional track, the new duet with hubby Garth Brooks, “Love Will Always Win”.
• Yellowcard – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Also in music stores TODAY: “One Tree Hill, Vol 2″ soundtrack; Elton John’s “Billy Elliot the Musical”; Beth Orton’s “Comfort of Strangers”; “Marty Stuart’s “Live at the Ryman”; and Jack Johnson’s “Sing-A-Longs & Lullabies for the Film ‘Curious George’”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Bambi II” (Animated Family – DVD ): 60 years after the debut of Disney’s animation classic comes this direct-to-video sequel that fills in the time after Bambi’s mother is shot by hunters and his father, ‘The Great Prince’ (Patrick Stewart), teaches him the ways of the forest.
• “Doom” ( Action Thriller – DVD/VHS ): Based on the hit computer game, The Rock & Karl Urban play the leaders of a colorful team of Marines sent to investigate what went wrong on a space station, only to face a far greater evil.
• “Elizabethtown” ( Romantic Comedy – DVD ): Orlando Bloom plays a suicidal industrial designer who, on the way to his father’s funeral in Kentucky, meets a flight attendant (Kirsten Dunst) with whom he falls in love. Co-stars Susan Sarandon & Alec Baldwin.
• “Just Like Heaven” ( Romantic Comedy – DVD/VHS ): Reese Witherspoon plays a spirit stuck in a dreary apartment building until she’s confronted with a new tenant (Mark Ruffalo), and they proceed to bicker and flirt in the way of all classic comedy couples … except one’s a ghost.
• “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” ( Animated Family – DVD/VHS ): A decade after their Oscar-winning short film, “A Close Shave”, the claymation scientist & his heroic dog return for a full-length adventure, a quest to discover why gardens in their village are being sabotaged. Features the voices of Peter Sallis, Ralph Fiennes & Helena Bonham Carter. SATURDAY it won 10 categories at the 33rd “Annie Awards” for animation, including ‘Best Feature’, ‘Best Director’ & ‘Best Writing’.
• Also out on DVD TODAY: “Survivor: Pearl Islands”; and “Breakfast At Tiffany’s: 45th Anniversary Edition”.

LIKE A BIRD ON A WIRE:
The latest attempt to monitor air pollution in San Jose, California will involve the use of – pigeons wearing cellphone backpacks. Each bird in a flock of 20 will carry a cellphone with a GPS tracking chip and air pollution sensors. Data will then be sent back via text messages to a so-called ‘Pigeon Blog’ on air quality. Miniature cameras tied around their necks will post aerial photos of trouble spots. University of California researcher Beatriz da Costa and 2 of her students came up with the idea. (Just what you need, ‘spotter’ pigeons calling up exact co-ordinates of your windshield to the ‘bombers’ above.)
– “New Scientist”

MOST STYLISH WOMEN:
According to the new issue of “Glamour” (out THURSDAY), these are the globe’s best-dressed women in 2006 …
5. Halle Berry
4. Nicole Richie
3. Victoria Beckham
2. Sienna Miller
1. Kate Moss (3rd year-in-a-row)
– “The Independent”

TELEGRAM R.I.P.:
The telephone, fax, e-mail and the Internet have finally killed off the telegram. The first telegram was sent by inventor Samuel Morse from Washington DC to Baltimore MD on May 24, 1844. In an ironic twist, Western Union recently announced the end of its telegram service in a short notice … on its Website. (Something along the lines of – “Telegram dead. Stop.”)
– “Herald-Sun”

MOST UNPOPULAR PROFESSIONS:
It’s not a matter of pay so much as people just don’t want to do the work. These jobs are expected to be hit particularly hard by a shortage of qualified workers in the near future …
5. Pharmacist
4. Truck Driver
3. Librarian
2. Machinist
1. Registered Nurse
– “Monthly Labor Review”

ON THE FAST-TRACK TO SAINTHOOD:
• Vatican officials may have found the ‘miracle’ they need to qualify Pope John Paul II for sainthood. It’s the inexplicable healing of a relatively young French nun who suffered from Parkinson’s disease, just as the late pope did. The unnamed nun is said to have been miraculously cured after praying to John Paul … AFTER his death last APRIL.
• Meantime, reports say that Michael Jackson has been involved in secret talks with the Vatican to set the 24 prayers & chants created by Pope John Paul II to music, after officials decided Jackson’s global celebrity would best promote … ‘the holy message’.
– Reuters / “Contact Music”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
The things we think, the stuff we do …
• 80% of newlyweds say the most memorable part of their honeymoon was their first fight.
• 66% of dog owners would be willing to put in longer hours if they could bring a pooch to work.
• 35% of parents admit they play with their kids’ video games when the kids are not home.
• 33% of us have yelled at a telemarketer on the phone in the past year.
• 23% of men would wear a skirt if they were sure they wouldn’t be ridiculed.

POSTHUMOUS PUT-DOWN:
• 67-year-old Chanel fashion designer Karl Lagerfield has slammed the late Princess Diana, calling her dull in comparison to Prince Charles’ 2nd wife, Camilla Parker-Bowles. He says he’s baffled by the public’s adoration of Diana, and insists that Camilla, who wed Charles LAST YEAR, is both fun and intelligent. Lagerfeld sums up his impressions of Diana by saying, “She was pretty and she was sweet … but she was stupid!”
• Meantime, new witnesses have told British detectives leading a fresh inquiry into Diana’s fatal 1997 accident in Paris that they saw a motorcyclist point a laser into the eyes of chauffeur Henri Paul, causing the Mercedes carrying the Princess and boyfriend Dodi Fayed to crash.
– “New York Magazine” / “Daily Express”

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE DVD:
According to a recent pharmacy chain poll, these are the movies we most like to watch when home sick …
WOMEN —
5. “Gone With the Wind”
4. “The Sound of Music”
3. “Grease”
2. “Pretty Woman”
1. “Dirty Dancing”
MEN –
5. “Indiana Jones”
4. “Top Gun”
3. “American Pie”
2. “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”
1. “Star Wars”
– “Focus”

THE BULL SHEET 02.07.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [51] Miguel Ferrer, Santa Monica CA, TV actor (‘Dr Garret Macy’ on “Crossing Jordan” since 2001)/movie actor (“Traffic”)/son of late actor José Ferrer & Rosemary Clooney/George Clooney’s cousin

1960 [46] James Spader, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Alan Shore’ on “Boston Legal” since 2004)/movie actor (“sex, lies & videotape”)

1962 [44] Garth Brooks, Tulsa OK, country singer (w/Trisha Yearwood-“Love Will Always Win”, “Good Ride Cowboy”)

1962 [44] David Bryan (Rashbaum), Perth Amboy NJ, rock keyboardist (Bon Jovi-“Always”, w/Jennifer Nettles-“Who Says You Can’t Go Home”)

1965 [41] Chris Rock, Andrews SC, comedian/movie actor (“Madagascar”, “The Longest Yard”)

1978 [28] Ashton Kutcher, Cedar Rapids IA, TV producer (“Beauty & the Geek”, “Punk’d”)/TV actor (“That ’70s Show” 1998-2005)/movie actor (“The Butterfly Effect”, Guess Who”)/wed actress Demi Moore September 24, 2005

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Charles Dickens Day”, celebrating the legendary British author (“Oliver Twist”, “David Copperfield”, “A Christmas Carol”) on the anniversary of his birth in 1812.

• “Dump Your Significant Jerk Day”, when you’re encouraged to terminate your jerk relationship – whether boyfriend or girlfriend – BEFORE “Valentine’s Day”, thereby saving the associated money and awkwardness involved in faking romance.

• “Wave ALL Your Fingers At Your Neighbor Day” … instead of just the middle one. (And they’ll think, “What the hell does that idiot want now?”)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1988 [18] 1st episode of “America’s Most Wanted” on FOX-TV (credited with the capture of over 700 fugitives)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1964 [42] The Beatles 1st North American tour begins in NYC, the so-called ‘British Invasion’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1875 [131] 1st ‘Tattooing Machine’ (Samuel O’Reilly-NYC)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1976 [30] Toronto Maple Leaf Darryl Sittler scores NHL-record 10 points in a single game, including 6 goals, vs Boston Bruins

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] 48th “Grammy Awards” (LA CA)
[Thurs] Develop Alternative Vices Day
[Thurs] Ashura (Islamic)
[Fri-Feb 26] XX Olympic Winter Games (Torino, Italy)
[Sat] Inventors Day
[Sat] Satisfied Staying Single Day
[Sat] Pro Sports Wives Day
This Week Is … International Engineers Week
This Month Is … Bake for Family Fun Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
SUBTLE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN COLLEGE & HELL:
• You can’t fail out of Hell.
• At least you can sleep in Hell.
• Hell is forever, college just seems like it.
• People smile in Hell.
• You wouldn’t tell a friend to go to college.

BS TRIVIA:
Q: To what animal group do the ‘Chinstrap’, ‘Macaroni’ and ‘Gentoo’ belong?
A: All 3 are Antarctic penguins.

BULLMAIL@THEBULLSHEET.COM:
“So far, of all the prep services I’ve looked at, “The Bull Sheet” has the most clever and interesting and, more important, USEABLE stuff. Thank you!” (And thank-you for your comments, Russ.)
– Russell Doucette, Morning Drive, KATY Riverside/San Bernardino CA

BS BLATANT JOKE:
There are 1,627,435 nicer ways to begin a memo than ‘effective immediately’.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Most guys say they would have no problem sharing THIS with others. Most women, however, say they’d refuse to share.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Nail clippers.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A good religion is one with a sense of humor.